what i learned in anger management class essay

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What i learned from anger management class.

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I’ve successfully completed two rounds of therapy. I say “successfully” because the first (marriage counseling) saved my marriage after a checkered first year. The second (anger management) helped me harness my emotions.

Like Wreck-It-Ralph, my passion bubbles very near the surface . I’ve known this since adolescence. But I didn’t know how to manage it until group therapy. This is that story.

Admitting myself to anger management was a humbling experience. I was mostly surrounded by court-ordered classmates. Some you would expect. An oversized, intimidating biker dude in leather. The combative, loud, chain-smoking mother. 60% men. 40% women.

Others, however, looked completely out of place. The shy computer nerd. The sweet-looking grandma. The frightened-looking overweight kid. In other words, book covers are lousy indicators of content. The class, it seemed, was a microcosm of larger society (aka everybody’s got problems).

In a class of 20, I was one of only three “self-admits.” For me that meant attendance was optional. But the curriculum, insights, and exercises were so empowering, I only missed one day.

Almost four years after finishing the course, here are 10 things anger management taught me:

• How to identify my true feelings.  Anger is not a primary emotion. It is usually a masked emotion for inadequacy, fear, guilt, hurting, confusion, depression, or loneliness. I don’t get angry when feeling inadequate, guilty, or depressed. But I can fly off the handle when feeling fear, hurt, confusion, or loneliness. Understanding this helps me process my feelings and act assertively, instead of reacting aggressively to a perceived threat, obstacle, or–especially in my case–an injustice, which really gets my blood boiling.
• Anger is what the powerless often resort to.  Two decades ago, when I was raging against the machine as a teenager, I remember getting in an argument with my dad on our front porch. I don’t remember why. But I remember swearing up a storm and yelling at him profusely. He reacted by calmly letting me vent. Then he taught me something I never forgot. “Blake,” he said, “swearing is a poor and inarticulate man’s attempt at feeling heard.” Although I still swear when angry, his lesson and this class motivated me to strive for restraint as best I can. Both gave me something to shoot for; an empowering compass that makes me feel like I’m headed in the right direction.
• How to measure my satisfaction with life. I’ve always been an optimistic and happy guy. I’m overjoyed with the path I’ve chosen. But sometimes I deviate from that path. This class taught me an important lesson for gauging that. Honestly answering, “How is this, that, or the other working for you?” is the best way to overcome deviations or destractions. If the answer is “poorly,” make a change. Otherwise, “if you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always gotten.” We cannot always chose what happens to us in life, but we can always choose how we react to what happens.
• Events are neutral until proven guilty. Preconceived, false, or otherwise “hot” thoughts usually lead to angry reactions to otherwise neutral—sometimes even positive—events. For example, a woman baked her husband a loaf of bread and always gave him the last encrusted piece, my therapist recounted. After 10 years, the husband finally blew up, demanded to know why, and the wife sadly replied, “Because it’s my favorite piece.” Instead of assuming you know the reason for someone’s behavior, ask them first. Respect that most events in life are neutral, hence most events that you interpret as intentional were never meant that way.
• Cooling thoughts (like the above) are your friend.  They give others the benefit of the doubt, which is what we expect from others. To put it differently, humans are innocent until proven guilty. Don’t convict someone before seeking to understand the facts and intent of their behavior. For example, “Even though I was disappointed by their behavior doesn’t mean they don’t care.” Or “Maybe s/he is having a bad day.” “Her/his needs are just as important as mine.” As a bonus, don’t say things like “always” or “never” when quantifying someone’s actions. For instance, “He isn’t ALWAYS lazy. Somethings he works very hard.”
• How to set boundaries on relationships.  First, stay away from negative people. Don’t let toxic relationships drag you down, because they will if you let them. Say “no” to them indefinitely, and if you must, say, “Please don’t contact me anymore.” My wife had to do this once. It was really hard but she was happier for doing it. This isn’t to say negative or toxic people are necessarily bad; just that they’re not a good fit for you. For obligatory relationships that you cannot terminate, set strict boundaries on what or how you’ll interact with them. Maybe you don’t talk religion, sports, or politics with them. Maybe you don’t interact with them alone. Whatever it is, set boundaries on the relationship. Explain the boundaries to them and warn that if broken, you’ll remove yourself from the room, the home, or on a permanent basis if you must.

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• Assertiveness is best for conflict resolution.  There are four types of communicators: aggressive (which I struggle with when dealing with matters of the heart), passive (which my wife struggles with at times), passive-aggressive (manipulative people that use deceit to get there way), and assertive (the smartest people in the room). Everyone does a little of each, but with exception to being naturally assertive, most of us lean towards one of the other three, according to how we were raised. That said, we should all strive to be more open, honest, confident, and direct with our feelings and desires (aka assertiveness). Doing so is proven to make us happier, resolve conflict faster, and gets us what we want more often.
• Bonus life hacks. Holding in frustration and giving in to outbursts are both poor displays of anger. When emotion is high, intelligence is low. And finally, respect that women and men are wired differently. For example, women usually want men to listen so they can validate their feelings. And men want to fix the people and things they care about. Don’t fault the opposing gender for how they approach stress and mental anguish. Women, don’t get offended when a man offers ways to fix a problem . Recognize that he’s doing this because he cares (i.e. men who don’t care don’t offer to fix things), then assertively ask him to listen first. Men, don’t get offended if a woman wants to talk about her feelings instead of immediately fixing the problem. She confides in you because she cares. Be patient by respecting the order she wants to take.

For everything else, you’re on your own. Unless, of course, you see a therapist.

— September 17, 2015

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I took anger management classes. Here’s what they get wrong about the world

The course focuses on taming a ubiquitous emotion. But what about addressing its root causes?

T here are six rules of anger management, says my anger workbook. The first rule: “STOP, think, take a look at the BIG picture.” Then, because why use lower-case when you’ve got capitals: “ANGER MANAGEMENT IS A THINKING PERSON’S GAME!”

But thinking, it turns out soon into the course, is discouraged. “I’m not here to psychoanalyze you,” says our group leader, a self-styled anger management guru. “I’m just here to help you follow the program. If you follow the program, you’ll see results.” Later, after one question too many, he tells me: “The problem with you, Olivia, is that you like to complicate things.”

Maybe so, but I ended up in anger management for a simple reason: I’ve always been hot-headed. Sometimes my anger has been explosive, leaving disaster in its wake, and sometimes it’s pointed inwards, manifesting in depression. It was there throughout a childhood with stressed parents who loved me but occasionally snapped under the grinding pressures of work and child-rearing, and there during an adolescence characterized largely by alcohol-fueled outbursts.

Later, for many years, I was an aid worker, caught in events that were worth being angry about: the civil war in Syria, the 2014 Gaza war, Hurricane Matthew in Haiti. In those contexts, it was weird if you weren’t furious, or an alcoholic, or maybe both. While some minimal counseling was offered by one of my employers, I followed the approach generally favored by my colleagues: relying instead on the close friendships forged in those circumstances to deal with what I was witnessing.

And then, just before the world went into lockdown, I had a baby. The fatigue and stress revealed itself as – that’s right – anger.

