case study is it okay to cry at work

• INNOVATION FESTIVAL
• Capital One

05-30-2024 MINDFULNESS AT WORK

I cry at work—and am a better leader for it. Here’s why it’s OK to let the tears flow

This ad agency exec used to hate the waterworks but now embraces her emotions, which she says have strengthened her relations with employees and clients.

[Source Photo: Karolina Grabowska /Pexels]

BY  Amanda Shapiro 3 minute read

I’ve always been a crier—when I’m sad, when I’m happy, when I’m frustrated: tears. So, you can imagine my struggle as I entered corporate America. Waterworks and vulnerability aren’t exactly welcomed in the workforce. 

And yet as an advertising executive, first in New York, now in Los Angeles, working on some of the largest and well-known brands, there was no controlling my tears. I grew to hate this part of myself . . . until I became a manager myself. 

Suddenly, I’m the person others come to for a good cry—peers, high-powered friends, employees, and even clients. As it turns out, I’ve surrounded myself with quite a few criers. In fact, I know more people who have admitted to crying at work than not, and yet a study showed that 70% think tears can have a negative professional impact. 

In my experience, outwardly emotionally people are among the highest performers in their fields. Not because they’re overworked or overwhelmed, but because they can access a deeper level of intelligence that the job doesn’t necessarily require but it benefits from. 

Emotions make us better at the job

Crying is often misunderstood as a sign of weakness; however, research suggests the opposite. Unsurprisingly, individuals who cry more readily also score higher on measures of emotional intelligence, meaning they are better at understanding and managing their emotions, as well as those of others. This emotional acuity translates to effective leadership, the ability to navigate complex workplace dynamics, and stronger interpersonal relationships. 

On the flip side, watching someone else cry also has benefits. Because crying releases oxytocin , a hormone known to foster trust, empathy, and social bonding, just simply seeing someone cry can make us kinder, more understanding, and more willing to help. In the context of a team, an employee who’s comfortable expressing vulnerability might inadvertently create a more supportive, collaborative environment.

Crying is good for business

A virtuous cycle of tears may be just what our businesses need to thrive. Business is built on human capital and powered by indispensable relationships. It’s the fuel of collaboration and creativity that is in such high demand, for agencies and clients alike. It’s the most attuned employeest—the ones with the intellectual drive plus the emotional availability—who should be at the helm.

Consider some of the most well-known leaders who have been publicly vulnerable: Sheryl Sandberg, COO of Facebook, who shared her grief after the death of her husband, during a company town hall. Jacinda Ardern, former prime minister of New Zealand, who gave a tearful reflection of her time leading her country as she stepped down from office. Or more recently, the Kelce brothers, as Jason sobbed through his retirement announcement from the NFL, acknowledging Travis who watched on, also in tears, for his unwavering support and love.   

Their displays of vulnerability are a refreshing contrast to their titles, jobs, and gender. It’s the reason these stand out in our zeitgeist (that, and because they don’t happen as much as I’m advocating they should). 

While these were monumental moments that clearly warranted an emotional response, the mundane moments of expression should be just as welcomed. Because for politicians, executives, athletes, employees, and you, tears are a reminder of just how human we all are. And humans don’t just feel during the big, important times. We feel all the time, even when it feels inconvenient . . . like at the office.

Embracing vulnerability at work

I’m not suggesting we start every meeting sharing our deepest, darkest feelings. But I am suggesting occasional and appropriate moments of vulnerability. Creating a workplace where emotions are embraced requires behavior modeling. We need to cultivate an environment of psychological safety, where employees feel comfortable expressing themselves without fear of judgment. One of the best pieces of advice I received as I was helping my team navigate a challenging time was actually to be more vulnerable. Intuitively, give vulnerability to gain vulnerability.

So, a decade and a half into my career, and I’m still crying at the office—most recently, just a couple weeks ago. It doesn’t matter what it was about; quite frankly, I don’t even remember. But it was with a colleague who created the safest space, and that’s what I remember. Instead of rejecting this part of me, after a lifetime of practice, I embrace it as my superpower. Because in a business world with an endless supply of stoicism, the demand for vulnerability makes it that much more valuable. Let’s put these tears to good use—as a beacon of empathy, a bridge to connection, a catalyst for creativity. 

Now pass me a tissue.

Apply to the Most Innovative Companies Awards and be recognized as an organization driving the world forward through innovation. Early-rate deadline: Friday, August 23.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Amanda Shapiro is executive vice president and group strategy director at Deutsch LA , a data-inspired, culturally shaped creative studio. Amanda has been the driving force behind brands such as Dr Pepper, Canada Dry, Snapple, PetSmart, and NerdWallet   More

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Is it ever okay to cry at work?

When you spend one-third of your life at work, tears can make an unwelcome appearance no matter how much you want to avoid crying.

Bad news at home, a negative review, punishing deadlines or a nasty coworker can send your emotions out of control. Crying at work can damage your career, but it's possible to recover if you proceed carefully, experts say.

Kimberly Elsbach, a professor at the UC Davis Graduate School of Management, has collected hundreds of “crying stories” from working professionals who have witnessed weeping coworkers. As a “crier” herself, she was interested in how others perceived tears at work. The news wasn’t good.

The Risks of Crying at Work

Elsbach’s research shows it’s acceptable to express frustration, anger, disappointment and sadness at work, but crying tends to get excessively punished because it demands so much attention, she says.

“It creates this impression of need, that the person needs help. It’s almost like a baby crying — in that we’re programmed as human beings to react to crying in an empathetic way,” Elsbach says. “While that’s perfectly acceptable in many circumstances, at work it’s seen as an intrusion: ‘At work, I shouldn’t be asked to provide emotional support.’”

Criers were often labeled as weak, unprofessional, unqualified or even manipulative. They were treated with kid gloves by colleagues and bosses afraid to upset them or worried about their toughness, Elsbach says. One recent study found tearful people are seen as warmer, but less competent.

But it can be hard to stop the tears from flowing.

“My feeling was that this boss seemed to think there was a risk I might cry again and the less he engaged with me, the less risk there was of that happening.”

Lyda Hawes , an operations manager who lives in Seattle, still remembers the time she cried in front of her boss early in her career and how the incident impacted their relationship afterwards.

