paraphrasing interpersonal communication

50 Top Paraphrasing In Communication Skills (2023)

Active listening and understanding, 1. be attentive while listening, 2. understand the main ideas, 3. listen actively and reflectively, 4. pay attention to nonverbal cues, 5. verify understanding with the speaker, 6. avoid interrupting while paraphrasing, paraphrasing techniques, 7. use "i" statements when paraphrasing, 8. restate information using synonyms, 9. break down ideas into digestible chunks, 10. highlight main takeaways, 11. change sentence structures, 12. use a thesaurus to find substitutes, 13. paraphrase complex ideas clearly, 14. use appropriate sentence stems, 15. be concise and to the point, 16. restate information with precision, 17. paraphrase complex language into simpler terms, building rapport and empathy, 18. utilize owned language, 19. ask perception checking questions, 20. be empathetic in your paraphrasing, 21. paraphrase to build rapport, 22. use paraphrasing to confirm understanding, 23. be respectful in your paraphrases, 24. paraphrase to encourage dialogue, 25. use paraphrasing to demonstrate empathy, 26. paraphrase to show active engagement, 27. use paraphrasing to build trust, avoiding misinterpretation and assumptions, 28. avoid word-for-word repetition, 29. avoid inserting personal opinions, 30. stay objective in your paraphrases, 31. avoid misinterpretation, 32. avoid making assumptions, 33. avoid altering the speaker's meaning, 34. avoid paraphrasing in a condescending manner, 35. avoid rushing through paraphrasing, enhancing communication and clarity, 36. paraphrase to enhance clarity, 37. use paraphrasing to clarify ambiguity, 38. adapt your paraphrasing to the audience, 39. paraphrase to confirm accuracy, 40. paraphrase to foster open communication, 41. pay attention to context and tone, 42. paraphrase to create a supportive environment, 43. use paraphrasing to clarify misunderstandings, cultural sensitivity, 44. be mindful of cultural differences, practice and improvement, 45. practice paraphrasing regularly, 46. practice paraphrasing with different topics, supporting problem-solving and dialogue, 47. use paraphrasing to facilitate problem-solving, 48. use paraphrasing to encourage further discussion, 49. paraphrase to help coach your employees, acknowledging sources, 50. always acknowledge the original source, 21 expert tips for effective communication with difficult people, preparing yourself, 1. stay calm, 2. prepare mentally, recent posts, recent posts.

Paraphrasing Examples for Better Communication

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Effective communication is vital in today's fast-paced world. Paraphrasing is a valuable tool that helps people convey complex ideas and information in a simplified and understandable manner. Here we will discuss the importance of paraphrasing for better communication and provide examples that demonstrate its application in different contexts.

What is Paraphrasing?

Paraphrasing involves expressing the ideas, thoughts, or information found in another source using your own words. It is a vital skill in many professional, academic, and everyday situations where accurate and clear communication is necessary. The goal of paraphrasing is to simplify or clarify the original message while maintaining its essence and meaning.

Why is Paraphrasing Important for Better Communication?

• Improved Understanding: Paraphrasing helps in breaking down complex ideas and jargon into simpler language, making it easier for your audience to grasp the message you are trying to convey.
• Avoiding Plagiarism: In academic and professional settings, paraphrasing is essential to avoid plagiarism, which can have severe consequences for one's reputation and career.
• Active Listening: Paraphrasing demonstrates active listening and engagement in a conversation, showing that you have understood and considered the speaker's perspective.
• Enhancing Relationships: Paraphrasing can foster empathy and rapport between the communicator and the recipient, promoting collaboration and understanding in personal and professional relationships.
• Cultural Sensitivity: Paraphrasing can help in adapting the message to suit the cultural context and language of the audience, ensuring effective communication across different backgrounds.

Tips for Effective Paraphrasing

• Read and understand the original content thoroughly.
• Use your own words and sentence structure.
• Maintain the overall meaning and context of the original source.
• Use synonyms and alternative phrasing where appropriate.
• Cite the source if you are using specific ideas or information from it.

Original Statement (1): The current rate of global warming is alarming, and if we don't take significant steps to reduce our carbon footprint, the consequences could be catastrophic for future generations.

Paraphrase Example: The speed at which our planet is heating up is deeply concerning, and if we don't make substantial efforts to lower our carbon emissions, the impact on our descendants could be disastrous.

Original Statement (2): Many companies now offer flexible work arrangements, including remote work and flextime, which provide employees with better work-life balance and increased job satisfaction.

Paraphrase Example: Numerous businesses are now introducing adaptable work options, such as working from home and flexible hours, leading to an improved balance between personal and professional life and higher employee contentment.

Original Statement (3): A well-balanced diet, regular exercise, and adequate sleep are crucial for maintaining good health and preventing chronic diseases.

Paraphrase Example: Eating a varied and nutritious diet, staying physically active, and getting enough rest are essential for preserving our overall well-being and avoiding long-term health issues.

Original Statement (4): In today's fast-paced business environment, effective communication is a key factor in fostering collaboration, productivity, and innovation.

Paraphrase Example: In the rapidly-evolving corporate world, efficient communication plays a pivotal role in promoting teamwork, enhancing output, and stimulating creativity.

Original Statement (5): Research has shown that students who engage in extracurricular activities tend to have better academic performance and develop important life skills, such as time management, problem-solving, and teamwork.

Paraphrase Example: Studies indicate that students who participate in after-school activities generally demonstrate higher academic achievement and acquire crucial life competencies, including organizing their time, finding solutions to challenges, and working collaboratively.

As you can see, paraphrasing is a vital communication skill that helps simplify complex ideas, foster understanding, and enhance interpersonal relationships. By mastering the art of paraphrasing, you can improve your communication in various professional, academic, and personal settings. As demonstrated, paraphrasing allows for the clearer and more accessible expression of ideas, ensuring that the intended message is effectively conveyed to the listener. In a world where effective communication is paramount, developing strong paraphrasing skills can greatly contribute to success in both personal and professional spheres.

Olga Ayvazyan

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Mastering communication: paraphrasing and summarizing skills.

Two very useful skills in communicating with others, including when coaching and facilitating, are paraphrasing and summarizing the thoughts of others.

How to Paraphrase When Communicating and Coaching With Others

Paraphrasing is repeating in your words what you interpreted someone else to be saying. Paraphrasing is powerful means to further the understanding of the other person and yourself, and can greatly increase the impact of another’s comments. It can translate comments so that even more people can understand them. When paraphrasing:

• Put the focus of the paraphrase on what the other person implied, not on what you wanted him/her to imply, e.g., don’t say, “I believe what you meant to say was …”. Instead, say “If I’m hearing you right, you conveyed that …?”
• Phrase the paraphrase as a question, “So you’re saying that …?”, so that the other person has the responsibility and opportunity to refine his/her original comments in response to your question.
• Put the focus of the paraphrase on the other person, e.g., if the person said, “I don’t get enough resources to do what I want,” then don’t paraphrase, “We probably all don’t get what we want, right?”
• Put the ownership of the paraphrase on yourself, e.g., “If I’m hearing you right …?” or “If I understand you correctly …?”
• Put the ownership of the other person’s words on him/her, e.g., say “If I understand you right, you’re saying that …?” or “… you believe that …?” or “… you feel that …?”
• In the paraphrase, use some of the words that the other person used. For example, if the other person said, “I think we should do more planning around here.” You might paraphrase, “If I’m hearing you right in this strategic planning workshop, you believe that more strategic planning should be done in our community?”
• Don’t judge or evaluate the other person’s comments, e.g., don’t say, “I wonder if you really believe that?” or “Don’t you feel out-on-a-limb making that comment?”
• You can use a paraphrase to validate your impression of the other’s comments, e.g., you could say, “So you were frustrated when …?”
• The paraphrase should be shorter than the original comments made by the other person.
• If the other person responds to your paraphrase that you still don’t understand him/her, then give the other person 1-2 chances to restate his position. Then you might cease the paraphrasing; otherwise, you might embarrass or provoke the other person.

How to Effectively Summarize

A summary is a concise overview of the most important points from a communication, whether it’s from a conversation, presentation or document. Summarizing is a very important skill for an effective communicator.

A good summary can verify that people are understanding each other, can make communications more efficient, and can ensure that the highlights of communications are captured and utilized.

When summarizing, consider the following guidelines:

• When listening or reading, look for the main ideas being conveyed.
• Look for any one major point that comes from the communication. What is the person trying to accomplish in the communication?
• Organize the main ideas, either just in your mind or written down.
• Write a summary that lists and organizes the main ideas, along with the major point of the communicator.
• The summary should always be shorter than the original communication.
• Does not introduce any new main points into the summary – if you do, make it clear that you’re adding them.
• If possible, have other readers or listeners also read your summary and tell you if it is understandable, accurate and complete.

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Interpersonal Communication Skills: A Complete Overview

Read this blog on Interpersonal Communication Skills to learn about communication processes and master verbal, nonverbal, listening, and other essential skills. Learn how to improve these skills, their benefits, and practical tips to enhance your interpersonal communication abilities in this comprehensive overview. Read more to learn!

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According to The Future of Work 2021 report, 87 per cent of employers reported that it is difficult to fill positions due to the skills gap. So, mastering the skills like Interpersonal Communication Skills can improve your chances of getting hired. In this blog, you will learn what Interpersonal Communication Skills are, their benefits and how to develop them, and some useful tips to enhance them.   

Table of Contents          

1) Understanding Interpersonal Communication Skills 

2) Different types of Interpersonal Communication Skills 

3) How to develop strong Interpersonal Communication Skills?

4) Interpersonal Communication in the workplace

5) Jobs that require Interpersonal Communication Skills

6) Benefits of Interpersonal Communication Skills

7) Tips to enhance Interpersonal Communication Skills

8) Conclusion 

Understanding Interpersonal Communication Skills

Interpersonal Communication Skills are the abilities that allow individuals to communicate, collaborate, and interact with others effectively. These skills encompass active listening, clear communication, empathy, and building and keeping relationships.   

Different types of Interpersonal Communication Skills

 Here is a brief overview of some of the most common Interpersonal Communication Skills:

Verbal Communication Skills

Verbal Communication Skills refer to the use of spoken words to convey messages and meanings. These include choosing the appropriate language, tone, and style for the audience and context, speaking clearly and confidently, using persuasive and assertive techniques, and providing constructive feedback and praise. Verbal Communication Skills are important for expressing opinions, sharing knowledge, influencing others, and building rapport.

Nonverbal Communication Skills

Nonverbal Communication Skills refer to the use of body language, facial expressions, gestures, eye contact, and other cues to complement or contradict verbal messages. Nonverbal Communication Skills include maintaining an open and relaxed posture, using appropriate gestures and facial expressions, making eye contact and nodding, and respecting personal space and boundaries. 

Written Communication Skills

Written Communication Skills refer to the use of written words to convey messages and meanings. Written Communication Skills include using correct grammar, spelling, and punctuation, organising and structuring ideas logically and coherently, using clear and concise language, and adapting the tone and style to the audience and purpose. 

Listening is the process of receiving, attending, and understanding verbal and nonverbal messages from others. Active Listening Skills include paying attention and avoiding distractions, showing interest and curiosity, asking questions and clarifying doubts, summarising and paraphrasing key points, and acknowledging and empathising with the speaker.

Dependability

Dependability is the quality of being reliable, trustworthy, and consistent in fulfilling one’s responsibilities and commitments. Dependability skills include setting realistic and achievable goals, prioritising and managing time effectively, following through and delivering on promises, and being accountable and honest. 

Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings, thoughts, and experiences of others. Empathy means recognising and acknowledging the emotions and perspectives of others, putting oneself in their shoes and imagining how they feel, and expressing support and compassion. 

Leadership is the ability to inspire, motivate, and guide others towards a common goal or vision. Leadership Skills include setting clear and realistic objectives, communicating effectively and persuasively, delegating tasks and responsibilities, providing feedback and recognition, and resolving conflicts and challenges. 

Teamwork is the ability to work effectively and cooperatively with others towards a shared purpose or goal. Teamwork skills include respecting and appreciating diversity, sharing ideas and information, listening and giving feedback, collaborating and compromising, and supporting and helping each other. 

Are you ready to take your Communication Skills to the next level? Join our Effective Communication Skills Course now! 

How to develop strong Interpersonal Communication Skills?

Self-awareness

Self-awareness is the ability to recognise and understand our own emotions, thoughts, and behaviours and how they affect ourselves and others. Self-awareness can help us communicate more clearly, authentically, and respectfully, as well as identify our strengths and areas for improvement. To enhance self-awareness, we can practice self-reflection, seek feedback, and be open to learning.

Empathy and emotional intelligence

Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings, thoughts, and experiences of others. Emotional intelligence is the ability to manage and regulate our own emotions, as well as recognise and respond appropriately to the emotions of others. Empathy and Emotional Intelligence can help us communicate more effectively, compassionately, and respectfully, as well as build trust and rapport. 

Active listening skills

Active listening involves giving full attention, feedback, and encouragement to the speaker and reflecting on what is being said. Active listening can help us communicate more effectively, comprehensively, and accurately, as well as facilitate problem-solving and decision-making.

To enhance active listening skills, we can use verbal and nonverbal signals to show attentiveness and ask open-ended and probing questions to elicit more information. Moreover, we can paraphrase and summarise what the speaker said to check for understanding and accuracy.

Conflict resolution skills

Conflict resolution skills refer to handling esolving conflicts and disagreements in a constructive and respectful way. Conflict resolution skills can help us communicate more effectively, collaboratively, and peacefully, as well as maintain positive and productive relationships. To enhance conflict resolution skills, we can use clear and concise language, be aware of nonverbal communication, be open to feedback, and seek win-win solutions.

Use clear and concise language 

Interpersonal Communication is at its peak when it is both concise and clear. Individuals in a conversation can utilise simple language and avoid any jargon or other technical terms which the other individual may not understand. Concise language also holds the listener’s attention and makes a long-lasting impact on their understanding of your message.  

Be aware of nonverbal communication  

Non-verbal communication involves body language and facial expressions. These facets of human communication are powerful as they convey important messages. Individuals in a conversation must take caution of their non-verbal cues and attempt to understand their counterpart’s body language to better comprehend the message conveyed. 

Be open to feedback 

Being receptive to feedback is a very important and attractive characteristic of an individual as that reflects their open-mindedness and humble personality. Open-mindedness constitutes receptivity to both criticism and feedback from others and entails leveraging their personal growth with the feedback.  

Master the art of conflict resolution and negotiation for transformative change with our Conflict Resolution And Negotiation For Change Training – sign up today! 

Interpersonal Communication in the workplace 

Working with a team and interacting with others, such as colleagues, customers, or superiors, is essential for almost every job. Different jobs require different levels of Interpersonal Communication Skills, and some depend on them more than others. Here are some key benefits of having effective communicators in any workplace:

a) New opportunities: Having excellent Communication Skills translates to easy and smooth communication with colleagues, which results in more work opportunities and ultimately professional growth.  

b) Becoming an effective leader: The mark of a successful leader is their ability to communicate with everyone, regardless of their leadership position in the corporate or educational space. An individual who communicates effectively with all their team members can better strengthen their relationships and foster a trusting environment. These practices make the team more resilient in the long run.  

c) Express more gratitude: Expressing and receiving gratitude can have a significantly positive impact on an individual’s well-being and performance at work. Managers who convey their gratitude to their well-performing employees motivate them to work harder. Such employees feel heard, and their work is acknowledged, which automatically makes them put in significantly more work than usual. 

Jobs that require Interpersonal Communication Skills 

Any job that a candidate applies for requires Interpersonal Communication Skills in some form. Here is a list that describes the various jobs that are pivotal on robust Interpersonal Skills: 

Teachers need Interpersonal Skills to work well with their colleagues, students, administrators, and parents. They need to be empathetic and patient as they encourage students to learn and grow.

Administrative Assistants

Administrative Assistants need Interpersonal Skills to be reliable and dependable. They need to communicate regularly with customers and clients and handle their requests and inquiries.

Registered Nurses

Registered Nurses need Interpersonal Communication Skills to provide comfort and care to their patients. They need to be compassionate, emotionally intelligent, self-aware, and emotionally stable as they deal with various health issues and situations.

Marketing Managers

Marketing Managers need Interpersonal Skills to collaborate with their marketing and sales teams and customers. They need to communicate effectively and persuasively as they create and execute marketing campaigns and strategies.

Customer Service Agents

Customer Service Agents need Interpersonal Skills to handle and manage customers. They need to be empathetic, patient, and active listeners as they address customers’ problems, complaints, and feedback.

Benefits of Interpersonal Communication Skills

These skills have wide-ranging applications in both professional and personal contexts. These skills are crucial in fostering effective teamwork, providing exceptional customer service, delivering impactful presentations, and building and maintaining relationships. Here are some key areas where Interpersonal Communication Skills are highly valuable:

Workplace communication  

Strong Interpersonal Communication Skills are essential for fostering a positive and productive environment in the workplace. Here's how::

a) Effective teamwork and collaboration: Interpersonal Communication Skills enable individuals to collaborate effectively with colleagues, share ideas, and work together towards common goals.  

b) Leadership and management: Strong Communication Skills are crucial for leaders and managers to convey expectations, provide feedback, and inspire their teams.   

c) Customer service: Interacting with customers requires exceptional Interpersonal Communication Skills to listen attentively, understand their needs, and provide solutions effectively.   

d) Presentations and public speaking : The ability to communicate clearly and engage the audience is vital for delivering impactful presentations or public speeches.   

Personal relationships  

Interpersonal Communication Skills are equally important in personal relationships for establishing strong connections and resolving conflicts. Here’s how:

a) Building and maintaining relationships: Effective communication helps build trust, understanding, and intimacy in personal relationships, such as friendships, romantic partnerships, and family dynamics.   

b) Conflict resolution in personal life: They aid in resolving conflicts constructively, promoting healthy communication, and maintaining harmonious relationships.   

c) Active listening in relationships: Being an active listener in personal relationships enhances empathy, fosters deeper connections, and strengthens emotional bonds.   

d) Expressing feelings and needs: Effective communication allows individuals to express their feelings, needs, and desires, leading to greater understanding and satisfaction in relationships.  

By applying Interpersonal Communication Skills in these areas, individuals can enhance their professional success, build fulfilling personal relationships, and navigate challenging situations with confidence and empathy.   

Tips to enhance Interpersonal Communication Skills  

Enhancing Interpersonal Communication Skills is an ongoing process that requires continuous improvement. By actively working on these skills, individuals can become more effective communicators and build stronger connections with others. Here are some strategies to enhance your Communication Skills:   

a) Practice and feedback: Engage in role-playing and simulations to practice different communication scenarios and seek feedback from trusted individuals to refine Communication Skills.   

b) Continuous learning: Attend communication workshops and courses, read books and articles, and watch educational videos on Interpersonal Communication to gain new techniques and insights.   

c) Observing role models: Identify effective communicators, analyse their techniques, and apply their insights to personal communication styles.   

By consistently practicing, seeking feedback, and learning from others, individuals can enhance their Communication Skills and become more effective and confident communicators. These skills will benefit professional success and build stronger relationships in both personal and professional settings.   

Ready to excel in your personal and professional relationships? Join our Interpersonal Skills Course and unlock the keys building strong connections.   

Conclusion  

Interpersonal Communication Skills are crucial for personal and professional growth. Individuals can build stronger connections and resolve conflicts effectively by practising active listening, improving verbal and nonverbal communication, and fostering empathy. Continuous learning, seeking feedback, and observing role models also play key roles in honing these skills.   

