open honest and direct in speech or writing

Directness in Speech and Writing

Glossary of Grammatical and Rhetorical Terms

• An Introduction to Punctuation
• Ph.D., Rhetoric and English, University of Georgia
• M.A., Modern English and American Literature, University of Leicester
• B.A., English, State University of New York

In speech and writing , directness is the quality of being straightforward and concise : stating a main point early and clearly without embellishments or digressions . Directness contrasts with circumlocution , verbosity , and indirectness .

There are different degrees of directness, which are determined in part by social and cultural conventions. In order to communicate  effectively with a particular audience , a speaker or writer needs to maintain a balance between directness and politeness . 

Examples and Observations

• "The whole world will tell you, if you care to ask, that your words should be simple & direct . Everybody likes the other fellow's prose plain . It has even been said that we should write as we speak. That is absurd. ... Most speaking is not plain or direct, but vague, clumsy, confused, and wordy. ... What is meant by the advice to write as we speak is to write as we might speak if we spoke extremely well. This means that good writing should not sound stuffy, pompous, highfalutin, totally unlike ourselves, but rather, well—'simple & direct.' "Now, the simple words in the language tend to be the short ones that we assume all speakers know; and if familiar, they are likely to be direct. I say 'tend to be' and 'likely' because there are exceptions. ... "Prefer the short word to the long; the concrete to the abstract; and the familiar to the unfamiliar. But: "Modify these guidelines in the light of the occasion, the full situation, which includes the likely audience for your words." (Jacques Barzun, Simple & Direct: A Rhetoric for Writers , 4th ed. Harper Perennial, 2001)
• Revising for Directness "Academic audiences value directness and intensity. They do not want to struggle through overly wordy phrases and jumbled sentences. ... Examine your draft . Focus specifically on the following issues: 1. Delete the obvious: Consider statements or passages that argue for or detail what you and your peers already assume. ... 2. Intensify the least obvious: Think about your essay as a declaration of new ideas. What is the most uncommon or fresh idea? Even if it's a description of the problem or a slightly different take on solving it, develop it further. Draw more attention to it." (John Mauk and John Metz,  The Composition of Everyday Life: A Guide to Writing , 5th ed. Cengage, 2015)
• Degrees of Directness "Statements may be strong and direct or they may be softer and less direct. For example, consider the range of sentences that might be used to direct a person to take out the garbage: Take out the garbage! Can you take out the garbage? Would you mind taking out the garbage? Let's take out the garbage. The garbage sure is piling up. Garbage day is tomorrow. "Each of these sentences may be used to accomplish the goal of getting the person to take out the garbage. However, the sentences show varying degrees of directness, ranging from the direct command at the top of the list to the indirect statement regarding the reason the activity needs to be undertaken at the bottom of the list. The sentences also differ in terms of relative politeness and situational appropriateness. ... "In matters of directness vs. indirectness, gender differences may play a more important role than factors such as ethnicity, social class, or region, although all these factors tend to intersect, often in quite complex ways, in the determination of the 'appropriate' degree of directness or indirectness for any given speech act ." (Walt Wolfram and Natalie Schilling-Estes, American English: Dialects and Variation . Wiley-Blackwell, 2006)
• Directness and Gender "While some of us will think that without the skills of 'good' writing a student cannot truly be empowered, we must be equally aware that the qualities of 'good' writing as they are advocated in textbooks and rhetoric books —  directness , assertiveness and persuasiveness , precision and vigor—collide with what social conventions dictate proper femininity to be. Even should a woman succeed at being a 'good' writer she will have to contend with either being considered too masculine because she does not speak 'like a Lady,' or, paradoxically, too feminine and hysterical because she is, after all, a woman. The belief that the qualities that make good writing are somehow 'neutral' conceals the fact their meaning and evaluation changes depending on whether the writer is a man or woman." (Elisabeth Daumer and Sandra Runzo, "Transforming the Composition Classroom."  Teaching Writing: Pedagogy, Gender, and Equity , ed. by Cynthia L. Caywood and Gillian R. Overing. State University of New York Press, 1987)
• Directness and Cultural Differences "The U.S. style of directness and forcefulness would be perceived as rude or unfair in, say, Japan, China, Malaysia, or Korea. A hard-sell letter to an Asian reader would be a sign of arrogance, and arrogance suggests inequality for the reader." (Philip C. Kolin, Successful Writing at Work . Cengage, 2009)

Pronunciation: de-REK-ness

• The Top 20 Figures of Speech
• Figure of Speech: Definition and Examples
• Brevity in Speech and Writing
• Fluency in Language
• What Is Attribution in Writing?
• French Grammar: Direct and Indirect Speech
• The Power of Indirectness in Speaking and Writing
• How to Use Indirect Quotations in Writing for Complete Clarity
• What Is Tone In Writing?
• Ellipsis: Definition and Examples in Grammar
• Definition, Examples, and Observations on Writing
• Definition and Examples of Plain English
• 5 Tips on How to Write a Speech Essay
• AP English Exam: 101 Key Terms
• Plain Style in Prose
• What Is Clarity in Composition?

Module 13: Ethics in Public Speaking

Ethical speaking.

In January, 2012, an Australian politician, Anthony Albanese, presented a speech to the National Press Club. Several people criticized this speech, saying that he stole lines from Michael Douglas’s character  (the U.S. President) in the movie The American President . Several specific lines from Albanese’s speech did seem to mirror Douglas’s monologue, with only the names changed. The Liberal Party federal director, Brian Loughnane, claimed that this shows Albanese is “unoriginal and devoid of ideas.” Others stated that he should be embarrassed and should apologize to the Parliament. [1]

What do you think about Albanese’s speech? Was this a simple mishap? A funny prank? Something more serious? What do you think this says about Albanese’s character? His reputation as a politician? Assessing your attitudes and values toward this situation is the same as considering how ethics play a role in public speaking.

Ethical public speaking is not a one-time event. It does not just occur when you stand to give a 5-minute presentation to your classmates or co-workers. Ethical public speaking is a process. This process begins when you begin brainstorming the topic of your speech. Every time you plan to speak to an audience—whether it is at a formal speaking event or an impromptu pitch at your workplace—you have ethical responsibilities to fulfill. The two most important aspects in ethical communication include your ability to remain honest while avoiding plagiarism and to set and meet responsible speech goals.

Integrity is telling myself the truth. And honesty is telling the truth to other people. – Spencer Johnson

Be Honest and Avoid P lagiarism

Credible public speakers are open and honest with their audiences. Honesty includes telling your audience why you’re speaking (thesis statement) and what you’ll address throughout your speech (preview). For instance, one example of dishonest speech is when a vacation destination offers “complimentary tours and sessions” which are really opportunities for a sales person to pitch a timeshare to unsuspecting tourists. In addition to being clear about the speech goal, honest speakers are clear with audience members when providing supporting information.

One example of dishonest public communication occurs in the music industry where many cases of illegal melody lifting exist. For example, a famous Beach Boys song titled Surfin’ USA is actually a note-for-note rendition of a 1958 Chuck Berry song. Though it may be common, the practice of not properly crediting an author for his or her work is unethical. Other examples of deceitful communication include political speeches that intentionally mislead the public. For instance, a former White House press aide, Scott McClellan, claims that President Bush misled the American people about reasons for the Iraqi war. McClellan claims that the President had manipulated sources in order to gain support for the war. Such claims can be damaging to one’s reputation. Thus, responsible public speakers must actively avoid plagiarism and remain committed to honesty and integrity at all costs.

Mimi & Eunice, “Thief” by Nina Paley. CC-BY-SA .

Identify Your Sources

The first step of ethical speech preparation is to take notes as you research your speech topic. Careful notes will help you remember where you learned your information. Recalling your sources is important because it enables speaker honesty. Passing off another’s work as your own or neglecting to cite the source for your information is considered plagiarism . This unethical act can result in several consequences, ranging from a loss in credibility to academic expulsion or job loss. Even with these potential consequences, plagiarism is unfortunately common. In a national survey, 87 percent of students claimed that their peers plagiarized from the Internet at least some of the time. [2] This statistic does not take into account whether or not the plagiarism was intentional, occurring when the writer or speaker knowingly presented information as his or her own; or unintentional, occurring when careless citing leads to information being uncredited or miscredited. However, it is important to note that being unaware of how to credit sources should not be an excuse for unintentional plagiarism. In other words, speakers are held accountable for intentional and unintentional plagiarism. The remainder of this section discusses how to ensure proper credit is given when preparing and presenting a speech.

A liar should have a good memory. – Quintilian

There are three distinct types of plagiarism—global, patchwork, and incremental plagiarism. [3]   Global plagiarism , the most obvious form of plagiarism, transpires when a speaker presents a speech that is not his or her own work. For example, if a student finds a speech on the Internet or borrows a former speech from a roommate and recites that speech verbatim, global plagiarism has occurred. Global plagiarism is the most obvious type of theft. However, other forms of plagiarism are less obvious but still represent dishonest public speaking.

If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything. – Mark Twain

“Rainbow Dahlia quilt” by Holice E. Turnbow. CC-BY-SA .

Sometimes a student neglects to cite a source simply because she or he forgot where the idea was first learned. Shi explains that many students struggle with plagiarism because they’ve reviewed multiple texts and changed wording so that ideas eventually feel like their own. Students engage in “‘patchwriting’ by copying from a source text and then deleting or changing a few words and altering the sentence structures.” [4]   Patchwork plagiarism is plagiarism that occurs when one “patches” together bits and pieces from one or more sources and represents the end result as his or her own. Michael O’Neill also coined the term “paraplaging” [5] to explain how an author simply uses partial text of sources with partial original writing. An example of patchwork plagiarism is if you create a speech by pasting together parts of another speech or author’s work. Read the following hypothetical scenario to get a better understanding of subtle plagiarism.

Three months ago, Carley was talking to her coworkers about expanding their company’s client base. Carley reported some of the ideas she’d been pondering with Stephen and Juan. The three employees shared ideas and provided constructive criticism in order to perfect each notion, and then mentioned they’d revisit the conversation over lunch sometime soon. A week later, Carley shared one of her ideas during the company’s Monday morning staff meeting. Carley came up with the idea, but Stephen and Juan helped her think through some of the logistics of bringing in more clients. Her peers’ input was key to making Carley’s client-building idea work. When Carley pitched her idea at the company staff meeting, she didn’t mention Stephen or Juan. She shared her idea with senior management and then waited for feedback.

Did Carley behave unethically? Some would say: “No!” since she shared her own idea. Did Carley speak honestly? Perhaps not because she didn’t account for how her idea took shape— with the help of Stephen and Juan. This scenario is an example of how complicated honesty becomes when speaking to an audience.

The third type of plagiarism is incremental plagiarism, or when most of the speech is the speaker’s original work, but quotes or other information have been used without being cited. Incremental plagiarism can occur if, for example, you provide a statistic to support your claim, but do not provide the source for that statistic. Another example would be if a student included a direct quote from former president Ronald Reagan without letting the audience know that those were Reagan’s exact words. Understanding the different types of plagiarism is the first step in ensuring that you prepare an honest speech.

Decide When to Cite

When speaking publicly you must orally cite all information that isn’t general knowledge. For example, if your speech claims that the sun is a star, you do not have to cite that information since it’s general knowledge. If your speech claims that the sun’s temperature is 15.6 million Kelvin, [7] then you should cite that source aloud. Ethical speakers are not required to cite commonly known information (e.g., skin is the largest human organ; Barack Obama was elected President of the U.S. in 2008). However, any information that isn’t general knowledge must be orally cited during a speech. The same is true in the text of a speech outline: cite all non-general information.

The OWL, an online writing lab at Purdue University, provides an excellent guide for when you need to cite information (see Table 3.1). Understanding when to include source material is the first step in being able to ethically cite sources. The next step in this process is to determine how to appropriately cite sources orally and in written materials.

Cite Sources Properly

You’ve learned the importance of citing sources. Now that you know why written and oral citations are important to the ethical process of public speaking, let’s focus on how to cite supporting speech material. Studies show that oftentimes students do not cite a source because they’re unsure of how or when to cite a reference. Shi’s study describes some typical responses for why students did not cite sources, such as “I couldn’t remember where I learned the information,” or “I had already cited that author and didn’t want the audience to think all of my information was from some outside source.” Though these rationales are understandable, they are not ethical.

Understand Paraphrasing and D irect Quotations

Next, it is important to understand the process for paraphrasing and directly quoting sources in order to support your speech claims. First, what is the difference between paraphrasing and directly quoting a source? If you research and learn information from a source—the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), for instance— and then share that information in your own words; you don’t use quotation marks; but you do credit the CDC as your source. This is known as a paraphrase —a sentence or string of sentences that shares learned information in your own words. A direct quote is any sentence or string of sentences that conveys an author’s idea word-for-word. According to the APA (American Psychological Association), when writing speech content, you must include quotation marks around an author’s work when you use his or her keywords, phrases, or sentences. This would be relevant for a speech outline, a handout, or a visual aid. It is also important to specify a direct quote when you are orally citing during your speech. This indicates to the audience that you are using the original author’s exact words. While it is acceptable to use the phrases “begin quote” and “end quote” to indicate this to your audience, such phrases can be distracting to the audience. One way to clearly and concisely indicate a direct quote is to take a purposeful pause right before and after the quoted material. This differentiates between your words and the source material’s words. See Table 3.2 for examples of how to paraphrase and directly quote an author, both in written speech materials and for an oral citation.

Develop Accurate Citations

Ethical speakers share source information with the audience. On written materials, such as handouts or speech outlines, citations are handled much like they would be in any essay. In addition to written citations, oral citations provide source information to audience members who may not see your written speech. In all citations, enough information should be given so that the audience can easily find the source.

You may choose to briefly describe the author before citing him or her to lend credibility to your supporting information. Writing style guidebooks, such as APA or MLA (Modern Language Association), teach that a source’s credentials are not necessary in the text of your paper. We can interpret that the same is true for providing oral citations in a speech–the author’s occupation, the source website, or the journal name are not required but may be helpful verbal cues to explain the legitimacy of your chosen source. You should provide enough information so that an audience member can locate the source. For instance, it might be useful to describe the doctor as a leading pediatrician–after which you would state the doctor’s last name, year of publication, and the quote or paraphrase. To orally paraphrase a Langer quote (see example poster in Figure 3.1), you might say to your audience:

I really agree with Langer (1989), who wrote in her book Mindfulness, that our world is constructed from the categories we build in our mind. I find that I interpret the world based on my initial understanding of things and have to mindfully force myself to question the categories and biases I’ve formally created in my head. 