“The biggest change I noticed was less direct eye contact and his avoiding me in general,” Hawes, 48, says. “My feeling at that time was that this boss seemed to think there was a risk I might cry again and the less he engaged with me, the less risk there was of that happening.”

That boss left the company soon after, but Hawes believes it would have been harder for her to advance professionally had he stayed. She decided being vulnerable or expressing emotions at work could be risky and resolved to avoid any more workplace tears.

It’s all about the context, says Barbara Pachter, a business etiquette expert and author of “The Communication Clinic: 99 Proven Cures for the Most Common Business Mistakes.” If you receive difficult news at work and you well up, that’s showing you’re human. Otherwise, crying is generally not acceptable in the office, she notes.

How to Bounce Back From Tears

If you feel the waterworks start to flow, here’s what you can do to minimize the damage:

• Take a moment: If you feel tears coming on, excuse yourself and head to a private space until you can collect yourself. There may be nothing you can do to stop crying, but the goal is to avoid disrupting others’ work, Elsbach says.
• Prepare: Think about your upcoming review or meeting and rehearse what you will say ahead of time, Pachter advises. Come up with a brief explanation in case you end up in tears. You can say: “I know I’m crying — it means I’m really vested in this topic. Let’s continue; I’ll have it under control in a minute” and then move on, she says.
• Bring it up ahead of time: If you know you’re likely to cry during your performance evaluation, prepare your boss before things get emotional, Elsbach advises. You can say: “I just want to let you know that I tend to have emotional reactions and I cry easily. I don’t want you to think that has anything to do with you, but if it does happen, just know that I do want to hear the feedback. You may have to give me a few minutes.”
• Get plenty of rest: People who don’t get enough sleep react with more emotion to stressful situations, researchers have found . Learn to manage your stress to avoid having an emotional eruption at work, Pachter advises.
• Realize when crying is perceived as OK: The most acceptable reasons for crying at work are personal issues, Elsbach found. That includes dealing with a death in the family, divorce, major illness or being passed over for a promotion. Colleagues were most sympathetic if it happened once and briefly. Crying during a negative review in a private office with your boss was also “allowable” if you kept listening and made attempts to stop the tears, she says. These scenarios fall into the category of: “It was a tough day, a tough circumstance and anyone would have behaved the same way.”
• Consider when it’s seen as most inappropriate: Crying because of daily work stress , like having a tight deadline, was found mostly unacceptable by the observers in Elsbach’s research. The worst-perceived scenario was weeping during a meeting. That was found never to be acceptable, she says. Crying under these circumstances was perceived as: “There’s something wrong with you.”
• Decide if you want to apologize: Pachter didn’t recommend it, but Elsbach was surprised at how often people who witnessed workplace tears expected an apology because they felt the crying was inconsiderate — “sort of like ‘How dare you make me feel uncomfortable?’” she says. You can handle the situation by saying, “I’m really sorry I disrupted work or made you feel uncomfortable.”

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The Right Way to Cry in Front of Your Boss

New research suggests that if you break out in tears in front of supervisors or colleagues, you have a chance to recover. The key: reframe your distress as passion.

Most people tend to apologize in those situations, says Elizabeth Baily Wolf , a doctoral student in Harvard Business School’s Negotiation, Organizations & Markets unit. But instead of apologizing for being emotional, apologize for being passionate, she advises.

“ Saying you’re emotional is about you, whereas saying you’re passionate is about what the situation is,” Wolf says, adding that being passionate is not only socially appropriate in the American workplace, but valued.

People only get emotional about things they care about, so reframing distress as passion isn’t disingenuous, she says.

Take job performance reviews, a situation where despite best efforts to hide emotions, tears are not unknown.

“If you say, ‘I’m just so passionate about doing well here,’ that’s a different conversation than, ‘Oh, I’m sorry I’m being so emotional about this,'" she says. “ It’s a mindset shift.”

The “distress display” doesn’t have to be crying. It could be a flushed face, shaking, choking up, or other expressions signaling frustration or sadness. Wolf differentiates those expressions from anger directed at others.

In the paper Managing Perceptions of Distress at Work: Reframing Emotion as Passion , published in the November 2016 issue of Organizational Behavior and Human Decision Processes , Wolf and her colleagues found that those saying they were passionate after displaying distress were viewed as more competent. They also were more likely to be hired and chosen as collaborators.

“Saying you’re emotional is about you, whereas saying you’re passionate is about what the situation is”

Co-authors of the study included Alison Wood Brooks, an assistant professor and Hellman Faculty Fellow in the Negotiation, Organizations & Markets unit, Harvard Business School; Jooa Julia Lee, a postdoctoral fellow at the Center for Positive Organizations, University of Michigan; and Sunita Sah, an assistant professor at the Johnson Graduate School of Management, Cornell University.

Reframing to signal competence

For the study, the researchers set up five experiments to tease out how reframing emotion as passion affected both perceptions of competence and hiring decisions. In the first experiment, online participants read vignettes about an individual’s display of distress, which they described as caused by either emotionality or passion. They then rated the competency of that person. Participants perceived those who said they were passionate as more competent than those who said they were emotional, or those who did not provide any information about why they were distressed.

For the second experiment, students at the Harvard Decision Science Lab were paired as storyteller and listener. Storytellers were asked to recount a recent time when they were distressed about academic work: Half focused on how the incident reflected their passion about schoolwork, and the other half, how the incident reflected how emotional they were. Listeners then were asked to rate their partners’ competence. The passionate group was seen as “significantly more competent.”

For the third experiment, participants, who all held full-time jobs, were asked to recall a recent time when a colleague was visibly distressed, and how that demonstrated either passion or emotion. The study also teased out whether the type of profession or relationship between participant and colleague had an effect.

The last two experiments focused on how the framing of passionate versus emotional affected decision-making. In one, participants read a transcript of a job interview in which the interviewees described themselves as getting really passionate or really emotional about work they’d invested a lot of time in. Participants were then asked whether they would hire that individual.

Would you hire a passionate candidate over an emotional one?

Source: Courtesy of Elizabeth Baily Wolf

The results showed that 61.5 percent of passionate interviewees were hired (hypothetically), compared to 47.4 percent of emotional interviewees.