Enhance your Communication Skills for personal and professional success with our Communication Skills Course – sign up now! 

Frequently Asked Questions

To enhance your active listening skills, you can practice these tips:

a) Pay attention to the speaker and avoid distractions.

b) Show interest and empathy by using verbal and non-verbal cues.

c) Ask open-ended questions and paraphrase what you heard.

d) Give feedback and avoid interrupting or judging.  

Yes, improving Interpersonal Communication Skills can boost your confidence. By communicating effectively, you can:

a) Express yourself clearly and assertively.

b) Build trust and rapport with others.

c) Handle conflicts and feedback constructively.

d) Learn from different perspectives and experiences.  

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Active Listening Skills: The Key to Effective Communication

Disclaimer : We sometimes use affiliate links in our content. For more information, visit our Disclaimer Page . 

Did you know that active listening is the key to unlocking more meaningful and effective communication ? When we take the time to truly hear and understand the person we’re conversing with, we can create stronger connections and improve our interpersonal communication skills .

Research suggests that active listening can lead to improved workplace success, better conflict resolution, and stronger interpersonal relationships. In this article, we’ll delve into various active listening techniques and provide practical advice on how to become a better listener.

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The Importance of Active Listening Skills

Active listening is a crucial component of effective communication. It goes beyond merely hearing the words being spoken; active listening requires a conscious effort to understand the meaning behind the speaker’s words, as well as their emotions and intentions. By practicing active listening, we can become better communicators, improve our interpersonal skills , and enhance our relationships both personally and professionally.

What is Active Listening?

Unlike critical listening, which focuses on evaluating the speaker’s message, active listening is about fully understanding the speaker’s point of view without passing judgment.

Active listeners pay attention to not only the words being spoken but also the speaker’s body language, facial expressions, and other non-verbal cues. By actively listening, we can make the person feel heard and valued, leading to more open and honest conversations.

The Benefits of Active Listening

Active listening has numerous benefits, including:

• Improved understanding of the speaker’s message and intentions
• Better conflict resolution and problem-solving
• Enhanced empathy and compassion
• Increased trust and rapport in relationships
• Greater ability to stay focused and present in conversations

With these benefits in mind, let’s explore some key active listening techniques that you can start practicing today.

Related : How Effective Communication Works

Active Listening Techniques

Becoming an effective active listener involves practicing various techniques. In this section, we’ll dive into some of the most valuable active listening techniques that can help you enhance your communication skills and foster stronger relationships.

1. Pay Full Attention

To practice active listening, it’s essential to give your full attention to the person speaking. This means putting aside your ideas, judgments, and distractions to truly focus on what they’re saying. By staying focused on the speaker, you’ll be better equipped to understand their message and ask relevant questions.

2. Maintain Eye Contact

Maintaining eye contact is an important aspect of active listening. It helps to establish a connection with the conversation partner and demonstrates that you are genuinely interested in what they have to say. However, it’s important to strike a balance between maintaining eye contact and not staring, as the latter can make the speaker feel uncomfortable.

3. Watch Body Language

In addition to paying attention to the speaker’s words, active listening requires watching body language and other non-verbal cues. These can provide valuable insights into the person’s emotions and help you better understand their message. Look for facial expressions, gestures, and posture that might indicate how the speaker is feeling.

4. Listen for Tone and Emotion

Active listening involves not only hearing the words being spoken but also listening for the tone and emotion behind them. This can provide valuable context and help you better empathize with the person’s point of view. Pay attention to changes in volume, pitch, and speed, as these can reveal the speaker’s emotions.

5. Avoid Interrupting

One of the biggest barriers to active listening is interrupting the person speaking. When we interrupt, we send a message that our thoughts and opinions are more important than theirs. To be an effective listener, it’s important to wait for natural pauses in the conversation or for the speaker to finish their thought before interjecting.

6. Ask Open-Ended Questions

Asking open-ended questions is a powerful active listening technique that encourages the speaker to elaborate on their thoughts and feelings. Open Ended questions typically begin with words like “how,” “what,” “why,” or “tell me more about.” These types of questions allow the speaker to share more information and can lead to a deeper understanding of their perspective.

7. Paraphrase and Summarize

To ensure you have accurately understood the speaker’s message, practice paraphrasing and summarizing their key points. This demonstrates that you have been paying attention and helps to clarify any potential misunderstandings. For example, you might say, “So, what I’m hearing is that you’re feeling overwhelmed because of the workload and tight deadlines. Is that correct?”

8. Show Empathy and Understanding

Active listening requires an empathetic and non-judgmental approach. By expressing understanding and validating the speaker’s feelings, you can create a safe space for them to share their thoughts openly. You might say something like, “I can understand why you’d feel that way” or “That must be really challenging for you.”

9. Offer Feedback and Support

When appropriate, offer constructive feedback and support to the speaker. This can help them feel valued and supported in finding a solution to their problem or concern. However, be careful not to impose your ideas or opinions; instead, focus on helping the person explore their thoughts and feelings.

10. Practice Active Listening Regularly

Becoming an effective active listener takes time and practice. Make a conscious effort to incorporate these active listening techniques into your daily conversations and watch as your communication skills and relationships improve.

The Role of Body Language in Active Listening

Body language is an essential component of active listening. By being aware of our body language and observing that of others, we can gain a deeper understanding of the person’s emotions and intentions. Some key aspects of body language to consider while practicing active listening include:

• Facial expressions : These can reveal a person’s emotions, such as happiness, sadness, anger, or confusion.
• Gestures : Hand movements and other gestures can provide additional context and emphasize certain points in the conversation.
• Posture : An open and relaxed posture can indicate that a person is receptive and engaged, while a closed or tense posture might suggest defensiveness or discomfort.
• Proximity : The physical distance between conversation partners can convey feelings of intimacy, trust, or discomfort.

By paying attention to these non-verbal cues, active listeners can develop a more comprehensive understanding of the speaker’s message and respond more effectively.

Related : Principles of Nonverbal Communication

How to Improve Active Listening Skills

Improving your active listening skills requires practice and self-awareness. Here are some tips to help you become a better listener:

• Set an intention : Before entering a conversation, set an intention to listen actively and be fully present. This can help you stay focused and attentive throughout the discussion.
• Practice mindfulness : Mindfulness techniques, such as deep breathing and meditation, can help you develop greater focus and presence at the moment. This, in turn, can enhance your active listening skills.
• Develop empathy : Work on developing your empathy by putting yourself in the speaker’s shoes and trying to understand their emotions and perspective.
• Reflect on your listening habits : Take time to evaluate your listening habits and identify areas for improvement. Are you prone to interrupting or becoming distracted? Work on addressing these habits to become a more effective listener.
• Seek feedback : Ask friends, family, or colleagues for feedback on your listening skills. This can help you identify areas for improvement and track your progress.

The Connection Between Active Listening and Interpersonal Communication Skills

Active listening is a cornerstone of effective interpersonal communication . By practicing active listening, we can develop stronger relationships, improve our conflict resolution abilities, and enhance our overall communication skills.

Here are some ways in which active listening can improve interpersonal communication:

• Building trust and rapport : Active listening helps to create an environment of trust and understanding, making it easier for people to share their thoughts and feelings openly.
• Enhancing empathy : By truly hearing and understanding another person’s perspective, we can develop greater empathy and compassion, leading to more effective communication.
• Improving problem-solving : Active listening allows us to fully understand the issues at hand, making it easier to identify solutions and work together to resolve conflicts.
• Increasing self-awareness : As we practice active listening, we become more aware of our communication habits and can work to improve them, leading to better overall communication skills.

Active Listening in Professional Settings

Active listening skills are not only valuable in personal relationships but also in professional settings. In the workplace, active listening can lead to improved collaboration, better problem-solving, and increased workplace success. Here are some ways in which you can apply active listening techniques in a professional context:

• Team meetings : Practice active listening during team meetings to ensure that everyone’s ideas and concerns are heard and understood. This can lead to more effective decision-making and a stronger sense of teamwork.
• One-on-one conversations : Use active listening when speaking with colleagues or supervisors to demonstrate your interest in their thoughts and ideas. This can help to build trust and rapport within the workplace.
• Presentations : As an audience member, practice active listening during presentations to gain a deeper understanding of the content and ask relevant questions.
• Conflict resolution : Apply active listening techniques when addressing workplace conflicts to help find solutions that satisfy all parties involved.

Related : Effective Verbal Communication in the Workplace

The Difference Between Active Listening and Critical Listening

While both active listening and critical listening involve paying close attention to the speaker’s message, there are some key differences between the two. Active listening focuses on understanding the speaker’s point of view, emotions, and intentions, whereas critical listening is concerned with evaluating the speaker’s message for accuracy, logic, and relevance.

Critical listening is an important skill in situations where the goal is to analyze information or make a decision, such as during a debate or when evaluating a presentation. However, active listening is more appropriate in situations where the goal is to build rapport, understand another person’s perspective, or provide support, such as in personal relationships or workplace conversations.

Both active listening and critical listening are valuable communication skills, and it’s important to know when to apply each technique in different situations.

Active listening is a vital skill for effective communication in both personal and professional settings. By mastering active listening skills, giving your full attention to the speaker, understanding their message and emotions, and responding empathetically, you can build stronger relationships, improve problem-solving, and enhance your overall communication skills.

Remember to practice active listening techniques today and regularly, and strive to improve your listening habits through self-reflection and feedback. With dedication and practice, you can become a more effective listener and communicator, fostering better understanding and connections with those around you.

What is active listening?

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Paraphrasing

Paraphrasing is a listening skill that helps you demonstrate understanding of a message. Utilizing paraphrasing in everyday conversation can greatly help prevent miscommunications with others. We already do this on a day to day basis.

For this lesson, we are going to go a bit deeper, and discuss 3 types of paraphrases – Content, Intent, and Tone. Each one is equally important. But first, let’s discuss what is meant by “owned language” and “perception checking questions” in terms of paraphrasing.

Owned Language and Perception Checking Questions

When we used “I” instead of “you” we used “owned” language, meaning we take responsibility or “own” for our interpretation  In other words, we place the burden of understanding on ourselves.  When we use owned language in a paraphrase, we are demonstrating that is OUR OWN understanding of a message, instead of telling the person “this is what you said.”  An example related to listening may be saying “I’m having trouble hearing you” in place of “you are talking too quiet.”  Note the use of “you” in the second message sound accusatory and may cause the person to become defensive.  When we paraphrase, we are attempting to check our understanding of what another person is saying.  If we use “you” instead of “I” the climate of the interaction may become defensive instead of positive or supportive.

Examples of Owned Language:

• “If I understand you correctly…”
• “I’m hearing that…”
• “It’s my understanding that…”
• “If I’m hearing you correctly…”
• “It sounds to me like…”

Perception Checking Questions

Perception checking questions check the understanding of a message. They generally come at the end of a paraphrase.

Examples of Perception Checking Questions:

• “Am I right?”
• “Is that correct?”
• “Did I understand that correctly?”

Paraphrasing for Content

When we paraphrase for content, we restate WHAT the person said…we take their words and put them into our  own words.  Try to just focus on the what – when thinking about content we aren’t trying to read into the message or emotions (those come later). Here is an example:

Person A : I’m working late tonight.  I need the lawn mowed, the dishes done, and the living room vacuumed before our guests arrive. Person B : Ok, so if I heard you correctly, I need to mow, finish the dishes, and vacuum.  Is that right?

Note the use of owned language (“So if I heard you correctly”) and a perception checking question (“Is that right?”)

But, is paraphrasing for content enough?  Consider the following State Farm commercial:

The same words are used, but have a very different meaning depending on the situation.  Paraphrasing for content would miss the deeper meanings here.  This is why, arguably, paraphrasing for intent and tone are just as, if not more important than paraphrasing for tone.

Paraphrasing for Intent

When you paraphrase for intent, you look beyond what it said, and focus on WHY the person said it. This is by far the most difficult paraphrase to master. Recall that every message is goal driven – generally to inform, persuade, or entertain. When we paraphrase for intent, we look for that goal. In other words, what does the speaker want us to do with this information?  So, for example, if I said “I just hate taking out the garbage!” you may find an intent “I’m hearing you say that you would like me to take out the garbage. Is that correct?” Note the use of owned language and perception checking questions. I didn’t say I wanted you to take out the garbage, but when I complained about it, based on what I said and the nonverbal tone, and perhaps my body movements, you were able to deduce that perhaps I was trying to persuade you to do it. Take a look at the previous example:

Person A:  I’m working late tonight.  I need the lawn mowed, the dishes done, and the living room vacuumed before our guests arrive. Person B:  If I’m understanding you correctly, you are wanting me to help you with these tasks?  Is that right?

Note the use of owned language (“If I’m understanding you correctly”) and perception checking question (“Is that right?”)

Paraphrasing for Tone

When you paraphrase for tone, you look at the emotion behind what someone is saying. This can be found through their words as well as their nonverbals such as tone of voice. But try not to associate Tone with just “tone” of voice. Take into consideration the whole message, verbal and nonverbal. To use the example above, if I said “I just hate taking out the garbage!” your tone paraphrase could be “It sounds to me like you are angry about having to take out the garbage. Is that correct?” Let’s look a the previous example:

Person A:  I’m working late tonight.  I need the lawn mowed, the dishes done, and the living room vacuumed before our guests arrive. Person B:  It sounds to me like you are stressed about this.  Is that how you are feeling?

Note the owned language (“It sounds to me”) and the Perception-checking question (“Is that how you are feeling?”)

Putting it all Together

A complete paraphrase will contain a paraphrase for content, intent, and tone. You can do this all together or as 3 separate paraphrases. Let’s look at a complete paraphrase for the previous example:

Person A:  I’m working late tonight.  I need the lawn mowed, the dishes done, and the living room vacuumed before our guests arrive.    Person B:  It sounds to me like you are stressed about this and would like me to help mow the lawn, finish the dishes, and vaccuum before our guests arrive. Is that right?

Here we have owned language (“It sounds to me”), tone (“you are stressed), intent (“would like me to help”), and content (mow the lawn, finish the dishes, and vacuum before our guests arrive.”), and a perception checking question (“is that right?”).

The activity below will allow you to practice identifying content, intent, and tone paraphrases:

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7 Active Listening Techniques For Better Communication

It's time to start having more intentional conversations

• How to Improve

Active listening is a communication skill that involves going beyond simply hearing the words that another person speaks. It's about actively processing and seeking to understand the meaning and intent behind them. It requires being a mindful and focused participant in the communication process.

Active listening techniques include:

• Being fully present in the conversation
• Showing interest by practicing good eye contact
• Noticing (and using) non-verbal cues
• Asking open-ended questions to encourage further responses
• Paraphrasing and reflecting back what has been said
• Listening to understand rather than to respond
• Withholding judgment and advice

Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD explains, "Active listening requires de-centering from one’s fixed position to be fully present with another. It helps people feel more understood and strengthens relationships as it signals a willingness to sit with the other’s perspective and empathy for their situation instead of singular focus on oneself."

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In communication, active listening is important because it keeps you engaged with your conversation partner in a positive way. It also makes the other person feel heard and valued. This skill is the foundation of a successful conversation in any setting—whether at work, at home, or in social situations.

Romanoff continues, "Ultimately, it shows respect and value for the other person’s needs, concerns, and ideas as the listener is actively signaling the other person matters to them."

When you practice active listening, you are fully engaged and immersed in what the other person is saying.

7 Active Listening Techniques

The word "active" implies that you are taking some type of action when listening to others. This involves the use of certain strategies or techniques. Here are seven active listening techniques to consider.

1. Be Fully Present

Active listening requires being fully present in the conversation. This enables you to concentrate on what is being said. Being present involves listening with all your senses (sight, sound, etc.) and giving your full attention to the speaker.

"Being fully present involves the skill of tuning into the other person’s inner world while stepping away from your own. This is a power skill in deeply connecting and sitting with another’s emotions," says Romanoff.

To use this active listening technique effectively, put away your cell phone, ignore distractions, avoid daydreaming, and shut down your internal dialogue. Place your focus on your conversation partner and let everything else slip away.

2. Pay Attention to Non-Verbal Cues

As much as 65% of a person's communication is unspoken. Paying attention to these nonverbal cues can tell you a lot about the person and what they are trying to say. If they talk fast, for instance, this could be a sign that they are nervous or anxious. If they talk slowly, they may be tired or trying to carefully choose their words.

During active listening, your non-verbal behaviors are just as important. To show the person you're truly tuned in, use open, non-threatening body language. This involves not folding your arms, smiling while listening, leaning in, and nodding at key junctures.

It can also be helpful to pay attention to your facial expressions when active listening so that you don't convey any type of negative response.

3. Keep Good Eye Contact

When engaged in active listening, making eye contact is especially important. This tells the other person that you are present and listening to what they say. It also shows that you aren't distracted by anything else around you.

At the same time, you don't want to use so much eye contact that the conversation feels weird. To keep this from happening, follow the 50/70 rule. This involves maintaining eye contact for 50% to 70% of the time spent listening, holding the contact for four to five seconds before briefly looking away.

4. Ask Open-Ended Questions

Asking "yes or no" questions often produce dead-end answers. This isn't helpful during active listening as it keeps the conversation from flowing. It also makes it difficult to truly listen to the other person because there isn't much you can gain from a short, non-descriptive response.

Instead, ask open-ended questions to show that you are interested in the conversation and the other person. Examples of open-ended questions you may use when active listening include:

• Can you tell me a bit more about that?
• What did you think about that?
• What do you think is the best path moving forward?
• How do you think you could have responded differently?

The key to open-ended questions is to have a framework of curiosity about the other person. It signals genuine interest – making the other person feel valued and enables you to better understand them," adds Romanoff.

Open-ended questions encourage thoughtful, expansive responses, which is why they are often used by mental health therapists.

5. Reflect What You Hear

After the person has spoken, tell them what you heard. This active listening technique ensures that you've captured their thoughts, ideas, and/or emotions accurately. It also helps the other person feel validated and understood while keeping any potential miscommunications to a minimum.

One way to reflect what you've heard is to paraphrase. For example, you might say, "In other words, what you are saying is that you're frustrated" or "I'm hearing that you're frustrated about this situation." Summarize what you've heard and give the person the opportunity to say whether you've captured their meaning or intent.

If you'd like to better understand something the person has said, ask for clarification. But don't focus so much on insignificant details that you miss the big picture.

6, Be Patient

Patience is an important active listening technique because it allows the other person to speak without interruption. It also gives them the time to say what they are thinking without having to try to finish their sentences for them.

Being patient involves not trying to fill periods of silence with your own thoughts or stories. It also requires listening to understand, not to respond. That is, don't prepare a reply while the other person is still speaking. Also, don't change the subject too abruptly as this conveys boredom and impatience.

During active listening, you are there to act as a sounding board rather than to jump in with your own ideas and opinions about what is being said.

7, Withhold Judgment

Remaining neutral and non-judgmental in your responses enables the other person to feel comfortable with sharing their thoughts. It makes the conversation to a safe zone where they can trust that they won't be shamed, criticized, blamed, or otherwise negatively received.

Ways to be less judgmental when listening include:

• Expressing empathy for the person or their situation
• Learning more about different people and cultures
• Practicing acceptance of others
• Recognizing when you may be judging the other person, then stopping those thoughts

Active Listening Example

What does active listening look like? Here is an example of a conversation in which several different active listening techniques are used.

Lisa : I'm sorry to dump this on you, but I had a fight with my sister, and we haven't spoken since. I'm upset and don't know who to talk to.

Jodie : No problem! Tell me more about what happened. (open-ended question)

Lisa : Well, we were arguing about what to do for our parents' anniversary. I'm still so angry.