In January of this year, those stressors were largely gone. The pandemic was receding into the background, the baby was becoming an easy child, and I was no longer traveling to war zones as part of my work. And yet somehow the anger stuck around. I’d get angry about things that didn’t matter, things that were so small in the grand scheme of things as to be completely meaningless. I’d feel it coming and then be swept up in its wake. The lightbulb moment came when I found myself raging at my laid-back partner after he accidentally broke a plastic ice tray worth all of one dollar. It had been a long time coming – those kinds of things had happened before – but in the days afterwards I finally realized, with abject shame, that something had to change.

Soon afterwards, I enrolled in group anger management classes – three hours every Wednesday evening, for 10 weeks – in the hope of sparing us both further days arguing over whatever it was that had triggered this behavior.

I’m not the only one turning to courses like this. Part of the “stress management industry”, which was worth a reported $2bn in 2022, anger management courses have proliferated since the mid-1970s, when the psychologist Raymond Novaco began to publish widely on the origins and forms of anger and to promote relaxation skills and techniques that might prevent aggressive outbursts.

Novaco’s work built on a therapy called “stress inoculation” – as if one can immunize oneself against external pressures – to develop the concept of anger management. Now, such courses are frequently ordered by courts as a condition for probation or by employers faced with unruly employees, or sought out by those struggling in their relationships.

There can be little doubt that, as a society, we haven’t yet got to grips with our anger problem. Celebrity outbursts shock and titillate us – from Christian Bale’s infamous 2009 rant on the set of Terminator Salvation to Will Smith’s slap at last year’s Oscars – while at the same time provoking widespread condemnation. The idea that aggressive expressions of anger make for a bad citizen have been around since Seneca, but our ways of dealing with such a ubiquitous emotion have been, historically, remarkably poor. The traditionally popular but perhaps not entirely effective technique for dealing with anger – repression – is a Victorian hangover, enforced in particular for women and permitted among men only when channeled into suitably masculine activities. Like boxing, maybe, or war.

But while the end of the era of repression might be welcomed, “management” is a curious replacement. Anger management courses focus on a participant’s triggers, offering a standardized set of guidelines for coping with situations in which they feel the rage rising. Such an approach glosses over the sources of anger – particularly those that might spring from unfair or imbalanced social dynamics – and places responsibility for anger squarely on the shoulders of the angry individual, seeking to treat the symptoms rather than addressing the disease.

As essential as such techniques may be, in particular for those prone to physical aggression, I can’t help but wonder, during the 10 weeks of the course, who else might be benefiting from the “management” of all this anger.

Without exception, everyone on the course is dealing with huge stressors – that is to say, they are angry for a reason. Marriages are collapsing, jobs are on the line, money is short. As we rattle through the introductions, it strikes me that it is stress – specifically the almost unbearable demands placed on us all – rather than anger that unites us. At check-in, we are encouraged to share how we are feeling, as long as we stick to one of the eight workbook-approved emotions on the “feeling compass”. I feel anxious, or I feel sad, come the most frequent responses (apart from, naturally, our leader, a living testament to the program’s success: “I feel peaceful.”).

“I feel anxious,” I recite dutifully at the start of each session, wondering whether “anxious” truly encapsulates the heady mix of shame, hope, dread, and fear that taking such a course produces in me. Shame because enrolling in an anger management course isn’t a high point in anyone’s life, and hope because I thought, in retrospect naively, that taking such a step really could be the beginning of something life-changing.

P erhaps unsurprisingly, the boom in anger management courses dovetails neatly with the historical moment in the early 1980s in which a new economic model began to restructure lives at work and in the home. That model of neoliberalism – favored first by the west and today’s dominant global ideology – gave rise to a new social sphere in which government support shrank and inequality grew, and competition became the key tenet of the social order. Since then, wages have stagnated, the cost of living has soared, and the workplace has become king. And nowhere is maintaining control over anger more crucial than in the workplace.

As early as the 1940s, child-rearing manuals in the US explained why an “anger-free personality” is so important at work. As anyone who has witnessed workplace bullying will testify, an explosively angry colleague can do a lot of harm. But what about anger that might be legitimate? What about wages that are too low, or hours that are too long? By the 1980s, efficiency experts were recommending anger management to combat unionization, and to keep the workers calm. Calm workers, so the thinking goes, are good workers. They are productive and keep the business ticking over. Angry workers disrupt things and lower productivity. They unionize and demand higher wages.

In this context, anger management begins to look like something that doesn’t have the good of the individual at heart, but instead plays an important supporting role in molding acquiescent employees and submissive citizens. This focus on individual behavioral change, to the exclusion of a more socially focused understanding of an individual’s problem, is a key concern in Bessel van der Kolk’s pioneering book The Body Keeps the Score, in which Van der Kolk repeatedly laments the use of therapeutic techniques and medication aimed at controlling a person’s behavior, rather than addressing the “undeniable social causation of much psychological suffering”.

M y classmates demonstrate again and again triggers that reflect their own experiences of marginalization in a polarized society. “You’re targeting me,” says one Muslim classmate to our group’s white leader, who responds by calling him “paranoid”.

The majority of the women in the class profess that they almost solely go into rages with their partners, and sometimes their children. “I don’t want my kids to grow up hating me,” one woman says.

But in a society where to be Muslim or Black is to be disproportionately targeted by police, and where to be a woman entering motherhood is still to shoulder the majority of the housework and childcare, and to be left abandoned at a time when social connections and support are most vital, is it really any wonder that people are angry? And why does such an essential feeling – and one that has far-reaching ramifications in all areas of life – need to be managed rather than, say, addressed?

Listening to the impossible pressures faced by everyone in the group is a wake-up call. We are from all walks of life, and yet we are all on the brink. Every week is a bad week. Jobs are invariably exhausting. Family time is not so much quality time as a race to get things done, provoking arguments between exhausted partners. Support systems are absent. If our competitive economic and social model is pushing us all to breaking point, it has at the same time removed the critical structures that might have helped counter these symptoms – social support, time outside of work spent within our community. People are lonelier than ever before. Work more, work harder, get paid less, the motto seems to go. And if you’re angry about that, deal with it.

But anger does not take place in a void. It is largely a moral emotion, most frequently triggered by perceived injustice, and profoundly important for social change.

Like the problem, the answer may lie not with the individual, but with the collective. Workers are organizing for better pay and working conditions more than they have in the past four decades. Climate activists are mobilizing in greater and greater numbers in the face of ecological collapse. If we have any hope of overcoming these problems – and of addressing the widespread and apparently growing anger that is fuelling demand for anger management courses – it will only be by working together. Perhaps it is not management that we need, but solidarity.

U nfortunately, solidarity can be upsetting for some. Things look promising at first. The basic techniques taught on the course are helpful: identify your triggers, try not to place blame. The group begins to create its own support system, offering one another sympathy and compassion via WhatsApp when someone loses their temper. We start to become friends, “anger buddies”.

Until, that is, somebody mentions the controversial Canadian psychologist Jordan Peterson. Then things take a surreal turn.

“Watch some of his material,” says our leader.

“Is it really wise to recommend such a divisive figure to this group?” I ask. A few others chime in to express their doubts about Peterson. “He seems prejudiced and a little off,” someone says.

“Wow, lots of shadows being projected,” our leader replies.

Suddenly, people are voicing opinions. Angry opinions. What about Peterson’s transphobic and misogynistic views? Is it valid to be angry about them? When does anger become a legitimate response to injustice?