Note, the Langer paraphrase provides the author’s last name, year of publication, and the title of the book should an audience member want to find the orally cited source.

Ethical speakers provide written, oral, and visual citations. Visual aids, discussed in Chapter 13, include posters, objects, models, PowerPoints, and handouts. Visual aids are used to enhance your speech message. Visual aids, just like speech content, must be displayed ethically for the audience. In other words, if you use a poster to display a famous quote, then you should cite the author on your poster (see Figure 3.1). Similarly, you should cite sources on your PowerPoint throughout the presentation . It is not sufficient to include a “Sources” or “References” slide at the end of your PowerPoint because that does not accurately link each author to his or her work. Instead, ethical presenters provide an author reference on the slide in which the cited content is shown (see Figure 3.2).

Speakers should also carefully select and correctly cite images displayed in their visual aid. Images should be relevant to the keywords used on your PowerPoint slide. In other words, captions are not necessary because the image can stand alone; images you display should obviously correlate with your speech content (a caption is typically used because the picture needs explanation). In other words, the presence of a caption typically means your image does not directly correspond with the verbal speech material. Images should support, not distract, from the verbal or visual message. Hence, there is no need for blinking, rotating, or otherwise distracting visual aids. [11] Images should be simple and relevant. All pictures should be cited, unless the presenter uses a personal, clipart, or purchased stock image. To cite an image, simply include the credit (or web link) to that picture; note, however, the font size of the link should be reduced so that it is visible to the audience without distracting from the content in your visual aid. Seeing an image link should not be distracting to audience members.

“Question copyright” by Ttog~commonswiki. CC-BY-SA .

It’s also important to understand how copyright law might affect what and how you include information in your speech and on your visual aid. The fair use provision allows for copyrighted information to be shared if it is used for educational benefits, news reporting, research, and in other situations. Nolo explains, “In its most general sense, a fair use is any copying of copyrighted material done for a limited and ‘transformative’ purpose, such as to comment upon, criticize, or parody a copyrighted work. Such uses can be done without permission from the copyright owner.” [12] In order to determine if the use of content falls under the fair use provision, there are four factors to consider:

• How will this be used?
• What is to be used?
• How much will be used?
• What effect does this have? [13]

You can find more about these four factors at the U.S. Copyright website .

Ethical citing includes crediting authors in the text of your written speech materials, acknowledging authors aloud during your speech, and citing images and sources on your visual aid. However, ethics in public speaking encompass more than crediting source material. It’s also necessary to strive for responsible speech goals.

Ethics and equity and the principles of justice do not change with the calendar. – David Herbert Lawrence

Set Responsible Speech Goals

Jensen coined the term “rightsabilities” to explain how a communicator must balance tensions between speaker rights and responsibility to others. Ensuring that you have responsible speech goals is one way to achieve ethical communication in public speaking. There are several speech goals that support this mission. This section will focus on five goals: 1) promote diversity, 2) use inclusive language, 3) avoid hate speech, 4) raise social awareness, and 5) employ respectful free speech.

“U.S. Air Force” by Tech. Sgt. Keith Brown. Public domain.

Promote Diversity

One important responsibility speakers have is fostering  diversity, or an appreciation for differences among individuals and groups. Diversity in public speaking is important when considering both your audience and your speech content. Promoting diversity allows audience members who may be different from the speaker to feel included and can present a perspective to which audience members had not previously been exposed. Speakers may choose a speech topic that introduces a multicultural issue to the audience or can promote diversity by choosing language and visual aids that relate to and support listeners of different backgrounds. Because of the diversity present in our lives, it is necessary to consider how speakers can promote diversity.

One simple way of promoting diversity is to use both sexes in your hypothetical examples and to include co-cultural groups when creating a hypothetical situation. For example, you can use names that represent both sexes and that also stem from different cultural backgrounds. In the story about Carley and her co-workers, her co-workers were deliberately given male names so that both sexes were represented. Ethical speakers also encourage diversity in races, socioeconomic status, and other demographics. These choices promote diversity. In addition, ethical speakers can strive to break stereotypes. For instance, if you’re telling a hypothetical story about a top surgeon in the nation, why not make the specialized surgeon a female from a rural area? Or make the hypothetical secretary a man named Frank? You could also include a picture in your visual aid of the female surgeon or the male secretary at work. Ethical speakers should not assume that a nurse is female or that a firefighter is male. Sexist language can alienate your audience from your discussion. [14]

Another way that sexist language occurs in speeches is when certain statements or ideas are directed at a particular sex. For example, the “Selecting a Florist” speech described at the beginning of this chapter may be considered sexist by many audience members. Another example is the following statement, which implies only males might be interested in learning how to fix a car: “I think that fixing a car is one of the most important things you can learn how to do. Am I right, guys?” Promoting diversity is related to using inclusive language, discussed in the following sections.

Excellence is the best deterrent to racism or sexism. – Oprah Winfrey

Use Inclusive Language

Avoiding sexist language is one way to use inclusive language. Another important way for speakers to develop responsible language is to use inclusionary pronouns and phrases. For example, novice speakers might tell their audience: “One way for you to get involved in the city’s Clean Community Program is to pick up trash on your street once a month.” Instead, an effective public speaker could exclaim: “One way for all of us to get involved in our local communities is by picking up trash on a regular basis.” This latter statement is an example of “we”  language —pronouns and phrases that unite the speaker to the audience. “We” language (instead of “I” or “You” language) is a simple way to build a connection between the speaker, speech content, and audience. This is especially important during a persuasive speech as “we” language establishes trust, rapport, and goodwill between the speaker and the audience. Take, for example, the following listener relevance statements in a persuasive speech about volunteering:

“You” language: You may say that you’re too busy to volunteer, but I don’t agree. I’m here to tell you that you should be volunteering in your community.

“We” language: As college students, we all get busy in our daily lives and sometimes helpful acts such as volunteering aren’t priorities in our schedules. Let’s explore how we can be more active volunteers in our community.

In this exchange, the “you” language sets the speaker apart from the audience and could make listeners defensive about their time and lack of volunteering. On the other hand, the “we” language connects the speaker to the audience and lets the audience know that the speaker understands and has some ideas for how to fix the problem. This promotes a feeling of inclusiveness, one of the responsible speech goals.

Avoid Hate Speech

Another key aspect of ethical speaking is to develop an awareness of spoken words and the power of words. The NCA Credo of Ethical Communication highlights the importance of this awareness: “We condemn communication that degrades individuals and humanity through distortion, intimidation, coercion, and violence, and through the expression of intolerance and hatred.” [15] Words can be powerful—both in helping you achieve your speech goal and in affecting your audience in significant ways. It is essential that public speakers refrain from hate or sexist language. Hate speech, according to Verderber, Sellnow, and Verderber, “is the use of words and phrases not only to demean another person or group but also to express hatred and prejudice.” [16]  Hate language isolates a particular person or group in a derogatory manner. Michael Richards, famous for the role of Cosmo Kramer on Seinfeld , came under fire for his hate speech during a comedy routine in 2006. Richards used several racial epithets and directed his hate language towards African-Americans and Mexicans. [17] Richards apologized for his outbursts, but the damage to his reputation and career was irrevocable. Likewise, using hate speech in any public speaking situation can alienate your audience and take away your credibility, leading to more serious implications for your grade, your job, or other serious outcomes. It is your responsibility as the speaker to be aware of sensitive material and be able to navigate language choices to avoid offending your audience.

No matter what people tell you, words and ideas can change the world. – Robin Williams

Raise Social Awareness

Speakers should consider it their ethical responsibility to educate listeners by introducing ideas of racial, gender, or cultural diversity, but also by raising social awareness , or the recognition of important issues that affect societies. Raising social awareness is a task for ethical speakers because educating peers on important causes empowers others to make a positive change in the world. Many times when you present a speech, you have the opportunity to raise awareness about growing social issues. For example, if you’re asked to present an informative speech to your classmates, you could tell them about your school’s athletic tradition or you could discuss Peace One Day —a campaign that promotes a single day of worldwide cease-fire, allowing crucial food and medicine supplies to be shipped into warzone areas. [18] If your assignment is to present a persuasive speech, you could look at the assignment as an opportunity to convince your classmates to (a) stop texting while they drive, (b) participate in a program that supports US troops by writing personal letters to deployed soldiers or (c) buy a pair of TOMS (tomsshoes.com) and find other ways to provide basic needs to impoverished families around the world. Of course, those are just a few ideas for how an informative or persuasive speech can be used to raise awareness about current social issues. It is your responsibility, as a person and speaker, to share information that provides knowledge or activates your audience toward the common good. [19]

“Raising John T. Williams Memorial Totem Pole” by Joe Mabel. CC-BY-SA .

One way to be successful in attaining your speech goal while also remaining ethical is to consider your audience’s moral base. Moon identifies a principle that allows the speaker to justify his or her perspective by finding common moral ground with the audience. [20] This illustrates to the audience that you have goodwill but allows you to still use your moral base as a guide for responsible speech use. For example, even though you are a vegetarian and believe that killing animals for food is murder, you know that the majority of your audience does not feel the same way. Rather than focusing on this argument, you decide to use Moon’s principle and focus on animal cruelty. By highlighting the inhumane ways that animals are raised for food, you appeal to the audience’s moral frame that abusing animals is wrong—something that you and your audience can both agree upon.

If we lose love and self-respect for each other, this is how we finally die. – Maya Angelou

Employ Respectful Free Speech

We live in a nation that values freedom of speech. Of course, due to the First Amendment, you have the right and ability to voice your opinions and values to an audience. However, that freedom of speech must be balanced with your responsibility as a speaker to respect your audience. Offending or degrading the values of your audience members will not inform or persuade them. For example, let’s say you want to give a persuasive speech on why abortion is morally wrong. It’s your right to voice that opinion. Nevertheless, it’s important that you build your case without offending your audience members— since you don’t know everyone’s history or stance on the subject. Showing disturbing pictures on your visual aid may not “make your point” in the way you intended. Instead, these pictures may send audience members into an emotional tailspin (making it difficult for them to hear your persuasive points because of their own psychological noise). Freedom of speech is a beautiful American value, but ethical speakers must learn to balance their speech freedom with their obligation to respect each audience member.

Fortunately for serious minds, a bias recognized is a bias sterilized. – Benjamin Haydon

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• Cruikshank, B. (2004). Plagiarism: It’s Alive! Texas Library Journal , 80 (4), 132–136. ↵
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• O’Neill, M. T. (1980). Plagiarism: Writing Responsibly. Business Communication Quarterly , 43 , 34–36. ↵
• Stolley, K., & Brizee, A. (2011, August 24). Avoiding plagiarism. Retrieved from https://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/589/01/ ↵
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• Danoff-Burg, J. (2002). PowerPoint writing guide. Retrieved from http://eices.columbia.edu/education-training/see-u/dr/ppt_writing.html ↵
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• Harper, G. K. (2007). Copyright Crash Course. Retrieved from http://copyright.lib.utexas.edu/copypol2.html ↵
• Driscoll, D. L., & Brizee, A. (2010, July 13). Stereotypes and biased language. Retrieved from https://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/608/05 ↵
• National Communication Association. (1999). NCA credo for ethical communication. Retrieved from http://www.natcom.org/uploadedFiles/About_NCA/Leadership_and_Governance/Public_Policy_Platform/PDF-PolicyPlatformNCA_Credo_for_Ethical_Communication.pdf ↵
• Verderber, R. F., Sellnow, D. D., & Verderber, K. S. (2012). The challenge of effective speaking (15th ed.). Boston, MA: Wadsworth Cengage Learning. ↵
• Farhi, P. (2006, November 21). ‘Seinfeld’ comic Richards apologizes for racial rant. The Washington Post. Retrieved from http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/ ↵
• Peace One Day. (n.d.). Introduction. Retrieved from http://www.peaceoneday.org/en/about/Introduction ↵
• Mill, J.S. (1987). Utilitarianism. In A. Ryan (Ed.), Utilitarianism and other essays (pp. 272 – 338). New York: Penguin Classics. ↵
• Moon, J. D. (1993). Theory, citizenship, and democracy. In G. E. Marcus & R. L. Hanson, Reconsidering the democratic public (pp. 211 – 222). University Park, PA: The Pennsylvania State University Press. ↵
• Image of boy with book. Authored by : cybrarian77. Located at : https://www.flickr.com/photos/cybrarian77/6284177707/in/photostream/ . License : CC BY-NC: Attribution-NonCommercial
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Learn Assertive Communication in 5 Simple Steps

Mia Belle Frothingham

Author, Researcher, Science Communicator

BA with minors in Psychology and Biology, MRes University of Edinburgh

Mia Belle Frothingham is a Harvard University graduate with a Bachelor of Arts in Sciences with minors in biology and psychology

Learn about our Editorial Process

Saul Mcleod, PhD

Editor-in-Chief for Simply Psychology

BSc (Hons) Psychology, MRes, PhD, University of Manchester

Saul Mcleod, PhD., is a qualified psychology teacher with over 18 years of experience in further and higher education. He has been published in peer-reviewed journals, including the Journal of Clinical Psychology.

Olivia Guy-Evans, MSc

Associate Editor for Simply Psychology

BSc (Hons) Psychology, MSc Psychology of Education

Olivia Guy-Evans is a writer and associate editor for Simply Psychology. She has previously worked in healthcare and educational sectors.

On This Page:

Assertive communication is a style of communication where individuals clearly express their thoughts, feelings, and needs respectfully, confidently, and directly.

It emphasizes mutual understanding, respects others’ rights while defending personal boundaries, and promotes open, honest, and constructive dialogue.

Learning to speak assertively enables one to respect everyone’s needs and rights, including one’s own, and to maintain boundaries in relationships while helping others feel respected at the same time.