The final experiment asked participants to choose a partner for a collaborative project that could earn them a financial bonus. They read three descriptions: the narrator hiding distress in front of colleagues; the narrator showing distress in front of colleagues and attributing it to passion; and the narrator showing distress in front of colleagues without attributing it to anything. Although most (42 percent) chose to work with partners who hid their distress, more participants chose partners who attributed a distress display to passion rather than partners who did not attribute their distress to anything.

“If you cry, it’s worse than if you don’t cry, in terms of me perceiving your competence,” Wolf says. “But if you cry, saying it is because you are passionate makes me perceive you as more competent than if you don’t say anything, or say, ‘I’m sorry for being so emotional.’”

The best position for criers

That may not always be the case depending on the relationship between the person in distress and the observer, as well as the organization’s “display rules.” In other words, are you in a field like finance that typically views crying or other signs of distress as inappropriate, or a field like social work that usually has a higher tolerance for emotional displays?

“Where [reframing] really helps is if you’re in an environment where emotion isn’t acceptable,” Wolf says. “If you’re in an organization where people don’t cry, where crying is seen as something that is not OK for you to do, but then suddenly you’re in a situation and you just can’t help but cry, that’s when you’re going to get the most bang for your buck from saying you’re passionate.”

Different gender combinations were used in the experiments to determine whether reframing worked better for men or women. Historically, men’s emotions have been labeled passion or dedication, whereas women’s emotions have been labeled hysteria. Because of those past characterizations, Wolf initially thought that men by default might be seen as more passionate than women.

“Saying you are upset because you are passionate will help you”

“The findings didn’t support that gender angle at all. I was really surprised,” Wolf says. “… It was just evenly good for everyone.”

Although much has been researched about how to hide emotional expressions or how to internally change a negative emotion into a positive one before you express it in front of others, there hasn’t been much research devoted to damage control after tears have been shed.

“Once you’re in that position, which has happened to me a lot of times [and] pretty much to everyone I know, what do you do then? This study addresses that,” Wolf says. “We found that it still would have been better if you hid [your emotions], but usually you can’t in the moment, so what are you going to do? Saying that you are upset because you are passionate will help you.”

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Is it okay to cry at work? Creating psychological safety

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Here’s a question that comes up from time to time:

What do I do if my employee starts crying?

The person who cries also finds it difficult to manage their response and they often ask, “how can I express difficult emotions without getting tearful?”

The discomfort is felt on both sides, together with awkwardness because they’re unsure how to handle it.

The manager thinks they want to show empathy but don’t want to “make an issue” out of it. The employee feels uncomfortable about losing their composure and often wants to flee… Many feel that their workplace is not psychologically safe enough to have an emotional tearful reaction. They say they feel it’s just not okay to cry at work.

So, what is your experience –

Is it okay to cry at your place of work?

How do you respond when it happens to you or in front of you?

In my experience, controlling crying seems to be more of an issue for women whereas knowing how to handle someone crying is more of an issue for men. [Apologies for the generalisation and I know it’s not always the case, but generally, you know…]

In any case, crying points to vulnerability and vulnerability is often, unfortunately (and incorrectly) associated with weakness. Many workplace cultures validate strength and power as the way to lead and be led.

Here are some things I’ve heard from clients in the past:

“I hate it when I feel I want to cry so I don’t bring up difficult topics so that I won’t cry.”

“I get so uncomfortable if my employee cries, I don’t know what to do or say.”

“I wish I could control it but when I get angry or frustrated, I begin to cry.”

The challenge that arises is that both managers and employees may avoid certain topics if they don’t want to have to deal with an emotional response, like crying. This can leave many things unsaid and misunderstood.

So, what can we do about this?

Firstly, awareness around vulnerability and sensitivity towards it in terms of how it may affect your people, is a great place to start. Crying is a release of emotions and human beings are emotional beings. It’s natural and there’s no need to read too much into it. When you can show vulnerability, you signal that it is safe to share difficult feelings and situations and you begin to create psychological safety within your culture.

If you’re in a situation where someone begins to cry, practice empathy, hold a safe space for people to express themselves (even if it comes with crying) and listen. No need to get anxious or try to get them to stop crying. Have a box of tissues handy and visible in your office. This shows you aren’t phased by crying.

If you feel like you may cry if you raise a certain topic, take a deep breath and let your listener know that this is a difficult topic for you and that you may cry. Then tell them how you need them to respond (tissue, just listen, or anything else that works for you).

Most important, it is okay to cry at work. Handling it with empathy and compassion is a way to practice emotional intelligence and develop your leadership skills

The best thing I’ve heard about crying is from this video . When one interviewee was asked, “What do you think about people who cry at work?”

He answered, “I think they’re people.”

What do you think?

For more tips on how to develop your leadership skills and build psychological safety at work, visit www.daphnahorowitz.com

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Crying at work isn't always a bad thing. An HR expert shares her advice for getting emotional in the office.

• Consultant Rachel Weaven has worked in the HR industry for 20 years.
• She said crying at work isn't always a bad thing but it depends on your office culture.
• Who you are with, why you're crying, and how often it happens can impact how it's perceived.

If you've ever cried at work, you are not alone.

In a 2018 survey , 45% of 1,000 American employees said they had done so.

Rachel Weaven , a consultant who has worked in HR for 20 years, said that different offices perceived crying very differently.

It's influenced by factors including how experienced your manager is with the situation, the generation your colleagues belong to, and the wider culture of the company.

"If you feel psychologically safe in a company to show emotion, and they support that, you will come out of that a stronger person, whereas there will be other companies where if you show emotions, you're penalized," she added.

How crying at work is viewed depends on several factors

The 2018 survey found that 31% of workers and 30% of 2,200 CFOs who were also questioned said that crying at work should not negatively affect someone's standing at work and shows you're human. However, 44% of CFOs and 38% of workers agreed that crying at work was OK "from time to time," but doing it too often could undermine your prospects.

The reason you're crying will also influence others' perception of it, Weaven said. Most people will understand crying over a bereavement , but fewer will sympathize with crying about a work-related problem.

Weaven said that crying doesn't have to be seen as negative, as it's not unusual for employees to cry because they're passionate and want to do a good job.