“Guys,” says the leader in a voice note to the group. “Just back off. He’s doing his thing. That’s all he’s doing. He’s doing his thing.”

But the awkward questions continue, spilling out of our WhatsApp group and into the next Zoom call. What about rhetoric that causes real harm?

Our leader clings to the anger management script with the grip of a drowning man. In a world where critique of others is only ever evidence of someone projecting their own issues, there can be no complaint about figures in positions of authority, including him. Critical thinking is merely evidence of our own loathsome shadows at play.

I can’t resist. “Have you ever considered your own shadow?” I ask.

He looms into the webcam, his anger management techniques cast to the wind. “I look at my shadow every day, Olivia!” he shrieks. “EVERY. DAY.” Then it is his assistant’s turn to shout at me, my classmates looking on in stunned silence. A few days later, the leader sends me a long text message full of garbled accusations.

In the one-dimensional world of anger management, it turns out, there is no big picture, and there is no room for broader questions about the society we all live in – or, to put it another way, “reality”. Not feeling peaceful about that? Sit down, shut up. The problem, my friend, is you.

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Managing Anger: Tips, Techniques, and Tools

3 skills that can help people learn to better control their anger..

Posted April 21, 2021 | Reviewed by Chloe Williams

• How Can I Manage My Anger?
• Find a therapist to heal from anger
• Anger is a strong negative emotion that prepares us to fight or confront our enemies.
• Although it's normal to feel angry at times, over-expressing anger or suppressing it can be detrimental to relationships and health.
• Some tips for managing anger include journaling to better understand what causes anger, reframing angry thoughts and practicing being assertive.

What Is Anger?

Anger is a strong negative emotion that arises as a result of what we perceive to be a threat or unfair treatment that blocks our goals. This had led some psychologists to propose that anger is simply our response when our "approach motivation "—or pursuit of good things—is blocked (Carver & Harmon-Jones, 2009). Anger is usually directed at others, includes increased physiological activation, and involves changes in our thought processes.

Although anger is considered to be a negative emotion , historical records suggest that it is normal to get at least mildly angry a few times per day to a few times per week (Berkowitz & Harmon-Jones, 2004). That leaves us with a lot of anger floating around. So how do we manage it?

The Importance of Managing Anger

Many negative emotions—emotions like sadness, shame , or fear —make us want to run and hide. But not anger. Anger makes us want to approach—to fight or confront our enemies. That makes anger a unique negative emotion. It's important that we manage it so that we don't over-express our anger, but we also have to be careful not to suppress our anger, as that can be bad for us too. Anger appears to be most beneficial when managed and expressed in a controlled, positive manner.

Anger emotions to manage might include:

• Frustration

​Each of these emotions is thought to be closely related to anger and we may tend towards expressing some of these emotions more than others.

Managing Anger Out

When we think of a cartoon character with a bright red face and steam shooting out of his ears, we are thinking of "anger out." This type of anger is expressed outwardly. Anger out can lead to challenges in personal relationships and at work. Who wants to be around someone who is yelling and irritable all the time? Anger management may be needed when anger is too frequent, too intense, too prolonged, or managed ineffectively.

Managing Anger In

When we think about managing anger, we don't usually think about the people who suppress anger. Even if they are fuming from being poked, prodded, and tormented, they don't respond with anger. Anger suppression, or "anger in," can also have negative consequences. "Anger in" is related to increased hypertension while anger out is not (Hosseini et al., 2011).

What Triggers Anger?

Research suggests that an attitude of hostility, resentment, and suspiciousness may be related to increased anger (Fives, Kong, Fuller, & DiGiuseppe, 2011). Two other cognitions that lead to anger include awfulizing—or imagining a situation to be as bad as it can possibly be—and low frustration tolerance (Martin & Dahlen, 2004).

Another study among women found that anger was most often triggered by violations of personal values, feelings of powerlessness, and disrespectful treatment. The researchers suggested that women often feel anger when they want something to change, but are unable to make it so or even get people to listen to them. But in this study, women were able to regain a sense of power when using anger to restore justice, respect, and relationship reciprocity (Thomas, Smucker, & Droppleman, 1998).

Anger Management Training

Anger management is generally taught in the classroom. The goal is to share information, provide new perspectives, and help people practice anger management strategies. This approach provides the backdrop to help people empathize, provide feedback, and role-play conflicts.

To manage anger, we likely each benefit from different strategies. For example, those who express their anger too much may need to develop cognitive skills for reframing their experiences and regulating their emotions . On the flip side, those who suppress their anger may need to learn how to communicate their anger more directly.

Techniques for Managing Anger

1. Keep an anger journal: Journaling may help you better understand where your anger comes from and the thought processes that spiral it out of control. So, in your journal, try to explore what it is exactly that is triggering your anger. What thoughts are you having? What emotions are you having? What could you do to resolve your anger?

2. Manage angry thoughts: Try reframing your anger in ways that help you change the things that are bothering you.

3. Speak up for yourself: Practice being assertive , negotiating for yourself, and setting boundaries to reduce feelings of powerlessness.

Anger can be an intense emotion, but it can also be managed. Hopefully, these insights and tips will help you move in the right direction.

Adapted from an article published by The Berkeley Well-Being Institute .

Berkowitz, L., & Harmon-Jones, E. (2004). Toward an understanding of the determinants of anger. Emotion, 4(2), 107.

Carver, C. S., & Harmon-Jones, E. (2009). Anger is an approach-related affect: evidence and implications. Psychological bulletin, 135(2), 183.

​Fives, C. J., Kong, G., Fuller, J. R., & DiGiuseppe, R. (2011). Anger, aggression, and irrational beliefs in adolescents. Cognitive therapy and research, 35(3), 199-208.

​Martin, R. C., & Dahlen, E. R. (2004). Irrational beliefs and the experience and expression of anger. Journal of Rational-Emotive and Cognitive-Behavior Therapy, 22(1), 3-20.

Hosseini, S. H., Mokhberi, V., Mohammadpour, R. A., Mehrabianfard, M., & Lashak, N. B. (2011). Anger expression and suppression among patients with essential hypertension. International journal of psychiatry in clinical practice, 15(3), 214-218.

Thomas, S., Smucker, C., & Droppleman, P. (1998). It hurts most around the heart: A phenomenological exploration of women’s anger. Journal of Advanced Nursing, 28(2), 311-322

Tchiki Davis, Ph.D. , is a consultant, writer, and expert on well-being technology.

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11 Anger Management Strategies to Help You Calm Down

Managing anger can help your body and brain respond to stress in healthy ways

Amy Morin, LCSW, is a psychotherapist and international bestselling author. Her books, including "13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do," have been translated into more than 40 languages. Her TEDx talk,  "The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong," is one of the most viewed talks of all time.

Akeem Marsh, MD, is a board-certified child, adolescent, and adult psychiatrist who has dedicated his career to working with medically underserved communities.

Take the Anger Test

• How to Manage Anger

Why Manage Anger?

Getting help.

Failing to manage your anger can lead to a variety of problems like saying things you regret, yelling at your kids, threatening your co-workers, sending rash emails, developing health problems, or even resorting to physical violence. But not all anger issues are that serious. Instead, your anger might involve wasting time thinking about upsetting events, getting frustrated in traffic, or venting about work.