Jodie : Oh that's tough. You sound upset that you're not speaking because of it. (reflecting what was heard)

Lisa : Yes, she just makes me so angry. She assumed I would help her plan this elaborate party—I don't have time! It's like she couldn't see things from my perspective at all.

Jodie : Wow, that's too bad. How did that make you feel? (another open-ended question)

Lisa: Frustrated. Angry. Maybe a bit guilty that she had all these plans, and I was the one holding them back. Finally, I told her to do it without me. But that's not right, either.

Jodie : Sounds complicated. I bet you need some time to sort out how you feel about it. (withholding judgment)

Lisa : Yes, I guess I do. Thanks for listening—I just needed to vent.

Why Active Listening Is Important

Getting into the habit of active listening can have positive impacts in many key areas of your life. It can affect your relationships, your work, and your social interactions.

In Relationships

Active listening helps you better understand another person's point of view and respond with empathy. This is important in all types of healthy relationships , whether with a spouse, parent, child, another family member, or friend.

Being an active listener in your relationships involves recognizing that the conversation is more about the other person than about you. This is especially important when the other person is emotionally distressed.

Your ability to listen actively to a family member or friend who is going through a difficult time is a valuable communication skill. It helps keep you from offering opinions and solutions when the other person really just wants to be heard.

Active listening at work is particularly important if you are in a supervisory position or interact frequently with colleagues. It helps you understand problems and collaborate to develop solutions . It also showcases your patience, a valuable asset in the workplace.

In some cases, active listening while on the job can help improve workplace safety. For instance, if you are in the healthcare field, engaging in active listening can help reduce medical errors and prevent unintentional patient harm.

During Social Situations

Active listening techniques such as reflecting, asking open-ended questions, seeking clarification, and watching body language help you develop relationships when meeting new people . People who are active and empathic listeners are good at initiating and maintaining conversations.

Active listening helps others feel more emotionally supported. This can be beneficial when interacting with a person who has social anxiety . According to research, emotional support impacts the left dorsolateral prefrontal cortex of the brain, resulting in decreased feelings of distress for socially anxious individuals.

Press Play for Advice on Active Listening

Hosted by therapist Amy Morin, LCSW, this episode of The Verywell Mind Podcast shares the value of listening to others, featuring psychiatrist Mark Goulston.

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Ways to Improve Active Listening

We've all been in situations where our "listeners" were distracted or disinterested. Or maybe you want to improve your own active listening skills so you don't do this to others.

Here are a few ways to be a better active listener yourself, or to encourage others to do the same:

• Encourage your own curiosity . The more curious you are about something, the easier it becomes to want to know more. This naturally causes you to ask more questions and to seek to understand, which are two of the core foundations of active listening in communication.
• Find a topic that interests you both . This works particularly well when engaging in small talk as you get to know one another. If you both have passion for the topic, it becomes easier to stay fully engaged in the conversation.
• Practice your active listening skills . Like with any skill, being good at active listening takes some practice. Be patient with yourself as you go through the learning process . Continuing to practice these skills may just inspire the person you're conversing with to do the same. By seeing you demonstrate active listening, they might become a better listener too.
• Understand when exiting the conversation is best . If you're talking with another person and they are clearly uninterested in the conversation, it may be best to end that conversation respectfully. This can help keep you from feeling annoyed and unheard.

If you find that you are having trouble with listening, you might benefit from professional treatment. Other options include engaging in social skills training or reading self-help books on interpersonal skills.

Keep in Mind

Active listening is an important social skill that has value in many different settings. Practice its many techniques often and it will become second nature. You'll start to ask open-ended questions and reflect what you've heard in your conversations without much (if any) thought.

"Ultimately, active listening helps the speaker feel more understood and heard—and helps the listener have more information and understanding. On both ends of active listening—people feel more connected and collaborative which is why it is such a vital tool when it comes to communication," says Romanoff.

If you find active listening techniques difficult, consider what might be getting in your way. Are you experiencing social anxiety during conversations or do you struggle with attention ? Getting help for these types of issues can help you improve your active listening skills, making you a better listener overall.

Frequently Asked Questions

Active listening helps you build trust and understand other people's situations and feelings. In turn, this empowers you to offer support and empathy. Unlike critical listening, active listening seeks to understand rather than reply. The goal is for the other person to be heard, validated, and inspired to solve their problems.

The three A's of active listening are attention, attitude, and adjustment. Attention entails being fully tuned in to the speaker's words and gestures. The proper attitude is one of positivity and open-mindedness. Adjustment is the ability to change your gestures, body language, and reactions as the speaker's story unfolds.

Reflection is the active listening technique that demonstrates that you understand and empathize with the person's feelings. In mirroring and summarizing what they've said, they feel heard and understood.

There are numerous ways to improve your active listening skills. One is to watch skilled interviewers on talk and news shows. Another is to research active listening techniques online and try them often in your everyday conversations, noting the speakers' reactions and looking for areas that need improvement.

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Dean M, Street Jr RL. A 3-stage model of patient-centered communication for addressing cancer patients' emotional distress . Patient Educ Counsel . 2014;94(2):143-148. doi:10.1016/j.pec.2013.09.025

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Nishiyama Y, Okamoto Y, Kunisato Y, et al. fMRI study of social anxiety during social ostracism with and without emotional support . PLoS One . 2015;10(5):e0127426. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0127426

Colorado State University Global. What is active listening? 4 tips for improving communication skills .

Pennsylvania State University. Active listening . 

University of California, Berkeley. Active listening . Greater Good Science Center.

By Arlin Cuncic, MA Arlin Cuncic, MA, is the author of The Anxiety Workbook and founder of the website About Social Anxiety. She has a Master's degree in clinical psychology.

Body Language and Nonverbal Communication

Improving emotional intelligence (eq), conflict resolution skills, anger management: help for anger issues, managing conflict with humor.

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What is effective communication?

Tips for improving your communication skills.

• Tip 1: Understand the barriers to effective communication

Tip 2: Become an engaged listener

Tip 3: pay attention to nonverbal signals, tip 4: keep stress in check, tip 5: assert yourself, effective communication improving your interpersonal skills.

Want better communication skills? These tips will help you avoid misunderstandings, grasp the real meaning of what’s being communicated, and greatly improve your work and personal relationships.

Effective communication is about more than just exchanging information. It’s about understanding the emotion and intentions behind the information. As well as being able to clearly convey a message, you need to also listen in a way that gains the full meaning of what’s being said and makes the other person feel heard and understood.

Effective communication sounds like it should be instinctive. But all too often, when we try to communicate with others something goes astray. We say one thing, the other person hears something else, and misunderstandings, frustration, and conflicts ensue. This can cause problems in your home, school, and work relationships.

But by learning effective communication skills, you can deepen your connections to others, build greater trust and respect, and improve teamwork, problem solving, and your overall social and emotional health

Whether you’re trying to improve communication with your romantic partner, kids, boss, or coworkers, learning the following communication skills can help strengthen your interpersonal relationships.

Tip 1: Understand what’s stopping you from communicating well

Common barriers to effective communication include:

Stress and out-of-control emotion.  When you’re stressed or emotionally overwhelmed, you’re more likely to misread other people, send confusing or off-putting nonverbal signals, and lapse into unhealthy knee-jerk patterns of behavior. To avoid conflict and misunderstandings, you can learn how to quickly calm down before continuing a conversation.

Lack of focus.  You can’t communicate effectively when you’re multitasking. If you’re checking your phone , planning what you’re going to say next, or daydreaming, you’re almost certain to miss nonverbal cues in the conversation. To communicate effectively, you need to avoid distractions and stay focused.

Inconsistent body language.  Nonverbal communication should reinforce what is being said, not contradict it. If you say one thing, but your body language says something else, your listener will likely feel that you’re being dishonest. For example, you can’t say “yes” while shaking your head no.

[Read: Nonverbal Communication and Body Language]

Negative body language.  If you disagree with or dislike what’s being said, you might use negative body language to rebuff the other person’s message, such as crossing your arms, avoiding eye contact, or tapping your feet. You don’t have to agree with, or even like what’s being said, but to communicate effectively and not put the other person on the defensive, it’s important to avoid sending negative signals.

When communicating with others, we often focus on what we should say. However, effective communication is less about talking and more about listening. Listening well means not just understanding the words or the information being communicated, but also understanding the emotions the speaker is trying to convey.

There’s a big difference between engaged listening and simply hearing. When you really listen—when you’re engaged with what’s being said—you’ll hear the subtle intonations in someone’s voice that tell you how that person is feeling and the emotions they’re trying to communicate. When you’re an engaged listener, not only will you better understand the other person, you’ll also make that person feel heard and understood, which can help build a stronger, deeper connection between you.

By communicating in this way, you’ll also experience a process that  lowers stress and supports physical and emotional well-being. If the person you’re talking to is calm, for example, listening in an engaged way will help to calm you, too. Similarly, if the person is agitated, you can help calm them by listening in an attentive way and making the person feel understood.

If your goal is to fully understand and connect with the other person, listening in an engaged way will often come naturally. If it doesn’t, try the following tips. The more you practice them, the more satisfying and rewarding your interactions with others will become.

Tips for becoming an engaged listener

Focus fully on the speaker.  You can’t listen in an engaged way if you’re  constantly checking your phone or thinking about something else. You need to stay focused on the moment-to-moment experience in order to pick up the subtle nuances and important nonverbal cues in a conversation. If you find it hard to concentrate on some speakers, try repeating their words over in your head—it’ll reinforce their message and help you stay focused.

Favor your right ear.  As strange as it sounds, the left side of the brain contains the primary processing centers for both speech comprehension and emotions. Since the left side of the brain is connected to the right side of the body, favoring your right ear can help you better detect the emotional nuances of what someone is saying.

Avoid interrupting or trying to redirect the conversation to your concerns.  By saying something like, “If you think that’s bad, let me tell you what happened to me.” Listening is not the same as waiting for your turn to talk. You can’t concentrate on what someone’s saying if you’re forming what you’re going to say next. Often, the speaker can read your facial expressions and know that your mind’s elsewhere.

Show your interest in what’s being said.  Nod occasionally, smile at the person, and make sure your posture is open and inviting. Encourage the speaker to continue with small verbal comments like “yes” or “uh huh.”

Try to set aside judgment.  In order to communicate effectively with someone, you don’t have to like them or agree with their ideas, values, or opinions. However, you do need to set aside your judgment and withhold blame and criticism in order to fully understand them. The most difficult communication, when successfully executed, can often lead to an unlikely connection with someone.

[Read: Improving Emotional Intelligence (EQ)]

Provide feedback. If there seems to be a disconnect, reflect what has been said by paraphrasing. “What I’m hearing is,” or “Sounds like you are saying,” are great ways to reflect back. Don’t simply repeat what the speaker has said verbatim, though—you’ll sound insincere or unintelligent. Instead, express what the speaker’s words mean to you. Ask questions to clarify certain points: “What do you mean when you say…” or “Is this what you mean?”

Hear the emotion behind the words . It’s the higher frequencies of human speech that impart emotion. You can become more attuned to these frequencies—and thus better able to understand what others are really saying—by exercising the tiny muscles of your middle ear (the smallest in the body). You can do this by singing, playing a wind instrument, or listening to certain types of high-frequency music (a Mozart symphony or violin concerto, for example, rather than low-frequency rock, pop, or hip-hop).

The way you look, listen, move, and react to another person tells them more about how you’re feeling than words alone ever can. Nonverbal communication, or body language, includes facial expressions, body movement and gestures, eye contact, posture, the tone of your voice, and even your muscle tension and breathing.

Developing the ability to understand and use nonverbal communication can help you connect with others, express what you really mean, navigate challenging situations, and build better relationships at home and work.

• You can enhance effective communication by using open body language—arms uncrossed, standing with an open stance or sitting on the edge of your seat, and maintaining eye contact with the person you’re talking to.
• You can also use body language to emphasize or enhance your verbal message—patting a friend on the back while complimenting him on his success, for example, or pounding your fists to underline your message.

Improve how you  read nonverbal communication

Be aware of individual differences. People from different countries and cultures tend to use different nonverbal communication gestures, so it’s important to take age, culture, religion, gender, and emotional state into account when reading body language signals. An American teen, a grieving widow, and an Asian businessman, for example, are likely to use nonverbal signals differently.

Look at nonverbal communication signals as a group. Don’t read too much into a single gesture or nonverbal cue. Consider all of the nonverbal signals you receive, from eye contact to tone of voice to body language. Anyone can slip up occasionally and let eye contact go, for example, or briefly cross their arms without meaning to. Consider the signals as a whole to get a better “read” on a person.

Improve how you  deliver nonverbal communication

Use nonverbal signals that match up with your words rather than contradict them. If you say one thing, but your body language says something else, your listener will feel confused or suspect that you’re being dishonest. For example, sitting with your arms crossed and shaking your head doesn’t match words telling the other person that you agree with what they’re saying.

Adjust your nonverbal signals according to the context. The tone of your voice, for example, should be different when you’re addressing a child than when you’re addressing a group of adults. Similarly, take into account the emotional state and cultural background of the person you’re interacting with.

Avoid negative body language. Instead, use body language to convey positive feelings, even when you’re not actually experiencing them. If you’re nervous about a situation—a job interview, important presentation, or first date, for example—you can use positive body language to signal confidence, even though you’re not feeling it. Instead of tentatively entering a room with your head down, eyes averted, and sliding into a chair, try standing tall with your shoulders back, smiling and maintaining eye contact, and delivering a firm handshake. It will make you feel more self-confident and help to put the other person at ease.

How many times have you felt stressed during a disagreement with your spouse, kids, boss, friends, or coworkers and then said or done something you later regretted? If you can quickly relieve stress and return to a calm state, you’ll not only avoid such regrets, but in many cases you’ll also help to calm the other person as well. It’s only when you’re in a calm, relaxed state that you’ll be able to know whether the situation requires a response, or whether the other person’s signals indicate it would be better to remain silent.

In situations such as a job interview, business presentation, high-pressure meeting, or introduction to a loved one’s family, for example, it’s important to manage your emotions, think on your feet, and effectively communicate under pressure.

Communicate effectively by staying calm under pressure

Use stalling tactics to give yourself time to think. Ask for a question to be repeated or for clarification of a statement before you respond.

Pause to collect your thoughts. Silence isn’t necessarily a bad thing—pausing can make you seem more in control than rushing your response.

Make one point and provide an example or supporting piece of information. If your response is too long or you waffle about a number of points, you risk losing the listener’s interest. Follow one point with an example and then gauge the listener’s reaction to tell if you should make a second point.

Deliver your words clearly. In many cases, how you say something can be as important as what you say. Speak clearly, maintain an even tone, and make eye contact. Keep your body language relaxed and open.

Wrap up with a summary and then stop. Summarize your response and then stop talking, even if it leaves a silence in the room. You don’t have to fill the silence by continuing to talk.

Quick stress relief for effective communication

When a conversation starts to get heated, you need something quick and immediate to bring down the emotional intensity. By learning to quickly reduce stress in the moment, you can safely take stock of any strong emotions you’re experiencing, regulate your feelings, and behave appropriately.

Recognize when you’re becoming stressed. Your body will let you know if you’re stressed as you communicate. Are your muscles or stomach tight? Are your hands clenched? Is your breath shallow? Are you “forgetting” to breathe?

Take a moment to calm down before deciding to continue a conversation or postpone it.

Bring your senses to the rescue. The best way to rapidly and reliably relieve stress is through the senses—sight, sound, touch, taste, smell—or movement. For example, you could pop a peppermint in your mouth, squeeze a stress ball in your pocket, take a few deep breaths, clench and relax your muscles, or simply recall a soothing, sensory-rich image. Each person responds differently to sensory input, so you need to find a coping mechanism that is soothing to you.

[Read: Quick Stress Relief]

Look for humor in the situation. When used appropriately, humor is a great way to relieve stress when communicating . When you or those around you start taking things too seriously, find a way to lighten the mood by sharing a joke or an amusing story.

Be willing to compromise. Sometimes, if you can both bend a little, you’ll be able to find a happy middle ground that reduces the stress levels for everyone concerned. If you realize that the other person cares much more about an issue than you do, compromise may be easier for you and a good investment for the future of the relationship.

Agree to disagree, if necessary, and take time away from the situation so everyone can calm down. Go for a stroll outside if possible, or spend a few minutes meditating. Physical movement or finding a quiet place to regain your balance can quickly reduce stress.

Find your space for healing and growth

Regain is an online couples counseling service. Whether you’re facing problems with communication, intimacy, or trust, Regain’s licensed, accredited therapists can help you improve your relationship.

Direct, assertive expression makes for clear communication and can help boost your self-esteem and decision-making skills. Being assertive means expressing your thoughts, feelings, and needs in an open and honest way, while standing up for yourself and respecting others. It does NOT mean being hostile, aggressive, or demanding. Effective communication is always about understanding the other person, not about winning an argument or forcing your opinions on others.

To improve your assertiveness

Value yourself and your options. They are as important as anyone else’s.

Know your needs and wants. Learn to express them without infringing on the rights of others.

Express negative thoughts in a positive way. It’s  okay to be angry , but you must remain respectful as well.

Receive feedback positively. Accept compliments graciously, learn from your mistakes, ask for help when needed.

Learn to say “no.” Know your limits and don’t let others take advantage of you. Look for alternatives so everyone feels good about the outcome.

Developing assertive communication techniques

Empathetic assertion conveys sensitivity to the other person. First, recognize the other person’s situation or feelings, then state your needs or opinion. “I know you’ve been very busy at work, but I want you to make time for us as well.”

Escalating assertion can be employed when your first attempts are not successful. You become increasingly firm as time progresses, which may include outlining consequences if your needs are not met. For example, “If you don’t abide by the contract, I’ll be forced to pursue legal action.”

Practice assertiveness in lower risk situations to help build up your confidence. Or ask friends or family if you can practice assertiveness techniques on them first.

More Information

• Effective Communication: Improving Your Social Skills - Communicate more effectively, improve your conversation skills, and become more assertive. (AnxietyCanada)
• Core Listening Skills - How to be a better listener. (SucceedSocially.com)
• Effective Communication - How to communicate in groups using nonverbal communication and active listening techniques. (University of Maine)
• Some Common Communication Mistakes - And how to avoid them. (SucceedSocially.com)
• 3aPPa3 – When cognitive demand increases, does the right ear have an advantage? – Danielle Sacchinell | Acoustics.org . (n.d.). Retrieved May 22, 2022, from Link
• How to Behave More Assertively . (n.d.). 10. Weger, H., Castle Bell, G., Minei, E. M., & Robinson, M. C. (2014). The Relative Effectiveness of Active Listening in Initial Interactions.  International Journal of Listening , 28(1), 13–31. Link

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• Effective active listening: Examples, t ...

Effective active listening: Examples, techniques & exercises

What if we told you listening wasn’t as simple as, well, just listening? In fact, different types of listening go beyond learning—you can also listen to improve your relationships, deepen your connections, and build trust. In this article, we’ll walk you through the different types of listening and show you how active listening can help you listen to understand—not just respond.

What is active listening?

Active listening is the practice of listening to understand what someone is saying. When you practice active listening, you’re exclusively focused on what the other person is saying instead of planning what to say in response, as you would during a debate or conversation. To confirm you understand, you then paraphrase what you heard back to the other person. Depending on the conversation, you can also ask a specific, open-ended question to dig deeper into the topic. 

Active listening helps you have more meaningful and engaged conversations. When you’re paying full attention to what the other person is saying—without planning what you want to say or interrupting their conversation—you develop more effective communication skills. 