For instance, instead of saying “I can’t stand it when you’re late,” which might sound accusatory, an assertive communicator might say, “When you arrive late, it disrupts my schedule. Could we work on improving punctuality?”

This approach acknowledges feelings, addresses the issue directly, and suggests a resolution, all while respecting both parties’ perspectives.

5 Steps of Assertive Communication

Communicate your needs or wants directly, avoiding ambiguity, while still respecting the other person’s rights.

• Identify and Understand the Problem : This first step involves recognizing the issue. It could be a behavior, a situation, or an event that’s causing distress or conflict. Critical thinking skills are applied to analyze the problem accurately. Understanding the problem helps avoid assumptions, misconceptions, or biases and gives a solid foundation for assertive communication.
• Describe the Problem Objectively and Accurately : The next step is to clearly articulate the issue. Use specific, concrete language to describe who is involved, what is happening, when and where it’s happening. Tell the person what you think about their behavior without accusing them. It’s crucial not to over-dramatize or pass judgment but to provide a candid description of how the other person’s actions have affected the situation or you. Rather than saying, “You ruined my whole night,” specify the consequences, e.g., “Due to the delay, we now have less time to discuss our important matter.” The key here is to stick to observable facts and avoid judging or blaming language. For instance, instead of saying, “You’re always late,” you might say, “I noticed you’ve arrived late to the past three meetings.” Rather than using emotionally charged language, or applying labels and value judgments to the individual you are addressing, refer to concrete and factual aspects of the behavior that have upset you. For instance, if your friend was late for an important discussion, avoid making derogatory comments. Instead, provide a clear account of the situation, e.g., “We were supposed to meet at 17:30, but it’s now 17:50.” The formula “When you [other’s behavior], then [result of conduct], and I feel [your feelings]” gives a more detailed picture of the situation. For example, “When you override my rules with the children, my parental authority is undermined, and I feel disrespected.” This approach helps articulate your feelings while maintaining a respectful tone.
• Express Your Concerns and How You Feel : Tell them how you feel when they behave a certain way. Tell them how their behavior affects you and your relationship with them. To prevent the other person from feeling attacked, express how their actions have affected you using “I” statements. These help you take ownership of your feelings and communicate them without escalating conflict. Instead of saying, “You must stop!” say, “I would feel better if you didn’t do that.” For instance, “When you arrive late, I feel disrespected and worried because it interrupts our schedule.”
• Ask the Other Person for His/Her Perspective (Then Ask for a Reasonable Change) : Invite the other person to share their perspective. This shows respect for their feelings and thoughts, and can help you understand their point of view. It could require asking more questions, listening more carefully, or getting creative and exploring more prospects. Whatever it is, it is worth one’s time because, in the end, both parties leave feeling good, and no one ends up hurt. The secret to effective communication and forming better relationships is being mindful of what the other individual is trying to say. This requires trying not to bring up issues from the past or let one’s mind get distracted. These actions show disrespect and can cause one to lose focus. Thus, one cannot give a reasonable answer or be assertive. Mindfulness means being present and not thinking about anyone else who is not currently around oneself. Afterward, suggest a reasonable change that could resolve the issue. Make sure this is a specific, realistic action they can take, like, “Could we agree to start our meetings on time?”
• List the Positive Outcomes That Will Occur if the Person Makes the Agreed Upon Change : Explain the benefits of making the change. This encourages cooperation by showing how the change is mutually beneficial. The example above might be, “If we start our meetings on time, we’ll be able to adhere to our schedule and finish our work efficiently, reducing stress for everyone.”

The XYZ* Formula for Assertive Communication

The XYZ formula is a technique for assertive communication that’s designed to help express your thoughts, feelings, or needs more clearly and effectively without causing unnecessary conflict.

The aim of the XYZ formula is to articulate your emotional responses (your internal reality) to the actions of others (the external reality) within certain contexts. You are the sole proprietor of your emotions; others cannot perceive your inner state unless you communicate it to them.

In the same way, you can only interact with and understand the external behaviors of others, not their internal experiences.

This model can be especially useful in tricky conversations, where emotions might be high and it’s important to communicate clearly and respectfully.

It’s also designed to reduce defensiveness in the person you’re speaking to, which can help the conversation be more productive.

The benefit of the XYZ model is that it’s clear, non-threatening, and focuses on specific behaviors and the impact of those behaviors, rather than making generalizations about the person’s character.

This can make it more likely that the other person will be receptive to what you’re saying and be willing to work on a solution.

The 3 C’s of Assertive Communication

Keep your communication brief and to the point. People are more likely to understand and respond to concise messages.

Ensure that the message one wants to portray to another is straightforward to understand. We can take a crazy example like a dance routine – while it may be entertaining, it is not necessarily the most effective way to communicate one’s message.

When one wants to be heard, the messages one sends must be understandable and straightforward.

Most people will try to impress others with big, complicated words or terminology, but we should ask ourselves: does one want to impress the other, or should one be heard and understood?

One has to believe in one’s ability to handle a situation. It can be incredibly frustrating when someone says one thing and then says something different the next day.

Ask yourself: if you’re not convinced what your message is, how can you expect to communicate it effectively?

Over time, inconsistency in the messages one is sending can start to cause distrust in the people one is engaging with.

So in order for one to be taken seriously and earn credibility as a leader and a strong communicator, one has to be consistent in the messages one sends to others.

Before speaking, learn to take a moment and figure out precisely where one stands on the issue.

This will make it easier for other people to understand where they stand concerning their relationship with you.

Assertive communication involves controlling your emotions, tone of voice, and body language. Try to remain calm and composed, even when discussing difficult topics.

Speak in a calm and steady voice, and use non-threatening body language.

Keeping your emotions under control will help keep the conversation productive and prevent it from escalating into an argument.

Examples of Assertive Statements

Scenario :  Your teenage daughter is known to get mad every time you attempt to tell her to clean up her room or assist around the house.

Assertive Statement :  “I feel overburdened when you do not pitch in and help keep the house clean and tidy. I understand that you do not like having me remind you to clean your room, but it is a task that needs to be done, and everyone needs to do their part.”

Takeaway :  Sometimes, we do not express ourselves because we fear how others react. Assertive people understand that they have no accountability for how the other person chooses to respond – that is entirely on them.

A normal human being will know that we all have needs and desires and should be entitled to express them willingly.

Scenario :  Your father wants you to come to his house immediately so you can help him sort through things he wants to sell at a garage sale.

However, you had planned to spend the evening relaxing, taking a calming bath, and just lounging around because you had a rough week at work.

Assertive Statement :  “I understand you need help, and I would like to help you. Although today, I need to take care of myself because I am very exhausted and overworked. I can better help you tomorrow. Does that work for you?”

Takeaway :  Part of being assertive is caring for oneself and valuing one’s needs just as much as the other person’s. An assertive person says, “I am worthy of this. I deserve this.”

Friendships

Scenario :  Your friend asks to borrow $1,000, and you doubt she has a history of defaulting on her financial commitments.

Assertive Statement :  “My policy is never to lend money to friends or family members.”

Takeaway :  Using the term “policy statement” is a great way to express one’s core values and outline what one will and will not do.

Scenario :  Your roommate is yelling and complaining that you are not devoting enough time and attention to the household. She launches into a long list of what she perceives to be your character flaws.

Assertive Statement :  “I see you are angry. I hear you saying that you think I should spend more time doing ___. However, I am afraid I have to disagree with you, and here’s why.”

Takeaway :  Assertive people do not get caught up in anger or strong emotions. They acknowledge the other person’s thoughts and feelings but frankly express their own.

Spouse/Partner

Scenario :  You planned to meet up with your boyfriend to have a nice meal at a restaurant. You get there, but he is late – again.

Every time you make plans, he seems to leave you waiting while he shows up 20-30 minutes after the scheduled meeting time.

Assertive Statement :  “Did something happen unexpectedly that made you late? I feel hurt when I have to wait constantly because you are frequently late. It makes me feel uneasy and like I am not a priority for you. Is there something I can do to help you fix this problem?”

Takeaway :  Assertive people use “I” statements instead of throwing blame or insults at the other person. Offering to support come up with a solution lets the other person know one cares.

Scenario :  Every day when you come home from work, your husband ignores you and continues doing whatever they are doing. He does not acknowledge, greet, or ask you how your day was.

Assertive Statement :  “I feel sad when I come home, and you do not seem happy to see me or ask how my day was. I feel lonely and not appreciated.”

Takeaway :  Assertive people always state the problem instead of assuming that others know what they think, feel, or need.

The Workplace

Scenario :  Your boss wants you to do your co-worker’s report because he has fallen behind schedule, and your boss knows you work efficiently. This has happened multiple times this past month.

Assertive Statement :  “This is the sixth time this month I have been given extra work because Steve has been behind on his work. I want to be a team player, but I am stressed when I am overburdened. What can we do to ensure this does not occur again?”

Takeaway :  Stating the facts and expressing one’s feelings helps avoid making the other person get their defenses up. Offering to help solve the problem expresses one’s concerns.

Scenario :  Your co-worker wants you to come in overtime to help her with her portion of work on a project that is due relatively soon, and she has been putting it off. Meanwhile, you have already completed your project share and have plans outside of work.

Assertive Statement :  “I understand you need help with your project. However, I already completed my share and I have plans outside of work that I cannot change. I can give you some advice and pointers, but I will not stay overtime.”

Takeaway :  Again, stating the facts helps avoid making the other person get their defenses up. Offering to help in any way is also helpful for the other person.

Take Small Steps, but Stand One’s Ground

One should also be aware that if one has not been assertive in the past, one will come up against resistance when one begins taking steps to stand one’s course.

There may be disputes with family members and friends or tension at work, so it is best that one is prepared for various forms of backlash.

For example, if one is discussing with one’s partner and they interrupt, stop them immediately by calmly saying, “please do not interrupt me when I’m speaking.”

Chances are they will get worked up and possibly argumentative, at this point, one can make it clear that one does not interrupt them when they are speaking, and one would like to be granted the same courtesy.

Depending on what kind of individual they are, this could result in tension, but say they are a family member or one’s partner, they will be willing to work things through and grow together.

It is important to remember to not let these situations dissuade oneself. One might need to sit in their room and cry it out, it can be overwhelming when someone who is used to treating one like a doormat, gets put in their place with one’s newfound voice.

Maintain these new boundaries one has firmly in place, and one will find that they will either adapt or walk away.

If this person walks away, they did not work having around in the first place. This risk one will take any time you make a significant life change.

Overall, communication is vital, and it is an excellent idea to sit down and discuss with those closest to you the fact that one is trying to be more assertive and the reasons for doing so.

By asking for and receiving their support and encouragement, one may discover that one has more people on your side than one would likely expect, which will only help to bolster one’s assertiveness and help one’s reach goals.

Here are some critical elements of assertive communication in relationships that you can take away from this article:

• It is direct, firm, positive, and persistent.
• It consists in exercising personal rights.
• It involves standing up for oneself.
• It promotes an equal balance of power.
• It acts in one’s own best interests.
• It does not include denying the rights of others.
• It consists in expressing necessities and feelings openly and comfortably.

By expressing and communicating in a manner that is consistent with the key elements above, people like you are more likely to cherish lasting and fulfilling positive relationships based on mutual respect.

To have these life-long friendships, partnerships, and relationships, expressing who you are and effectively communicating with others is key to attaining a group of people who will love, respect, and adore you!

The Benefits of Being Assertive

Less stress.

To be honest with ourselves, so much stress can be experienced with either aggressive or passive communication. Likely, one or more people involved in these conversations generally wind up feeling humiliated or threatened.

If one stays on the firm side, one might end up regretting putting one’s need to be heard over the other individual’s right to speak.

However, with assertive communication, you are acknowledging the other person’s feelings and wishes. Still, at the same time, you are openly sharing yours and trying to find the best solution for the situation.

The assertive communication style correlates to very little stress.

Trust is crucial in all of one’s relationships, and being assertive helps one arrive there naturally.

Most of the time, passive communication results in others not taking one seriously, while aggressive behavior leads to resentment.

Being trustworthy in one’s communication significantly builds connection.

More Confidence

When one hides their feelings or interacts with others without caring about what they feel or think, one either lowers one’s self-esteem or builds it on the wrong foundation.

While assertive behavior, on the other hand, assertive behavior demonstrates that one is both brave enough to stand up for one’s rights and in control of what one is saying and, more importantly, how one says it).

One can find the balance between clearly stating one’s needs and allowing the other person to do the same and feel equal.

Better Communication

Last but not least, assertive behavior is excellent for everyone involved.

If one communicates wisely, one can get what one wants out of any interaction and leave the other person fulfilled.

Communication Styles

There are three main communication types: passive, aggressive, and assertive.

In every conversation, our communication style makes it easier or harder for the other person to understand what we mean.

Therefore, we would suffer the consequences if we did not know which communication style to use. Often, this can lead to accidentally offending people or not conveying the point you are trying to make.

Aggressive communication style is a method of expression where individuals assert their opinions, needs, or feelings in a manner that infringes upon the rights of others.

It can involve speaking in a loud, demanding tone, employing harsh or disrespectful language, ignoring others’ viewpoints, or using non-verbal cues like invading personal space.

While it can help achieve personal goals, it often results in strained relationships due to its lack of respect for others.

Aggressive communication can prevent you from having stable friendships because no one enjoys the company of someone who constantly judges, disputes, disagrees, and does not allow others to share their views.

This style can lead to misunderstanding, resentment, and a lack of personal fulfillment, as it inhibits effective interpersonal exchange and self-advocacy.

On the other hand, passive communication may lead to feelings of being misperceived and misheard. You may feel like no one truly hears you or respects your input. 

Passive-Aggressive

A passive-aggressive communication style is characterized by indirect expressions of hostility or negativity. Instead of openly expressing feelings or needs, individuals may use sarcasm, silent treatment, procrastination, or subtle sabotage.

This style can create confusion and conflict as the communication is covertly aggressive, making it hard for others to address the real issues, leading to ineffective resolution and strained relationships.

We should all strive for an assertive communication style because it is the best of both worlds.

You not only meet your needs, but you also meet the needs of the person you are engaging with, so everyone is happy. An assertive communication style is a balance between the other two communication styles.