Managing anger doesn't mean never getting angry. Instead, it involves learning how to recognize, cope with, and express your anger in healthy and productive ways. Anger management is a skill that everyone can learn. Even if you think you have your anger under control, there’s always room for improvement.

While anger itself isn't a mental illness, in some cases, anger can be connected to mood disorders, substance use disorders, and other mental health conditions.

Since unchecked anger can often lead to aggressive behavior, anger management uses various techniques to help a person cope with thoughts, feelings, and behaviors in a healthy and more productive way.

So, you may be wondering, How do I become less angry? While change may not happen overnight, there are plenty of strategies you can use to cope with your anger.

Verywell / Cindy Chung

This short, free 21-item test measures a variety of symptoms and feelings associated with  anger , such as anger about the present and future, anger towards the self, and hostile feelings toward others.

This anger quiz was medically reviewed by Rachel Goldman, PhD, FTOS.

Anger Management Strategies

Research consistently shows that cognitive behavioral interventions are effective for managing anger. These interventions involve changing the way you think and behave. They are based on the notion that your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are all connected. (Cognitive behavioral interventions are also taught in anger management therapy.)

Your thoughts and behaviors can either fuel your emotions or they can reduce them. So, if you want to shift your emotional state away from anger, you can change what you’re thinking and what you’re doing. Without fuel, the fire inside you will begin to dwindle and you'll feel calmer.

The best method for managing anger is to create an anger management control plan. Then, you'll know what to do when you start feeling upset.

The following are 11 strategies to manage anger and to include in your anger management control plan.

Identify Triggers

If you’ve gotten into the habit of losing your temper, take stock of the things that trigger your anger. Long lines, traffic jams, snarky comments, or excessive tiredness are just a few things that might shorten your fuse.

While you shouldn't blame people or external circumstances for your inability to keep your cool, understanding the things that trigger your anger can help you plan accordingly.

You might decide to structure your day differently to help you manage your stress better. Or, you might practice some anger management techniques before you encounter circumstances that you usually find distressing. Doing these things can help you lengthen your fuse—meaning that a single frustrating episode won’t set you off.

Consider Whether Your Anger Is Helpful or Unhelpful

Before you spring into action to calm yourself down, ask yourself if your anger is a friend or an enemy. If you’re witnessing someone’s rights being violated or you are in an unhealthy situation, your anger might be helpful.

In these cases, you might proceed by changing the situation rather than changing your emotional state. Sometimes, your anger is a warning sign that something else needs to change—like an emotionally abusive relationship or a toxic friendship.

Being angry might give you the courage you need to take a stand or make a change.

If, however, your anger is causing distress or hurting your relationships, your anger may be an enemy. Other signs of this type of anger include feeling out of control and regretting your words or actions later. In these situations, it makes sense to work on tackling your emotions and calming yourself down.

Recognize Your Warning Signs

If you're like some people, you may feel like your anger hits you in an instant. Perhaps you go from calm to furious in a heartbeat. But there are still likely warning signs when your anger is on the rise. Recognizing them early can help you take action to prevent your anger from reaching a boiling point.

Think about the physical warning signs of anger that you experience. Perhaps your heart beats faster or your face feels hot. Or, maybe you begin to clench your fists. You also might notice some cognitive changes. Perhaps your mind races or you begin “seeing red.”

By recognizing your warning signs, you have the opportunity to take immediate action and prevent yourself from doing or saying things that create bigger problems. Learn to pay attention to how you're feeling and you'll get better at recognizing the warning signs.

Step Away From the Triggering Situation

Trying to win an argument or sticking it out in an unhealthy situation will only fuel your anger. One of the best anger management exercises is to remove yourself from the situation if you can.

How to Control Anger Immediately

Walking away from a triggering situation can be an excellent way to take control of your anger. When a conversation gets heated, take a break. Leave a meeting if you think you’re going to explode. Go for a walk if your kids upset you. A time-out can be key to helping you calm your brain and your body.

If there’s someone that you routinely get into heated disputes with, like a friend or family member, talk with them about the importance of taking a time-out and resuming when you're both feeling calm.

When you need to step away, explain that you aren’t trying to dodge difficult subjects, but that you’re working on managing your anger. You aren't able to have a productive conversation or resolve conflict when you’re feeling really upset. You can rejoin the discussion or address the issue again when you're feeling calmer.

Sometimes it helps to set a specific time and place when you can discuss the issue again. Doing so gives your friend, colleague, or family member a sense of peace that the issue will indeed be discussed—just at a later time.

Talk Through Your Feelings

If there’s someone who has a calming effect on you, talking through an issue or expressing your feelings to that person may be helpful. It’s important to note, however, that venting can backfire.

Complaining about your boss , describing all the reasons you don’t like someone, or grumbling about all of your perceived injustices may add fuel to the fire. A common misconception is that you have to vent your anger to feel better.

But studies show you don’t need to “get your anger out.”   Smashing things when you’re upset, for example, may actually make you angrier. So it’s important to use this coping skill with caution.

Likewise, if you’re going to talk to a friend, make sure you’re working on developing a solution or reducing your anger, not just venting. It's unfair to use them as your go-to sounding board. Instead, you might find that the best way to use this strategy is to talk about something other than the situation causing you to feel angry.

Get in a Quick Workout

Anger gives you a rush of energy. One of the best anger management exercises is quite literally to exercise and engage in physical activity. Whether you go for a brisk walk or hit the gym, working out can burn off extra tension.

Regular exercise also helps you decompress. Aerobic activity reduces stress, which might help improve your frustration tolerance. Additionally, exercise allows you to clear your mind . You may find that after a long run or a hard workout you have a clearer perspective on what was troubling you.

Focus on the Facts

Angry thoughts add fuel to your anger. Thinking things like, “I can’t stand it. This traffic jam is going to ruin everything,” will increase your frustration. When you find yourself thinking about things that fuel your anger, reframe your thoughts.

Instead, think about the facts by saying something like, “There are millions of cars on the road every day. Sometimes, there will be traffic jams.” Focusing on the facts—without adding in catastrophic predictions or distorted exaggerations—can help you stay calmer.  

You also might develop a mantra that you can repeat to drown out the thoughts that fuel your anger. Saying, "I'm OK. Stay calm," or "Not helpful," over and over again can help you minimize or reduce angry thoughts.

Distract Yourself With a New Activity

Ruminating about an upsetting situation fuels angry feelings. If, for example, you’ve had a bad day at work, rehashing everything that went wrong all evening will keep you stuck in a state of frustration.

The best way to calm down quickly might be to change the channel in your brain and focus on something else altogether.

Telling yourself “Don’t think about that,” isn’t always successful. The best way to mentally shift gears is to distract yourself with an activity. Do something that requires your focus and makes it more challenging for angry or negative thoughts to creep in.

Some examples might include deep-cleaning the kitchen, weeding the garden, paying some bills, or playing with the kids. Find something to do that will keep your mind occupied enough that you won’t ruminate on the things upsetting you . Then, your body and your brain can calm down.

Breathe and Relax

There are many different anger management exercises that involve relaxation. The key is to find the one that works best for you. Breathing exercises and progressive muscle relaxation are two common strategies for reducing tension.

