i won't do my homework

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My Teen Won’t Do Homework. How Can I Fix This?

Meet Jake, a 15-year-old ninth grader, who rarely, if ever, does his homework. Jake’s teachers report that he is inconsistent. He enjoys learning about topics that interest him but seems unfocused during class and fails to complete necessary schoolwork, both in class and at home. Although his grades are suffering , Jake makes no effort to improve his circumstances. His frustrated parents find that their only recourse is nagging and con­stant supervision.

Sound familiar? When a teen won’t do homework , we call this behavior work inhibition. Here are some common characteris­tics of work inhibited students:

• Disorganization
• Lack of follow-through
• Inability to work indepen­dently; more likely to do work when a teacher or par­ent hovers close by
• Lack of focus
• Avoidance of work
• Lack of passion about school, despite ability and intelligence
• Negative attitude; self-conscious and easily discouraged

How can a parent help when a teen refuses to do school homework? First, try to uncover the root of the problem and then devise solutions based on that reason.

3 Reasons Why Teens Don’t Complete Homework and What to Do:

1. missing skills.

The most common rea­son for lack of motivation is a gap in skills. Unplanned absences or a heavy extracurricular load can contribute to skill gaps, even in otherwise bright teens. If you suspect a skill gap, act quickly to have your teen assessed. Your school guidance counselor can recommend the right resources.

2. Poor habits

Poor work habits can also contribute to work inhibition. Try to focus on a work system rather than the work itself with your teen. Set small goals to­gether and teach your teen to set small goals for him or herself. Try to take frequent notice of your teen’s effort and progress.

3. Lack of confidence

Often, students who are work inhibited fear being wrong and won’t ask questions when they need help. Teach your teen that everyone makes mistakes. Help them see these mistakes as another opportunity for learning.

What Parents Can Do to Promote Self-Sufficiency

1. offer limited help with homework.

Parents can offer limited help with homework.  Try to avoid micromanaging the process. When you micromanage, the mes­sage you send is that your teen will fail if you aren’t involved. When you show confidence in your teen’s ability to complete the task with­out you, your teen’s motivation and self-esteem will increase.

3. Resist lecturing

Ask your teen for ways you can help, but don’t lec­ture. Lectures about poor work habits and constant reminders about the negative consequences of unfinished homework can cre­ate more dependency.

3. Empower your teenager

Chores are a great way to empower teens . Delegating demonstrates your confidence in their ability. Try assigning tasks related to an area of interest. If your teen en­joys trying new foods, delegate the preparation and cooking of dinner one night each week.

4. Focus on strengths

Focus on strengths rath­er than pointing out your teen’s faults. When your teen succeeds, give genuine, specific praise. When you need to discuss expectations or problems use a matter-of-fact tone instead of an emotional tone.

Once you and your teen agree on the underlying problem, then the two of you can develop a plan to help create a self-sufficient student.

Martina McIsaac is executive director of Huntington Learning Centers.

What to Do When Your Teen is Failing School and Doesn’t Care

Elisa Cinelli

A report card full of D’s and F’s can be upsetting for a parent to see. It’s especially frustrating if it seems like your teen just doesn’t care.

 But what do you do? 

You can’t force your kid to put their best effort into their schoolwork, and trying to do so may damage your relationship.

On the other hand, teens can’t always grasp how important their high school grades are and what effect they may have on their futures. Parents should do their best to set their kids up for success and rule out any barriers that may be the root cause of their child’s poor school performance.

Related: A+ Parenting: 9 Tips to Boost Bad Grades

Ahead, we outline the actions that you can take if your teenager is failing school because of a seeming lack of motivation .

Ask an Expert: What Do I Do if My Kid Doesn't Care About School or Grades?

Connie Collins , a professional school counselor with over 35 years working in education as both a teacher and school counselor, weighs in on how concerned parents should respond to kids or teens who don’t put any effort into school or try to get good grades

  Q: My son is in seventh grade and is failing most classes. He has the ability to get As and Bs without much effort, but he doesn't care and either hurries through his homework or just doesn't do it at all.   I've tried punishing him, taking things away, talking with him, and meeting with teachers and counselors , but nothing seems to work. Any ideas on how to get him to care about school and his grades?   A: You say you have talked with his teachers and counselors. Did those meetings result in a plan? Was your son involved in that plan? If the answers are no, I would suggest going back to the school and doing just that. Is there a set time and place free of TV, computer, stereo, etc. for him to do this homework? Does he have to use that time reading if he says he doesn't have homework?  Do you or your partner spend some study time with him talking about his work and checking it over?  Where does the homework go when finished – in his folder, in his backpack, near the door?  Many bright seventh-graders have no idea how to organize or how to study. Does he need some help in this area? You speak of punishment and rewards , but not of consequences. Are they logical and immediate?  What happens if he fails seventh grade? Have you decided as a family and made clear to him that he will be spending summer going to summer school – not on vacation or being with his friends?  That might help put things into perspective and show him that doing well in school impacts other parts of his life. 