Good listeners: 

Ask open-ended questions to learn more.

Paraphrase and summarize what the other person is saying to make sure you fully understand. 

Demonstrate patience by focusing on the other person instead of your own thoughts. 

Exhibit positive, nonverbal communication like eye contact and leaning in. 

Avoid distractions and multitasking. 

4 types of active listening

Ready to become a better listener? Here’s how. There are four different types of listening: 

Empathic listening is when you listen to understand. Think of listening when someone shares a personal story. In this type of listening, you’re focused on the other person, instead of yourself.

Appreciative listening is when you listen to enjoy yourself. Think of listening to music, a motivational speaker, or attending a religious ceremony.

Comprehensive listening is when you listen to learn something new. This type of listening happens when you listen to a podcast, the news, or an educational lecture, like a class. 

Critical listening is when you listen to form an opinion of what someone else says. This type of listening happens when you’re debating with someone or when you’re listening to a sales person.

Active listening —or listening to understand—falls under the category of empathic listening. This type of listening helps you build strong relationships, gain a deeper understanding of your friends and colleagues, and even deepen your own sense of empathy.

Benefits of active listening

Active listening is one of the best ways to build your interpersonal relationships and establish closer connections, especially with team members. This soft skill is a key part of conflict resolution , problem solving , and constructive criticism .

When you practice active listening, you:

Improve communication

Boost collaboration

Truly understand what the other person is saying

Connect on a deeper level 

Demonstrate empathy 

Resolve conflict

Build trust

Establish rapport

8 powerful active listening skills to master

Active listening is a key component of effective communication and interpersonal skills. By mastering these active listening techniques, you can become a better listener, improve your relationships, and foster open communication in a variety of scenarios and contexts.

1. Be fully present and attentive

To practice active listening, give the person speaking your full attention. Minimize distractions, maintain eye contact, and focus on the speaker's words, tone of voice, and nonverbal cues. Being fully present demonstrates that you value the person's feelings and their point of view.

2. Use positive body language and nonverbal cues

Your body language and facial expressions play a significant role in active listening. Maintain an open posture, lean in slightly, and use encouraging nonverbal cues like nodding and smiling. These positive nonverbal cues show the speaker that you are engaged and interested in the conversation.

Tip: If you're meeting virtually, like during a video conference meeting, use positive body language and facial expressions to show you're engaged. Maintain eye contact by looking at the camera, smiling, and nodding along while the person speaking is sharing their thoughts. Avoid multitasking or looking off screen—instead, keep your video on and give your full attention to the speaker to show you’re engaged.

3. Avoid interrupting or judging

Resist the urge to interrupt the person speaking or rush to judgment. Allow them to express their thoughts and feelings without interjecting your own opinions or biases. Interrupting can lead to miscommunication and hinder the development of mutual understanding.

4. Paraphrase and reflect to show understanding

Paraphrasing involves restating the speaker's main points in your own words to ensure you have understood them correctly. By reflecting on what has been said, you demonstrate that you are actively listening and making a conscious effort to comprehend their message.

5. Ask clarifying and open-ended questions

Asking open-ended questions encourages the speaker to elaborate on their thoughts and feelings. Use clarifying questions to gain a better understanding of their perspective and probing questions to explore the topic more deeply.

Once the person speaking finishes their thought, demonstrate you're engaged by asking specific, open-ended questions. Avoid adding your own biases or judgments to those questions—remember, you're focusing on what the other person has to say. For example, ask:

"Tell me more about that."

"How did you feel in that situation?"

"What made you pursue that option?"

"What can I do to help or support you?"

Avoid asking questions or making statements that indicate judgment, as this can hinder open communication and mutual understanding. For example, instead of:

"Why would you do that?" Try asking, "What motivated you to make that choice?"

"You didn't really mean that, did you?" Try asking, "What did you mean when you said that?"

"That doesn't make sense." Try asking, "I'm not following; could you clarify the main points for me?"

6. Validate the speaker's perspective and emotions

Validation is an essential active listening skill that involves acknowledging how the speaker feels. Show empathy and understanding, even if you don't necessarily agree with their point of view. Validating the speaker's emotions creates a safe space for open communication and fosters a stronger connection.

7. Withhold advice unless asked

As an active listener, your primary role is to understand, not to advise. Unless the speaker specifically asks for your input, refrain from offering unsolicited advice or solutions. Instead, focus on listening and supporting them as they work through their own problem-solving process.

8. Summarize key points and action items

Towards the end of the conversation or at key transition points, summarize the main themes, ideas, and any action items discussed. This active listening technique ensures that both parties have a clear understanding of the key points and next steps. It also provides an opportunity for the speaker to clarify or add any final thoughts before concluding the discussion. 

Active listening examples: Effective communication dialogues

In this section, we'll explore active listening examples and real-life scenarios that demonstrate how active listening techniques can be applied in various contexts. These examples of active listening will cover professional settings, personal relationships, and conflict resolution, providing insights into effective communication.

Example of active listening in a professional setting

Scenario: A manager is discussing a project timeline with an employee who is expressing concerns about meeting the deadline.

Manager: "I understand you're feeling overwhelmed with the project timeline. Can you tell me more about the specific challenges you're facing?" (Asking open-ended questions)

Employee: "I'm worried that we don't have enough resources to complete the task within the given timeframe. I've been working overtime, but it still feels like we're falling behind."

Manager: "It sounds like you're putting in a lot of effort, but the lack of resources is making it difficult to stay on track. Is that right?" (Paraphrasing and reflecting)

Employee: "Yes, exactly. I'm concerned that the quality of work might suffer if we rush to meet the deadline."

Manager: "I appreciate you sharing your concerns. This is a great example of active listening in the workplace, and it can have a positive impact on our team's success. Let's work together to find a solution. What additional resources do you think would help you and the team meet the deadline without compromising quality?" (Validating emotions and asking problem-solving questions)

When your teammate brings up the problem they need to solve, reflect back on what they’re saying (‘What I hear you saying is…’). Sometimes just hearing a problem relayed back inspires someone to realize they already know the answer.”

Example of applying active listening skills in personal relationships

Scenario: A friend is sharing a personal problem with you, seeking your support and understanding.

Friend: "I've been feeling really down lately. I'm struggling to find motivation at work, and I feel like I'm not making any progress in my career."

You: "It must be tough to feel stuck in your career. I'm here to listen and support you. Can you share more about what's been contributing to these feelings?" (Showing empathy and encouraging elaboration)

Friend: "I feel like I'm not being recognized for my hard work, and I'm not sure what steps to take next to advance in my role."

You: "It sounds like you're feeling undervalued and uncertain about your career path. That's a challenging situation to be in." (Reflecting feelings and summarizing main points)

Friend: "Yeah, I just don't know what to do. I'm considering looking for a new job, but I'm not sure if that's the right move."

You: "I understand that you're at a crossroads and feeling unsure about your next steps. This conversation is a great example of active listening, and it can have a positive impact on your decision-making process. What do you think are the pros and cons of looking for a new job? I'm happy to help you talk through your options." (Acknowledging uncertainty and offering support)

Example of resolving conflicts through active listening

Scenario: Two colleagues are having a disagreement about how to approach a shared project.

Colleague 1: "I think we should prioritize the design phase first. If we don't get the visuals right, the whole project will suffer."

Colleague 2: "I disagree. We need to focus on the functionality first. The design won't matter if the product doesn't work properly."

Mediator: "This scenario is an excellent example of how active listening can help resolve conflicts. I can see that you both have strong opinions about the project's priorities. Let's take a moment to understand each other's perspectives. [Colleague 1], can you explain why you believe the design should come first?" (Acknowledging differing opinions and seeking clarification)

Colleague 1: "In my experience, a well-designed product is more user-friendly and attractive to customers. It sets the foundation for the entire project."

Mediator: "So, you feel that prioritizing design will lead to a more successful outcome overall. [Colleague 2], what are your thoughts on this? Why do you feel functionality should be the top priority?" (Summarizing and encouraging the other party to share their perspective)

Colleague 2: "I understand the importance of design, but if the product doesn't function as intended, it won't matter how good it looks. We need to ensure the core features are solid before focusing on the visual elements."

Mediator: "It sounds like you both want the project to succeed but have different approaches to achieving that goal. This is a great example of active listening in action. Let's brainstorm a plan that incorporates both of your concerns—ensuring the product is functional while also prioritizing user-friendly design. What ideas do you have for finding a middle ground?" (Highlighting common goals and facilitating problem-solving)

Active listening exercises to hone your skills

Active listening exercises are essential for developing and refining your communication skills. Whether you're working in healthcare, participating in webinars, or collaborating with colleagues, the following exercises can help you become a more effective listener. As the Harvard Business Review points out, active listening is a critical skill for success in both professional and personal contexts.

Role-playing exercises for active listening practice

One of the most effective active listening exercises is role-playing. By engaging in simulated conversations, you can practice applying active listening techniques in a safe and controlled environment. Consider the following role-play scenarios:

Healthcare setting: One person acts as a patient expressing concerns about a medical condition, while the other acts as a healthcare provider practicing active listening skills to understand and address the patient's concerns.

Workplace conflict: One person acts as an employee, voicing a complaint, while the other acts as a manager, using active listening to understand the issue and find a resolution.

Sales interaction: One person acts as a potential customer, while the other acts as a salesperson, using active listening to identify the customer's needs and offer appropriate solutions.

Mindfulness exercises to enhance presence and focus

Mindfulness exercises can help you develop the presence and focus necessary for effective active listening. Try incorporating these exercises into your daily routine:

Mindful breathing: Take a few minutes to focus on your breath, observing the sensation of the air moving in and out of your body. This exercise can help you center yourself and reduce distractions.

Body scan: Lie down or sit comfortably and mentally scan your body from head to toe, noting any sensations or areas of tension. This exercise can help you become more attuned to your physical state and release any stress that may interfere with active listening.

Mindful listening: During conversations, make a conscious effort to focus solely on the speaker's words, tone, and body language. Notice when your mind starts to wander or form judgments, and gently redirect your attention back to the speaker.

Group exercises to foster active listening in teams

Active listening exercises can be particularly beneficial when practiced in a group setting, such as during team-building workshops or webinars. Here are some group activities that can foster active listening skills:

Paraphrasing circle: Have team members sit in a circle. One person starts by sharing a short story or experience. The person to their left then paraphrases what they heard, focusing on the key points and emotions expressed. The process continues around the circle, with each person paraphrasing the previous speaker's message.

Listening triads: Divide the group into triads. In each triad, one person acts as the speaker, one as the listener, and one as the observer. The speaker shares a challenge or experience, while the listener practices active listening techniques. The observer provides feedback on the listener's performance. Rotate roles so each person has a chance to practice active listening.

Empathy mapping: Divide the group into pairs. Each person takes turns sharing a challenging experience or situation. As they share, their partner creates an empathy map, noting down what the speaker says, thinks, feels, and does. Afterward, the pairs discuss the empathy maps and reflect on how keeping an open mind helped them better understand each other's perspectives.

By incorporating these active listening exercises and activities into your skill-building efforts, you can become a more effective communicator and build stronger, more empathetic relationships with others.

Activate your active listening skills

Like any interpersonal skill, active listening takes time. And it isn’t something you should use 100% of the time—having dialogue is important! But when a coworker is sharing something with you, active listening helps you bring empathy, connection, and understanding to the conversation. Listening to understand brings you closer to your team members, in order to lower the barrier to collaboration and boost teamwork.

For more tips, learn about the best conflict resolution strategy you’re not using .

Related resources

4 ways to establish roles and responsibilities for team success

Unmasking impostor syndrome: 15 ways to overcome it at work

How to accomplish big things with long-term goals

Fix these common onboarding challenges to boost productivity

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Chapter 7: Talking and Listening

We are constantly interacting with people. We interact with our family and friends. We interact with our teachers and peers at school. We interact with customer service representatives, office coworkers, physicians/therapists, and so many other different people in average day. Humans are inherently social beings, so talking and listening to each other is a huge part of what we all do day-to-day.

7.1  The Importance of Everyday Conversations

Learning Objectives

• Realize the importance of conversation.
• Recognize the motives and needs for interpersonal communication.
• Discern conversation habits.

Most of us spend a great deal of our day interacting with other people through what is known as a conversation. According to Judy Apps, the word “conversation” is comprised of the words con (with) and versare (turn): “conversation is turn and turnabout – you alternate.” 1 As such, a conversation isn’t a monologue or singular speech act; it’s a dyadic process where two people engage with one another in interaction that has multiple turns. Philosophers have been writing about the notion of the term “conversation” and its importance in society since the written word began. 2 For our purposes, we will leave the philosophizing to the philosophers and start with the underlying assumption that conversation is an important part of the interpersonal experience. Through conversations with others, we can build, maintain, and terminate relationships.

Coming up with an academic definition for the term “conversation” is not an easy task. Instead, Donald Allen and Rebecca Guy offer the following explanation: “Conversation is the primary basis of direct social relations between persons. As a process occurring in real-time, conversation constitutes a reciprocal and rhythmic interchange of verbal emissions. It is a sharing process which develops a common social experience.” 3 From this explanation, a conversation is how people engage in social interaction in their day-to-day lives. From this perspective, a conversation is purely a verbal process. For our purposes, we prefer Susan Brennan’s definition: “Conversation is a joint activity in which two or more participants use linguistic forms and nonverbal signals to communicate interactively.” 4 Brennan does differentiate conversations, which can involve two or more people, from dialogues, which only involve two people. For our purposes, this distinction isn’t critical. What is essential is that conversations are one of the most common forms of interpersonal communication.

There is growing concern that in today’s highly mediated world, the simple conversation is becoming a thing of the past. Sherry Turkle is one of the foremost researchers on how humans communicate using technology. She tells the story of an 18-year-old boy who uses texting for most of his fundamental interactions. The boy wistfully told Turkle, “Someday, someday, but certainly not now, I’d like to learn how to have a conversation.” 5 When she asks Millennials across the nation what’s wrong with holding a simple conversation:

“I’ll tell you what’s wrong with having a conversation. It takes place in real-time and you can’t control what you’re going to say.” So that’s the bottom line. Texting, email, posting, all of these things let us present the self as we want to be. We get to edit, and that means we get to delete, and that means we get to retouch, the face, the voice, the flesh, the body–not too little, not too much, just right. 6

Is this the world we now live in? Have people become so addicted to their technology that holding a simple conversation is becoming passé?

You should not take communication for granted. Reading this book, you will notice how much communication can be critical in our personal and professional lives. Communication is a vital component of our life. A few years ago, a prison decided to lessen the amount of communication inmates could have with each other. The prison administrators decided that they did not want inmates to share information. Yet, over time, the prisoners developed a way to communicate with each other using codes on walls and tapping out messages through pipes. Even when inmates were not allowed to talk to each other via face-to-face, they were still able to find other ways to communicate. 7

Types of Conversations

David Angle argues that conversations can be categorized based on directionality (one-way or two-way) and tone/purpose (cooperative or competitive). 8 One-way conversations are conversations where an individual is talking at the other person and not with the other person. Although these exchanges are technically conversations because of the inclusion of nonverbal feedback, one of the conversational partners tends to monopolize the bulk of the conversation while the other partner is more of a passive receiver. Two-way conversations, on the other hand, are conversations where there is mutual involvement and interaction. In two-way conversations, people are actively talking, providing nonverbal feedback, and listening.

In addition to one vs. two-way interactions, Angle also believes that conversations can be broken down on whether they are cooperative or competitive. Cooperative conversations are marked by a mutual interest in what all parties within the conversation have to contribute. Conversely, individuals in competitive conversations are more concerned with their points of view than others within the conversation. Angle further breaks down his typology of conversations into four distinct types of conversation (Figure 7.1).

The first type of conversation is one-way cooperative, which Angle labeled discourse. The purpose of a discourse conversation is for the sender to transmit information to the receiver. For example, a professor delivering a lecture or a speaker giving a speech.

The second type is what most people consider to be a traditional conversation: the dialogue (two-way, cooperative). According to Angle, “The goal is for participants to exchange information and build relationships with one another.” 9 When you go on a first date, the general purpose of most of our conversations in this context is dialogue. If conversations take on one of the other three types, you could find yourself not getting a second date.

The third type of conversation is the two-way, competitive conversation, which Angle labels “debate.” The debate conversation is less about information giving and more about persuading. From this perspective, debate conversations occur when the ultimate goal of the conversation is to win an argument or persuade someone to change their thoughts, values, beliefs, and behaviors. Imagine you’re sitting in a study group and you’re trying to advocate for a specific approach to your group’s project. In this case, your goal is to persuade the others within the conversation to your point-of-view.

Lastly, Angle discusses the diatribe (one-way, competitive). The goal of the diatribe conversation is “to express emotions, browbeat those that disagree with you, and/or inspires those that share the same perspective.” 10 For example, imagine that your best friend has come over to your dorm room, apartment, or house to vent about the grade they received on a test.

Communication Needs

There are many reasons why we communicate with each other, but what are our basic communication needs ? The first reason why we communicate is for physical needs. Research has shown that we need to communicate with others because it keeps us healthier. There has been a direct link to mental and physical health. For instance, it has been shown that people who have cancer, depression, and even the common cold, can alleviate their symptoms simply by communicating with others. People who communicate their problems, feelings, and thoughts with others are less likely to hold grudges, anger, hostility, which in turn causes less stress on their minds and their bodies.

Another reason why we communicate with others is that it shapes who we are or identity needs. Perhaps you never realized that you were funny until your friends told you that you were quite humorous. Sometimes, we become who we are based on what others say to us and about us. For instance, maybe your mother told you that you are a gifted writer. You believe that information because you were told that by someone you respected. Thus, communication can influence the way that we perceive ourselves.

The third reason we communicate is for social needs. We communicate with others to initiate, maintain, and terminate relationships with others. These relationships may be personal or professional. In either case, we have motives or objectives for communicating with other people. The concept of communication motives was created by Rebecca Rubin. She found that there are six main reasons why individuals communicate with each other: control, relaxation, escape, inclusion, affection, and pleasure.

Control motives are means to gain compliance. Relaxation motives are ways to rest or relax. Escape motives are reasons for diversion or avoidance of other activities. Inclusion motives are ways to express emotion and to feel a link to the other person. Affection motives are ways to express one’s love and caring for another person. Pleasure motives are ways to communicate for enjoyment and excitement.

To maintain our daily routine, we need to communicate with others. The last reason we communicate is for practical needs. To exchange information or solve problems, we need to talk to others. Communication can prevent disasters from occurring. To create and/or sustain a daily balance in our lives, we need to communicate with other people. Hence, there is no escaping communication. We do it all the time.

Key Takeaways

• Communication is very important, and we should not take it for granted.
• There are six communication motives: control, affection, relaxation, pleasure, inclusion, and escape. There are four communication needs: physical, identity, social, and practical.
• Communication habits are hard to change.
• Imagine if you were unable to talk to others verbally in a face-to-face situation. How would you adapt your communication so that you could still communicate with others? Why would you pick this method?
• Create a list of all the reasons you communicate and categorize your list based on communication motives and needs. Why do you think you communicate in the way that you do?
• Reflect on how you introduce yourself in a new situation. Write down what you typically say to a stranger. You can role play with a friend and then switch roles. What did you notice? How many of those statements are habitual? Why?

7.2  Sharing Personal Information

• Describe motives for self-disclosure.
• Appreciate the process of self-disclosure.
• Explain the consequences of self-disclosure.
• Draw and explain the Johari Window.