"I've seen situations where people have been pulled up on their performance, and they've got upset because they want to do their best. When people care about the work, emotions can come out," she said.

A 2016 Harvard Business School study of 240 participants found that those who attributed why they were crying at work to being passionate about their job were seen as more competent than those who attributed it to being emotional — or those who didn't give a reason at all.

Related stories

What to do if you get emotional at work

If you start to cry at work, Weaven advises taking a breather if possible.

"Get away from your desk and try to calm yourself down. Go to a breakout space or the toilets where it's quiet and you can compose yourself. If you can step outside for five or 10 minutes and do some breathing techniques, that will help you refocus," she said.

Another factor of how crying at work can be perceived is where you are in the office and who you are with, Weaven told BI.

She said, in her experience, crying at work often happens with just one or two other people, such as in a meeting — with HR or your manager — or with a trusted colleague or two.

Weaven recalled being alone in the office with a woman who had just been laid off and was crying. The employee kept apologizing for being unprofessional . "I thought she shouldn't have to apologize. She'd just had really big news and it was only me and her in the office," Weaven said.

If you do find yourself welling up with a larger group, such as a big meeting, Weaven advised trying to leave the room if you can.

Whatever the specific situation, Weaven said it's worth acknowledging the reaction with colleagues if you are concerned about how they perceived it. For example, if it was with your manager, you could discuss it with them and explain why you cried.

"The more they know you and the way that you work, the better they're going to be able to manage you," Weaven added.

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Is crying at work really that bad? Here’s how to handle it

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Is crying a sign of weakness?

5 ways to stop crying when mad or upset, tips to address crying courageously, what to do when someone cries, your mental health is a priority, find comfort in your emotions.

Emotional release can help you decompress and feel better when you’re upset. 

But in some situations, crying might feel embarras sing or unwanted. Crying at work, for example, can feel humiliating. Before exploring how to make yourself stop crying, take a step back and consider the root of the problem.

Post-COVID depression , mental exhaustion , and sadness are more common than you might think — especially in professional settings. In a 2020 survey on how employees are feeling, less than 30% of respondents described themselves as “good” or “excellent.”  

Mental health in the workplace ca n be hard to manage , and lots of people experience burnout at work . Whether you messed up a project or are facing larger challenges, crying is a natural reaction, and sometimes it happens while you’re still at the office.

And you’re not alone : 45% of professionals have cried in their workplaces , according to a report from Robert Half. The same report notes that 74% of CFOs think crying is okay or has no effect at all on your career (although older, more senior respondents still think it’s taboo).

The historical stigma around showing your emotions is changing, and crying at work is n othing to be ashamed of. Even so, you might not be in a position where weeping is welcome. If you’re in a meeting or have important tasks to complete, crying can put a wrench in your workflow.

Learning how to stop crying when you’re mad or sad — or how to step away and give yourself time to feel — can help you push through difficult situations at work.

We’ve been socialized to consider strong expressions of emotion as a weakness. But studies show that sensitivity increases empathy and emotional awareness . These are strengths, especially when interacting with others in the workplace. 

A good cry also helps your body recover faster after stress so you can focus and think creatively to deal with the issue at hand. Studies also show that holding in your tears is bad for you , potentially increasing the risk of heart disease, hypertension, and mental illness. 

In some ways, crying is actually good for your mental health. Not only does crying provide emotional release , but it helps your brain produce endorphins .

While beneficial, crying at work shouldn’t be taken lightly, and you should still be careful where and when you do it. If you cry around a coworker without warning, they may feel uncomfortable or not know how to respond. 

So although crying isn’t a sign of weakness, it’s still important to practice emotional regulation . Find a private place to take a minute for yourself, or let your manager know if you need to call out of work . Use your emotional intelligence to check in on yourself and regroup after intense bouts of emotion.

It may not seem like it, but your emotions can be an asset in the workplace once you learn how to control them. Remember: sadness can have purpose . You just need to know where to find it.

Even if you have a sympathetic team, there will be times when you need to calm yourself down . Emotional regulation skills are important for everyone, from managers to part-time employees.

There are many techniques you can use to restore your control and try to stop crying:

1. Remember to breathe : Deep breathing exercises control blood pressure and heart rate , which in turn calms you down. Try box breathing or other types of breathwork when you feel like you’re going to cry. It can help generate a sense of calm, letting you regain control.

2. Stay cool: Bring a cold glass of water with you if you’re walking into a stressful situation, such as a performance review . When stressed, body temperature can go up . Things that cool you off will help you ground yourself and calm down.

If you’re able to get your hands on one, an ice pack on the back of your neck, wrists, or forehead will do wonders to help slow your mind down.

3. Take a moment away: Politely excuse yourself from the room or switch off the Zoom camera to gather your thoughts, even just for a minute. Putting the thing that’s upsetting you out of view gives you a break from sensory overload and the chance to regain equilibrium.

4. Manage your energy : Playing with a stress ball or going for a walk will let you channel your nervous energy elsewhere. Exercise is associated with lower levels of anxiety , too, so moving often helps manage your emotions in the long run.

5. Let it out: If you’re past the point of no return, find somewhere quiet to cry. Sometimes, releasing that emotion is necessary. Chances are, you’ll feel better after.

You aren’t a robot. There will be times when you’re so overwhelmed by disappointment , bad news, or frustration that you can’t make yourself stop crying. That’s okay — express your feelings and turn crying into a healthy practice. 

Remember, a few tears won’t greatly affect your career. But if you’re worried about the potential consequences of crying in a professional setting, there are ways to get yourself back on track after it happens. Here’s how to deal with crying at work:

1. Be honest: Confide in your manager or a trusted coworker. You don’t have to go into detail about why you’re upset, especially if it’s a personal issue. But they should know enough to understand your behavior and ease the concerns of other team members. 

2. Take accountability: Acknowledge your tears, and if you’re comfortable doing so, explain why you’re having a strong reaction. Studies show that people who attribute their tears to passion are viewed as more competent . If you’re crying because you care, that’s worth sharing.

3. Counteract judgment: You can apologize for crying in front of someone if you feel the need. But other people shouldn’t judge you for showing your emotions. Your feelings are valid, and if others diminish them, let your manager or HR department know.