An awareness of assertive communication can also help one handle complex family, friends, and co-workers more efficiently, decreasing drama and stress.

Ultimately, assertive communication empowers one to draw essential boundaries that allow anyone to meet their needs in relationships without excluding others and letting anger and resentment creep in.

Of course, occasionally, it can be challenging to create this habit and stay away from other, less productive communication styles. There needs to be a healthy amount of self-control.

Fortunately, some innovative and easy ways exist to improve your assertive communication skills.

Before this, let us examine why you should prioritize aiming for a more assertive communication style.

What is the difference between assertive communication and passive communication?

Passive communication is an avoidance style that is considered inefficient, as it does not communicate the person’s sentiments. The person will avoid expressing what they mean to evade conflict.

They will prioritize the needs of others over their own and are often taken advantage of. This avoidance causes inner turmoil to build up and may lead to bursts of anger.

Assertive communication is an effective way to communicate with another person honestly and is the recommended style. An assertive communicator is transparent in their intentions and necessities and is firm without becoming aggressive.

They endorse themselves and remain respectful and empathetic to the other person(s).

What is the difference between assertive communication and aggressive communication?

Aggressive communication is volatile, high-emotion, high-energy communication where the communicator is focused on being right.

The opposite of passive, these communicators are only concerned with their gains and will bully and compel others to “win” the conversation.

These communicators are not compassionate and do not appreciate the boundaries of others in the exchange. Again, assertive communication is transparent in intentions and is firm without becoming aggressive.

Respect and boundaries are maintained with every conversation, and keeping emotions in check.

Are assertive communication and dominating the same thing?

No. People trying to “dominate” the person they are interacting with will speak loudly, use physical force, and frequently interrupt the other person. They will blame and embarrass others, and these communicators get enraged quickly.

Their behavior is discourteous, inappropriate, and alienating. This type of communicator is usually unwilling to make compromises in arguments, looms over the other person, and uses direct, lengthy eye contact.

They will make the discussion one-sided and not listen to the other person. Assertive communicators are engaged listeners and keep a calm voice when talking.

They do not escalate the situation, bully, or use manipulation tactics. This communicator creates relationships and does not allow others to exploit them.

These people make a discussion where others feel comfortable joining.

When should assertive communication be used?

Assertive communication involves transparent, honest statements about your beliefs, needs, and feelings. Considering a healthy compromise between aggressive and passive communication is good.

When you communicate assertively, you share your beliefs without judging others for theirs. You endorse yourself when necessary and do it with courtesy and consideration because assertiveness involves respect for your views and those of others. This communication style helps solve conflict collaboratively.

Whether you have a concern you want to discuss with your partner or need to let a co-worker know you cannot offer assistance with a project, assertive communication allows you to express what you need productively and work with the other person to find the best solution.

• Filipeanu, D., & Cananau, M. (2015). Assertive communication and efficient management in the office.  International Journal of Communication Research ,  5 (3), 237.
• Kolb, S. M., & Griffith, A. C. S. (2009). “I’ll Repeat Myself, Again?!” Empowering Students through Assertive Communication Strategies.  Teaching Exceptional Children ,  41 (3), 32-36.
• Omura, M., Maguire, J., Levett-Jones, T., & Stone, T. E. (2017). The effectiveness of assertiveness communication training programs for healthcare professionals and students: A systematic review .  International journal of nursing studies ,  76 , 120-128.
• Pipas, Maria Daniela, and Mohammad Jaradat. “ Assertive communication skills .”  Annales Universitatis Apulensis: Series Oeconomica  12.2 (2010): 649.

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How to write with honesty in the plain style

It’s a middle ground between an ornate high style and a low style that gravitates toward slang. write in it when you want your audience to comprehend..

I know how to tell you the truth in a sentence so dense and complicated and filled with jargon that you will not be able to comprehend. I also know — using my clearest and most engaging prose — how to tell you a vicious lie.

This dual reality — that seemingly virtuous plainness can be used for ill intent — lies at the heart of the ethics and practice of public writing.

The author who revealed this problem most persuasively was a scholar named Hugh Kenner, and he introduced it most cogently in an essay entitled “The Politics of the Plain Style.” Originally published in The New York Times Book Review in 1985, Kenner included it with 63 other essays in a book called “Mazes.”

When I began reading the essay, I thought it would confirm my longstanding bias that in a democracy, the plain style is most worthy, especially when used by public writers in the public interest.

A good case can be made for the civic virtues of the plain style, but Kenner, in a sophisticated argument, has persuaded me that some fleas, big fleas, come with the dog.

A disappointing truth is that an undecorated, straightforward writing style is a favorite of liars, including liars in high places. Make that liars, propagandists and conspiracy theorists. We have had enough of those in the 21st century to make citing examples unnecessary. And the last thing I would want to do is to republish pernicious texts, even for the purpose of condemning them.

When rank and file citizens receive messages written in the high style — full of abstractions, fancy effects, and abstractions — their BS detector tends to kick in. That nice term, often attributed to Ernest Hemingway, describes a form of skepticism that many of us need to sense when we are being fooled or lied to. So alerted, you can then dismiss me as a blowhard or a pointy-headed intellectual who works at the Poynter Institute!

If I tell it to you straight, you will look me in the eye and pat me on the back, a person of the people, one of you.

Literary styles and standards shift with the centuries, including the lines between fiction and nonfiction. Among the so-called liars cited by Kenner are famous authors such as Daniel Defoe and George Orwell. Both, he argues, wrote fiction that posed as nonfiction. The way they persuaded us that Robinson Crusoe actually lived or that Orwell actually shot an elephant or witnessed a hanging was to write it straight. That is, to make it sound truthful.

If public writers are to embrace a plain style in an honest way, they must understand what makes it work. Kenner argues:

• That the plain style is a style, even though it reads as plain, undecorated.
• That it is rarely mastered and expressed as literature, except by the likes of Jonathan Swift, H.L. Mencken and Orwell.
• That it is a contrivance, an artifice, something made up to create a particular effect.
• That it exists in ambiguity, being the perfect form of transmission for democratic practices, but also for fictions, fabrications and hoaxes.
• That it makes the writer sound truthful, even when he or she is not.

If you aspire to write in an honest plain style, what are its central components? Let’s give Kenner the floor:

Plain style is a populist style. … Homely diction (common language) is its hallmark, also one-two-three syntax (subject, verb, object), the show of candor and the artifice of seeming to be grounded outside language in what is called fact — the domain where a condemned man can be observed as he silently avoids a puddle and your prose will report the observation and no one will doubt it.

Kenner alludes here to Orwell’s essay in which he observes a hanging and watched the oddity of the condemned man not wanting to get his feet wet as he prepares to climb the steps to the gallows. “Such prose simulates the words anyone who was there and awake might later have spoken spontaneously. On a written page, as we’ve seen, the spontaneous can only be a contrivance.”

The plain style feigns a candid observer. Such is its great advantage for persuading. From behind its mask of calm candor, the writer with political intentions can appeal, in seeming disinterest, to people whose pride is their no-nonsense connoisseurship of fact. And such is the trickiness of language that he may find he must deceive them to enlighten them. Whether Orwell ever witnessed a hanging or not, we’re in no doubt what he means us to think of the custom.

Orwell has been a literary hero of mine from the time I read “Animal Farm” as a child. I jumped from his overt fiction, such as “1984,” to his essays on politics and language, paying only occasional attention to his nonfiction books and narrative essays. I always assumed that Orwell shot an elephant and that he witnessed a hanging, because, well, I wanted to believe it, and assumed a social contract between writer and reader, that if a writer of nonfiction writes a scene where two brothers are arguing in a restaurant, then it was not two sisters laughing in a discotheque.

As to whether Orwell wrote from experience in these cases, I can’t be sure, but he always admitted that he wrote from a political motive, through which he might justify what is sometimes called poetic license.

Writing to reach a “higher truth,” of course, is part of a literary and religious tradition that goes back centuries. When Christian authors of an earlier age wrote the life and death stories of the saints — hagiography — they cared less about the literal truth of the story than a kind of allegorical truth: That the martyrdom of St. Agnes of Rome was an echo of the suffering of Jesus on the cross, and, therefore, a pathway to eternal life.

I write this as a lifelong Catholic without disrespect or irony. Such writing was a form of propaganda and is where we get the word: a propagation of the faith.

Orwell’s faith was in democratic institutions, threatened in the 20th century by tyrannies of the right and the left — fascism and communism. Seeing British imperialism as a corruption, he felt a moral obligation to tell stories in which that system looked bad, including one where, as a member of the imperial police in Burma, he found himself having to kill an elephant, an act he came to regret. Using the plain style, Orwell makes his essay so real that I believe it. In my professional life, I have argued against this idea of the “higher truth,” which does not respect fact, knowing how slippery that fact can be. But Orwell knew whether he shot that elephant or not, so there is no equivocating.

By the onset of the digital age, a writer’s fabrications — even those made with good intent — are often easily exposed, leading to a loss of authority and credibility that can injure a worthy cause. With Holocaust deniers abounding, why would you fabricate a story about the Holocaust when there are still so many factual stories to tell?

There is a powerful lesson here for all public writers: That if I can imagine a powerful plot and compelling characters, I do not have to fabricate a story and sell it as nonfiction. I can write it as a novel and sell it as a screenplay! I have yet to hear an argument that “Sophie’s Choice” is unworthy because it was imagined rather than reported.

I am saying that all forms of writing and communication fall potentially under the rubric of public writing. That includes, fiction, poetry, film, even the music lyrics, labeled as such: “Tell it like it is,” says the song, “Don’t be afraid. Let your conscience be your guide.”

In the end, we need reports we can trust, and even in the age of disinformation and fake news, those are best delivered in the plain style — with honesty as its backbone. Writing in the plain style is a strategy; civic clarity and credibility are the effects.

Here are the lessons:

• When you are writing reports, when you want your audience to comprehend, write in the plain style — a kind of middle ground between an ornate high style and a low style that gravitates toward slang
• The plain style requires exacting work. Plain does not mean simple. Prefer the straightforward over the technical: shorter words, sentences, paragraphs at the points of greatest complexity.
• Keep subjects and verbs in the main clause together. Put the main clause first.
• More common words work better.
• Easy on the literary effects; use only the most transparent metaphors, nothing that stops the reader and calls attention to itself.
• Remember 1-2-3 syntax, subject/verb/object: “Public writers prefer the plain style.”

Want to read more about public writing? Check out Roy Peter Clark’s latest book, “ Tell It Like It Is: A Guide to Clear and Honest Writing ,” available April 11 from Little, Brown.

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What this handout is about

This handout will help you create an effective speech by establishing the purpose of your speech and making it easily understandable. It will also help you to analyze your audience and keep the audience interested.

What’s different about a speech?

Writing for public speaking isn’t so different from other types of writing. You want to engage your audience’s attention, convey your ideas in a logical manner and use reliable evidence to support your point. But the conditions for public speaking favor some writing qualities over others. When you write a speech, your audience is made up of listeners. They have only one chance to comprehend the information as you read it, so your speech must be well-organized and easily understood. In addition, the content of the speech and your delivery must fit the audience.

What’s your purpose?

People have gathered to hear you speak on a specific issue, and they expect to get something out of it immediately. And you, the speaker, hope to have an immediate effect on your audience. The purpose of your speech is to get the response you want. Most speeches invite audiences to react in one of three ways: feeling, thinking, or acting. For example, eulogies encourage emotional response from the audience; college lectures stimulate listeners to think about a topic from a different perspective; protest speeches in the Pit recommend actions the audience can take.

As you establish your purpose, ask yourself these questions:

• What do you want the audience to learn or do?
• If you are making an argument, why do you want them to agree with you?
• If they already agree with you, why are you giving the speech?
• How can your audience benefit from what you have to say?

Audience analysis

If your purpose is to get a certain response from your audience, you must consider who they are (or who you’re pretending they are). If you can identify ways to connect with your listeners, you can make your speech interesting and useful.

As you think of ways to appeal to your audience, ask yourself:

• What do they have in common? Age? Interests? Ethnicity? Gender?
• Do they know as much about your topic as you, or will you be introducing them to new ideas?
• Why are these people listening to you? What are they looking for?
• What level of detail will be effective for them?
• What tone will be most effective in conveying your message?
• What might offend or alienate them?

For more help, see our handout on audience .

Creating an effective introduction

Get their attention, otherwise known as “the hook”.

Think about how you can relate to these listeners and get them to relate to you or your topic. Appealing to your audience on a personal level captures their attention and concern, increasing the chances of a successful speech. Speakers often begin with anecdotes to hook their audience’s attention. Other methods include presenting shocking statistics, asking direct questions of the audience, or enlisting audience participation.

Establish context and/or motive

Explain why your topic is important. Consider your purpose and how you came to speak to this audience. You may also want to connect the material to related or larger issues as well, especially those that may be important to your audience.

Get to the point

Tell your listeners your thesis right away and explain how you will support it. Don’t spend as much time developing your introductory paragraph and leading up to the thesis statement as you would in a research paper for a course. Moving from the intro into the body of the speech quickly will help keep your audience interested. You may be tempted to create suspense by keeping the audience guessing about your thesis until the end, then springing the implications of your discussion on them. But if you do so, they will most likely become bored or confused.

For more help, see our handout on introductions .

Making your speech easy to understand

Repeat crucial points and buzzwords.

Especially in longer speeches, it’s a good idea to keep reminding your audience of the main points you’ve made. For example, you could link an earlier main point or key term as you transition into or wrap up a new point. You could also address the relationship between earlier points and new points through discussion within a body paragraph. Using buzzwords or key terms throughout your paper is also a good idea. If your thesis says you’re going to expose unethical behavior of medical insurance companies, make sure the use of “ethics” recurs instead of switching to “immoral” or simply “wrong.” Repetition of key terms makes it easier for your audience to take in and connect information.

Incorporate previews and summaries into the speech

For example:

“I’m here today to talk to you about three issues that threaten our educational system: First, … Second, … Third,”

“I’ve talked to you today about such and such.”

These kinds of verbal cues permit the people in the audience to put together the pieces of your speech without thinking too hard, so they can spend more time paying attention to its content.