One of the primary functions of conversations is sharing information about ourselves. In Chapter 2 , we discussed Berger and Calabrese’s Uncertainty Reduction Theory (URT). 11 One of the basic axioms of URT is that, as verbal communication increases between people when they first meet, the level of uncertainty decreases. Specifically, the type of verbal communication generally discussed in initial interactions is called self-disclosure. 12 Self-disclosure is the process of purposefully communicating information about one’s self. Sidney Jourard sums up self-disclosure as permitting one’s “true self” to be known to others. 13

As we introduce the concept of self-disclosure in this section, it’s important to realize that there is no right or wrong way to self-disclose. Different people self-disclose for a wide range of different reasons and purposes. Emmi Ignatius and Marja Kokkonen found that self-disclosure can vary for several reasons: 14

• Personality traits (shy people self-disclose less than extraverted people)
• Cultural background (Western cultures disclose more than Eastern cultures)
• Emotional state (happy people self-disclose more than sad or depressed people)
• Biological sex (females self-disclose more than males)
• Psychological gender (androgynous people were more emotionally aware, topically involved, and invested in their interactions; feminine individuals disclosed more in social situations, and masculine individuals generally did not demonstrate meaningful self-disclosure across contexts)
• Status differential (lower status individuals are more likely to self-disclose personal information than higher-status individuals)
• Physical environment (soft, warm rooms encourage self-disclosure while hard, cold rooms discourage self-disclosure)
• Physical contact (touch can increase self-disclosure, unless the other person feels that their personal space is being invaded, which can decrease self-disclosure)
• Communication channel (people often feel more comfortable self-disclosing when they’re not face-to-face; e.g., on the telephone or through computer-mediated communication)

As you can see, there are quite a few things that can impact how self-disclosure happens when people are interacting during interpersonal encounters.

Motives for Self-Disclosure

So, what ultimately motivates someone to self-disclose? Emmi Ignatius and Marja Kokkonen found two basic reasons for self-disclosure: social integration and impression management. 15

Social Integration

The first reason people self-disclose information about themselves is simply to develop interpersonal relationships. Part of forming an interpersonal relationship is seeking to demonstrate that we have commonality with another person. For example, let’s say that it’s the beginning of a new semester, and you’re sitting next to someone you’ve never met before. You quickly strike up a conversation while you’re waiting for the professor to show up. During those first few moments of talking, you’re going to try to establish some kind of commonality. Maybe you’ll learn that you’re both communication majors or that you have the same favorite sports team or band. Self-disclosure helps us find these areas where we have similar interests, beliefs, values, attitudes, etc.… As humans, we have an innate desire to be social and meet people. And research has shown us that self-disclosure is positively related to liking. 16 The more we self-disclose to others, the more they like us and vice versa.

However, we should mention that appropriate versus inappropriate self-disclosures depends on the nature of your relationship. When we first meet someone, we do not expect that person to start self-disclosing their deepest darkest secrets. When this happens, then we experience an expectancy violation. Judee Burgoon conceptualized expectancy violation theory as an understanding of what happens when an individual within an interpersonal interaction violates the norms for that interaction. 17 , 18 Burgoon’s original expectancy violation theory (EVT) primarily analyzed what happened when individuals communicated nonverbally in a manner that was unexpected (e.g., standing too close while talking). Over the years, EVT has been expanded by many scholars to look at a range of different situations when communication expectations are violated. 19 As a whole, EVT predicts that when individuals violate the norms of communication during an interaction, they will evaluate that interaction negatively. However, this does depend on the nature of the initial relationship. If we’ve been in a relationship with someone for a long time or if it’s someone we want to be in a relationship with, we’re more likely to overlook expectancy violations.

So, how does this relate to self-disclosure? Mostly, there are ways that we self-disclose that are considered “normal” during different types of interactions and contexts. What you disclose to your best friend will be different than what you disclose to a stranger at the bus station. What you disclose to your therapist will be different than what you disclose to your professor. When you meet a stranger, the types of self-disclosure tend to be reasonably common topics: your major, sports teams, bands, the weather, etc. If, however, you decide to self-disclose information that is overly personal, this would be perceived as a violation of the types of topics that are normally disclosed during initial interactions. As such, the other person is probably going to try to get out of that conversation pretty quickly. When people disclose information that is inappropriate to the context, those interactions will generally be viewed more negatively. 20

From a psychological standpoint, finding these commonalities with others helps reinforce our self-concept. We find that others share the same interests, beliefs, values, attitudes, etc., which demonstrates that how we think, feel, and behave are similar to those around us. Admittedly, it’s not like we do all of this consciously. 21

Impression Management

The second reason we tend to self-disclose is to portray a specific impression of who we are as individuals to others. Impression management is defined as “the attempt to generate as favorable an impression of ourselves as possible, particularly through both verbal and nonverbal techniques of self-presentation.” 22 Basically, we want people to view us in a specific way, so we communicate with others in an attempt to get others to see us that way. Research has found we commonly use six impression management techniques during interpersonal interactions: self-descriptions, accounts, apologies, entitlements and enhancements, flattery, and favors. 23 , 24 , 25

Self-Descriptions

The first type of impression management technique we can use is self-descriptions, or talking about specific characteristics of ourselves. For example, if you want others to view you professionally, you would talk about the work that you’ve accomplished. If you want others to see you as someone fun to be around, you will talk about the parties you’ve thrown. In both of these cases, the goal is to describe ourselves in a manner that we want others to see.

The second type of impression management is accounts. Accounts “are explanations of a predicament-creating event designed to minimize the apparent severity of the predicament.” 26 According to William Gardner and Mark Martinko, in accounts, “actors may deny events occurred, deny causing events, offer excuses, or justify incidents.” 27 Basically, accounts occur when an individual is attempting to explain something that their interactant may already know.

For the purposes of initial interactions, imagine that you’re on a first date and your date has heard that you’re a bit of a “player.” An account may be given to downplay your previous relationships or explain away the rumors about your previous dating history.

The third type of impression management tactics is apologies. According to Barry Schlenker, apologies are “are designed to convince the audience that the undesirable event should not be considered a fair representation of what the actor is ‘really like.’” 28 An apology occurs when someone admits that they have done something wrong while attempting to downplay the severity of the incident or the outcomes.

Imagine you just found out that a friend of yours told a personal story about you during class as an example. Your friend could offer an apology, admitting that they shouldn’t have told the story, but also emphasize that it’s not like anyone in the class knows who you are. In essence, the friend admits that they are wrong, but also downplays the possible outcomes from the inappropriate disclosure of your story.

Entitlements and Enhancements

The fourth type of impression management tactic is the use of entitlements and enhancements. Entitlements and enhancements are “designed to explain a desirable event in a way that maximizes the desirable implications for the actor.” 29 Primarily, “entitlements are designed to maximize an actor’s apparent responsibility for an event; enhancements are designed to maximize the favorability of an event itself.” 30 In this case, the goal is to make one’s self look even better than maybe they actually are.

For our examples, let’s look at entitlements and enhancements separately. For an example of an entitlement, imagine that you’re talking to a new peer in class and they tell you about how they single-handedly organized a wildly popular concert that happened over the weekend. In this case, the individual is trying to maximize their responsibility for the party in an effort to look good.

For an example of an enhancement, imagine that in the same scenario, the individual talks less about how they did the event single-handedly and talks more about how amazing the event itself was. In this case, they’re aligning themselves with the event, so the more amazing the event looks, the better you’ll perceive them as an individual.

The fifth impression management tactic is the use of flattery, or the use of compliments to get the other person to like you more. In this case, there is a belief that if you flatter someone, they will see you in a better light. Imagine there’s a new player on your basketball team. Almost immediately, they start complimenting you on your form and how they wish they could be as good as you are. In this case, the person may be completely honest, but the use of flattery will probably get you to see that person more positively as well.

The last tactic that researches have described for impression management is favors. Favors “involve doing something nice for someone to gain that person’s approval.” 31 One way that we get others to like us is to do things for them. If we want our peers in class to like us, then maybe we’ll share our notes with them when they’re absent. We could also volunteer to let someone use our washer and dryer if they don’t have one. There are all kinds of favors that we can do for others. Although most of us don’t think of favors as tactics for managing how people perceive us, they have an end result that does.

Social Penetration Theory

In 1973, Irwin Altman and Dalmas Taylor were interested in discovering how individuals become closer to each other. 32 They believed that the method of self-disclosure was similar to social penetration and hence created the social penetration theory . This theory helps to explain how individuals gradually become more intimate based on their communication behaviors. According to the social penetration theory, relationships begin when individuals share non-intimate layers and move to more intimate layers of personal information. 33

Altman and Taylor believed that individuals discover more about others through self-disclosure. How people comprehend others on a deeper level helps us also gain a better understanding of ourselves. The researchers believe that penetration happens gradually. The scholars describe their theory visually like an onion with many rings or levels. 34 A person’s personality is like an onion because it has many layers (Figure 7.2). We have an outer layer that everyone can see (e.g., hair color or height), and we have very personal layers that people cannot see (e.g., our dreams and career aspirations). Three factors affect what people chose to disclose. The first is personal characteristics (e.g., introverted or extraverted). The second is the possibility of any reward or cost with disclosing to the other person (e.g., information might have repercussions if the receiver does not like or agree with you). And the third is the situational context (e.g., telling your romantic partner that you want to terminate the relationship on your wedding day).

When people first meet each other, they start from their outer rings and slowly move towards the core. The researchers described how people typically would go through various stages to become closer. The first stage is called the orientation stage, where people communicate on very superficial matters like the weather. The next stage is the exploratory affective stage, where people will disclose more about their feelings about normal topics like favorite foods or movies. Many of our friendships remain at this stage. The third stage is more personal and called the affective stage, where people engage in more private topics. The fourth stage is the stable stage, where people will share their most intimate details. The last stage is not obligatory and does not necessarily happen in every relationship, it is the depenetration stage, where people start to decrease their disclosures.

Social penetration theory also contains two different aspects. The first aspect is breadth, which refers to what topics individuals are willing to talk about with others. For instance, some people do not like to talk about religion and politics because it is considered inappropriate. The second aspect is depth, which refers to how deep a person is willing to go in discussing certain topics. For example, some people don’t mind sharing information about themselves in regards to their favorite things. Still, they may not be willing to share their most private thoughts about themselves because it is too personal. The researchers believe that by self-disclosing to others both in breadth and depth, then it could lead to more relational closeness.

Johari Window

The name “Johari” is a combination of the two researchers who originated the concept: Joseph Luft (Jo) and Harrington Ingham (hari). 35 The basic idea behind the Johari Window is that we build trust in our interpersonal relationships as we self-disclose revealing information about ourselves, and we learn more about ourselves as we receive feedback from the people with whom we are interacting. As you can see in Figure 7.3, the Johari Window is represented by four window panes. Two window panes refer to ourselves, and two refer to others. First, when discussing ourselves, we have to be aware that somethings about ourselves are known to us, and others are not. For example, we may be completely aware of the fact that we are extraverted and love talking to people (known to self). However, we may not be aware of how others tend to view our extraversion as positive or negative (unknown to self). The second part of the window is what is known to others and unknown to others. For example, some common information known to others includes your height, weight, hair color, etc. At the same time, there is a bunch of information that people don’t know about us: deepest desires, joys, goals in life, etc. Ultimately, the Johari Window breaks this into four different quadrants (Figure 7.3).

The first quadrant of the Johari Window is the open self, or when information is known to both ourselves and others. Although some facets are automatically known, others become known as we disclose more and more information about ourselves with others. As we get to know people and self-disclose and increasingly deeper levels, the open self quadrant grows. For the purposes of thinking about discussions and self-disclosures, the open self is where the bulk of this work ultimately occurs.

Information in the open self can include your attitudes, beliefs, behaviors, emotions/feelings, experiences, and values that are known to both the person and to others. For example, if you wear a religious symbol around your neck (Christian Cross, Jewish Start of David, Islamic Crescent Moon and Star, etc.), people will be able to ascertain certain facts about your religious beliefs immediately.

Hidden Self

The second quadrant is what is known to ourselves but is not known to others. All of us have personal information we may not feel compelled to reveal to others. For example, if you’re a member of the LGBTQIA+ community, you may not feel the need to come out during your first encounter with someone new. It’s also possible that you’ll keep this information from your friends and family for a long time.

Think about your own life, what types of things do you keep hidden from others? One of the reasons we keep things hidden is because it’s hard to open ourselves up to being vulnerable. Typically, the hidden self will decrease as a relationship grows. However, if someone ever violates our trust and discusses our hidden self with others, we are less likely to keep disclosing this information in the future. If the trust violation is extreme enough, we may discontinue that relationship altogether.

The third quadrant is called the blind self because it’s what we don’t know about ourselves that is known by others. For example, during an initial interaction, we may not know how the other person is reacting to us. We may think that we’re coming off as friendly, but the other person may be perceiving us as shy or even pushy. One way to decrease the blind self is by soliciting feedback from others. As others reveal more of our blind selves, we can become more self-aware of how others perceive us.

One problem with the blind self is that how people view us and how we view ourselves can often be radically different. For example, people may perceive you as cocky, but in reality, you’re scared to death. It’s important to decrease the blind self during our interactions with others, because how people view us will determine how they interact with us.

Unknown Self

Lastly, we have the unknown self, or when information is not known by ourselves or others. The unknown self can include aptitudes/talents, attitudes/feelings, behaviors, capabilities, etc. that are unknown to us or others. For example, you may have a natural talent to play the piano. Still, if you’ve never sat down in front of a piano, neither you nor others would have any way of knowing that you have the aptitude/talent for playing the piano. Sometimes parts of the unknown self are just under the surface and will arise with time and in the right contexts, but other times no one will ever know these unknown parts.

One other area that can affect the unknown self involves prior experiences. It’s possible that you experienced a traumatic event that closes you down in a specific area. For example, imagine that you are an amazing writer, but someone, when you were in the fourth grade, made fun of a story you wrote, so you never tried writing again. In this case, the aptitude/talent for writing has been stamped out because of that one traumatic experience as a child. Sadly, a lot of us probably have a range of aptitudes/talents, attitudes/feelings, behaviors, capabilities, etc. that were stopped because of traumas throughout our lives.

• We self-disclose to share information with others. It allows us to express our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.
• Self-disclosure includes levels of disclosure, reciprocity in disclosure, and appropriate disclosure.
• There can be positive and negative consequences of self-disclosure. These consequences can strengthen how you feel or create distance between you and someone else.
• The Johari Window is a model that helps to illustrate self-disclosure and the process by which you interact with other people.
• Create a self-penetration diagram for yourself. What topics are you open to talk about? What are you not willing to discuss? Then compare with another student in class. How were you similar or dissimilar? Why do you think these differences/similarities exist?
• Think of a time when you’ve used the six different impression management techniques. How effective were you with each technique? What could you have done differently?
• Draw your own Johari Window. Fill in each of the window panes with a topic of self-disclosure. You will probably need to ask a close friend or family member to help you with the unknown self pane. Why did you put what you put? Does it make sense? Why?

7.3 Listening

• Differentiate between hearing and listening.
• Understand how to listen effectively.
• Recognize the different types of listening.

When it comes to daily communication, we spend about 45% of our listening, 30% speaking, 16% reading, and 9% writing. 36 However, most people are not entirely sure what the word “listening” is or how to do it effectively.

Hearing Is Not Listening

Hearing refers to a passive activity where an individual perceives sound by detecting vibrations through an ear. Hearing is a physiological process that is continuously happening. We are bombarded by sounds all the time. Unless you are in a sound-proof room or are 100% deaf, we are constantly hearing sounds. Even in a sound-proof room, other sounds that are normally not heard like a beating heart or breathing will become more apparent as a result of the blocked background noise.

Listening , on the other hand, is generally seen as an active process. Listening is “focused, concentrated attention for the purpose of understanding the meanings expressed by a [source].” 37 From this perspective, hearing is more of an automatic response when your ear perceives information; whereas, listening is what happens when we purposefully attend to different messages.

We can even take this a step further and differentiate normal listening from critical listening. Critical listening is the “careful, systematic thinking and reasoning to see whether a message makes sense in light of factual evidence.” 38 From this perspective, it’s one thing to attend to someone’s message, but something very different to analyze what the person is saying based on known facts and evidence.

Let’s apply these ideas to a typical interpersonal situation. Let’s say that you and your best friend are having dinner at a crowded restaurant. Your ear is going to be attending to a lot of different messages all the time in that environment, but most of those messages get filtered out as “background noise,” or information we don’t listen to at all. Maybe then your favorite song comes on the speaker system the restaurant is playing, and you and your best friend both attend to the song because you both like it. A minute earlier, another song could have been playing, but you tuned it out (hearing) instead of taking a moment to enjoy and attend to the song itself (listen). Next, let’s say you and your friend get into a discussion about the issues of campus parking. Your friend states, “There’s never any parking on campus. What gives?” Now, if you’re critically listening to what your friend says, you’ll question the basis of this argument. For example, the word “never” in this statement is problematic because it would mean that the campus has zero available parking, which is probably not the case. Now, it may be difficult for your friend to find a parking spot on campus, but that doesn’t mean that there’s “never any parking.” In this case, you’ve gone from just listening to critically evaluating the argument your friend is making.

Model of Listening

Judi Brownell created one of the most commonly used models for listening. 39 Although not the only model of listening that exists, we like this model because it breaks the process of hearing down into clearly differentiated stages: hearing, understanding, remembering, interpreting, evaluating, and responding (Figure 7.4).

From a fundamental perspective, for listening to occur, an individual must attend to some kind of communicated message. Now, one can argue that hearing should not be equated with listening (as we did above), but it is the first step in the model of listening. Simply, if we don’t attend to the message at all, then communication never occurred from the receiver’s perspective.

Imagine you’re standing in a crowded bar with your friends on a Friday night. You see your friend Darry and yell her name. In that instant, you, as a source of a message, have attempted to send a message. If Darry is too far away, or if the bar is too loud and she doesn’t hear you call her name, then Darry has not engaged in stage one of the listening model. You may have tried to initiate communication, but the receiver, Darry, did not know that you initiated communication.

Now, to engage in mindful listening, it’s important to take hearing seriously because of the issue of intention. If we go into an interaction with another person without really intending to listening to what they have to say, we may end up being a passive listener who does nothing more than hear and nod our heads. Remember, mindful communication starts with the premise that we must think about our intentions and be aware of them.

Understanding

The second stage of the listening model is understanding, or the ability to comprehend or decode the source’s message. When we discussed the basic models of human communication in Chapter 2 , we discussed the idea of decoding a message. Simply, decoding is when we attempt to break down the message we’ve heard into comprehensible meanings. For example, imagine someone coming up to you asking if you know, “Tintinnabulation of vacillating pendulums in inverted, metallic resonant cups.” Even if you recognize all of the words, you may not completely comprehend what the person is even trying to say. In this case, you cannot decode the message. Just as an FYI, that means “jingle bells.”

Remembering

Once we’ve decoded a message, we have to actually remember the message itself, or the ability to recall a message that was sent. We are bombarded by messages throughout our day, so it’s completely possible to attend to a message and decode it and then forget it about two seconds later.

For example, I always warn my students that my brain is like a sieve. If you tell me something when I’m leaving the class, I could easily have forgotten what you told me three seconds later because my brain switches gear to what I’m doing next: I run into another student into in the hallway; another thought pops into my head; etc. As such, I always recommend emailing me important things, so I don’t forget them. In this case, it’s not that I don’t understand the message; I just get distracted, and my remembering process fails me. This problem plagues all of us.

Interpreting

The next stage in the HURIER Model of Listening is interpreting. “Interpreting messages involves attention to all of the various speaker and contextual variables that provide a background for accurately perceived messages.” 40 So, what do we mean by contextual variables? A lot of the interpreting process is being aware of the nonverbal cues (both oral and physical) that accompany a message to accurately assign meaning to the message.