4. Deliver a positive follow-up: If you’re worried about your reputation after crying at work, remind coworkers of your strengths. Pay extra attention in meetings and let coworkers know you’re there to help them. Demonstrate that you’re resilient, capable, and committed to doing your best work.

5. Plan ahead: Be prepared if you’re about to enter a stressful situation. Practice breathing and remember coping mechanisms that work for you, like bringing a stress ball or counting to 10 to collect your thoughts before responding.

You can also confide your worries to a friend or trusted coworker so they can help you make a plan to deal with potential stressors. 

You’re not the first person to cry at work, and you might even see a coworker doing the same thing. Here’s how to help teammates if they’re upset: 

1. Let them cry: If they’re in the thick of it, give them space to let out their feelings before asking them what’s wrong. They might ask you to leave, and that’s okay. Don’t overwhelm them.

2. Don’t solve the problem: Your coworker likely needs support, not advice. Only give suggestions on what they should do if they ask. Chances are, they likely just need a n active listener .

3. Check yourself: If you’re feeling uncomfortable, it’s okay to walk away. Give the crier space to feel. Don’t let your discomfort in this situation affect their experience.

4. Offer support: It’s okay if you don’t know what to do. Gently ask if there’s anything you can do to hel p cheer them up . Maybe you can fetch a friend who knows them better, or maybe they just need a glass of water.

Taking care of your mental health should be a priority. And the recent but constant changing nature of work and society has spurred greater levels of anxiety than in previous years. 

Everyone cries once in a while, but if your job is affecting your day-to-day emotions, it might be time to ask yourself why. Maybe you need to work on your work-life balance or re-evaluate your career so you can go to work happy . 

High-pressure tasks and difficult employees happen in every workplace. But if you’re crying all the time — or more often than you usually do — you might want to think about your office’s company culture .

Constant stress could be a sign that something has to change. If you feel comfortable, talk to your manager or HR department if there are repeat issues. 

Remember, sometimes crying at work has nothing to do with work. Life events or larger problems can make their way into the workplace. Maybe you’re grieving a loss or struggling with strained family dynamics . These are normal reasons to feel overwhelmed and struggle to find balance. 

It’s possible to take stress leave from work to focus on your mental health so next time you walk into the office, you put your best foot forward. And if it becomes too much, there are some good reasons to leave work — both personal and professional. 

And, if you suspect crying is the root of something bigger, consider speaking talk to a professional. Depending on the problem, coaching or therapy will let you work on your mental fitness to be a better version of yourself.

Crying at work isn’t the end of the world. When you run into high-stress situations, tight deadlines, and difficult coworkers, it’s natural to need an emotional release. If you feel like you need to cry, step away from the situation — take some deep breaths and let it out.

But if crying is a regular event, be honest with yourself and your leaders. Whether you need some time off or ask to create change in the workplace, communication is key at the end of the day. Only then can you work together to find a solution and bounce back. 

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Allaya Cooks-Campbell

With over 15 years of content experience, Allaya Cooks Campbell has written for outlets such as ScaryMommy, HRzone, and HuffPost. She holds a B.A. in Psychology and is a certified yoga instructor as well as a certified Integrative Wellness & Life Coach. Allaya is passionate about whole-person wellness, yoga, and mental health.

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Why Is Crying at Work Such a Big Deal?

• Jeneva Patterson

Making a normal emotional reaction a normal part of the workplace.

Crying is a natural act for both sexes, yet most corporate cultures, built and directed by men, are inconsistent in the way people react to crying. For women, crying at work can be professional suicide, while for men, however, it is often applauded as an act of bravery. Since women cry far more often than men, it’s pretty certain that many a promising female manager has had her career derailed by a crying episode. If company leaders are serious about inclusivity, these cultural attitudes to crying must change. Regardless of gender, leaders need to be trained on how to normalize crying as another form of emotional expression. And for their part, women who cry must not be afraid to own their tears.

I couldn’t stop crying. Months of late evenings and demanding travel had cracked my professional exterior. I tried to present my quarterly numbers while my colleagues squirmed in their seats, offered me a box of tissues, or just stared. My boss abruptly ended the meeting. My colleagues quickly evacuated the room. I was left alone in the conference room, crumpled tissues in hand.

• JP Jeneva Patterson is a senior faculty member at the Center for Creative Leadership in Brussels, Belgium.

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Crying at work is more than okay, it’s an essential part of mental health

In my 14-year career, I’ve become somewhat adept at crying at work. There’s the time I sobbed in my car after interviewing a mom whose son, a soldier, was killed in Afghanistan. There’s also the time I cried in the parking garage at work after a performance review I didn’t exactly agree with. And I’ll never forget the time I cried in a supply closet the day after the 2016 presidential election. 

But the one time I allowed my tears to flow freely and publicly, I was sitting in my manager’s office. I’d just been reprimanded for not accommodating a senior leader’s request quickly enough (at least in her eyes), and I was livid. Unfortunately, my body’s stress response to anger is sometimes crying, which my manager mistook for shame or some admission of guilt. 

As a young Black woman, I was trying (albeit unsuccessfully) to control my emotions lest I be deemed angry or uncooperative. Thankfully, my colleagues came to my rescue. They overheard me crying, suggested we take a walk to get Potbelly milkshakes, and for that brief moment in time, all was right with the world.

Crying at work is complicated. We’re humans, so it’s inevitable. But that doesn’t mean it’s always easy or everyone feels comfortable doing it. 

According to a 2018 survey, 45% of people have cried at work and for a myriad of reasons—stress, anger, frustration, grief, overwhelm—sometimes all of it, all at once. But how much we cry varies: For women, it’s about 5.3 times per month , while men cry 1.3 times a month.

“When the body is feeling dysregulated, our nervous system is impacted to a point where the body might freeze or the body might shut down,” explains author, licensed therapist, and wellness coach Minaa B. “Crying is a way the body regulates itself to get the nervous system back on and back to our level of optimal arousal, which is our window of tolerance where we can function properly.”

When we’re not operating within our window of tolerance, we can experience anger, sadness, anxiety, and depression, which can result in tears. “It’s important to remember that crying is natural to the body,” says Minaa. “It’s still too stigmatized, where it’s seen as a weakness or a character flaw.”