Use especially strong transitions

This will help your listeners see how new information relates to what they’ve heard so far. If you set up a counterargument in one paragraph so you can demolish it in the next, begin the demolition by saying something like,

“But this argument makes no sense when you consider that . . . .”

If you’re providing additional information to support your main point, you could say,

“Another fact that supports my main point is . . . .”

Helping your audience listen

Rely on shorter, simpler sentence structures.

Don’t get too complicated when you’re asking an audience to remember everything you say. Avoid using too many subordinate clauses, and place subjects and verbs close together.

Too complicated:

The product, which was invented in 1908 by Orville Z. McGillicuddy in Des Moines, Iowa, and which was on store shelves approximately one year later, still sells well.

Easier to understand:

Orville Z. McGillicuddy invented the product in 1908 and introduced it into stores shortly afterward. Almost a century later, the product still sells well.

Limit pronoun use

Listeners may have a hard time remembering or figuring out what “it,” “they,” or “this” refers to. Be specific by using a key noun instead of unclear pronouns.

Pronoun problem:

The U.S. government has failed to protect us from the scourge of so-called reality television, which exploits sex, violence, and petty conflict, and calls it human nature. This cannot continue.

Why the last sentence is unclear: “This” what? The government’s failure? Reality TV? Human nature?

More specific:

The U.S. government has failed to protect us from the scourge of so-called reality television, which exploits sex, violence, and petty conflict, and calls it human nature. This failure cannot continue.

Keeping audience interest

Incorporate the rhetorical strategies of ethos, pathos, and logos.

When arguing a point, using ethos, pathos, and logos can help convince your audience to believe you and make your argument stronger. Ethos refers to an appeal to your audience by establishing your authenticity and trustworthiness as a speaker. If you employ pathos, you appeal to your audience’s emotions. Using logos includes the support of hard facts, statistics, and logical argumentation. The most effective speeches usually present a combination these rhetorical strategies.

Use statistics and quotations sparingly

Include only the most striking factual material to support your perspective, things that would likely stick in the listeners’ minds long after you’ve finished speaking. Otherwise, you run the risk of overwhelming your listeners with too much information.

Watch your tone

Be careful not to talk over the heads of your audience. On the other hand, don’t be condescending either. And as for grabbing their attention, yelling, cursing, using inappropriate humor, or brandishing a potentially offensive prop (say, autopsy photos) will only make the audience tune you out.

Creating an effective conclusion

Restate your main points, but don’t repeat them.

“I asked earlier why we should care about the rain forest. Now I hope it’s clear that . . .” “Remember how Mrs. Smith couldn’t afford her prescriptions? Under our plan, . . .”

Call to action

Speeches often close with an appeal to the audience to take action based on their new knowledge or understanding. If you do this, be sure the action you recommend is specific and realistic. For example, although your audience may not be able to affect foreign policy directly, they can vote or work for candidates whose foreign policy views they support. Relating the purpose of your speech to their lives not only creates a connection with your audience, but also reiterates the importance of your topic to them in particular or “the bigger picture.”

Practicing for effective presentation

Once you’ve completed a draft, read your speech to a friend or in front of a mirror. When you’ve finished reading, ask the following questions:

• Which pieces of information are clearest?
• Where did I connect with the audience?
• Where might listeners lose the thread of my argument or description?
• Where might listeners become bored?
• Where did I have trouble speaking clearly and/or emphatically?
• Did I stay within my time limit?

Other resources

• Toastmasters International is a nonprofit group that provides communication and leadership training.
• Allyn & Bacon Publishing’s Essence of Public Speaking Series is an extensive treatment of speech writing and delivery, including books on using humor, motivating your audience, word choice and presentation.

Works consulted

We consulted these works while writing this handout. This is not a comprehensive list of resources on the handout’s topic, and we encourage you to do your own research to find additional publications. Please do not use this list as a model for the format of your own reference list, as it may not match the citation style you are using. For guidance on formatting citations, please see the UNC Libraries citation tutorial . We revise these tips periodically and welcome feedback.

Boone, Louis E., David L. Kurtz, and Judy R. Block. 1997. Contemporary Business Communication . Upper Saddle River, NJ: Prentice Hall.

Ehrlich, Henry. 1994. Writing Effective Speeches . New York: Marlowe.

Lamb, Sandra E. 1998. How to Write It: A Complete Guide to Everything You’ll Ever Write . Berkeley: Ten Speed Press.

You may reproduce it for non-commercial use if you use the entire handout and attribute the source: The Writing Center, University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill

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How to foster communication that is honest, clear and direct.

• Pay attention to your communication for a few days, and listen for hedging with understatement, misdirection, or apology. If you hear these behaviors, you might be too soft. If you hear accusations, forceful tone or language, or lots of “you” messages, you might be too tough. To find and maintain that middle ground that is honest, direct, and clear (but short on aggression) consider the following before you speak.
• Consider your intent. What is the purpose of this communication? Is it small talk with peers? Is it corrective in nature? Is it brainstorming? What do you want to get out of this communication? A disciplined but intimidated direct report? Or better understanding and cooperation within your team? Setting your intention ahead of the conversion is a powerful tool for driving your communication behavior.
• Master your timing. If your direct report comes in late, or makes a mistake, you might be tempted to address it immediately. But should you? Who else—customers or coworkers—will overhear your criticism? Better wait for a private moment. Also, what about your emotions? If you are frustrated, that will impair your ability to speak in a fair, impartial way. However, if you tend to be “too nice” or postpone uncomfortable conversations, you might want to make a rule for yourself to deal with issues within the same business day.
• Weigh your words. Words like “always” and “never” beg to be argued with. Critical words like “careless” or “incompetent” will raise defensiveness. Consider searching for wording that is truthful yet neutral. And if you tend to be too nice and indirect, consider—and rehearse if needed—direct words such as, “this report needs to be corrected today.”
• Be aware of your body language. Watch for incongruent body language. If you are a person who smiles all the time, people may find it hard to take you seriously. Conversely, if your face or body language often looks angry or disapproving, your words may be taken as more negative than you mean them to. Strive for a neutral tone, face and body language.
• Tune into listening skills. If you want to build communication rather than just bark out orders, it would be helpful to hone and employ your best listening skills. Ask open-ended questions to hear the other person’s point of view. Listen to what they have to say, how they say it, and what they don’t say.
• Maintain consistency. If you want your communication brand to be “honest and direct,” you will need to continually think before you speak, choose direct words, and tell the truth. Doing these things now and then won’t build your brand, but may just confuse those you deal with, since they don’t know from day to day what to expect from you.

Gail Zack Anderson

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LEADERSHIP RULE #5: USE OPEN, HONEST, AND DIRECT COMMUNICATION

Say what you think and feel to the people you believe will benefit from your message. For example, I once tried to tell a younger colleague that our clients were responding negatively to his hairstyle, which was a long mullet with an even longer braided rattail. In the beginning I was so worried about hurting his feelings that I shared some vague feedback with him about impressions that left him confused and not knowing what I was trying to tell him. My message left him with the feeling that he needed to improve something about himself. But he didn’t know what it was! Practice being open: be clear, as opposed to sending hidden messages. If a person walks away from a conversation with you and asks, “What was he trying to tell me?” the whole conversation was a waste of time. Practice being honest: truthfully share your thoughts, ideas, and feelings. Although stretching the truth or telling a little white lie may be convenient, keeping track of untruths can be most distracting and cause leaders to lose focus. Practice being direct: share your message with the person it is intended for as opposed to telling someone you hope will pass it along. What’s the point of telling everyone else what you really need to tell a particular individual? It’s inefficient, and you run the risk of your message being transmitted incorrectly. As a leader, it’s your job to be a role model for impeccable communication, and others will be influenced to do the same.

Seven leadership rules that help organizations rise to new peaks of performance are featured in my latest book, Energized Enterprise .

Marta Wilson

DR. MARTA WILSON is the founder of The LEAP Enterprise, best-selling author, creator of the LEAP app, an industrial-organizational psychologist, and the CEO of Transformation Systems, Inc. (TSI). Marta has dedicated her career to leadership consultancy while serving as board member, author, catalyst, coach, mentor, researcher, speaker, trainer, volunteer, and fundraiser. With a passion to share proven strategies that drive client results, Marta has authored several business books including LEAP, Energized Enterprise, Everybody’s Business, Leaders in Motion and the Transformation Desktop Guide. Specializing in leadership effectiveness, Marta holds a Ph.D. and M.S. in industrial and organizational psychology from Virginia Tech and a B.A. in academic psychology from the University of Tennessee.

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1.7: Giving and Receiving Feedback- It is Harder Than You Think

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• Your colleague asks you to listen to them practice their speech practice and give them feedback.
• Your teacher asks you to give feedback to another classmate about their speech.
• Your boss asks, “What did you think about my speech?”

In each case, the person is looking to you to provide feedback. In this chapter, I will talk about how to assess the feedback situation, how to offer constructive criticism, and how to graciously receive criticism. Let’s start with how to ask for feedback and listen graciously.

Beta Testing with Friends

One useful way to test out your speech is with friends or trusted colleagues. In the world of fan fiction, writers send out a manuscript for beta testing. The idea is that a group of people with eyes on a text can provide helpful suggestions. Seek out those individuals in your life who will be beta testers for you. It is especially important for you to identify the purpose of your speech and what potential problems to look for. For example, are you wanting someone to proof your outline for formatting mistakes or are you wanting someone to tell you if your speech will work for the audience you have? You should seek out friends who will build you up, but you should also seek out those who will give you honest feedback.

Receiving Feedback

When you ask for feedback from others, receive their feedback as a gift. Someone is taking their time and giving it to you; someone is putting themselves out there and saying things that might cause discomfort, but they are doing it for you. Individuals vary on how they receive feedback and how comfortable they are with being evaluated. It can be hard, I know. Growth can be hard.

When receiving feedback, try doing the following:

• Sit in a non-defensive posture. It is tempting to cross your arms and to tense up all your muscles when receiving oral feedback. Keep your body open and loose. Staying open helps them to feel like you really want their suggestions and closed arms can equal a closed mind — keep an open body.
• Do not take feedback as a personal insult.
• If the feedback is verbal, write down the suggestions (even if you disagree with the suggestions). Respect the other person’s opinions by writing them down. It makes them feel like they have been heard and you appreciate the feedback they are giving. (Writing the feedback down also helps you to not cross your arms defensively–see suggestion one– and it helps you remember the suggestions.
• Do not take it as a personal insult. (I mean it).
• Avoid the temptation to defend yourself. “I did it this way because…” or, “I thought it would be best to…” You already know why you did things the way you did. Interrupting them to tell them the reasons you did what you did comes off as defensive and reduces the likelihood they will give you all the feedback they have to offer. You already know what you were thinking and by telling them you haven’t advanced your situation. Use this time to learn what they are thinking.
• Do not take it as a personal insult. (Really, this is so important).
• Breathe. Most people feel stress when someone is giving them constructive criticism, breathe and relax so you can really listen.
• Do not take it personally. Do not take it personally. Do not take it personally. I said it three times so it will stick. Since it is about your performance or your speech writing, it is hard not to feel criticism of your speech as a criticism of your person. Try to take criticism instead as someone caring enough about you to push you to grow.

Don’t be a Lynn. Yeah, that’s me, I’m the Lynn that you are not supposed to be. I remember being in high school debate my sophomore year and getting a grade from my teacher on my speech performance. She wrote, “slow down.” I can remember being so mad because this was proof that the “evil witch” hated me. It didn’t matter that I earned an A on that speech and that there were many positive things mentioned. It didn’t matter that she picked me to go to the best competitions. No, I was convinced that those two words meant she hated me. Now, I know to take advice as proof that someone cares and not as a criticism. It took me only twenty-plus years to get there. Don’t be a Lynn.

After Every Speech, Do a Self-Evaluation

Allison Shapira of Global Speaking suggests you do a self-evaluation after each speech:

• What did I do well?
• What didn’t I do so well?
• What am I going to do differently next time?

Write these down and keep this on file for the next time you give a speech.

(As a teacher, I do this every time I get student evaluations. I have a file of helpful suggestions from students. Yes, I even keep the critiques. I review the file every semester before I reteach the class. I think it makes me a better teacher. )

Constructive Criticism

There will be times when others look to you to read over their speech or listen to them practice and then give them constructive criticism. Constructive criticism is made up of two words: constructive–the building of something, and criticism–the giving of a critique. So constructive criticism is critiquing with the intention of building something. When we give others constructive criticism, our goal should be to help build them to be better speakers.

Give Them Help

Reagel and Reagle came up with a creative way to remember the goal of feedback, it should HELP : Help the speaker improve Encourage another speech Lift self-esteem Provide useful recommendations

Give Them a Sandwich

One way to give constructive criticism is to use the sandwich method. Say something positive, give feedback about something they can work on to improve, and then say something positive. This way, the first and last words out of your mouth are positive.

Ask Questions

Ask honest questions that can help lead them to solutions or ask questions to soften the sound of negative feedback: “What did you mean by…” “Have you considered? ” “Have you thought about…?” “When you said… did you really mean?”

For example: “Have you considered the impact of showing such a gruesome photo on your slide?” “Have you considered starting with a quote? ” “Have you thought about whether the people in the back will be able to see your poster?” “Have you thought about using a microphone so everyone can hear you?”

Different People, Different Types of Feedback

It is no surprise that people give and receive feedback differently. One person might take a feedback statement and be grateful for the corrections while the next person might take it as a complete insult. People are unique and I want to talk about a few of the most common differences. My goal here is not to put people in boxes or types, but rather to help you be more empathetic as a giver and receiver of feedback.

High and Low Self Monitors

Psychology researcher Mark Snyder identified people as being either high self-monitors or low self-monitors. High self-monitors typically try to fit in and play the role according to the context. They are about image, and they are motivated to fit in with their peers. They like to know what is expected, so they can adapt to the situation. Giving them useful feedback may mean pointing out how they can make changes in their message to meet the audience’s expectations. When giving feedback to high self-monitors, focus the feedback on how they can elevate their credibility in the eyes of the audience.

On the other hand, low self-monitors tend to be motivated to act based on their inner beliefs and values. They are motivated to be true to their sense of self and to above all– be genuine. When giving low self-monitors feedback, encourage them to be the best speaker they can be while being true to themselves. Focus on giving them feedback in a way that encourages them to harness their unique talents.