The best part is, both exercises can be performed quickly and discreetly. So whether you’re frustrated at work or you’re angry at a dinner engagement, you can let go of stress quickly and immediately.

It’s important to note, however, that relaxation exercises take practice. At first, you might not feel as though they’re effective, or you might question whether they’re going to work for you. But with practice, they can become your go-to strategies for anger management.

Acknowledge Your Underlying Emotion

Sometimes it helps to take a moment and think about what emotions might be lurking beneath your anger. Anger often serves as a protective mask to help you avoid feeling more painful emotions, like embarrassment, sadness, and disappointment.

When someone gives you feedback that’s hard to hear, for example, you might lash out in anger because you’re embarrassed. Convincing yourself the other person is bad for criticizing you might make you feel better in the moment because it keeps your embarrassment at bay. But acknowledging underlying emotions can help you get to the root of the problem. Then, you can decide to take appropriate action.

For instance, if someone cancels plans on you and your underlying emotion is disappointment, you could try explaining how the cancellation makes you feel rather than lashing out in anger. When you're honest about your feelings, you're more likely to resolve the issue. Responding in anger usually doesn't accomplish anything except pushing people away.

Avoid Suppressing Your Anger

Getting to the underlying cause of your anger is much more effective than suppressing your anger. Though it can be tempting to try to minimize an undesirable emotion, you are likely to cause even more stress by denying your anger altogether.

Create a "Calm-Down" Kit

If you tend to come home from work stressed and take out your anger on your family, or you know that workplace meetings cause you a lot of frustration, create a calm-down kit that you can use to relax.

Think about objects that help engage all your senses. When you can look, hear, see, smell, and touch calming things, you can change your emotional state. So a calm-down kit might include scented hand lotion, a picture of a serene landscape, a spiritual passage you can read aloud, and a few pieces of your favorite candy. Include things that you know will help you remain calm.

You also might create a virtual calm-down kit that you can take everywhere. These are things that you can call upon when needed and are more portable. For instance, calming music and images, guided meditation , or instructions for breathing exercises could be stored in a special folder on your smartphone.

Get Advice From The Verywell Mind Podcast

Hosted by therapist Amy Morin, LCSW, this episode of The Verywell Mind Podcast shares some techniques that can help you relax.

Follow Now : Apple Podcasts / Spotify / Google Podcasts

Anger is an emotion that can range from mild irritation to intense rage. While many people categorize anger as a solely “negative emotion,” it can be positive. Angry feelings may spur you to stand up for someone or they may lead you to create social change.

But when left unchecked, angry feelings can lead to aggressive behavior , like yelling at someone or damaging property. Angry feelings also may cause you to withdraw from the world and turn your anger inward, which can impact your health and well-being .

Anger becomes problematic when it's felt too often or too intensely or when it's expressed in unhealthy ways, which can take a toll physically, mentally, and socially. For this reason, anger management strategies can be beneficial and can help you discover healthy ways to express your feelings.

Why Do I Get Angry So Easily?

There are underlying reasons for our anger; if you get angry easily, it could be the result of something else you're experiencing such as fear, panic, stress, financial struggles, relationship problems, and/or coping with trauma. As mentioned, mood disorders may cause anger, as well as hormonal imbalances.

If anger has been causing problems in your life and you’re struggling to tame your temper on your own, you might want to seek professional help. Some mental health problems can be linked to anger management issues.

For example, PTSD has been linked to aggressive outbursts. Depressive disorders also can cause irritability and may make it more difficult to manage anger. It's important to uncover any mental health issues that could hinder your ability to manage anger.

Start by talking to a physician about your mood and your behavior. A physician will make sure you don’t have any physical health issues that are contributing to the problem.

A doctor may refer you to a mental health professional for further evaluation. Depending on your goals and treatment needs, you may attend anger management therapy, during which you'll learn additional anger management therapy techniques and how to implement them in your daily life—especially when you're feeling triggered.

You also can contact the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) National Helpline at 1-800-662-4357 for information on support and treatment facilities in your area.

For more mental health resources, see our National Helpline Database .

A Word From Verywell

While aggressive behavior may get your needs met in the short term, there are long-term consequences. Your words might cause lasting damage to your relationships or even end them altogether. By lashing out, you're also causing yourself additional stress, which can have a negative impact on your overall health.

If you’ve been using your anger as a tool, you may benefit from learning healthier strategies, such as asking for help or speaking up in an assertive, but not aggressive, manner. Talk to your doctor about your anger management issues if you need more assistance.

Fernandez E, Johnson SL. Anger in psychological disorders: Prevalence, presentation, etiology and prognostic implications .  Clin Psychol Rev . 2016;46:124-135. doi:10.1016/j.cpr.2016.04.012

Sukhodolsky DG, Smith SD, McCauley SA, Ibrahim K, Piasecka JB. Behavioral interventions for anger, irritability, and aggression in children and adolescents . J Child Adolesc Psychopharmacol. 2016;26(1):58-64. doi:10.1089/cap.2015.0120

Qu W, Dai M, Zhao W, Zhang K, Ge Y. Expressing anger is more dangerous than feeling angry when driving . PLoS ONE. 2016;11(6):e0156948. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0156948

Kim YR, Choi HG, Yeom HA. Relationships between exercise behavior and anger control of hospital nurses . Asian Nurs Res (Korean Soc Nurs Sci) . 2019;13(1):86-91. doi:10.1016/j.anr.2019.01.009

Troy AS, Wilhelm FH, Shallcross AJ, Mauss IB. Seeing the silver lining: Cognitive reappraisal ability moderates the relationship between stress and depressive symptoms . Emotion . 2010;10(6):783-95. doi:10.1037/a0020262

Norelli SK, Long A, Krepps JM. Relaxation techniques . In: StatPearls [Internet]. StatPearls Publishing.

Zhan J, Ren J, Sun P, Fan J, Liu C, Luo J. The neural basis of fear promotes anger and sadness counteracts anger .  Neural Plast . 2018;2018:3479059. doi:10.1155/2018/3479059

American Psychological Association. Control anger before it controls you .

Trifu SC, Tudor A, Radulescu I. Aggressive behavior in psychiatric patients in relation to hormonal imbalance (Review) .  Exp Ther Med . 2020;20(4):3483-3487. doi:10.3892/etm.2020.8974

Duran S, Ergün S, Tekir Ö, Çalışkan T, Karadaş A. Anger and tolerance levels of the inmates in prison . Arch Psychiatr Nurs . 2018;32(1):66-70. doi:10.1016/j.apnu.2017.09.014

Henwood KS, Chou S, Browne KD. A systematic review and meta-analysis on the effectiveness of CBT informed anger management . Aggress Violent Behav . 2015;25:280-292. doi:10.1016/j.avb.2015.09.011

By Amy Morin, LCSW Amy Morin, LCSW, is a psychotherapist and international bestselling author. Her books, including "13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do," have been translated into more than 40 languages. Her TEDx talk,  "The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong," is one of the most viewed talks of all time.

What Skills Do You Learn In Anger Management Class?