Despite our best efforts, it’s also impossible to completely separate our personal lives from our professional lives, especially in the age of remote work .

“We can’t just flip a switch and turn off our difficult life experiences,” says Minaa. “We might also find that some of our difficult experiences are happening in the work environment, which is why we’re triggered and start to cry at work as well.”

While crying at work may not be your first choice, sometimes it’s inevitable. Here, experts share when and where to cry, and how to bounce back.

The social, emotional, and physical benefits of crying

According to the Association for Psychological Science , “tears of joy” can help restore our emotional equilibrium by “regulating positive emotion,” while crying in general is a self-soothing technique that can help calm our parasympathetic nervous system, which decreases heart rate and increases digestion.

In her research, Lauren Bylsma , a clinical psychologist at the University of Pittsburgh, has found that crying in certain social situations can be a good thing. 

“If someone’s in a supportive social environment where others are reacting in a positive, empathetic, and supportive way, they’re more likely to feel better after crying,” she says, acknowledging that the benefits may result from being around other people versus the physical act of crying itself.

However, if people cry in a situation where they’re embarrassed or ashamed, or feel that others may react negatively, they can feel worse after crying. “The workplace can be a challenging environment for crying because it’s often a less supportive environment,” Bylsma notes.

But a survey of more than 2,000 C-suite leaders shows that crying at work isn’t the taboo that it once was, with 44% of CFOs saying the occasional workplace cry is acceptable. Furthermore, 30% of C-suite leaders believe crying at work has no negative impact on your reputation. After all, everyone cries.

“If your feelings are centered around shame and embarrassment, that’s inner work for you to do,” suggests Minaa. “It’s okay to say, ‘I had a hard time, and I cried.’ This can’t be the first time a colleague has seen a person cry before.”

Give yourself space to cry 

If you feel tears coming on, Minaa suggests creating some physical distance between you and your colleagues by going to the restroom or stepping outside the office altogether. Once outside, you may want to take a walk or call a supportive friend before returning to the office. 

“It’s okay if you want to cry in silence and separation,” she says.

You also don’t owe anyone an explanation when you return. Whether you decide to share why you’re crying depends on how vulnerable you want to be with your colleagues. 

“If you have a situation where a coworker is inquiring, it’s okay to say, ‘Thank you for supporting me, but I don’t want to talk about it right now,’” says Minaa. “Or, ‘Thank you for understanding, but I’m not ready to share why I was crying.’”

Alternatively, opening up to a trusted work friend can help you process. In fact, doing so can help you feel closer, as crying can elicit care and support from others. If, however, you find yourself crying a lot at work, it could be time to enlist the help of a therapist.

How to support someone who’s crying

First and foremost, don’t try to fix them or the situation and definitely do not probe. Whatever you do, don’t try to console the person by saying, “Don’t cry” or suggesting what they’re crying about isn’t a situation worth crying over.

“It can be very dismissive to a person who’s crying, especially if it’s a big deal to them and not a big deal to you,” says Minaa. “You don’t get to define for someone else what’s important or not.”

Instead, she suggests checking your own discomfort and giving people space to feel whatever it is they’re feeling. It is okay, however, to ask open-ended questions, such as, “Is there something I can do to support you? Is there a way I can help you with whatever you’re going through?”

If you happen to be the person’s manager, ensure they feel emotionally supported. You may even suggest taking a mental health or wellness day . 

“As a manager, you might already have a personality where you are prone to fixing things and finding solutions,” says Minaa. “But the first thing as a manager you want to do is pay attention to your own emotional awareness and ask, ‘Am I uncomfortable right now? And how can I manage my own discomfort?’”

At the end of the day, crying at work isn’t the end of the world, although it may feel like it at the moment. While we’re worried about other people judging us, the reality is we’re the ones judging ourselves for being vulnerable and showing emotion.

“Sometimes, when our fear and worry become catastrophic, we magnify that fear and treat it as if it’s the scariest thing,” says Minaa. “But sometimes we just need to look fear straight in the eyes and say, ‘I cried. Is it really a big deal?’” 

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Emotional Burnout at Work: Why You’re Crying and How to Cope

Crying at work is a complex and often misunderstood phenomenon that affects many professionals across various industries. While it’s a natural human response to stress and overwhelming emotions, it remains a taboo subject in many workplaces, often associated with weakness or unprofessionalism. However, the reality is that crying at work is more common than we might think and can be a significant indicator of deeper issues such as burnout and emotional exhaustion.

Recent studies have shed light on the prevalence of workplace crying. According to a survey conducted by job search company Monster, about 8 in 10 people (83%) admit to crying at work, with women being more likely to cry than men. This statistic alone highlights the importance of addressing this issue and understanding its underlying causes.

The link between crying at work and burnout is particularly noteworthy. Chronic stress burnout can lead to emotional exhaustion , which in turn may manifest as frequent crying episodes in the workplace. Understanding this connection is crucial for both employees and employers in addressing the root causes of workplace stress and emotional distress.

Causes of Crying at Work

There are several factors that can contribute to crying at work, and it’s essential to recognize these triggers to better manage emotional responses in professional settings:

1. Stress and overwhelming workload: When employees feel overwhelmed by their responsibilities or face tight deadlines, the pressure can lead to emotional outbursts, including crying.

2. Emotional exhaustion and burnout: Burnout is characterized by emotional exhaustion , which can make individuals more susceptible to crying when faced with additional stressors.

3. Workplace conflicts and interpersonal issues: Disagreements with colleagues, difficult clients, or conflicts with supervisors can trigger emotional responses, including tears.

4. Personal life spillover: Sometimes, personal problems or life events can affect an individual’s emotional state at work, making them more prone to crying.

5. Frustration with job performance or career progression: Feeling stuck in one’s career or receiving negative feedback can lead to feelings of disappointment and frustration, potentially resulting in tears.

The Connection Between Crying at Work and Burnout

To fully understand the relationship between crying at work and burnout, it’s important to first define burnout itself. Burnout is a state of physical, emotional, and mental exhaustion caused by prolonged exposure to high levels of stress. It’s characterized by three main components: emotional exhaustion, depersonalization, and reduced personal accomplishment.