Imagine you’re having a conversation with one of your peers, and he says, “I love math.” Well, the text itself is demonstrating an overwhelming joy and calculating mathematical problems. However, if the message is accompanied by an eye roll or is said in a manner that makes it sound sarcastic, then the meaning of the oral phrase changes. Part of interpreting a message then is being sensitive to nonverbal cues.

The next stage is the evaluating stage, or judging the message itself. One of the biggest hurdles many people have with listening is the evaluative stage. Our personal biases, values, and beliefs can prevent us from effectively listening to someone else’s message.

Let’s imagine that you despise a specific politician. It’s gotten to the point where if you hear this politician’s voice, you immediately change the television channel. Even hearing other people talk about this politician causes you to tune out completely. In this case, your own bias against this politician prevents you from effectively listening to their message or even others’ messages involving this politician. Overcoming our own biases against the source of a message or the content of a message in an effort to truly listen to a message is not easy. One of the reasons listening is a difficult process is because of our inherent desire to evaluate people and ideas.

When it comes to evaluating another person’s message, it’s important to remember to be mindful. As we discussed in Chapter 1 , to be a mindful communicator, you must listen with an open ear that is nonjudging. Too often, we start to evaluate others’ messages with an analytical or cold quality that is antithetical to being mindful.

In Figure 7.4, hearing is represented by an ear, the brain represents the next four stages, and a person’s mouth represents the final stage. It’s important to realize that effective listening starts with the ear and centers in the brain, and only then should someone provide feedback to the message itself. Often, people jump from hearing and understanding to responding, which can cause problems as they jump to conclusions that have arisen by truncated interpretation and evaluation.

Ultimately, how we respond to a source’s message will dictate how the rest of that interaction will progress. If we outright dismiss what someone is saying, we put up a roadblock that says, “I don’t want to hear anything else.” On the other hand, if we nod our heads and say, “tell me more,” then we are encouraging the speaker to continue the interaction. For effective communication to occur, it’s essential to consider how our responses will impact the other person and our relationship with that other person.

Overall, when it comes to being a mindful listener, it’s vital to remember COAL: curiosity, openness, acceptance, and love. 41 We need to go into our interactions with others and try to see things from their points of view. When we engage in COAL, we can listen mindfully and be in the moment.

Taxonomy of Listening

Now that we’ve introduced the basic concepts of listening, let’s examine a simple taxonomy of listening that was created by Andrew Wolvin and Carolyn Coakley. 42 The basic premise of the Wolvin and Coakley taxonomy of listening is that there are fundamental parts to listening and then higher-order aspects of listening (Figure 7.5). Let’s look at each of these parts separately.

Discriminative

The base level of listening is what Wolvin and Coakley called discriminative listening, or distinguishing between auditory and visual stimuli and determining which to actually pay attention to. In many ways, discriminative listening focuses on how hearing and seeing a wide range of different stimuli can be filtered and used.

We’re constantly bombarded by a variety of messages in our day-to-day lives. We have to discriminate between which messages we want to pay attention to and which ones we won’t. As a metaphor, think of discrimination as your email inbox. Every day you have to filter out messages (aka spam) to find the messages you want to actually read. In the same way, our brains are constantly bombarded by messages, and we have to filter some in and most of them out.

Comprehensive

If we achieve discriminative listening, then we can progress to comprehensive listening. “Comprehensive listening requires the listener to use the discriminative skills while functioning to understand and recall the speaker’s information.” 43 If we go back and look at Figure 7.4, we can see that comprehensive listening essentially aligns with understanding and remembering.

Wolvin and Coakley argued that discriminative and comprehensive listening are foundational levels of listening. If these foundational levels of listening are met, then they can progress to the other three, higher-order levels of listening: therapeutic, critical, and appreciative.

Therapeutic

Therapeutic listening occurs when an individual is a sounding board for another person during an interaction. For example, your best friend just fought with their significant other and they’ve come to you to talk through the situation.

The next aspect of listening is critical listening, or really analyzing the message that is being sent. Instead of just being a passive receiver of information, the essential goal of listening is to determine the acceptability or validity of the message(s) someone is sending.

Appreciative

Lastly, we have appreciative listening, which is when someone simply enjoys the act of listening or the message being sent. For example, let’s say you’re watching a Broadway musical or play or even a new movie at the cinema. While you may be engaged critically, you also may be simply appreciative and enjoying the act of listening to the message.

Listening Styles

Now that we have a better understanding of how listening works, let’s talk about four different styles of listening researchers have identified. Kittie Watson, Larry Barker, and James Weaver defined listening styles as “attitudes, beliefs, and predispositions about the how, where, when, who, and what of the information reception and encoding process.” 44 Watson et al. identified four distinct listening styles: people, content, action, and time. Before progressing to learning about the different listening styles, take a minute to complete the measure in Table 7.1, The Listening Style Questionnaire. The Listening Style Questionnaire is based on the original work of Watson, Barker, and Weaver. 45

Instructions:  Read the following questions and select the answer that corresponds with how you tend to listen to public speeches. Do not be concerned if some of the items appear similar. Please use the scale below to rate the degree to which each statement applies to you:

_____1. I am very attuned to public speaker’s emotions while listening to them.

_____2. I keep my attention on a public speaker’s feelings why they speak.

_____3. I listen for areas of similarity and difference between me and a public speaker.

_____4. I generally don’t pay attention to a speaker’s emotions.

_____5. When listening to a speaker’s problems, I find myself very attentive.

_____6. I prefer to listen to people’s arguments while they are speaking.

_____7. I tend to tune out technical information when a speaker is speaking.

_____8. I wait until all of the arguments and evidence is presented before judging a speaker’s message.

_____9. I always fact check a speaker before forming an opinion about their message.

_____10. When it comes to public speaking, I want a speaker to keep their opinions to themself and just give me the facts.

_____11. A speaker needs to get to the point and tell me why I should care.

_____12. Unorganized speakers drive me crazy.

_____13. Speakers need to stand up, say what they need to say, and sit down.

_____14. If a speaker wants me to do something, they should just say it directly.

_____15. When a speaker starts to ramble on, I really start to get irritated.

_____16. I have a problem listening to someone give a speech when I have other things to do, places to be, or people to see.

_____17. When I don’t have time to listen to a speech, I have no problem telling someone.

_____18. When someone is giving a speech, I’m constantly looking at my watch or clocks in the room.

_____19. I avoid speeches when I don’t have the time to listen to them.

_____20. I have no problem listening to a speech even when I’m in a hurry.

People-Oriented Listener

A: Add scores for items 1, 2, 3, 5 and place total on line. _____

B: Place score for item 4 on the line._____

C: Take the total from A and add 6 to the score. Place the new number on the line._____

Final Score: Now subtract B from C. Place your final score on the line._____

Content-Oriented Listener

A: Add scores for items 6, 8, 9, 10 and place total on line._____

B: Place score for item 7 on the line._____

Action-Oriented Listener

 Final Score: Add items 11, 12, 13, 14, 15_____

Time-Oriented Listener

A: A dd scores for items 16, 17, 19 and place total on line._____

B: A dd scores for items 18 & 20 and place total on line._____

C: Take the total from A and add 12 to the score. Place the new number on the line._____

Interpreting Your Score

For each of the four subscales, scores should be between 5 and 25. If your score is above 18, you are considered to have high levels of that specific listening style. If your score is below 12, you’re considered to have low levels of that specific listening style.

Watson, K. W., Barker, L. L., & Weaver, J. B., III. (1992, March). Development and validation of the Listener Preference Profile . Paper presented at the International Listening Association in Seattle, WA.

Table 7.1 Listening Style Questionnaire

The Four Listening Styles

The first listening style is the people-oriented listening style. People-oriented listeners tend to be more focused on the person sending the message than the content of the message. As such, people-oriented listeners focus on the emotional states of senders of information. One way to think about people-oriented listeners is to see them as highly compassionate, empathic, and sensitive, which allows them to put themselves in the shoes of the person sending the message.

People-oriented listeners often work well in helping professions where listening to the person and understanding their feelings is very important (e.g., therapist, counselor, social worker, etc.). People-oriented listeners are also very focused on maintaining relationships, so they are good at casual conservation where they can focus on the person.

The second listening style is the action-oriented listener. Action-oriented listeners are focused on what the source wants. The action-oriented listener wants a source to get to the point quickly. Instead of long, drawn-out lectures, the action-oriented speaker would prefer quick bullet points that get to what the source desires. Action-oriented listeners “tend to preference speakers that construct organized, direct, and logical presentations.” 46

When dealing with an action-oriented listener, it’s important to realize that they want you to be logical and get to the point. One of the things action-oriented listeners commonly do is search for errors and inconsistencies in someone’s message, so it’s important to be organized and have your facts straight.

The third type of listener is the content-oriented listener, or a listener who focuses on the content of the message and process that message in a systematic way. Of the four different listening styles, content-oriented listeners are more adept at listening to complex information. Content-oriented listeners “believe it is important to listen fully to a speaker’s message prior to forming an opinion about it (while action listeners tend to become frustrated if the speaker is ‘wasting time’).” 47

When it comes to analyzing messages, content-oriented listeners really want to dig into the message itself. They want as much information as possible in order to make the best evaluation of the message. As such, “they want to look at the time, the place, the people, the who, the what, the where, the when, the how … all of that. They don’t want to leave anything out.” 48

The final listening style is the time-oriented listening style. Time-oriented listeners are sometimes referred to as “clock watchers” because they’re always in a hurry and want a source of a message to speed things up a bit. Time-oriented listeners “tend to verbalize the limited amount of time they are willing or able to devote to listening and are likely to interrupt others and openly signal disinterest.” 49

They often feel that they are overwhelmed by so many different tasks that need to be completed (whether real or not), so they usually try to accomplish multiple tasks while they are listening to a source. Of course, multitasking often leads to someone’s attention being divided, and information being missed.

Thinking About the Four Listening Types

Kina Mallard broke down the four listening styles and examined some of the common positive characteristics, negative characteristics, and strategies for communicating with the different listening styles (Table 7.2). 50

Table 7.2 Understanding the Four Listening Styles

Hopefully, this section has helped you further understand the complexity of listening. We should mention that many people are not just one listening style or another. It’s possible to be a combination of different listening styles. However, some of the listening style combinations are more common. For example, someone who is action-oriented and time-oriented will want the bare-bones information so they can make a decision. On the other hand, it’s hard to be a people-oriented listener and time-oriented listener because being empathic and attending to someone’s feelings takes time and effort.

Mindfulness Activity

• HALT — Halt whatever you are doing and offer your full attention.
• ENJOY — Enjoy a breath as you choose to receive whatever is being communicated to you—wanted or unwanted.
• ASK — Ask yourself if you really know what they mean, and if you don’t, ask for clarification. Instead of making assumptions, bring openness and curiosity to the interaction. You might be surprised at what you discover.
• REFLECT — Reflect back to them what you heard. This tells them that you were really listening. 51

For this mindfulness activity, we want you to engage in mindful listening. Start by having a conversation with a friend, romantic partner, or family member. Before beginning the conversation, find a location that has minimal distractions, so try not to engage in this activity in a public space. Also, turn off the television and radio. The goal is to focus your attention on the other person. Start by employing the HEAR method for listening during your conversation. After you have finished this conversation, try to answer the following questions:

• How easy was it for you to provide your conversational partner your full attention? When stray thoughts entered your head, how did you refocus yourself?
• Were you able to pay attention to your breathing while engaged in this conversation? Were you breathing lightly or heavily? Did your breathing get in the way of you listening mindfully? If yes, what happened?
• Did you attempt to empathize with your conversational partner? How easy was it to understand where they were coming from? Was it still easy to empathize if you didn’t agree with something they said or didn’t like something they said?
• How did your listening style impact your ability to stay mindful while listening? Do you think all four listening styles are suited for mindful listening? Why?
• Hearing happens when sound waves hit our eardrums. Listening involves processing these sounds into something meaningful.
• The listening process includes: having the motivation to listen, clearly hearing the message, paying attention, interpreting the message, evaluating the message, remembering and responding appropriately.
• There are many types of listening styles: comprehension, evaluative, empathetic, and appreciative.
• Take the online hearing test. Go to: Hearing Test or the Audiogram on the MED-EL website. These are online tests. You should always consult a licensed audiologist if you have concerns about hearing loss.
• For the next week, do a listening diary. Take notes of all the things you listen to and analyze to see if you are truly a good listener. Do you ask people to repeat things? Do you paraphrase?
• After completing the Listening Styles Questionnaire, think about your own listening style and how it impacts how you interact with others. What should you think about when communicating with people who have a different listening style?

7.4 Listening Responses

• Discuss different types of listening responses.
• Discern different types of questioning.
• Analyze perception checking.

Who do you think is a great listener? Why did you name that particular person? How can you tell that person is a good listener? You probably recognize a good listener based on the nonverbal and verbal cues that they display. In this section, we will discuss different types of listening responses. We all don’t listen in the same way. Also, each situation is different and requires a distinct style that is appropriate for that situation.

Types of Listening Responses

Ronald Adler, Lawrence Rosenfeld, and Russell Proctor are three interpersonal scholars who have done quite a bit with listening. 52 Based on their research, they have found different types of listening responses: silent listening, questioning, paraphrasing, empathizing, supporting, analyzing, evaluating, and advising (Figure 7.6). 53

Silent Listening

Silent listening occurs when you say nothing. It is ideal in certain situations and awful in other situations. However, when used correctly, it can be very powerful. If misused, you could give the wrong impression to someone. It is appropriate to use when you don’t want to encourage more talking. It also shows that you are open to the speaker’s ideas.

Sometimes people get angry when someone doesn’t respond. They might think that this person is not listening or trying to avoid the situation. But it might be due to the fact that the person is just trying to gather their thoughts, or perhaps it would be inappropriate to respond. There are certain situations such as in counseling, where silent listening can be beneficial because it can help that person figure out their feelings and emotions.

Questioning

In situations where you want to get answers, it might be beneficial to use questioning. You can do this in a variety of ways. There are several ways to question in a sincere, nondirective way (see Table 7.3):

Table 7.3 Types of Nondirective Questioning

You might have different types of questions. Sincere questions are ones that are created to find a genuine answer. Counterfeit questions are disguised attempts to send a message, not to receive one. Sometimes, counterfeit questions can cause the listener to be defensive. For instance, if someone asks you, “Tell me how often you used crystal meth.” The speaker implies that you have used meth, even though that has not been established. A speaker can use questions that make statements by emphasizing specific words or phrases, stating an opinion or feeling on the subject. They can ask questions that carry hidden agendas, like “Do you have $5?” because the person would like to borrow that money. Some questions seek “correct” answers. For instance, when a friend says, “Do I look fat?” You probably have a correct or ideal answer. There are questions that are based on unchecked assumptions. An example would be, “Why aren’t you listening?” This example implies that the person wasn’t listening, when in fact they are listening.

Paraphrasing

Paraphrasing is defined as restating in your own words, the message you think the speaker just sent. There are three types of paraphrasing. First, you can change the speaker’s wording to indicate what you think they meant. Second, you can offer an example of what you think the speaker is talking about. Third, you can reflect on the underlying theme of a speaker’s remarks. Paraphrasing represents mindful listening in the way that you are trying to analyze and understand the speaker’s information. Paraphrasing can be used to summarize facts and to gain consensus in essential discussions. This could be used in a business meeting to make sure that all details were discussed and agreed upon. Paraphrasing can also be used to understand personal information more accurately. Think about being in a counselor’s office. Counselors often paraphrase information to understand better exactly how you are feeling and to be able to analyze the information better.

Empathizing

Empathizing is used to show that you identify with a speaker’s information. You are not empathizing when you deny others the rights to their feelings. Examples of this are statements such as, “It’s really not a big deal” or “Who cares?” This indicates that the listener is trying to make the speaker feel a different way. In minimizing the significance of the situation, you are interpreting the situation in your perspective and passing judgment.

Sometimes, in a discussion, people want to know how you feel about them instead of a reflection on the content. Several types of supportive responses are: agreement, offers to help, praise, reassurance, and diversion. The value of receiving support when faced with personal problems is very important. This has been shown to enhance psychological, physical, and relational health. To effectively support others, you must meet certain criteria. You have to make sure that your expression of support is sincere, be sure that other person can accept your support, and focus on “here and now” rather than “then and there.”

Analyzing is helpful in gaining different alternatives and perspectives by offering an interpretation of the speaker’s message. However, this can be problematic at times. Sometimes the speaker might not be able to understand your perspective or may become more confused by accepting it. To avoid this, steps must be taken in advance. These include tentatively offering your interpretation instead of as an absolute fact. By being more sensitive about it, it might be more comfortable for the speaker to accept. You can also make sure that your analysis has a reasonable chance of being correct. If it were inaccurate, it would leave the person more confused than before. Also, you must make sure the person will be receptive to your analysis and that your motive for offering is to truly help the other person. An analysis offered under any other circumstances is useless.

Evaluating appraises the speaker’s thoughts or behaviors. The evaluation can be favorable (“That makes sense”) or negative (passing judgment). Negative evaluations can be critical or non-critical (constructive criticism). Two conditions offer the best chance for evaluations to be received: if the person with the problem requested an evaluation, and if it is genuinely constructive and not designed as a putdown.

Advising differs from evaluations. It is not always the best solution and can sometimes be harmful. In order to avoid this, you must make sure four conditions are present: be sure the person is receptive to your suggestions, make sure they are truly ready to accept it, be confident in the correctness of your advice, and be sure the receiver won’t blame you if it doesn’t work out.

Perception Checking

Perceptions change in a relationship. Initially, people can view others positively (for example, confident, thrifty, funny), then later in the relationship that person changes (arrogant, cheap, childish). The person hasn’t changed. Only our perceptions of them have changed. That is why we focus on perception in a communication book because often, our perception affects how we communicate. It also has an impact on what we listen to and how we listen. For instance, when people get married, one person might say, “I love you! I would die for you,” then a couple of years later, that same person might say, “I hate you! I am going to kill you!” Their perceptions about the other person will change. 54

Even when people break up, men typically will think about the physical aspects of the relationship (I gave her a watch, she wasn’t that hot) and women will think about the emotional aspects of the relationship (I gave him my heart, I really cared about him.). Perception is an interesting thing because sometimes we think other people have a similar perspective, but as we will see, that is not always the case.

What we pay attention to varies from one person to another. The first step in the perception process is selection. It determines what things we focus on compared to what things we ignore. What we select to focus on depends on:

• Intensity – if it is bigger, brighter, louder in some way. Think about all the advertisements that you view. If the words are bigger or if the sound is louder, you are more likely to pay attention to it. Advertisers know that intensity is very important to get people to pay attention.
• Repetition–It has been said that to get someone to do something, they have to be told three different ways and three different times. People pay attention to things that repeat because you can remember it easier. In school, we learn to do things over and over again, because it teaches us mastery of a skill.
• Differences – We will pay attention to differences, especially if it is a disparity or dissimilarity to what commonly occurs. Think about changes or adjustments that you had to deal with in life. These transformations made you notice the comparisons. For instance, children who go through a divorce will talk about the differences that they encountered. Children will focus on how things are different and how it is not the same.
• Motives/Goals. We tend to pay attention to things for which have a strong interest or desire. If you love cars, you will probably notice cars more closely than someone else who has no interest in cars. Another example might be if you are single, then you might notice who is married and who is not more than someone in a committed relationship.
• Emotions. Our emotional state has a strong impact on how we view life in general. If we are sad, we will probably notice other sad faces. The same thing happens when we are happy; we will tend to notice other happy people. Our emotions can impact how we feel. If we are angry, we might say things we don’t mean and not perceive how we come across to other people.