• November 15, 2019

Everyone experiences anger from time to time. We find ourselves in life experiences that are less than pleasing—–relationships, struggles, and conflict cause this emotion to arise from time to time and force us to seek resolution. Everyone experiences anger; this is a normal and expected part of life. When anger becomes crippling or we indulge in self-destructive behaviors as a result of anger, that’s when we need to revisit our regulation of this emotion. Anger is healthy when it serves the following purposes:

• When it encourages us to speak our truth
• When it allows us to express personal power
• When it becomes a moment of realization that relationships or situations are no longer working for us
• When it encourages us to make positive life changes

Seeking healthy expression of anger is good for us, and it does serve a purpose at times. When we hurt ourselves or others, however, it is not a healthy emotion anymore, and it must be regulated.

Signs that anger management strategies are needed

If you find that the following signs and symptoms are present in your life, you may need to consider anger management. If you:

• Explode at the slightest provocation in relationship conflict
• Struggle with substance abuse or addiction as a means of controlling your anger
• Refuse to speak to others after an argument
• Engage in self-destructive or harmful behaviors that affect your health, life, and relationships
• Struggle to create quality relationships

Consider taking an anger management class if you see any of these patterns emerging in your life. No matter what your level of difficulty with anger is, almost everyone can benefit from taking an anger management class. Not just for those who were court appointed, anger management therapy is now open for anyone who wants to benefit from it. This type of therapy will teach you valuable communication and coping skills that you will use to become more successful in life, relationships, and in your personal relationship with self.

What can I learn in anger management classes?

There are several beneficial things that anger management therapy will teach you. Uncovering difficult emotions and your core beliefs about life in general will open the door for some much needed healing. Here is what you can expect to learn while in anger management:

1. You will learn to identify your true feelings

A lot of the reason that anger surfaces in the first place is that you are not in touch with your true feelings, and this alone makes you angry and frustrated. Anger management classes will teach you how to identify and express your true feelings, and come to the realization that anger is, in fact, a secondary emotions that arises from lack of self-awareness and self-compassion.

2. You will learn how to come into your power without using anger

When people use anger to dominate and control others, they are attempting to manipulate a situation in ways that are not healthy for anyone involved. Knowing how to own and express one’s personal power without becoming angry is very significant, for it marks the beginning of a new chapter of living authentically. Look forward to what this feels like as you discover a new way of relating to the world around you.

3. You will learn how to appreciate and find gratitude for life

Quite often, learning how to shift your focus from things that make you angry to things that you can be grateful for will shift your mindset too. Gratitude and appreciation compound upon themselves; the more you can find to be grateful for, the more life will line up to give you experiences that make your life more satisfying and fulfilling.

4. You will learn how to stay no….and stick with it

Many people become angry because they simply don’t know how to say no to themselves and others when it comes to overextending on commitments and obligations to others. Learning to say no to others is saying yes to yourself; in taking care of yourself, you’re building up a reservoir so that you are able to help others as needed. When your bucket is full, you will feel less resentment and anger at life’s responsibilities that crop up from time to time, demanding your attention.

5. You will learn how to manage your thought process

What you say to yourself is a good predictor of how you will act in certain situations. If your self talk is negative and limiting, you will react in anger at those self-imposed limitations. If what you say to yourself is nurturing and positive, you will be less likely to react by exploding and relating to others in a negative way. Watch what you say to yourself—-it will end up being how you speak to and relate to others as well.

Time to master your life!

If you find yourself in need of an emotional tune up, perhaps some anger management therapy is in order for you. It is the perfect investment for those of us wanting to achieve the next level of emotional mastery—while anger will always be present in our lives, we don’t have to be controlled by it. If you are ready to get started on a path to more peace, give us a call today at 302-842-2390 . Rediscover a return to joy in your life; get started on the path to a healthier life!

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ANGER: Manage it with EMPATHY and PERSPECTIVE TAKING

August 11, 2020 | SupaduDev | Quick Tips For Therapists

By  Howard Kassinove, PhD, ABPP , and Raymond Chip Tafrate, PhD

Part four of a four-part series on anger 

In the heat of the moment, we all think our anger is justified. Unfortunately, focusing solely on the “bad” actions of others feeds our own self-centered view of the world. We do this both by repeatedly thinking about what happened, and by telling the story to others—from our point of view. To make matters worse, anger can be self-reinforcing. The more we ruminate about unfairness at the hands of others, the more we convince ourselves that our perspective is morally correct. After all, who wouldn’t agree that their anger is justified if they discovered their spouse or partner was cheating on them, a business partner was stealing money, or trusted friends were spreading gossip. There is also an unspoken correlate in these kinds of situations: Angry ruminations will somehow be helpful.

Whether morally justified or not, the outcome of ruminative, continuing anger is generally not productive and is, in fact self-destructive. As Buddha reportedly said, “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”

In psychotherapy, the goal is to help clients reduce their strong personal anger reactions , no matter what provoked them, so that problem resolution can hopefully emerge. Continuing to be angry, bitter, and vengeful will impede reaching solutions. The process of reducing anger reactions often begins with understanding the position of the primary source of the anger. Anger is usually caused by the actions of others that are perceived to be unwanted or inappropriate. When you, or your clients, feel angry, it is common to think that others such as spouses, children, friends, colleagues, other drivers, and so forth, have acted unfairly or wrongly. The truth, however, is that others are simply acting in their own self-interest, and their behavior is influenced by a multitude of factors. They are not necessarily motivated by evil intentions or maliciously seeking to cause harm to others.

A tip for halting unproductive rumination: Practice empathy and seeing the problem from the perspective of the other person . Just to be clear, empathy refers to situations where you truly understand the behavior, thoughts, and feelings of others but may not share them (e.g., you understand the reasons your partner voted for a different political candidate, but you intellectually disagree). Once empathy (i.e., understanding) is achieved, anger naturally diminishes.

Taking another’s perspective about a problem is one way to achieve empathy and anger reduction. Yet the process can be uncomfortable and challenging. Here are three steps to get started:

• In your office, or in a quiet and private place, have your clients clearly identify the situation that led to their anger. Direct them to not exaggerate what happened, and to keep to the specific situation.
• Out loud, have clients objectively review the specific situation from their perspective. Include the trigger, what the client was thinking at the time, and the outcome of the event. Direct them to resist the temptation to add inflammatory language such as, “He always does that,” or, “She is so selfish and stupid!”
• Now have clients review the situation, but this time, have them pretend to be the other person. Encourage them to truly assume the role of the other person by using “I” language to clearly explain their rationale for why they did what they did (as the other person). Direct them to not make silly excuses. Rather, clients objectively report on what happened from the other person’s perspective. Such reports might include nuances such as feeling conflicted about a course of action. Again, have the client do this aloud, either in the office or while they are alone in a private environment. Practice is important, so have clients repeat the perspective-taking process aloud three times.

In addition, we encourage clients to generate several possible and realistic reasons as to why the other person might have acted as they did. The goal is not to develop excuses for bad behavior. Rather, the goal is to develop understanding, reduce anger, and eventually explore the potential for a plan so the problem is less likely to reoccur in the future.

Catching up on the series? Read parts one , two , or three now.

Howard Kassinove, PhD, ABPP , is a board-certified clinical psychologist, former chairperson of the psychology department at Hofstra University, and past director of their PhD program in clinical and school psychology. Kassinove is a fellow of the American Psychological Association, the American Psychological Society, the Albert Ellis Institute, and the Behavior Therapy and Research Society. Editor of Anger Disorders , he has published more than sixty papers, and has lectured widely in the United States, Europe, and Asia.