Emotional exhaustion, which is a key component of burnout, can manifest in various ways, including increased irritability, difficulty concentrating, and yes, crying at work. Recognizing these employee burnout signs is crucial for addressing the issue before it escalates.

Crying can be a symptom of work-related burnout in several ways:

1. It may indicate that an individual has reached their emotional limit and is struggling to cope with workplace demands. 2. Frequent crying episodes can be a sign that the person’s emotional resources are depleted, a hallmark of burnout. 3. Tears at work might reflect feelings of hopelessness or frustration associated with chronic workplace stress.

The relationship between burnout and emotional vulnerability is often cyclical. As burnout progresses, individuals may become more emotionally sensitive, leading to more frequent crying episodes. These episodes, in turn, can exacerbate feelings of burnout, creating a self-perpetuating cycle that can be difficult to break without intervention.

Impact of Crying at Work

The impact of crying at work extends beyond the immediate emotional release. It can have significant psychological effects on the individual, influence how they are perceived by colleagues and superiors, and potentially affect their career trajectory.

Psychological effects on the individual: – Feelings of embarrassment or shame – Increased stress and anxiety about future workplace interactions – Potential exacerbation of existing mental health issues

Perception by colleagues and superiors: – May be viewed as unprofessional or unable to handle pressure – Could lead to concerns about the individual’s ability to perform their job effectively – Might result in colleagues feeling uncomfortable or unsure how to offer support

Potential career implications: – Could impact performance evaluations or promotion opportunities – May influence decisions about assigning important projects or responsibilities – Might affect professional relationships and networking opportunities

Gender differences in workplace crying and its reception: Research has shown that there are significant gender differences in how crying at work is perceived and received. Women tend to cry more frequently at work than men, but they also face harsher judgment for doing so. A study published in the Journal of Applied Psychology found that women who cry at work are often perceived as less competent and less deserving of power compared to men who display the same behavior.

This gender disparity highlights the need for a more nuanced understanding of emotional expression in the workplace and the importance of creating environments that are supportive of all employees, regardless of gender.

Coping Strategies for Managing Emotions at Work

Developing effective coping strategies is essential for managing emotions and preventing burnout in the workplace. Here are some techniques that can help:

1. Developing emotional intelligence: – Practice self-awareness to recognize emotional triggers – Work on regulating emotions through mindfulness and reflection – Enhance empathy skills to better understand and respond to others’ emotions

2. Stress management techniques: – Implement time management strategies to reduce work-related stress – Practice relaxation techniques such as deep breathing or progressive muscle relaxation – Engage in regular physical exercise to reduce stress and improve overall well-being

3. Creating a support network: – Build relationships with supportive colleagues – Seek mentorship opportunities within your organization – Consider joining professional support groups or networks

4. Setting boundaries and practicing self-care: – Learn to say “no” to additional responsibilities when feeling overwhelmed – Take regular breaks throughout the workday – Prioritize work-life balance by setting clear boundaries between work and personal time

5. Seeking professional help when needed: – Consider speaking with a therapist or counselor about work-related stress – Explore employee assistance programs (EAPs) offered by your organization – Learn how to communicate with your boss about burnout and seek support within your workplace

Creating a Supportive Work Environment

While individual coping strategies are important, creating a supportive work environment is equally crucial in addressing workplace stress and preventing burnout. Here are some ways organizations can foster a more emotionally supportive workplace:

1. The role of management in addressing workplace stress: – Provide training for managers on recognizing signs of stress and burnout in employees – Encourage open communication between managers and team members about workload and stress levels – Implement policies that promote work-life balance and mental health

2. Implementing mental health initiatives: – Offer mental health days or flexible time off for self-care – Provide access to counseling services or employee assistance programs – Organize workshops on stress management and emotional well-being

3. Fostering open communication about emotions and burnout: – Create safe spaces for employees to discuss their emotional experiences at work – Normalize conversations about mental health and burnout in team meetings and one-on-ones – Encourage peer support and mentorship programs

4. Promoting work-life balance: – Implement flexible working hours or remote work options where possible – Encourage employees to take their full allotment of vacation time – Set clear expectations about after-hours communication and work

5. Training on empathy and emotional support in the workplace: – Provide training on emotional intelligence and empathy for all employees – Teach active listening skills to improve workplace communication – Offer conflict resolution training to help address interpersonal issues effectively

Preventing employee burnout should be a priority for all organizations. By creating a culture that acknowledges and supports emotional well-being, companies can reduce the stigma associated with crying at work and create a more productive, engaged workforce.

The relationship between crying at work and burnout is complex and multifaceted. While crying can be a symptom of burnout and emotional exhaustion, it’s also a natural human response to stress and overwhelming emotions. Recognizing the connection between these phenomena is crucial for addressing the underlying issues that contribute to workplace stress and burnout.

Addressing emotional well-being in professional settings is not just a matter of individual coping strategies; it requires a concerted effort from both employees and organizations. By implementing effective stress management techniques, fostering open communication, and creating supportive work environments, we can reduce the stigma associated with crying at work and better support employees who may be struggling with burnout.

It’s important to remember that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. Whether it’s talking to a supervisor, seeking support from colleagues, or consulting with a mental health professional, taking action to address workplace stress and burnout is crucial for long-term well-being and career success.

Creating more empathetic and supportive work cultures is not just beneficial for individual employees; it’s essential for building resilient, productive, and innovative organizations. By prioritizing emotional well-being and addressing the root causes of workplace stress, we can create environments where all employees feel valued, supported, and empowered to do their best work.

Understanding how excessive demands lead to occupational burnout is the first step in creating meaningful change. Let’s work together to build workplaces that recognize the importance of emotional health and provide the support necessary for all employees to thrive.

References:

1. Elsbach, K. D., & Bechky, B. A. (2018). How observers assess women who cry in professional settings. Journal of Applied Psychology, 103(9), 904-916.

2. Maslach, C., & Leiter, M. P. (2016). Understanding the burnout experience: recent research and its implications for psychiatry. World Psychiatry, 15(2), 103-111.

3. Monster. (2019). Monster Survey: 83% of Workers Have Cried at Work. Retrieved from https://www.monster.com/career-advice/article/crying-at-work-survey-0816

4. Schaufeli, W. B., Leiter, M. P., & Maslach, C. (2009). Burnout: 35 years of research and practice. Career Development International, 14(3), 204-220.