Organization

The second phase in the perception process is organization, or how we arrange information in our minds. So, once we have selected what information we pay attention to, our minds try to process it. Sometimes when this occurs, we engage in stereotyping or attribute certain characteristics to a certain set of individuals. In other words, we classify or labels others based on certain qualities.

Also, when people organize information in their mind, they can also engage in punctuation, or establishing the effects and causes in communication behavior. It is more useful to realize that a conflict situation can be perceived differently by each person, and it is important to focus on “What we can do to make this situation better?”

Interpretation

The third phase of the perception process is interpretation. In this phase, we try to understand the information or make sense of it. This depends on a few factors:

• Degree of involvement–If we were in the middle of an accident, we would probably have more information regarding what event occurred compared to a bystander. The more involved we are with something, the more we can make sense of what is actually happening. For instance, in cults, the members understand the rules and rituals, but an outsider would not understand, because they are not exposed to the rules and rituals.
• Relational satisfaction – If we are happy in a relationship, we tend to think that everything is wonderful. However, if you are dissatisfied in the relationship, you might second guess the behaviors and actions of your partner.
• Past experiences – If you had a good past experience with a certain company, you might think that everything they do is wonderful. However, if your first experience was horrible, you may think that they are always horrible. In turn, you will interpret that company’s actions as justified because you already encountered a horrible experience.
• Assumptions about human behavior – If you believed that most people do not lie, then you would probably be very hurt if someone important to you lied to you. Our assumptions about others help us understand their behaviors and actions. If you had a significant other cheats on you, you would probably be suspicious of future interactions with other significant others.
• Expectations – Our behaviors are also influenced by our expectations of others. If we expect a party to be fun and it isn’t, then we will be let down. However, if we have no expectations about a party, it may not affect how we feel about it.
• Knowledge of others – If you know that someone close to you has a health problem, then it will not be a shock if they need medical attention. However, if you had no clue that this person was unhealthy, it would come as a complete surprise. How you interpret a given situation is oftentimes based on what you know about a certain situation. 55

Negotiation

The last phase of the perception process is called negotiation. In this phase, people are trying to understand what is happening. People often use narratives or stories to explain and depict their life. For instance, a disagreement between a teacher and student might look very different depending on which perspective you take. The student might perceive that they are hard-working and very studious. The student thinks they deserve a high grade. However, the teacher might feel that their job is to challenge all students to their highest levels and be fair to all students. By listening to both sides, we can better understand what is going on and what needs to be done in certain situations. Think about car accidents and how police officers have to listen to both sides. Police officers have to determine what happened and who is at fault. Sometimes it is not an easy task.

Influences on Perception

All of us don’t perceive the same things. One person might find something beautiful, but another person might think it is horrible. When it comes to our perception, there are four primary influences we should understand: physiological, psychological, social, and cultural.

Physiological Influences

Some of the reasons why we don’t interpret things, in the same way are due to physiology. Hence, biology has an impact on what we do and do not perceive. In this section, we will discuss the various physiological influences.

• Senses – Our senses can have an impact on what and where we focus our attention. For instance, if you have a strong sense of smell, you might be more sensitive to a foul-smelling odor compared to someone who cannot smell anything due to sinus problems. Our senses give us a different perception of the world.
• Age – Age can impact what we perceive. Have you ever noticed that children have so much energy, and the elderly do not? Children may perceive that there is so much to do in a day, and the elderly may perceive that there is nothing to do. Our age influences how we think about things.
• Health – when we are healthy, we have the stamina and endurance to do many things. However, when we are sick, our bodies may be more inclined to rest. Thus, we will perceive a lot of information differently. For instance, when you are healthy, some of your favorite meals will taste really good, but when you are sick, it might not taste so good, because you cannot smell things due to a stuffy nose.
• Hunger – When you are hungry, it is tough to concentrate on anything except food. Studies have shown that when people are hungry, all they focus on is something to eat.
• Biological cycles – Some people are “morning larks” and some are “night owls.” In other words, there are peaks where people perform at their highest level. For some individuals, it is late at night, and for others, it is early in the morning. When people perform at their peak times, they are likely to be more perceptive of information. If you are a person who loves getting up early, you would probably hate night classes, because you are not able to absorb as much information as you could if the class was in the morning.

Psychological Influences

Sometimes the influences on perception are not physiological but psychological. These influences include mood and self-concept. These influences are based in our mind, and we can’t detect them in others.

• Mood – Whether we are happy or sad can affect how we view the world. For instance, if we are happy, then anything that happens, we might view it more positively.
• Self-concept – If we have a healthy self-concept of ourselves, we may not be offended if someone makes a negative remark. Yet, if we have a poor self-concept of ourselves, then we are probably going to be more influenced by negative remarks. The stronger our self-concept is, the more likely it will affect how we view perceive other people’s communication behaviors toward us.

Social Influences

Social influences include sex and gender roles, as well as occupational roles. These roles can impact our perceptions. Because we are in these roles, we might be likely to think differently than others in different roles.

• Sex and gender roles – We have certain expectations in our culture regarding how men and women should behave in public. Women are expected to be more nurturing than men. Moreover, men and women are viewed differently concerning their marital status and age.
• Occupational roles – Our jobs have an influence on how we perceive the world. If you were a lawyer, you might be more inclined to take action on civil cases than your average member of the public, because you know how to handle these kinds of situations. Moreover, if you are a nurse or medical specialist, you are more likely to perceive the health of other individuals. You would be able to tell if someone needed urgent medical care or not.

Research Spotlight

The researchers found that talkers who perceived the listener to be listening intently to be very important for effective communication. First, perceived listening led to a greater sense of social attraction towards the listener, which in turn, led to a greater sense of trust for the listener. Second, talkers who perceived the listener as listening intently felt their messages were clearer, which in turn, led to a greater sense of the talker’s overall wellbeing (positive affect).

As you can see, simply perceiving that the other person is listening intently to you is very important on a number of fronts. For this reason, it’s very important to remember to focus your attention when you’re listening to someone.

Lloyd, K. J., Boer, D., Kluger, A. N., & Voelpel, S. C. (2015). Building trust and feeling well: Examining intraindividual and interpersonal outcomes and underlying mechanisms of listening. International Journal of Listening, 29 (1), 12–29. https://doi.org/10.1080/10904018.2014.928211

Cultural Influences

In a recent meeting, the boss said, “Remember the Golden Rule,” and a coworker from India asked the staff about the meaning of that phrase. He wondered if there was a silver rule or a bronze rule. The reason he didn’t understand this concept is due to cultural influences. We know that everyone doesn’t perceive things in the same fashion.

In some countries, the elderly are highly respected individuals, where the youth go to for advice and wisdom. Yet, in other countries, the elderly are seen as lazy and worthless. Hence, our culture has an impact on how we perceive the world and others. Communication is different across cultures. Western cultures, like the United States, value talk and view it as very important to function and conduct business. Thus, they do not like silence because it can be perceived as shyness, frustration, and intimidating. 56 Western culture dislikes silence because it is uncomfortable and problematic. Asian cultures have different perceptions of communication. Silence is seen as valuable to reflect on one’s thinking. Asians might view someone who is talkative very negatively. Based on this example, we can see that cultural perceptions can lead to problems, because, to an American, silence is considered rude and to an Asian, silence is good. To effectively communicate, we need to understand cultural perceptions.

To judge others more accurately, we need to engage in perception checking.

Perception checking involves three steps:

• Describe your perception of the event
• Offer three different interpretations of that behavior
• Seek clarification about the interpretations

That’s it! I know this sounds easy, but it’s definitely much harder than it looks.

• The different types of listening responses are silent listening, questioning, paraphrasing, empathizing, supporting, analyzing, evaluating, and advising.
• Questioning can be to clarify meanings, encourage elaboration, learn about others, increase discovery, or obtain more information.
• Perception checking involves describing the situation, offering three possible interpretations, and then seeking information.
• Write down an example of each of the listening responses and why it is appropriate for that situation. Why did you write down what you did?
• Create a chart with the different types of questions and give at least two examples for each type. Compare with a friend in class.
• Watch a movie or television show with your friends, then ask them to write down the three most notable moments. Compare what you wrote to others. Was it similar or different? Why or why not? Did you all have the same perceptions? Why?

This is helpful in gaining different alternatives and perspectives by offering an interpretation of the speaker’s message.

appreciative listening

The type of listening you engage in for pleasure or enjoyment.

communication motives

Reasons why we communicate with others.

communication needs

Shows us how communication fulfills our needs.

comprehension listening

Listening for facts, information, or ideas that may be of use to you.

conversations

Interpersonal interactions through which you share facts and information as well as your ideas, thoughts, and feelings with other people.

emotional blackmail

Trying to influence someone’s behavior or persuade them to do something by making them feel guilty or exploiting their emotions.

empathic listening

Attempting to put yourself in another person’s shoes or to provide a supportive listening environment.

• empathizing

This is used to show that you identify with the speaker’s information.

evaluative listening

Listening for a speaker’s main points and determining the strengths and weaknesses to formulate a rebuttal or present important points that may not have been covered.

A passive activity where an individual perceives sound by detecting vibrations through an ear.

Johari window

A model that illustrates self-disclosure and the process by which you interact with other people.

A complex psychological process that can be defined as the process of physically hearing, interpreting that sound, and understanding the significance of it.

To restate what another person said using different words.

self-disclosure

The act of verbally or nonverbally revealing information about yourself to other people.

• silent listening

This occurs when you say nothing and is appropriate for certain situations.

social penetration theory

Theory originally created by Altman and Taylor to explain how individuals gradually become more intimate as individuals self-disclose more and those self-disclosures become more intimate (deep).

Chapter Wrap-Up

We spend most of our lives engaged in talking and listening behavior. As such, understanding the functions of talking and listening in interpersonal communication is very important. In this chapter, we started by discussing the importance of everyday conversations. We next discussed a specific type of talk: disclosing information about ourselves (self-disclosure). We then switched gears and focused on the listening component. Overall, talking and listening are extremely important to interpersonal communication, so understanding how they function can help improve our communication skills.

7.6 Chapter Exercises

Real-world case study.

Mictrotela is the new leader in telecommunications. However, many customers are having problems with their new cell phones. They have tried calling customer service to solve their problems. However, many of the customers get frustrated and wind up terminating their cell phone contracts. Mictrotela does some research and discovers that many of their customer service representatives do not know how to listen effectively. Many of the customers who call the company have complained that no one is listening to their problems.

• If you were hired as a consultant for this business, how would you fix this problem?
• How can you teach customer service representatives better listening skills?
• What are some strategies to help customers feel like they are being listened to?

End-of-Chapter Assessment

• questioning
• comprehension
• appreciative
• interpretive
• interrupting
• daydreaming
• pseudo-listening
• emotional listening
• insulated listening

The process of sharing information with another person.

"The attempt to generate as favorable an impression of ourselves as possible, particularly through both verbal and nonverbal techniques of self-presentation."

To analyze what the person is saying based on known facts and evidence.

Interpersonal Communication Copyright © by Jason S. Wrench; Narissra M. Punyanunt-Carter; and Katherine S. Thweatt is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License , except where otherwise noted.

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What Is Interpersonal Communication? (And How To Improve It)

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If you want to improve your interpersonal communication skills, you’ve come to the right place! We have real-life examples to enhance your skills and help you become a more engaging communicator. 

Why Is Interpersonal Communication Important?

Interpersonal communication is important because it’s how you connect with others to exchange ideas, develop relationships, influence, and give meaning to an experience. Interpersonal communication gives you the skills to offer conflict resolution, solve problems, listen actively, and make yourself understood. 

How to Improve Interpersonal Communication Skills (With Examples and Tips)

Here’s a great news: if interpersonal communication is not your strength, it is a skill you can learn!  

There are 4 main types of interpersonal communication:

• Verbal – Verbal communication is based on what you say and how you say it. 
• Nonverbal – Nonverbal communication is what you communicate with your body and your face. 
• Writing – Written communication is communicating through email, text, letter, or any other written form of communication.
• Listening – Listening is also communication. When you listen, you communicate how you feel about the other person and what they say. 

Let’s look at some examples of these 4 different types of interpersonal communication. 

Tip #1 Develop Vocal Confidence

How you communicate matters as much as the words you say. If your voice comes out high, squeaky, or soft and reticent, your verbal skills may not express confidence and strength. 

Vanessa Van Edwards recommends speaking on the out-breath. 

Vocal strength and resonance are vital when communicating with others. Imagine these scenarios:

Your boss asks you whether the current strategy is reaching predicted sales goals. Which is the better response?

• Yes? I think that we are moving in the right direction. All the numbers and things are adding up to be… that way… 
• Yes. All of the data suggests we are moving in the right direction. I currently have no concerns. 

Answer B communicates competence, and confidence, with a clear response. What went wrong in answer A? When your voice goes up at the end of a sentence, it can sound like a question. This is a fast way to appear incompetent and unsure of yourself. Another culprit that can sabotage your communication is letting sentences trail off.

If you’re in a situation where you aren’t sure, you could always try a response that looks like this:

• At the moment, the data is inconclusive. Can I get back to you on that? 

Instead of hedging around something you’re unsure of, confidently delay your answer. 

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Tip #2 Practice Your Negotiation Skills (Verbal Communication)

Negotiation isn’t just for high-profile businesses and politicians; negotiating is something people do daily. Negotiating involves using communication to come to a reasonable compromise with another person, all while avoiding conflict. Clearly, negotiation is a vital life skill and one that you use daily. 

Examples of everyday life negotiations:

• Choosing where to go to lunch with friends
• Whether to go for a run or stay in bed another 30 minutes
• Extending the deadline on a work project
• The curfew for your teen 

Pro-Tip: Practice your negotiation skills in low-stakes situations and request feedback from friends and family. Assessing your negotiation skills will help you know what to improve and where your strengths lie.

As you practice your negotiation skills, don’t be afraid to speak up but keep your tone calm and stable. Tone, volume, and speed are all critical to effective verbal communication. 

Tip #3 Use Self-Awareness to Communicate Who You Are (Nonverbal Communication)  

What are your nonverbal habits? Princess Diana used the chin tuck , a nonverbal cue that became a part of her brand and contributed to how we perceived her and even our emotional response to her. 

Like Princess Diana, you may do things that people identify as synonymous with you. These nonverbals shape your interpersonal communication if you always slouch in meetings, regularly touch your nose when you’re nervous, cover your mouth when you laugh, or smirk when you disagree. 

Nonverbals can damage how others see you; clearly, you don’t want to be perceived as apathetic and lazy (slouching in meetings) or arrogant and condescending (smirking when you disagree). 

Pro Tip: Develop self-awareness (intrapersonal communication) by exploring what emotions you feel when you communicate a negative nonverbal. Look for the cause of those emotions, and then strengthen your interpersonal communication by shifting your responses to your environment. 

For example, think about why you’re slouching in meetings. It could be because:

• You feel anxious in a group setting.
• You dislike the person leading the meeting.
• There are so many meetings you feel like you can’t manage your workload. 

There are solutions to each of these situations, but your nonverbal communication of slouching is not one of them. Instead, it’s counterproductive. 

Action Steps: Ask yourself these questions.

• What is one nonverbal that communicates a negative message to other people about me? 
• What do I feel when I use that nonverbal cue? Can I be assertive and address the underlying problem in some way?
• What is one nonverbal that communicates a positive message to others? Can I use that to replace other unhelpful nonverbal cues? 

Tip #4 Make Connections With Eye Contact (Nonverbal Communication)

Whether gazing into your child’s eyes to build healthy attachment or mutual gazing with someone you’re attracted to, eye contact can strengthen your charisma and connection with others. It’s also a great indicator of whether someone is interested in you. 

Use this skill carefully—you wouldn’t want your coworker or potential client to think you’re sustaining eye contact because you’re interested! 

Pro Tip: Make eye contact at least 30% of the time, but avoid going over 60-70% . 

Examples of good eye contact:

• Hold eye contact with your boss for 4-5 seconds to signify you are listening. When you look away, do so to take notes. Nodding is also a comfortable way to look away; you can either look down, up, or to the side as you nod. 
• When your partner is talking, lean forward, and nod. Hold eye contact as they speak and raise your eyebrows or smile to signify interest in what they say. If you’re in a new relationship, avoid the creeper stare. Glance to the side (avoid looking down as it makes you appear submissive or nervous) so that you’re maintaining eye contact 50% of the time while speaking and 70% of the time when listening. 
• As a parent, maintain a lot of eye contact with your littles (especially when they are a baby), look deeply into their eyes, and mirror their facial expressions. Eye contact isn’t just about interpersonal communication; studies have found that it’s crucial to human development .  

Disclaimer: Remember to take into account cultural differences in eye contact. Studies on eye contact show that Westerners look at the face in a triangle format (eyes to mouth), and East Asians look at the center of the face. While Westerners value eye contact, other cultures may find it disrespectful or even suggestive. 

Tip #5 Do an Email Audit (Writing Communication)

We’ve all gotten an email that feels terse, rude, or even passive-aggressive. Do you know what your emails sound like? Are they long and drawn out? Short and terse? Warm and competent? 

Vanessa suggests doing an email audit to check what you are communicating digitally. 

Action Steps: 

• Open 5 important emails you’ve sent in the last few days
• Look at the first 10 words that you used in each email
• Count how many warm words and how many competent words you used

Let’s look at the good, bad, and the ugly of written interpersonal communication.

Scenario 1:

Hey. I need info on cathy. Expected it from you yesterday. Check the atachmint.

Why this doesn’t work:

• Typos and terse punctuation
• Passive aggressive in tone
• Not enough information included
• No indication of what the attachment is or what response is needed

Try this instead: 

Hey [name], have you received the information on Cathy from the hiring manager? I was hoping to move forward with the hiring process, but I just heard Larry requested we change the job description. I’m not sure Cathy still meets the qualifications with this adjustment. See attached for the updated job description. I’d appreciate it if you could communicate with the hiring manager and then update me on what is happening. 

Why it works:

• It provides context and clearly outlines what the request is
• Offers information about what the attachment is
• While not overly warm, this is a good step in the right direction

Pro Tip: Don’t attempt to suddenly ooze warmth in your communication if your typical communication style is abrupt. Instead, work on making minor adjustments to your interpersonal communication. Over time, slowly add warmth, and it will feel more natural. 

Scenario 2:  

Hey Don! How have you been?? I heard you had a great vacation. So jellies!! 💔💔 Did you get my last email? I know you’ve been busy, but I REALLY need your help! I’ll swing by your office later if I don’t hear from you. 

• Too many emojis and excessive punctuation
• Slightly manipulative
• Inconsiderate and unprofessional
• Doesn’t communicate what the need or request is

Try this instead:

Hey Don! Glad to have you back from vacation. I know you have a lot on your plate, but I hope you can help me with information on our new client. Jessica mentioned you were their first point of contact. I want to ensure I have the complete picture before I start, and I value your perspective.

I look forward to hearing from you. I’ll be at my desk until 5 if it’s easier to talk in person. Thanks so much!  

Why it works:  

• Polite and professional
• Provides context and information upfront
• Offers multiple options for a solution while keeping it concise

Tip #6 Use Verbal and Nonverbal Mirroring (Listening Communication)

One of the most powerful interpersonal skills is listening and listening well. We all crave feeling seen and heard, and you can help satisfy that need in the people you interact with. Use verbal mirroring to be even more engaging and charismatic. 