Raymond Chip Tafrate, PhD , is a clinical psychologist, and professor in the criminology and criminal justice department at Central Connecticut State University. He is a fellow and supervisor at the Albert Ellis Institute in New York City, NY; and a member of the Motivational Interviewing Network of Trainers. He frequently consults with criminal justice agencies and programs regarding difficult-to-change problems such as anger dysregulation and criminal behavior. He has coauthored numerous books, and has presented his research throughout North America, Europe, Asia, and Australia. He is coauthor, with Howard Kassinove, of the popular self-help classic, Anger Management for Everyone .

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How to Manage Your Anger at Work

• Liz Fosslien
• Mollie West Duffy

Spoiler: Venting isn’t the best option.

We’re all a little angrier these days. The sustained level of stress and fear you experience every day when you’re under pressure depletes your emotional resources, making you much more likely to get mad, even at minor provocations. While we’re often told that anger is harmful, irrational, and should be suppressed, there are ways to channel it productively. Research shows that getting mad can spark creativity, motivate you to advocate for yourself, and help you perform better in competitive circumstances. The authors offer six strategies to use anger in more positive ways, including acknowledging that a violation took place, identifying the specific needs behind your emotion, and avoiding excessive venting.

After two years of navigating a global pandemic, tensions are high. While conducting research for our book Big Feelings , we heard from readers who told us that they’d recently lost their cool over all kinds of seemingly small triggers: inconsistent WiFi, an email from their boss that just read “?,” or a coworker pinging them at 4:45 pm asking for a “quick favor.”

• Liz Fosslien is the coauthor and illustrator of the WSJ bestseller No Hard Feelings: The Secret Power of Embracing Emotion at Work  and Big Feelings: How to Be Okay When Things Are Not Okay . She is on the leadership team of Atlassian’s Team Anywhere, where she helps distributed teams advance how they collaborate. Liz regularly leads workshops for leaders; her clients include Google, Paramount, and the U.S. Air Force. Liz’s writing and work have been featured by TED, The Economist, Good Morning America, the New York Times, and NPR. lizandmollie
• Mollie West Duffy is the coauthor of the WSJ bestseller No Hard Feelings: The Secret Power of Embracing Emotion at Work and Big Feelings: How to Be Okay When Things Are Not Okay . She is the head of learning and development at Lattice, and was an organizational design lead at global innovation firm IDEO. She has worked with companies of all sizes on organizational development, leadership development, and workplace culture. lizandmollie

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We are ready to help, 5 things you will learn in anger management classes.

Anger is a common human emotion. Everyone will experience it at different points in life. Some expressions of anger are positive and healthy. On the other hand, anger can also be incredibly destructive and negative. Most people can recognize when anger is appropriate and when it will be unhelpful.

Nonetheless, some people struggle with anger issues. They may find themselves unable to control their anger. Or, they fly off the handle for the most minor thing that most people wouldn’t be bothered by. Anger is not on its own a mental health disorder. Anger management classes are still a quality intervention for when anger has gotten out of control.

Stem the damage anger is causing in your life by calling 972.233.1010 to learn about anger management therapy and what you learn in anger management classes.

1. Identify Emotions and Root Causes

Unwieldy anger can be an offshoot of not being in touch with your emotions. You may find yourself getting angry for no reason or not being able to identify why you are actually angry. Anger management therapy provides the space to interrogate what is behind these expressions of anger. There is likely a root cause. Unearthing and discussing the root cause of anger is a necessary step to reordering your life.

2. Healthy Expressions of Power

Anger is often a manipulative emotion that is heavily intertwined with power. People dominate and control others using emotion. Or else anger may stem from being dominated and controlled. Anger management techniques help people express power and navigate power dynamics in healthy ways that neither diminish themselves nor oppress others. 

3. Gratitude and Appreciation

Unchecked anger saps life of its vitality. Mindsets that dwell on anger and nothing else shrink and shrivel and become lifeless. Sometimes what is needed is a shift in focus from anger to instead lingering on what you have to be grateful for in life. It is so easy to let the negatives dominate your outlook. What you learn in anger management therapy is how to shift your mindset to give appropriate space to the positives.

4. How to Say No

One common source of anger is failing to say no. That counts in struggling to say no to yourself and your desires when they don’t align with a healthy lifestyle. It also depends on saying no to others when it would overextend you or put you in harmful situations. Saying no is a critical self-care skill.

5. Manage Emotions

Managing emotions and the self-beliefs that influence them are key to controlling anger. The beliefs people have about themselves often come out through their emotions. Negative self-beliefs may bubble up in anger. Correcting incorrect patterns of thinking can thus lead to more stable feelings that are easily managed. 

Common Signs You Need Help Managing Your Anger

Learning anger management techniques is most beneficial for people who have developed negative patterns of anger in their lives.

A few signs to look for in deciding whether or not you need help with anger management include:

• Major outbursts at the smallest provocation or setback
• Struggles with addiction or substance abuse to alleviate or control anger
• Refusal to speak or interact with someone following an argument or disagreement
• Self-destructive behavior that continues despite negative consequences
• Relational challenges forming healthy bonds

What you learn in anger management will disrupt these negative cycles or habits. Anyone can benefit from anger management classes. The communication and coping skills learned during anger management impact work, relationships, and quality of life.

Learn Anger Management Techniques at AssuraSource

AssuraSource is a premier provider of behavioral therapies both virtually and using in-home visits. What you learn in anger management classes has the ability to transform your life. Learn more about AssuraSource’s approach to anger management by contacting 972.233.1010 .

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8 Anger Management Strategies for Your Students

With school violence and bullying making headlines on a regular basis, teachers and parents need a toolbox of strategies to help children manage difficult emotions like anger before they escalate into problems. In today’s post, we bring you a few helpful tips you can share with your students to help them defuse, reduce, or redirect anger. Excerpted from the social-emotional learning curriculum Merrell’s Strong Kids , these strategies were developed for students in Grades 3-5, but can easily be used with older students, too.

During a class discussion on emotions or social skills, present these anger management strategies to your students and encourage them to share their thoughts about each one. You can use the explanations provided below to give students a quick overview of each strategy. You might say something like this to get started: “Here are several examples of things that you can do to help you deal with your anger. Keep in mind that the way you handle your anger is going to depend a lot on the situation you’re in, who you’re with, and what you hope to get out of the situation. We handle anger differently when we’re in a comfortable or familiar setting than when we’re in an uncomfortable or unfamiliar setting. Let’s take a look at some strategies now.”

Ask yourself why you’re angry (problem solve). If you ask yourself why you’re angry, and really think about your answer, you might figure out a problem you can solve or even uncover some of the sneaky feelings that feel like anger.

Use “if-then” statements to consider the consequences. If-then statements mean that you ask yourself what might happen if you do something. They are best used when you are deciding what to do about a situation or problem. If-then statements help you make better choices by helping you understand the consequences of your actions.

Count up to or down from 10. Sometimes, quietly counting to 10 is something some people do to stop themselves from doing something too quickly. Counting to 10 as soon as you notice you’re having an angry reaction can give an angry person just enough think time to make sure their first idea is a good idea. If it’s not a good idea, it can be just enough time to change it into a better one (reconsider).