5. World Health Organization. (2019). Burn-out an “occupational phenomenon”: International Classification of Diseases. Retrieved from https://www.who.int/mental_health/evidence/burn-out/en/

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3-1 Case Study: Is It Okay to Cry at Work?

Click to open and read the case study. You will submit this in the Turnitin item below. Based on what you learned in this chapter and the information provided in this case, write an analysis that addresses the following questions:What factors do you think make some organizations ineffective at managing emotions?Do you think the strategic use and display of emotions serve to protect employees, or does covering your true emotions at work lead to more problems than it solves?Have you ever worked where emotions were used as part of a management style? Describe the advantages and disadvantages of this approach in your experience.Research shows that acts of coworkers (37 percent) and management (22 percent) cause more negative emotions for employees than do acts of customers (7 percent). What can Laura’s company do to change its emotional climate?

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Have You Cried at Work?

What happens next will depend on the context..

Posted January 8, 2024 | Reviewed by Jessica Schrader

• What Is a Career
• Take our Procrastination Test
• Find a career counsellor near me
• Crying is a natural human emotion that can garner support, but workplace weeping may be an exception.
• Shedding tears at work might have negative career repercussions, especially for women.
• Organizations should consider policies that are more accepting of the full range of employees' emotions.

As a doctor, and especially a psychiatrist, I’ve been trained to maintain a certain level of detachment when treating patients. We are the professionals, the healers, the experts. But as a human being with emotions, it’s not surprising that I’ve violated this neutral attitude on occasion. When I empathize with a patient, I’ve sometimes found myself laughing with them—or shedding a few tears.

Research on crying shows that tearing up can facilitate social support from others. The exception: crying in the workplace. Here the crier is subject to a cornucopia of possible negative judgements from superiors and co-workers alike. And although we lack precise numbers, workplace crying is surprisingly common. A 2019 Dutch study on weeping among physicians revealed that almost half of the doctors had cried at work during the previous year.

So is crying at the office acceptable? The answer lies in the context, and in the eyes of the beholder. The available evidence suggests that the particular situation—and audience—are important in terms of any possible repercussions.

Take the example of a doctor who cries in front of a patient. If the physician has a bond and shared history with the patient—and if the tears are related to the patient’s condition rather than the doctor’s own problems—then the crying is usually well received and can enhance the relationship. Moist eyes, rather than sobs, should be the standard to avoid a role reversal where the patient feels the need to comfort the doctor. But if the physician cries because of burnout , or a heavy workload, colleagues, supervisors, and patients alike might judge him or her harshly.

According to Ad Vingerhoets, Ph.D., retired professor of psychology at Tilburg University in the Netherlands, “If tears are perceived as appropriate and genuine, criers are generally judged as warm, empathic , honest and reliable. These are the kind of people we want to connect with as friends, colleagues, and neighbors.”

But perhaps not as subordinates.

“Chloe,” a 53-year-old partner at a large Massachusetts law firm, describes crying at work during a moment of extreme stress : “In litigation, sometimes things feel like a personal attack, and I had received a letter with untrue statements about me from an opposing counsel. I ended up crying in the office of one of my supervisors. I think this was viewed as a sign that I wasn’t ready to be a leader or that I couldn’t handle more responsibilities.”

Chloe was frustrated when her quest to become a partner at her firm was sidelined for a few years; she found out through the grapevine that her crying episode was largely to blame. “I do think it was viewed as a lack of maturity on my part, instead of something that might have happened because of extenuating circumstances,” says Chloe.

Because we spend a lot of time at work, those dealing with personal dilemmas or losses, like Chloe, might see their emotions spill over into their professional lives. But it’s not the same across the board. Women and men experience workplace crying (and its stigma ) differently.

Across all settings, biological females cry more frequently than males. In Western countries, females cry two to four times per month yet males weep only zero to one times every two months. The reason is physiologic: testosterone inhibits the production of tears. In the workplace, “men may benefit from the idea that if a man cries, there must be something serious going on. If a woman cries, it is perceived to be not the situation, but her personality ,” says Vingerhoets. This can translate into a reduced chance of being promoted for females.

A 2018 study by Kimberly Elsbach, Ph.D., about women’s tears in the workplace supports the understanding that there is a double standard for male and female tears at work. In Elsbach’s study, if the female crier in question sheds a few tears in private or with a trusted other, then those tears are generally interpreted as situational and not a career killer. But if the crying is disruptive of workflow or occurs in a public forum like a meeting, the crier can be seen as weak, unprofessional, or manipulative.

Although burnout and self-pity might not be viewed as positively as other reasons to cry at work, they can still be valid. Experts like Vingerhoets think it’s not justified to penalize workers—especially females—who cry in the workplace. In her paper, Elsbach offers workarounds for female criers such as leaving the company of others, apologizing to witnesses, and making sure that the weeping doesn’t disrupt the flow of the office.

Organizations can play a role in supporting their employees’ mental health instead of perpetuating stigma about crying. Psychologist Naama Tokayer, Ph.D., was instrumental in developing a staff grief counseling group at a pediatric long-term care facility in New York. Staff were given a safe space to express their emotions about losing a patient. According to Tokayer, “In my experience, when staff members perceive clear support from administration for their participation in mental health sustenance programs, they are very appreciative. Organizations that acknowledge staff members’ emotions can find that they have a more satisfied workforce.”

What if more organizations cared about their employees’ emotional well-being and helped to make space for the full range of emotions? Think about the possibilities: crying “safe rooms” for employees without offices, or nonjudgmental colleagues appointed to serve as safe harbors for crying peers. These ideas may sound far-fetched, but the suggestion that organizational leaders could and should be more accepting of employees’ all-too-human emotions isn’t so absurd.

Chloe, for one, believes in this model. I agree wholeheartedly. She now mentors younger attorneys at work on the importance of self-care and appropriately-placed emotional expression: “If you have a bad day, you cry and move on. You try to talk to people you trust. We’re not robots. I think you can’t beat yourself up so much for having big emotions.”

Naomi Weinshenker, M.D. , is a child, adolescent and adult psychiatrist in private practice in New Jersey.

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