While you may not know exactly whether they are high or low self-monitor, I bet you have some idea of what motivates them. The more you can tailor your feedback to them, the more likely it is they will hear what you are saying. If you are curious about your type, you can take the quiz. You can have the person giving you feedback take the quiz as well. This can be a helpful exercise to think about how you give and receive feedback.

Take the high and low self-monitor quiz to find out your type

Cultural Differences

When you know your sickness You’re halfway cured. French saying

In the book, The Culture Map, a Dutch businessman is quoted as saying. “It is all a lot of hogwash. All that positive feedback just strikes us in the face and not in the least bit motivating.” People from different cultural groups have different feedback norms. As our society grows increasingly diverse, it is important to learn not just how to give good feedback, but to give feedback that demonstrates an awareness of how different cultures give and receive feedback.

Erin Meyer does international training to help business professionals understand differences and similarities and how to bridge the gap:

Managers in different parts of the world are conditioned to give feedback in drastically different ways. The Chinese manager learns never to criticize a colleague openly or in front of others, while the Dutch managers learns always to be honest and to give the message straight. Americans are trained to wrap positive messages around negative ones, while the French are trained to criticize passionately and provide positive feedback sparingly. Having a clear understanding of these differences and strategies for navigating them is crucial for leaders of cross-cultural teams. Erin Meyer, The Culture Map

Upgraders and Downgraders

Meyers identifies cultures as Upgraders and Downgraders. Upgraders use words or phrases to make negative feedback feel stronger. An upgrader might say, “this is absolutely inappropriate.” As you read this, see if you identify more as an upgrader or downgrader.

Upgraders say:

• Absolutely–“That was absolutely shameless.”
• Totally–“You totally missed the point.”
• Strongly–” I strongly suggest that you…”

By contrast, downgraders use words to soften the criticism. A downgrader might say, “We are not quite there yet” or “This is just my opinion, but…”

Downgraders say:

• “Kind of”
• “Sort of”
• “A little”
• “Maybe”
• “Slightly”
• “This is just my opinion.”

When giving and receiving feedback across cultures, it is helpful to be aware of these differences so you can “hear” what they are really saying. Take for example this statement as a Dutch person complains about how Americans give feedback.

The problem is that we cant’ tell when the feedback is supposed to register to us as excellent, ok, or really poor. For a Dutchman, the word “excellent” is saved for a rare occasion and “okay” is…well, neutral. But with the Americans, the grid is different. “Excellent” is used all the time, “Okay” seems to mean, “not okay.” “Good” is only a mild complement. And when the message was intended to be bad, you can pretty much assume that, if an American is speaking and the listner is Dutch, the real meaning of the message will be lost all together. Erin Meyer, The Culture Map.

Nannette Ripmeester, Director of Expertise in Labour Mobility, illustrates these differences to her clients with a chart. This chart shows the differences between what the British say, what they mean, and what the Dutch understand. (This is a condensed version of her list.)

Chances are as you read this list, you identified yourself in some of the statements and identified someone you know who is in the other list. Hopefully, this made you think about how personal style can be as different as cultural style. The big idea here is when you are giving and receiving feedback, it can be helpful to try to identify their communication style and adjust accordingly.

Politeness Strategies

As you already know, whenever you critique someone’s work, there is a potential to hurt their feelings. There are many factors that influence whether the feedback is helpful or hurtful. In communication, we use the term “face” to mean the sense of self a person projects. People can “take face” by creating a situation where someone looks bad to others or people can “lose face” by doing something that diminishes them in the eyes of others. Optimally, we want people to feel like they “gain-face” and feel encouraged. The way that you give feedback as well as the person’s natural tendencies will influence how “face” is affected.

When giving feedback, you should think about how your feedback takes or gives face. You also need to consider what is at stake for the other person. Is this a small speech assignment or is it a career-defining presentation? In addition, critiquing someone privately vs critiquing someone in front of their boss will have different “face” outcomes.

How much you are willing to “take face” from someone may depend on the importance of the feedback. You will likely want to provide more suggestions for someone who is doing a career speech to get their dream job vs that same person doing a college speech worth minimal points. You will likely be more invested in helping a friend polish a speech to make it just right as opposed to someone you barely know.

Finally, the other thing influencing feedback is the power difference between people. You will likely give feedback differently to your little sister than you would to your boss. The status of the individuals and how important power is to them will impact how “face” is taken and given. For example, a high-power country like China would consider an open critique of a teacher, boss, or elder a huge insult, whereas someone from a low-power country, would be less offended. In any situation, you will be negotiating power, context, and the need to save face.

Taking all these factors into account, Brown and Levinson created Politeness Theory as a way to explain the different ways we give feedback to save face.

Bald on Record: This type of feedback is very direct without concern for the person’s esteem face. This type of feedback is usually given if there is a small fix the speaker would feel strongly about.

Examples of bald on record feedback:

• “Be sure you bold the headings.”
• “Alphabetize the references.”

Positive Politeness: In this type of feedback, you would build up the face or esteem of the other person. You would make them feel good before you make any suggestions. (It looks a lot like the sandwich method, hunh?)

Examples of positive politeness feedback:

• “You are so organized; this one little fix and it will be perfect.”
• “I love the story you told, a few more details would really help me see the character.”

Negative Politeness: The name of this type of feedback is a little misleading. It doesn’t mean you are negative. It means you acknowledge that getting feedback may make them feel negative. You would say things that acknowledge their discomfort. You might minimize the criticism so it doesn’t make them feel bad or find other ways to soften the blow of criticism.

Examples of negative politeness feedback:

• “I know this critique might sound rough and I hope it helps, but I think you really need to work on the middle section.”
• “This is just me making suggestions, but I would be able to understand more if your slide has a heading.”
• I’m not an expert on this, but I think you might need to have a stronger thesis.”
• “I see what you are trying to do here, but I think some of your audience members might not get it.”

Off Record: When you give feedback that is off the record, you are hinting vaguely that they should make a change.

Examples of off the record feedback.

• “How many sources are we supposed to have?” (Instead of saying, “You need to have more research”)
• “I thought we were supposed to have slides with our speech, maybe I heard that wrong.”
• “Are other people in the class dressing up?”

Avoidance: Some people are afraid of giving feedback so they will avoid the situation altogether.

Avoid the three C’s

Perform the three r’s.

From Westside Toastmasters

Giving Feedback During a Speech

When you are listening to someone speak, you are giving constant nonverbal feedback. Are you leaning forward listening intently or are you leaned back picking at your fingernails? The way you listen lets the speaker know that you value them and what they are saying. It can be reassuring to the speaker to have people who are in the audience smiling and nodding.

Try this little experiment: If you have a speaker who is average or boring, lean in and listen intently. Don’t be insincere and cheesy, but rather try to be an earnest listener. You will find that when the speaker notices you paying attention, they will usually become less monotone and more engaging. The speaker affects the audience, and the audience affects the speaker.

Asking for Feedback During Your Speech

“It is not OK to say OK at the end of every sentence!” That is what my friend told me after one of my speeches. I wasn’t even aware I was saying “OK.” I asked my friend to raise a finger every time I said, “OK” in my speech. At first, it was distracting because he kept raising his fingers, but eventually, I figured out the way to get him to stop was to stop saying “OK.” Sometimes, it helps to get feedback after a speech, and sometimes it helps to get it during the speech. Having a friend put their hand to their ear to tell you to speak up can be really helpful. I once stood at the back of the room and tried to signal to my husband as he was speaking with the fly of his pants unzipped. I kept making the zipper gesture. He saw me gesturing and he could tell I wanted something, but he couldn’t understand what. He finally stopped lecturing and said, “Lynn, what do you want?” What was I to do? What would you do? I said, “Zip your pants.” Friends don’t let friends give an entire speech with their pants unzipped.

Do yourself a favor and appoint someone to be your speech buddy. Someone who will tell you if your pants are unzipped (preferably before you start) and will give you the signal to speak louder or to check your microphone. If you know that you tend to pace, lean on the podium, or say um’s, have them give you the signal.

Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak. Courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen. Winston Churchill Former Prime Ministre of the United Kingdom

Assess the Situation

“How do I look?” I asked my husband before we go out on a date. “What do you think of my new dress?” Many of you know that this question can be a trap. Am I really wanting his opinion or am I wanting him to compliment me? A savvy partner will assess the situation and answer accordingly. The thought process might go , “She already bought the dress, she is excited about trying out a new restaurant and has been talking about it all week. She has been getting ready for a long time– the right answer is clearly one that makes her feel good. She is not really wanting my advice, she is fishing for a compliment.”

Take this story to heart when thinking about giving speech feedback. Your boss spent three weeks preparing for this big speech with the clients. He told you he has not slept in two days because he wanted everything to be perfect. After the presentation, he asks you, “What did you think?” A savvy co-worker will read the situation and pick out the positive parts. There may be constructive criticism that needs to happen, but when the boss is in the moment of high adrenaline after laying it all on the line, you should read the situation and hold any negative feedback for another time.

“My honesty is not a gift that everyone wants,” this phrase was from one of my students who was writing a reflective essay about navigating being honest and being appropriate. Be savvy and read the situation to know when to give feedback and when to be quiet. You should also read the person. The more you adjust your feedback to the person’s personal style and to the situation, the more likely they are to use that feedback to improve.

Key Takeaways

Remember This!

• Be open to the feedback of others, it can help you improve as a speaker.
• When giving feedback to others consider the context, their needs, the impact on their esteem, and their culture.
• Use the feedback sandwich as a model for giving constructive criticism.

Please share your feedback, suggestions, corrections, and ideas

I want to hear from you.

Do you have an activity to include? Did you notice a typo that I should correct? Are you planning to use this as a resource and do you want me to know about it? Do you want to tell me something that really helped you?

Click here to share your feedback.

Bonus Features

Advice to teachers (and leaders).

Research suggests the following regarding giving students feedback on their speeches:

• Discuss the purpose of feedback.
• Discuss ways to view criticism.
• Give smaller, low-stakes opportunities to receive speech feedback.
• Give negative feedback privately.
• Allow feedback to come from multiple sources: In a speech class, have other students offer speech feedback.
• Phrase it as skill-building rather than deficiency. Instead of “poor eye contact” say “increasing eye contact will build a connection with your audience.”
• Give as many positive comments as possible.
• Develop a warm, positive relationship with your students so they sense goodwill when they receive feedback from you.

King, P. E., & Young, M. J. (2002). An information processing perspective on the efficacy of instructional feedback. American Communication Journal, 5 http://ac-journal.org/journal/vol5/iss2/articles/feedback.htm

Identify the Politeness Strategy

I asked numerous professionals to Beta Test (review) this book. The feedback I received had great examples of the politeness strategies mentioned in this chapter. For me, the review process was the living version of this chapter. I felt exposed and vulnerable (and still feel exposed letting you see these comments). Because I was open to criticism, I was able to correct my mistakes, become a better writer, and give you a book that represented the profession and not just my opinions.

Read these and see if you can figure out which politeness strategy is at work.

As a speaker, it will not be easy to be open to criticism, but doing so will allow you to grow. As an act of reflection, ask yourself, which feedback below would be the most palatable to you–the direct, the apologetic, the explanatory.

• Is there an extra space in that highlighted area?
• This sentence reads funny to me. Seems like you are taking away from your powerful point if you end with the phrase “a little.” Sorry, just saying.
• I am an over-user of the word “that”. If you can eliminate it and the sentence still makes sense, I would go ahead and cut it.
• I was curious about your choice to provide transcripts for some videos but not for others.
• I realize you are totally confident with saying NEVER. I say NEVER and ALWAYS in class, but I am not sure I should. Maybe “Instead of” can sub for NEVER.
• Review bulleted lists for punctuation consistency: Some lines have periods in the end; some don’t.
• “It is no surprise then, that when researchers looked at 500 Ted talks.” I suggest the style “TED Talks,” as that’s how the TED org itself expresses its name, and TED was originally an acronym for Technology, Entertainment, and Design.
• The content was spot on and have no critical-minded commentary. My comments and sharings would be just on formatting. Because I’m a Monica… (maybe you’re a Friends gal, too?)
• There is a noticeable lack of diversity in the speakers featured. Almost all the examples are of speakers who are white and most of those are men. This is a big problem. It makes white, male, English-first speakers the norm rather than an example of many. This would make me wary of using this text in my classes because typically this demographic of white, male, English-first speakers only represents a bare plurality of my students.

Brown, P., & Levinson, S. (1978). Universals in Language Usage: Politeness Phenomena. In E. Goody (Ed.), Questions and Politeness: Strategies in Social Interaction (pp. 56-310). Cambridge University Press.

Churchhill Central: Life and words of Sir Winston Churchill. https://www.churchillcentral.com/

Gonzales, M. (2017). How to get feedback on speeches. Global Public Speaking. https://www.globalpublicspeaking.com/get-feedback-speeches/

King, P. E., Young, M. J., & Behnke, R. R. (2000). Public speaking performance improvement as a function of information processing in immediate and delayed feedback interventions. Communication Education, 49, 365–374. https://doi.org/10.1080/03634520009379224

Mehra, A., Kilduff, M. & Brass, D.J. (2001). The social networks of high and low self-monitors Implications for workplace performance. Administrative Science Quarterly, 46 (1), 121-146. https://doi.org/10.2307/2667127

Meyer, E. (2014). The culture map: Breaking through the invisible boundaries of global business. Public Affairs. https://erinmeyer.com/books/the-culture-map/

Meyer, E. (2014). How to say “This is Crap” in different cultures. Harvard Business Review. https://hbr.org/2014/02/how-to-say-this-is-crap-in-different-cultures

Reagle, J.M. & Reagle, J.M. (2015). Reading the comments: Likers, haters, and manipulators at the bottom of the web . MIT Press. https://readingthecomments.mitpress.mit.edu/

Ripmeester, N. Rottier, B., & Bush, A. (2010). Separated by a common translation? How the Brits and the Dutch communicate. Pediatric Pulmonology. 46( 4). 409-411. https://doi.org/10.1002/ppul.21380

Ripmeester, N. (2015). We all speak English, don’t we? https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/we-all-speak-english-dont-nannette-ripmeester/

Smith, C.D. & King, P.E. (2007). Student feedback sensitivity and the efficacy of feedback interventions in public speaking performance improvement. Communication Education 53 (3). https://doi.org/10.1080/0363452042000265152

Snyder, M. (1974). Self-monitoring of expressive behavior. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. 30 (4), 526-537. http://www.communicationcache.com/uploads/1/0/8/8/10887248/self-monitoring_of_expressive_behavior.pdf

Toastmasters International. (2017). Giving effective feedback. https://www.toastmasters.org/resources/giving-effective-feedback

Media Attributions

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• Diagram of the Sandwich Feeedback Technique is licensed under a CC0 (Creative Commons Zero) license
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6 tips for assertive communication

What is assertive communication?