Listen to another person. If you’re angry about something or with someone else, talking to someone and listening to their perspective—even the person you’re angry with—may help you understand exactly what caused the problem so you can fix it or figure out what you can do in the future to prevent the situation.

Focus on your breathing. Focusing on breathing can help during angry moments in several ways. First, it takes your attention away from the anger for a moment, just like when you count to 10. Second, breathing in a certain way, slowly and deeply (so deeply that your belly moves, too), and in through your nose and out through your mouth, can often help people who are angry to begin to calm down.

Take a walk or step away. Change the environment by taking a walk or stepping away if you can. Just like counting to 10, and thinking about your breathing, walking away from a situation that is making you angry can sometimes help prevent you from reacting to a situation too quickly, or it can give you some time to breathe and think about good choices you can make.

Give yourself some good advice (self-talk). Self-talk means that you say to yourself the things that a good friend would say to calm you down, such as, “Calm down,” “Maybe it’s not that bad,” or “Let it go.” It is best used when you first notice that you are angry (emotional reaction stage). Its purpose is to help calm you down. Use self-talk if you notice yourself using any thinking errors (use logic).

Look for the humor—without making fun of someone. Sometimes we get angry for silly reasons that are hard to explain. Maybe you don’t even really want to be angry. Sometimes, if there is no danger, you can count to 10 and imagine what it must look like if this whole angry situation was something you were watching in a TV comedy. Sometimes, when you really think about it, some of the things that make us angry can seem really silly. Remember, though, that if you are involved in an angry situation with someone else, they may not think it’s funny at the same time you do. It usually works best if you can laugh at yourself.

These strategies may be effective in helping your students walk back anger and find more constructive ways of dealing with their strong emotions. But for some students, anger issues might escalate into aggression despite your best efforts. When might a student require a referral to an administrator, counselor, or mental health professional? Andrew Cole & Aaron Shupp offer the following advice in their book, Recognize and Respond to Emotional and Behavioral Issues in the Classroom :

Ask yourself: Is this student posing a danger to themselves or to others? Is their aggression escalating in severity? Consider a referral when:

• The problem involves direct threats, physical violence, or a pattern of more mild aggressive behavior that disrupts your ability to teach. Always follow your school’s policies for safety and disciplinary measures.
• You are concerned about the student being hurt outside of your classroom or outside of school. Even if you do not have clear evidence, it does not hurt to talk out your concerns with a school counselor or administrator. If the student does have professionals in place, keep open communication with them (assuming the student’s guardians have signed consent for those people to talk with you). Your efforts will be appreciated because you observe the child more than almost anyone else, and the success of any behavioral intervention is dependent on consistency across settings. In other words, your involvement is critical to the success of a comprehensive treatment program.

Remember that with a problem as severe as this, you should see yourself as a member of a team of professionals who are working with the student and the family. You are an integral part of this team, but do not feel like you can solve this problem on your own.

Also, keep in mind: Because verbal and physical violence can have a strong impact on many people, it never hurts to get a second opinion or to broaden the network of adults who can support the student.

At one time or another, nearly everyone needs to use anger management strategies. What are some strategies that have worked for you and your students? Share your tips in the comments below!

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This scientifically-based, 12-week curriculum uses engaging, thought-provoking classroom activities to help students strengthen the social-emotional skills they’ll use for the rest of their lives: managing anger, reducing stress, solving interpersonal problems, and much more.

Based on the authors’ years of experience with students, teachers, and families, this reader-friendly guide is equally useful for working with students with and without a specific diagnosis. You’ll learn practical strategies you can immediately implement to help students with a wide range of emotional, behavioral, and social difficulties.

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Abiola Adewunmi says

Count me in.

Nathan says

A great article about anger. I. Will be sharing it with many people. Nathan www.mosaictreecounseling.com/anger-management/

S M Khaleel says

You did an excellent work on this subject. Thanking You

Shawn Mendas says

This helped me with my brother situation with him hitting me... THANK YOU GOOGLE

Anger And Frustration Management says

Great post. Students nowadays are suffering from the anger and frustration because of the competition. These tips are really very useful.

jlillis says

Thanks--so glad you found it helpful!

This was great. Thank you for these quick strategies to share with my students.

Glad you found it useful!

Dr. Elena Dcosta says

A few tricks to cool your temper can come in handy the next time you feel yourself close to boiling over. For example, deep breathing is a simple method that can work well to ease anger. To do it, breathe in slowly through your nose, hold your breath for a few seconds, and then breathe out through your mouth. This helps counteract the rapid, shallow breathing that angry people often have. Picture a calm place, real or imaginary. This can also help. Practice these techniques every day. They’ll feel more natural as time goes on.

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Anger Management: Intensive In-Home Intervention Essay

Intervention.

The client in this case scenario struggles with anger management issues. She gets anger management problem. She gets angry easily, and the anger drives her to do things that disturb her peace and emotions, frustrating her from social relationships. The client is mostly suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and she feels that there is a need for someone to intervene and help her overcome frequent anger outbursts.

The goal of intervention is to help the client to identify causes of negative emotions and trace when and how these negative emotions come about. The intervention helps the client to be prepared and identify negative triggers in the environment as explained by Lok et al. (2018). Once the client has learned the triggers of negative emotions, she can be prepared to respond by shifting the focus or her attention to positive emotions such as self-love or thinking of positive aspects in life. The advantage of teaching the client to act independently by shifting the attention is that she can work independently without the need for the therapist’s intervention.

Successful intervention will yield positive results when the client attains changes in anger outbursts observed in the frequency of school suspensions. She will attain positive relations with peers and avoid situations that trigger negative emotions. The intervention will also help the client to be productive in social relations, including making more friends and bringing the situations under control. There will also be a change in class performance and the client will heal from the concerning behavioral problem.

The step-down plan is used as a framework for intervention and treatment of anger management. In this case, the plan is to help the client to move from the negative causes or triggers of anger into a positive aspect or goal in life. The objective of the framework is to bring the client into the full control and management of her emotions.

Lok, N., Bademli, K., & Canbaz, M. (2018). The effects of anger management education on adolescents’ manner of displaying anger and self-esteem: A randomized controlled trial . Archives of Psychiatric Nursing , 32 (1), 75-81. Web.

• Chicago (A-D)
• Chicago (N-B)

IvyPanda. (2024, January 9). Anger Management: Intensive In-Home Intervention. https://ivypanda.com/essays/anger-management-intensive-in-home-intervention/

"Anger Management: Intensive In-Home Intervention." IvyPanda , 9 Jan. 2024, ivypanda.com/essays/anger-management-intensive-in-home-intervention/.

IvyPanda . (2024) 'Anger Management: Intensive In-Home Intervention'. 9 January.

IvyPanda . 2024. "Anger Management: Intensive In-Home Intervention." January 9, 2024. https://ivypanda.com/essays/anger-management-intensive-in-home-intervention/.

1. IvyPanda . "Anger Management: Intensive In-Home Intervention." January 9, 2024. https://ivypanda.com/essays/anger-management-intensive-in-home-intervention/.

Bibliography

IvyPanda . "Anger Management: Intensive In-Home Intervention." January 9, 2024. https://ivypanda.com/essays/anger-management-intensive-in-home-intervention/.

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