Not sure how to do this? Here are some examples:

• Nod with someone who is nodding.
• Lean forward when the other person leans forward.
• Cross your legs in the same way as the person who is speaking.
• Repeat words that the other person has used.
• Match their cadence and tone in speech.

Mirroring is all about observing the person in front of you. Listen to what they say and how they move and simply mirror that. Mirroring often happens naturally when we attune to others, so we focus more on the person than on mimicking behaviors. 

Pro Tip: Avoid mirroring negative body language, such as physically withdrawing or looking away. 

Action Steps:

• If you’re a restaurant server , use mirroring by repeating the order back to your customer. According to this Dutch study, tips increased by 70% when servers used mirroring . Mirroring is a simple way to help customers feel heard and understood. 
• If you’re on a date, use the triple nod to keep the other person talking and add a little flirtation by subtly mirroring their body language. 
• If you have a conflict , use verbal mirroring for conflict resolution (be sure to take a few minutes to cool down first). Unlike other mirroring, both of you will know that this is what you’re doing. It’s active and intentional so that you both feel heard. For example, you tell your partner:

“I feel hurt that you didn’t buy the coffee I asked for. It feels like you don’t listen to me.” 

Then, they can respond by saying, “You feel hurt because it feels like I don’t listen to you?” 

When one person feels heard, you switch roles, and they share their feelings as well, 

“When you ask me to pick up groceries last minute, I feel frustrated and angry. Then I don’t think about what I’m buying. I need time to plan for things, and I don’t feel you understand that about me.”

Then you mirror back what they have said. “So you feel frustrated and angry because I don’t give you time to plan for things, and you feel like I should know this is one of your needs?” 

 The goal isn’t getting your point across. Instead, it’s listening to the other person and hearing them. 

Tip #7 Use Your Face (Listening Communication)

When listening to someone, be deeply engaged! The simple act of flexing your eyelids signals that you are actively engaged in the conversation. 

But don’t stop with just one nonverbal cue; your face can communicate much when you’re listening. 

Pro Tip: Have you noticed how flat facial expressions can be on video calls (especially in groups!)? Set yourself apart by showing facial expressions that demonstrate active listening.

Use these tips to increase your listening skills:

• Raise your eyebrows when you’re surprised by a fact or have heard some unexpected information.
• Open your mouth in shock when your friend tells you something that makes them indignant.
• Nod three times to show you want to hear more from the speaker. 
• Avoid pressing your lips together (which could signify displeasure) when you need to listen without judgment.
• Tilt your head to indicate you’re listening. 

Suffer from resting bitch face (RBF)? Here’s the science behind it and how to fix RBF forever . 

What Is the Difference between Interpersonal and Intrapersonal Communication?

Interpersonal communication is how you interact with others, while intrapersonal communication is how you interact with yourself. 

Quick Facts on Interpersonal Communication

Interpersonal communication includes oral, written, and nonverbal communication and listening. 

Categories of Interpersonal Communication:

• Between two people
• In small groups
• Public speaking

For example, you receive a phone call from your mom who wants to know if you’ve been taking care of yourself and why she hasn’t heard from you. 

You use your interpersonal communication skills to reassure her with a soothing voice that you’re just fine and your work project has kept you too busy to think about anything else. 

You cheerfully set a date to have lunch together after you’ve completed your work project. 

How Intrapersonal Communication is Different from Interpersonal Communication 

Intrapersonal communication includes three main components.

• Self-awareness. This is how you see yourself, and it shapes your beliefs, values, and mindset.
• Perception. Your perception of others filters down from your self-concept.
• Expectations. This includes the expectations you have for yourself and those around you. 

Categories of Intrapersonal Communication  

• Between yourself
• Self-talk & self-analysis
• With books, audio, diaries

Using the example above, intrapersonal communication would include how you respond internally to the phone call from your mom. 

Do you feel confident in yourself and your abilities, or does her phone call annoy you because you doubt yourself and feel like others doubt your competence too? 

These feelings have to do with your self-awareness, how you perceive others, and the expectations you have for yourself. 

Books About Interpersonal Communication

Succeed with People

Master the laws of human behavior and get along with anyone. Increase your influence, impact, and success. Register below to get your FREE chapter of Captivate.

Unlock the Secrets of Charisma

Control and leverage the tiny signals you’re sending – from your stance and facial expressions to your word choice and vocal tone – to improve your personal and professional relationships.

• That’s Not What I Meant! How Conversational Style Makes or Breaks a Relationship ,  by Deborah Tannen.

A classic book on interpersonal communication, Deborah Tannen explores how to overcome miscommunication and understand what people are trying to communicate. 

Key Takeaways for Interpersonal Communication

• Interpersonal communication is a vital skill that builds connection and paves the way for career and relationship success. 
• It is possible to learn interpersonal communication skills.
• Interpersonal communication includes nonverbals, verbals, writing, and listening.
• Developing vocal confidence and negotiation skills will increase your verbal assertiveness.
• Use nonverbal communication to communicate who you are and connect with others.
• Check your writing to see how much warmth and competence you are communicating.
• Listen well by mirroring others and using facial expressions. 

Keep building your interpersonal communication skills with our 10 Interpersonal Intelligence Skills to Master guide.

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Paraphrasing and summarising: Two weapons of solid communication

Mastering the two skills will result in fruitful conversations at workplaces.

• Most Popular

Bhavna Dalal [[www.bhavnadalal.com](http://www.bhavnadalal.com/)] is the Founder and CEO of Talent Power Partners a Leadership Development company based in Bangalore, India. She is an Executive Master Coach [ICF MCC Certified] with an MBA from IIM Calcutta and has a B.E. in Electronics. She has authored the books Checkmate Office Politics and Team Decision Making endorsed by the likes of Marshal Goldsmith and Dr. Jadgish Seth among many other business leaders. Bhavna has been serving on several compliance commitees and is the Vice President on the Board of Directors of Bodhi Education Society (A not-for-profit that supports schools in rural Andhra Pradesh).

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Paraphrasing and summarising are powerful yet simple means to enable effective purposeful conversations in the workplace.

The dictionary definition of paraphrase is: par•a•phrase verb Express the meaning of (the writer or speaker or something written or spoken) using different words, especially to achieve greater clarity. noun A rewording of something written or spoken by someone else.

Paraphrasing is a solid means of truly and completely attempting to understand what the person communicating with you is really trying to say.

This may be the single-most critical factor that will facilitate fruitful conversations especially in flatter organisation structures. If roles are going to be defined more and more by responsibility and not by position, it is important that all parties involved have a common understanding of what they are dealing with. If the responsibility and ownership lies with you to get a job done, learning and practising this skill will make your job and communications a lot easier.

Paraphrasing greatly enhances the impact of the conversation.

Organisations need to encourage more and more people to close important conversations in meetings and one on ones by paraphrasing and summarisation. Paraphrasing and summarising are tied together. In order to summarise, we need to paraphrase in our own words.

There are several benefits to paraphrasing at the close of a conversation. It forces you to reflect on what just happened. This leads to deeper introspection and retrospection, hence getting a better understanding of the issue or situation at hand.

This skill very often does not come naturally to us. However, like any other skill, it can be learnt and practised.

Tips on how to paraphrase when communicating ❖    The focus of the paraphrase should be on what the speaker implied, not on what you wanted them to imply. For example, a better way to say, “I think what you mean to say is ...”  is replacing it with, “If I am hearing you right, you mean that…?” ❖    In the paraphrase, try to use some of the words that the other person has used. Very often, the meaning of commonly used words has different interpretation for different people. By choosing the words used by the person speaking and coming to a clear common understanding is one of the primary goals of paraphrasing. ❖    You will need to listen to the person speaking actively if you will be paraphrasing what they are saying. This means paying attention to their body language, their expressions and their emotions in addition to their words. ❖    Put the ownership of the paraphrase on yourself, for example, “If I am hearing you right…?” or “If I understand you correctly…?” This makes the other person not as defensive, and hence more open to the conversation. ❖    Phrasing the paraphrase as a question is also a helpful technique, “You are saying that…?”, so that the speaker has the responsibility and opportunity to clarify their original comments in response to your question. ❖    Put the focus of the paraphrase on the other person, for example, if the person said, “I don’t have enough time to do what I want,” then don’t paraphrase, “We all don't have enough time, right?” ❖    Try not to evaluate or judge the other person’s comments. For example, not a  good idea to say, “Do you really think that is true?” or “I think it is unfair to make that comment.” ❖    You could use a paraphrase to validate your impression of the other person's comments. For example, it would be okay to name their feelings by saying, “You seemed frustrated on hearing…?” ❖    As much as possible, attempt to keep the paraphrase shorter than the original comments made. ❖    If the other person responds to your paraphrase that you still don’t understand them, give them a few more chances to restate their position.

Summarising is a very important skill for effective communication and is usually followed by paraphrasing. A summary is a concise overview of the most important points from a communication. It could be from a conversation, document or presentation. A well-spoken summary can verify that people understand each other. It can make communications more efficient and ensure that the gist of the communication is captured by all involved. This skill too can be acquired.

Tips on how to summarise effectively ❖    When listening to someone, look for what exactly they are trying to say underneath the words. ❖    Look for any one major point that comes from the communication. ❖    This about what the person is trying to accomplish in the communication? ❖    Try to organise the main and supporting ideas in your head. ❖    Do not introduce any new main points into the summary. If you do, make it clear that you’re adding them. ❖    The summary must always be shorter than the original communication.

Combining the skills of paraphrasing and summarising will allow you to save time and make great impressions in a workplace, where effective communication is greatly valued.

The thoughts and opinions shared here are of the author.

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In the age of the internet and technology, everyone is familiar with paraphrasing. Paraphrasing means rewriting or rewording text whilst keeping its original meaning intact. In online business, no website can rank highly without quality content. “Content is king”, as they say, and this determines the ranking of a website in Google search results.

Website owners might hire expert professional writers to produce high-quality content that is inspiring and appealing to their site visitors. The end goal of this uploaded content is to attract more and more visitors to a site since high traffic generates revenue and boosts a business.

In simple terms, without impressive and compelling content, an online business may not prosper. However, it takes a lot of time and effort to create unique and error-free content that will raise the profile and ranking of your business. As a result, the value of and demand for good writers has increased: content truly is king.  As long as online business owners keep uploading unique, engaging, and original material, they will enjoy the benefits of their efforts and reap the fruits of progress.

But an issue arises when some business owners try to take a shortcut and steal relevant content to upload to their website. Perhaps, they don’t realize that artificial intelligence can identify this plagiarized content within seconds. Google will not accept plagiarized content, and content thieves may be blacklisted and excluded from Google search engines. Even occasional or unintentional plagiarism content is not allowed.

So, what’s the solution to such a serious problem?

The remedy is easy: paraphrasing.

People within any field, and especially writers, bloggers, researchers, students, and website owners, need to learn to paraphrase. Paraphrasing is simply rewriting the given content in your own words. You will need to change synonyms, forms of verbs, phrases, and sentence structure to rephrase a whole article or blog. However, by doing this you will gain entirely different, new and unique content free of plagiarism. Paraphrasing is a relatively easy task but it is time consuming. If we were to call this age the age of writing or writers, we would not be wrong.

Almost all the writers work with tough timelines, and they have to submit huge amounts of content by the end of each day. So, they seek effective solutions and modern technology has been of great help to them. Though manual rewriting is not difficult, it is time-consuming. Therefore, writers use the help of AI paraphrasing tools. But what are these tools? How do they paraphrase the given content? And how can they improve a writers’ paraphrasing skills?

Let’s consider an overview.

Why and Who Should Use Paraphrasing Tools?

Almost everyone today needs to learn this art. Writers and essayists in particular need to use paraphrasing tools to save time and remove plagiarism. Other potential users may include:

• Affiliate Marketers
• Freelancers
• Copywriters

Paraphrasing tools work exactly like human beings and rephrase content by replacing sentences, phrases, or words to make the text look appealing and, most significantly, unique, all while keeping the meaning of the text unchanged. Such article rewriting software does not need any manual intervention to generate articles automatically. Paraphrasing software uses artificial intelligence to create rephrased content from the original article. You don’t have to be an expert operator to run the rephrasing tools on your computer and you can paraphrase dozens of articles daily by following just a few steps.

Some marketers have expressed suspicion regarding the use of paraphrasing tools in terms of SEO. However, this is not the case and article spinning software will prove beneficial when used correctly. You should make sure you choose the best paraphrasing tools available for a quality paraphrasing service.

Benefits of Using Paraphrasing Tool

Some people have expressed concern as to whether the use of rewriting tools is legal. However, there is no harm in using paraphrasing tools as they are legal and legitimate. The use of an article rewriter can save you precious time as otherwise it may take many hours or days to compose human-readable content manually. A tool takes only a few minutes to reword your chosen material.

These tools are considered effective and favorable for writers who must submit thousands of words of content each day within a specified time. They only need to search for the required articles from Google and put them into a paraphrasing tool to receive high-quality, error-free, and brand-new content. Timely delivery and efficient service will enhance their worth and credibility this way.

A paraphrasing tool is available 24/7 to rephrase your articles any time of day or night. They can also help you in your SEO campaigns by producing powerful content that may qualify your content in search engines. They can also help you to improve your writing skills if you don’t have full command of the English language.

Here, we present five of the best paraphrasing tools that may be helpful in all types of writing endeavors.

AI Paraphrasing Tool

This online paraphraser works efficiently to paraphrase your chosen content by altering words, synonyms, phrases, and sentences, preserving the original sense of the article.

This result-driven tool is perfect to produce human-readable, and uniquely rephrased content. This paraphrasing tool is an easy-to-use tool that can generate a huge amount of impressive content within the shortest possible time.

Millions of writers and bloggers rely on this tool to get their articles written faster for timely delivery. It is equally excellent for SEO specialists who need easily readable and quality content for a high-ranking in-search engines.

Use this tool with great trust to achieve accurate content and avoid duplication and penalties. It has not been developed for a limited group of people. Users can sign up anytime and anywhere around the globe to get the best rewriting services.

Salient Features

• Easy-to-use tool
• Just copy-paste your content in the box and click ‘paraphrase’
• Get thousands of fresh, brand new, and comprehensively informative articles.
• A unique quality of the AI Paraphrasing Tool that makes it stand out is its five modes:

All the modes follow natural language processing and create different results.

• Free sign-up - no need to pay a single dollar. Just visit the website and find the tool ready to process your content.
• Get your bulk content rephrased with fast and accurate results.
• No grammatical mistakes
• No plagiarism

Spin Rewriter

This is one of the great spinning tools that provides you with meaningful and easily understandable articles and content without losing the original sense. The content generated by this paraphrasing tool is purely human-like and free from grammatical mistakes.

Around 150,000 users are working on this significant tool including teachers, students, SEO experts, translators, bloggers, and research writers. It works on the principle of Emulated Natural Language, spinning your content in a way that does not spoil the original sense. It can paraphrase diverse content at the same time.

The user can compare the original and rephrased content to confirm the reliability and quality of the tool.

• The user can enjoy 5 days free trial
• The tool carries more than 5 Spintax styles
• Naturally creates a paragraph
• This paraphrasing tool can be run on any device.
• Stock photo integration
• The software has combined content marketing and SEO tools like copy-scape
• It offers manual as well as automatic spinning
• HTML formatting option also available

Kontent Machine

Kontent machine is another reliable article rewriter. It is famous for working with reliable, result-generating tools in the market, so the user can benefit from its backlinking strategies. It creates unique, 100% original, and plagiarism-free content. Another outstanding feature of the software is that it makes your content match with the search engine conditions by incorporating images, videos, and links.

• Generates quality content with no sentence errors and plagiarism
• Provides link building facility
• More than 7 SEO tools have been integrated to enhance the quality of the tool
• The user gains cloud campaigns
• Anyone with a basic knowledge of running online apps can use it – a very easy-to-use tool
• Best paraphrasing tool for all levels

SEO Content Machine

As the name indicates, this paraphrasing tool is equipped with SEO tools that can empower your SEO campaigns along with spinning thousands of articles within a short time. You can receive compelling content snippets as per your keyword choice.

These valuable and relevant content fragments can be injected into your article for SEO purposes, link building, and to fill in your website and blog with inspiring content.

• Multiple content sources
• This software can work with public and private proxies.
• Can translate your article back and forth
• Help you find long-tail keywords with a built-in tool.
• It helps users post the paraphrased content directly onto WordPress sites.

Paraphrasing Tool

This efficient paraphrasing tool contains millions of synonyms in its database to create accurate rephrased content. It rephrases the content with the most appropriate words, synonyms, and phrases and presents the replaced words highlighted in different colors. Furthermore, it also lets you click on the rephrased word or synonyms to get the original sentence or use another synonym.

The user can also add their own words to get an entirely different version of the original article, thus removing the risk of plagiarism.

• Rephrases poems
• Generates creative snippets
• Summarizes articles
• With its spelling and grammar check function, the tool completely proofreads your content, making it error-free and ready to publish.
• It can paraphrase both quotes as well as repetitions.
• No need to make any payments to sign up -  it is a totally free tool

About the Author

Roger Mulley is an SEO content writer at Topbestreview.co and writes for different blogs. He tries to provide newbies with easy access to SEO with the help of blogs.

Continue to: Using Plain English Top 5 Paraphrasing Tools to Improve Your Writing Skills

See also: Essential Copywriting Skills You Need Key Digital Marketing Skills How Paraphrasing and Summarizing Tools Can Improve Writing Skills?

Home » Modules » Effective Communication » Effective Communication Intermediate » Active Listening and Paraphrasing

Listening: The Key to 2 Way Communication

Some important facts about listening:

• the average person speaks anywhere from 125 to 175 words per minute.
• we have the ability to listen to around 300 to 450 words per minute.
• often our brain does not fully engage in listening as it can multitask and do so many other things while we can still appear like we are listening.

To demonstrate how quickly communication can break down play a quick game of “broken telephone”

Students sit in a circle; the teacher whispers a message (be sure to include lots of descriptive detail) to the first student and then the same message is whispered from one student to the next; the final student says the message out loud; it is often dramatically different from the original message. This game can also further demonstrate the pitfalls of “ Trouble Talk “, specifically rumours and gossip. Relay that this is what happens each day when people believe things others supposedly said without hearing it first hand.

Brainstorm with students all the possible factors that may lead to poor of faulty communication.

Active listening:, active listening is the skill of fully concentrating on what is being said rather than passively hearing the message. it involves not only concentrating on what is being said, but also understanding, responding, and remembering what has been said. it is a skill that can be learned and developed with practice., to demonstrate the importance of active listening try this simple activity with students..

Have students draw a simple design on a piece of paper. Pair students up and without showing their drawing, have them take turns giving instructions on how to replicate the design.

Do this once where the receiver can only listen and not ask questions and then a second time where the the receiver can ask questions after each instruction. Compare the designs. Switch roles.

Brainstorm with students all the possible factors that helped them best recreate the drawing.

Good communication is not only about expressing yourself but also actively listening and working to understand what the other person is saying. Learning and practicing these healthy communication skills will prepare you for the times when communication with someone is most important.

Active Listening is a skill that needs to be taught and practiced.

Introduction to Mindful Listening

This video gives great tips and an intro to breaking the ice and having a good conversation.

Brainstorm with students what active listening means., what does it look like, what does it sound like, what does it feel like.

Paraphrasing:

Paraphrasing is when a person reads or actively listens to a message and is able to clearly express it back in their own words (written or spoken).  In a paraphrase, the original ideas or meaning are maintained, but the wording has to be your own.  Like active listening, paraphrasing is a skill that needs to be taught explicitly, practiced, and developed.