Assertive communication is the ability to express positive and negative ideas and feelings in an open, honest and direct way. It recognises our rights whilst still respecting the rights of others.

It allows us to take responsibility for ourselves and our actions without judging or blaming other people. And it allows us to constructively confront and find a mutually satisfying solution where conflict exists.

So why use assertive communication?

All of us use assertive behaviour at times... quite often when we feel vulnerable or unsure of ourselves we may resort to submissive, manipulative or aggressive behaviour. Yet being trained in assertive communication actually increases the appropriate use of this sort of behaviour. It enables us to swap old behaviour patterns for a more positive approach to life. I've found that changing my response to others (be they work colleagues, clients or even my own family) can be exciting and stimulating.

The advantages of assertive communication

There are many advantages of assertive communication, most notably these:

• It helps us feel good about ourselves and others
• It leads to the development of mutual respect with others
• It increases our self-esteem
• It helps us achieve our goals
• It minimises hurting and alienating other people
• It reduces anxiety
• It protects us from being taken advantage of by others * It enables us to make decisions and free choices in life
• It enables us to express, both verbally and non-verbally, a wide range of feelings and thoughts, both positive and negative

There are, of course, disadvantages...

Disadvantages of assertive communication

Others may not approve of this style of communication, or may not approve of the views you express. Also, having a healthy regard for another person's rights means that you won't always get what YOU want.

You may also find out that you were wrong about a viewpoint that you held. But most importantly, as mentioned earlier, it involves the risk that others may not understand and therefore not accept this style of communication.

What assertive communication is not...

Assertive communication is definately NOT a lifestyle!

It's NOT a guarantee that you will get what you want. It's definately NOT an acceptable style of communication with everyone, but at least it's NOT being aggressive.

But it IS about choice Four behavioural choices There are, as I see it, four choices you can make about which style of communication you can employ.

These types are: direct aggression: bossy, arrogant, bulldozing, intolerant, opinionated, and overbearing indirect aggression: sarcastic, deceiving, ambiguous, insinuating, manipulative, and guilt-inducing submissive: wailing, moaning, helpless, passive, indecisive, and apologetic assertive: direct, honest, accepting, responsible, and spontaneous Characteristics of assertive communication There are six main characteristics of assertive communication.

• eye contact: demonstrates interest, shows sincerity
• body posture: congruent body language will improve the significance of the message
• gestures: appropriate gestures help to add emphasis
• voice: a level, well modulated tone is more convincing and acceptable, and is not intimidating
• timing: use your judgement to maximise receptivity and impact
• content: how, where and when you choose to comment is probably more important than WHAT you say The importance of "I" statements Part of being assertive involves the ability to appropriately express your needs and feelings. You can accomplish this by using "I" statements. These indicate ownership, do not attribute blame, focuses on behaviour, identifies the effect of behaviour, is direcdt and honest, and contributes to the growth of your relationship with each other. Strong "I" statements have three specific elements:
• Tangible effect (consequence to you)
• Example: "I feel frustrated when you are late for meetings. I don't like having to repeat information." Six techniques for assertive communication

There are six assertive techniques - Let's look at each of them in turn:

• Behaviour Rehearsal: which is literally practising how you want to look and sound. It is a very useful technique when you first want to use "I" statements, as it helps dissipate any emotion associated with an experience and allows you to accurately identify the behaviour you wish to confront.
• Repeated Assertion (the 'broken record'): this technique allows you to feel comfortable by ignoring manipulative verbal side traps, argumentative baiting and irrelevant logic while sticking to your point. To most effectively use this technique use calm repetition, and say what you want and stay focused on the issue. You'll find that there is no need to rehearse this technique, and no need to 'hype yourself up' to deal with others. Example: "I would like to show you some of our products" "No thank you, I'm not interested" "I really have a great range to offer you" "That may be true, but I'm not interested at the moment" "Is there someone else here who would be interested?" "I don't want any of these products" "Okay, would you take this brochure and think about it?" "Yes, I will take a brochure" "Thank you" "You're welcome"
• Fogging: this technique allows you to receive criticism comfortably, without getting anxious or defensive, and without rewarding manipulative criticism. To do this you need to acknowledge the criticism, agree that there may be some truth to what they say, but remain the judge of your choice of action. An example of this could be, "I agree that there are probably times when I don't give you answers to your questions.
• Negative enquiry: this technique seeks out criticism about yourself in close relationships by prompting the expression of honest, negative feelings to improve communication. To use if effectively you need to listen for critical comments, clarify your understanding of those criticisms, use the information if it will be helpful or ignore the information if it is manipulative. An example of this technique would be, "So you think/believe that I am not interested?"
• Negative assertion: this technique lets you look more comfortably at negatives in your own behaviour or personality without feeling defensive or anxious, this also reduces your critics' hostility. You should accept your errors or faults, but not apologise. Instead, tentatively and sympathetically agree with hostile criticism of your negative qualities. An example would be, "Yes, you're right. I don't always listen closely to what you have to say."
• Workable compromise: when you feel that your self-respect is not in question, consider a workable compromise with the other person. You can always bargain for your material goals unless the compromise affects your personal feelings of self-respect. However, if the end goal involves a matter of your self-worth and self-respect, THERE CAN BE NO COMPROMISE. An example of this technique would be, "I understand that you have a need to talk and I need to finish what I'm doing. So what about meeting in half an hour?" Conclusion Assertiveness is a useful communication tool. It's application is contextual and it's not appropriate to be assertive in all situations.

Remember, your sudden use of assertiveness may be perceived as an act of aggression by others.

There's also no guarantee of success, even when you use assertive communication styles appropriately.

"Nothing on earth can stop the individual with the right mental attitude from achieving their goal; nothing on earth can help the individual with the wrong mental attitude"

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• NicoleDeRosa
• Jun 13, 2021

Formulation of an Assertive Statement + Assertive Communication

Assertiveness is communicating and expressing your thoughts, feelings, and opinions in a way that makes your views and needs clearly understood by others, without putting down their thoughts, feelings, or opinions. Assertive communication is the ability to express positive and negative ideas and feelings in an open, honest and direct way.

It recognises our rights while still respecting the rights of others. It allows us to take responsibility for ourselves and our actions without judging or blaming other people. And it allows us to constructively confront and find a mutually satisfying solution where conflict exists.

Why Use Assertive Communication?

All of us use assertive behaviour at times... quite often when we feel vulnerable or unsure of ourselves we may resort to submissive, manipulative or aggressive behaviour.

Yet being trained in assertive communication actually increases the appropriate use of this sort of behaviour. It enables us to swap old behaviour patterns for a more positive approach to life. I've found that changing my response to others (be they work colleagues, clients or even my own family) can be exciting and stimulating.

Advantages of Assertiveness Skills in Communication

There are many advantages of assertiveness skills in communication, most notably these:

Assertiveness helps us feel good about ourselves and others

Assertiveness leads to the development of mutual respect with others

Assertiveness increases our self-esteem

Assertiveness helps us achieve our goals

Assertiveness minimises hurting and alienating other people

Assertiveness reduces anxiety

Assertiveness protects us from being taken advantage of by others

Assertiveness enables us to make decisions and free choices in life

Assertiveness enables us to express a wide range of feelings and thoughts

There are, as I see it, four choices you can make about which style of communication you can employ:

1. Direct Aggression

Bossy, arrogant, bulldozing, intolerant, opinionated, and overbearing

2. Indirect Aggression

Sarcastic, deceiving, ambiguous, insinuating, manipulative, and guilt-inducing

3. Submissive

Wailing, moaning, helpless, passive, indecisive, and apologetic

4. Assertive

Direct, honest, accepting, responsible, and spontaneous

There are six main characteristics of assertiveness skills in communication:

1. Eye Contact

Demonstrates interest and shows sincerity.

2. Body Posture

Congruent body language will improve the significance of the message.

3. Gestures

Appropriate gestures help to add emphasis.

A level, modulated tone is more convincing and acceptable, and is not intimidating.

Use your judgement to maximise receptivity and impact.

How, where and when you choose to comment is probably more important than WHAT you say.

The Importance of "I" Statements

Part of being assertive involves the ability to appropriately express your needs and feelings.

You can accomplish this by using "I" statements .

These indicate ownership, do not attribute blame, focuses on behaviour, identifies the effect of behaviour, is direct and honest, and contributes to the growth of your relationship with each other.

Strong "I" Statements Have Three Specific Elements:

Tangible effect (consequence to you)

For Example :

"I feel frustrated when you are late for meetings. I don't like having to repeat information."

Six Techniques For Assertiveness in Communication

There are six assertiveness techniques - let's look at each of them in turn.

Behaviour Rehearsal

This is literally practising how you want to look and sound. It is a very useful technique when you first want to use "I" statements, as it helps dissipate any emotion associated with an experience and allows you to accurately identify the behaviour you wish to confront.

Repeated Assertion (the 'broken record')

This assertiveness technique allows you to feel comfortable by ignoring manipulative verbal side traps, argumentative baiting and irrelevant logic while sticking to your point. To most effectively use this assertiveness technique use calm repetition, and say what you want and stay focused on the issue. You'll find that there is no need to rehearse this technique, and no need to 'hype yourself up' to deal with others.

"I would like to show you some of our products" "No thank you, I'm not interested" "I really have a great range to offer you" "That may be true, but I'm not interested at the moment" "Is there someone else here who would be interested?" "I don't want any of these products" "Ok, would you take this brochure and think about it?" "Yes, I will take a brochure" "Thank you" "You're welcome"

This technique allows you to receive criticism comfortably, without getting anxious or defensive, and without rewarding manipulative criticism.To do this you need to acknowledge the criticism, agree that there may be some truth to what they say, but remain the judge of your choice of action.

An example of this could be:

"I agree that there are probably times when I don't give you answers to your questions.

Negative Enquiry

This assertiveness technique seeks out criticism about yourself in close relationships by prompting the expression of honest, negative feelings to improve communication. To use it effectively you need to listen for critical comments, clarify your understanding of those criticisms, use the information if it will be helpful or ignore the information if it is manipulative.

An example of this assertiveness technique would be:

"So you think/believe that I am not interested?"

Negative Assertion

This assertiveness technique lets you look more comfortably at negatives in your own behaviour or personality without feeling defensive or anxious, this also reduces your critics' hostility. You should accept your errors or faults, but not apologise. Instead, tentatively and sympathetically agree with hostile criticism of your negative qualities.

An example would be:

"Yes, you're right. I don't always listen closely to what you have to say."

Workable Compromise

When you feel that your self-respect is not in question, consider a workable compromise with the other person. You can always bargain for your material goals unless the compromise affects your personal feelings of self-respect. However, if the end goal involves a matter of your self-worth and self-respect, THERE CAN BE NO COMPROMISE.

"I understand that you have a need to talk and I need to finish what I'm doing. So what about meeting in half an hour?"

Assertive behaviour is a useful communication tool. Its application is contextual and it's not appropriate to be assertive in all situations. Remember, your sudden use of assertiveness may be perceived as an act of aggression by others.There's also no guarantee of success, even when you use assertive communication styles appropriately.

"Nothing on earth can stop the individual with the right mental attitude from achieving their goal; nothing on earth can help the individual with the wrong mental attitude" - W.W. Ziege

When you match consumer psychology with effective communication styles you get a powerful combination.

Source: Article contributed by Lee Hopkins

What is an example of assertive communication?

Here are a few examples of assertive communication:

"I completely understand what you’re saying but I have to disagree”

“I feel frustrated when you are late for meetings. I don't like having to repeat information."

“Could you explain the reasoning behind your decision, so I can try to understand what you’re doing”

“I want you to help me with this report”

“Can you suggest a time we can talk about the missed deadline. I’m concerned”

How To Be Assertive

Here are some useful guidelines to ensure your successful use of an assertive communication style:

Ask permission to have the conversation.

Do you have some time so I can talk to you about something that's been bothering me?

Reinforce relationship: Optional depending upon previous rapport.

I want us to have a good working relationship so that's why I wanted to discuss with you any potential conflict we might have and sort it out.

1) I Feel ____________________________________

(feeling word)

I feel upset when you ___________________________

2) Description of unwanted behavior

Interrupts me when I'm talking.

3) Description of wanted behavior

I rather we not interrupt each other so we both can best listen to what the other is saying.

4) Potential consequence (optional for when others aren't immediately cooperative)

If you can't refrain from interjecting, I won't talk to you at this time because there is just no point.

4 Types of Communication

Respects others rights and sticks up for self.

confident / leads by example / earns others respect / straight forward / honest / values self and others / problem solver / solution focused / looks for win-win outcomes / merit based / collaborative / open to others perspective / takes responsibility for own behavior / can ask for help / can respectfully disagree / stable but developing identity / able to dialogue / secure / shares / takes reasonable risks

Respects others and doesn't stick up for self

meek / weak / sad / dependent / victim / low self-esteem / seeks others to protect them or solve their problems / selfless / followers / adjusts themselves to meet others expectations / martyrs / internalizes negative statements about them / helpless / fearful / givers / indecisive / doesn't take responsibility / not a risk taker / feels inferior / blames self for everything

Violates other's rights and sticks up for self

boasts / arguers / tries to win at all costs / demeaning / abusive / respects power / coercion / punishment / blames / threatens / looking out for #1 / name calling / looks to attack another's character / listens only for information to support their claim and to discount others claim / values self over others / adversarial / exaggerates / uses "survival of fittest" to justify their transgressions / anger / offensive / demanding / blaming / authoritarian / takers / risk takers / feels superior / challenges all possible threats

Passive Aggressive

Violates others and doesn't stick up for self.

manipulators / cheaters / gossips / sabotage / cheaters / vandalism / backstabbers / sarcasm / easily perceived slights / instigators / resentful / paranoia / puppet masters / plausible / deniability / two faced / develops alliances against others / feels superior but that they don't get their due / strategic / avoidant of direct conflict / complainers / bitter / miserable / doesn't disclose true feelings

Assertive Communication

Tip: before responding, consider what your wants and needs might be in each situation. grab a piece of blank paper and write down what your assertive response would be to each of the situations below..

Your Partner: "I know you have plans for the weekend, but I really need you to watch the kids. I have a friend coming to town, and we made plans."

Assertive response:.

__________________________________________

Situation: You've just received your food at a restaurant, and it was prepared incorrectly. Your sandwich seems to have extra mayo, instead of no mayo.

Assertive statement:, _________________________.

Your Friend: "Hey, can I borrow some money? I want to buy these shoes, but I left my wallet at home. I'll pay you back soon, I swear. It won't be like last time."

_________________________________.

Situation: Your neighbor is adding an expansion to their house, and the crew starts working, very loudly at 5 A.M. It has woken you up every day for a week.

____________________________, source: therapistaid.com, why is assertive communication an effective strategy.

Not only does assertive communication help us express our views and achieve goals but do so without hurting or alienating others. It’s the key to developing mutual respect for each other.

What is the difference between assertive and aggressive communication?

Assertive communication is conveying your message in a direct but accepting and respectful way. Aggressive communication, on the other hand, is speaking in a disrespectful, arrogant, and bossy way.

How to develop assertive communication skills?

Practice, practice, practice! You need to work on your eye contact and body language, practice controlling your voice, and communicating in a direct but non-aggressive manner. You can also take an assertiveness course and further develop your skills.

What are the 3 C's of assertive communication?

Confidence : you are composed and believe in yourself and what you’re saying

Clarity : your message is clear and easy to understand

Control : You are in control of the situation and are monitoring what’s happening

Source: Impact Factory

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There was so much for me to learn from this blog post. I will be reading it again because I am not assertive enough. Thanks so much!!

I'm so happy this post resonated with you!!

Learning how to be assertive is a fine balance and just takes some fine tuning with the right words and delivery.

I've been wanting to write about it and have a guide on how to navigate situations and questions. It has helped me so much over the years to have the confidence to be respectful but assertive.

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English lessons and resources

Direct speech writing rules in English

7th January 2019 by Andrew 14 Comments

In the above picture, Mark is talking to Jane. The words inside the blue box are the exact words that he speaks.

Here is how we express this:

This is direct speech. Direct speech is when we report the exact words that somebody says.

In this English lesson, you will learn:

• The rules for writing direct speech.
• The correct punctuation.
• Vocabulary to report direct speech.

Reporting clause before the direct speech

The reporting clause of direct speech is the short clause that indicates who is talking. It is the clause that is outside of the inverted commas. It is therefore not the words being spoken.

We can write the reporting clause either before or after the direct speech. If the reporting clause is before the direct speech, we write it as follows:

Grammar rules – If the reporting clause is before the direct speech:

We write a comma (,) before the direct speech. We write the exact words inside the inverted commas. The first letter is a capital letter. We write a full stop (.) before the closing inverted commas.

Reporting clause before a question or exclamation

If the reporting clause is before a question or exclamation:

We write a comma (,) before the direct speech. We write the exact words inside the inverted commas. The first letter is a capital letter. We write a question mark (?) before the closing inverted commas. or We write an exclamation mark (!) before the closing inverted commas.

Reporting clause after the direct speech

If the reporting clause is after the direct speech:

We write the exact words inside the inverted commas. The first letter is a capital letter. We write a comma (,) before the closing inverted commas. We write a full stop (.) at the end of the reporting clause.

Reporting clause after a question or exclamation

If the reporting clause is after a question or exclamation:

We write the exact words inside the inverted commas. The first letter is a capital letter. We write a question mark (?) before the closing inverted commas. or We write an exclamation mark (!) before the closing inverted commas. We write a full stop (.) at the end of the reporting clause.

Advanced rules for direct speech

Sometimes we break up the direct speech into 2 parts:

The second part of the direct speech starts with a small letter if it is the same sentence as the first part of the direct speech.

The second part of the direct speech starts with a capital letter if it is a new sentence.

Vocabulary of direct speech

We have several names for the above punctuation marks:

Inverted commas Speech marks Quotation marks Quotes

Other reporting verbs

Here are some other useful reporting verbs:

reply (replied) ask (asked) shout (shouted) agree (agreed) comment (commented) admit (admitted)

They are often used for writing direct speech in books, newspapers and reports. It is more common to use them in reporting clauses after the direct speech.

“I really don’t like her dress,” she commented . “I don’t love you anymore,” he admitted .

Other English lessons

Private online English lessons How to pass the IELTS with a band 8 Adverbs of frequency Indefinite article “a” and “an” The prepositions FOR and SINCE All of our lessons

Direct speech video lesson

Reader Interactions

Matěj Formánek says

3rd November 2019 at 5:54 pm

How about this sentence: I know the satnav is wrong!” exclaimed Zena. – Why the subject and predicate are swapped? It’s sentence from textbook so I’m confused.

17th June 2020 at 4:07 pm

Can we write multiple sentences in direct speech that comes before reporting clause? In case if this is allowed, what punctuation mark should be used after the last sentence?

Example: “I entered the class room. As I did not find anybody there, I left the class room and went to buy a coffee.” explained the student to the teacher for his delay to come to the class.

Should the punctuation mark after the word coffee be comma instead of full stop?

Joaquim Barretto says

14th September 2020 at 1:25 pm

No full stop, but comma after the word coffee.

19th January 2021 at 2:34 pm

HI IM DAISY

courtney says

27th January 2021 at 12:07 pm

Clare Hatcher says

12th March 2021 at 9:55 am

Hello I like the layout of this – very clear. Just wondering if it is correct to use a comma in between two separate sentences in direct speech. I think that now in published material you find this instead. ‘I’m tired,’ she said. ‘Let’s stay at home.’ Would appreciate your thoughts Thanks

27th March 2021 at 8:54 am

If I wrote something with a comma at the end to continue speech like this:

“Hello,” he waved to the new student, “what’s you’re name?”

Do I have to use a capital letter even if I’m continuing with a comma or is it lowercase?

Sylvia Edouard says

30th September 2023 at 9:17 am

Yes, you need to use a capital letter as speech from someone has to start with a capital letter. Always.

15th April 2022 at 12:12 pm

which of the following is correct?

1. Should the status go missing when the metadata states, “Sign & return document?”

2. Should the status go missing when the metadata states, “Sign & return document,”? (comma inside)

3. Should the status go missing when the metadata states, “Sign & return document.”? (full stop inside)

Jan Švanda says

7th September 2023 at 1:31 pm

I presume the quotation is there to specify the exact phrase (for the metadata entry). I also encounter this from time to time, when writing technical documentation. I believe in that case you should write the phrase as it is, proper grammar be damned; beautifully looking documentation is useless if it leads to incorrect results.

In this case, I don’t even think this is “direct speech”, the metadata entry isn’t walking around and saying things, the quotation mark is there to indicate precise phrase – similar to marking strings in programming languages. Because of this, I don’t think direct speech rules apply, or at least, they should take back seat. If the expected status includes full stop at the end, the sentence would be:

4. Should the status go missing when the metadata states “Sign & return document.”? (no comma before, since it is not a direct speech; full stop inside, as it is part of the quoted status)

From grammatical perspective the end looks a bit ugly, but again, if this should be technical documentation, that is less important than precision.

A person says

15th August 2022 at 7:16 pm

One extra thing: YOU MUST NOT USE THE WORD SAID IN A REPORTING CLAUSE. EVER. IT’S UNIMAGINATIVE.

no joke, it’s actually discouraged and even close to banned at my school

7th September 2023 at 1:49 pm

This is stupid. You shouldn’t use it in _every_ sentence, there should be variety, but outright banning it doesn’t make sense.

Case in point:

Book: ‘Pride and Prejudice’. Phrase to search: ‘,” said’ (comma, followed by quotation mark, followed by space, followed by word ‘said’). Number of occurrences: 211. Total number of ‘,”‘ (comma, followed by quotation mark) strings is 436, so “said” is used in almost 50% cases of direct speech of this type.

I don’t think it would be right for your school to ban Jane Austin, do you?

blaire says

30th March 2024 at 5:36 pm

How do you use names in direct speech?

Is it: “I really don’t like her dress,” Ashley said. or “I really don’t like her dress,” said Ashley.

I’ve seen both and I’m so confused which one is correct, please help me.

Andrew says

3rd April 2024 at 11:31 am

Hello and thanks for your comment and question.

After the direct speech, both are correct.

Before the direct speech, only the first one is correct:

Ashley said, “I really don’t like her dress.” (correct) Said Ashley, “I really don’t like her dress.” (wrong)

I hope that helps you. Andrew https://www.youtube.com/@CrownAcademyEnglish/

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• Speech Topics For Kids
• Speech On Honesty

Speech on Honesty

Honesty is one of the greatest virtues of an individual. The trait of honesty inspires one to be truthful and sincere throughout life. Do you want to know more about the quality of being honest? Read the article and make an effort to craft an informational speech on honesty – one of the many fascinating speech topics for kids .

Table of Contents

Honesty is the best policy speech, two-minute speech on honesty, short speech on honesty, top quotes to use in a speech on honesty, frequently asked questions on honesty, sample speeches on honesty.

A couple of sample speeches are given below. Go through them and utilise the resource to prepare a short speech on honesty.

“Honesty is the best policy” is a famous proverb in English that encourages the quality of being honest in society. By being honest, a person fills peace and happiness in one’s life. The proverb advises us that being righteous is the best course of action in an individual’s life because the truth always triumphs over falsehood. Integrity, loyalty, and righteousness are some qualities that define the goodness of an individual. The proverb – “Honesty is the best policy” points to these characteristics.

The strength provided by the trait of honesty is indefinable. In the words of the American author Rick Riordan, “It takes strength and courage to admit the truth.” The modern-day world is filled with deceitful people and to turn against them is never an easy task. The universal energy provided by truth is the only strength to fight against a corrupt world. The trait of honesty encourages a person to spot and correct mistakes committed by their close ones. Undoubtedly, the attribute of honesty can be proclaimed as the best one.

An honest person is always straightforward in life and uses the support of sincerity and genuineness to encounter difficulties in life. Honesty reinforces the courage and confidence of a person. A person who is honest will never be scared of the consequences of the deeds they perform. As a result, they will enjoy a state of peace of mind. On the contrary, a dishonest person is scared of the revelation of truth and leads a stressful life.

The policy of being honest helps individuals to be happy in their lives. It strengthens the bond between people and favours the consistency of healthier relationships. It reflects a person’s strong character and enables the person to be recognised among people. In today’s world of corruption and falsehood, a person with the trait of honesty stands out in society. In the words of Thomas Jefferson, “Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom.” Let’s realise the true strength of honesty and mark our presence in the everlasting marathon for wisdom.

Honesty is always admired by people in society. It is one of the greatest human qualities. An honest person will choose the path of truth and be virtuous throughout life. The character of an honest person is free from deceptions and accompanies truthfulness and probity in life. An honest person will never misbehave or be involved in any bad activities. They follow high moral standards and ethics. The policy of honesty eliminates the thought of evil from a person’s mind.

An honest person shines in all phases of life. Honesty creates happiness in the minds of individuals. To be a successful person, the quality of honesty is very necessary. The choice of dishonesty paves the path to tragedies. Dishonesty will ruin your life by ruining your character. The first person you cheat by choosing dishonesty over honesty will be yourself.

Good values are first learned from home, friends, and teachers. One must exercise good manners, discipline, and righteous behaviour to practically exhibit the finest qualities of honesty in life. Remember that the sweets of honesty will garnish our lives with joy and gratitude. So always be honest in your life.

• “A half-truth is a whole lie.” – Yiddish Proverb
• “Honesty is the cornerstone of all success, without which confidence and ability to perform shall cease to exist.” – Mary Kay Ash.
• “Honesty is the fastest way to prevent a mistake from turning into a failure.” – James Altucher.
• “Honest people don’t hide their deeds.” – Emily Brontë, Wuthering Heights .
• “Every lie is two lies, the lie we tell others and the lie we tell ourselves to justify it.” – Robert Brault.
• “Integrity is telling myself the truth. And honesty is telling the truth to other people.” – Spencer Johnson.
• “Honesty is the best policy. If I lose mine honour, I lose myself.” – William Shakespeare.
• “Honesty is more than not lying. It is truth-telling, truth speaking, truth living, and truth loving.” – James E. Faust.
• “No legacy is so rich as honesty.” – William Shakespeare, All’s Well That Ends Well.
• “It takes strength and courage to admit the truth.” – Rick Riordan, The Red Pyramid .
• “When you tell a lie, you steal someone’s right to the truth.” – Khaled Hosseini, The Kite Runner.

Why is honesty important in life?

Honesty is one of the greatest virtues of an individual. The trait of honesty inspires one to be truthful and sincere throughout life. It reinforces the courage and confidence of a person. A person who is honest will never be scared of the consequences of the deeds performed in life. As a result, they will enjoy a state of peace of mind.

Why is honesty considered the best policy?

“Honesty is the best policy” is a famous proverb in English that encourages the quality of being honest in society. The proverb advises us that being righteous is the best course of action in an individual’s life because the truth always triumphs over falsehood. Integrity, loyalty, and righteousness are very important in the life of an individual. The proverb – “Honesty is the best policy” points to these characteristics.

List some quotes to use in a speech on honesty.

• Honesty is the cornerstone of all success, without which confidence and ability to perform shall cease to exist. – Mary Kay Ash.
• Honesty is the fastest way to prevent a mistake from turning into a failure. – James Altucher.
• Honesty is more than not lying. It is truth-telling, truth speaking, truth living, and truth loving. – James E Faust.

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