Set Your Teen up For Success in School

Teenagers aren’t full-fledged adults yet, and they are still developing their executive function skills. Setting up a schedule and a quiet environment for them to study in can go a long way in helping them succeed. 

Often a bit of external structure can help your child get a good grade. The resulting feeling may help them develop intrinsic motivation.

• Choose a table in a room free from distractions. If possible, the table should be completely clear of anything but your kid’s work.
• Make a schedule. When is your teen going to work? Should they come home and study first thing after school before they have free time, or will it work better for them to have a snack and some downtime to socialize first? The answer to this will depend on your child. Involve them in this decision.
• Buy a planner. If your teenager doesn’t already have a planner, have them pick one out. Show them how to list out homework and study tasks with a box next to each that they can check off once complete.

Identify the Obstacles

Often what looks like laziness is truly overwhelming. Don’t assume that your child just doesn’t care. When missing assignments snowball, kids can start to feel like they’ll never catch up. Try to figure out what is stopping them from completing their work.

Sit down and have a conversation with your teen, without judgment. Make it very clear that you are not upset and that they are not in trouble.

 The goal is to get them to open up to you so that the two of you can get to the bottom of what’s causing their bad grades.

Common obstacles include:

• Volume of reading is too high or the material is too complex
• Foundational math or science skills weren’t mastered so now the more advanced classes aren’t accessible to your child
• Difficulty balancing academics and sports or other activities
• Not enough time to do all the work (might need to prioritize)
• A condition such as ADHD or a learning disability that makes school more challenging 
• Mental health needs to be addressed — maybe bullying or another issue is impacting your teen’s self-esteem and needs to be taken care of with professional help before your child can focus properly on academics

Consider Accommodations

“Not caring” can be a coping mechanism for kids who have given up because they have lost their confidence. It’s possible for learning disabilities to show up at an older age, even if they didn’t seem obvious during the elementary years.

Talk to your school counselor about your concerns and they will help you decide whether you want to assess your child. If you do, make sure that your child understands that you don’t think there is anything wrong with them, but you want to learn more about how you and the school can help them. 

You might also let them decide whether they want to be assessed.

Possible learning disabilities include:

• Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder : affects the ability to focus and executive functioning
• Dyscalculia : difficulty with math and logical thinking
• Dysgraphia : problems with handwriting and spelling
• Dyslexia : affects reading and language processing

Emotional trauma or mental health issues may also be a barrier to your teen’s motivation and academic success. 

You should also consider whether they might need therapy or antidepressants to help get them through a difficult time and to support their school achievement.

Use Natural Consequences

Experience is often the best teacher. Try to let your child suffer the natural consequences of failing whenever possible. It can be tempting to swoop in and save our kids at the last minute, but it’s better for them to learn the consequences of their actions while they are young.

 It’s better to be stuck in summer school because you didn’t do your work than to be fired from a job at an older age in “real life.”

That being said, natural consequences are not always the safe choice. You don’t want to let your child fail without giving them the support they need. Use your judgment when using natural consequences with teens, and regardless, make sure they know that you are always there for them and that you love them unconditionally.

These strategies are less effective with teens, who are becoming more independent (a good thing!). If it becomes a power struggle, it’s not likely to help motivate your teen to care.

If you say, “You can’t play video games until you have done your homework,” you’re likely to end up with a teen who doesn’t do either and doesn’t care. But if your kid wants to avoid having to repeat a school year of high school, they may decide to do their work on their own.

Set Goals Together

Try sitting down with your teen and coming up with some goals together. Remember, these are your kid’s goals, not yours. 

You’ll never be able to force them to get on board with your goals. And you shouldn’t have to. A 14-year-old or 15-year-old kid should be coming up with their own plans for their future.

Start by looking at the long term. What do they want to achieve when they grow up? What options do they want available to them? That’s completely up to them. The next step is to set short-term goals that work towards their long-term goal. his is where you come in. 

 Your job is to help them see what stepping stones there are along the road to their aspirations. And that might not mean that they need to be a straight-A student or that they need to attend a university instead of a community college . There are many ways for teens to succeed that don’t revolve around their grades. 

Remember though — the short-term goals need to align with what your kids want to achieve. Pushing your own narrative won’t get them to care. But supporting their dreams likely will.

Steps for Setting Academic Goals: 

• Have your teen come up with one to three long-term goals for their future — where do they want to be in 5 or 10 years? 
• Help them come up with short-term goals that lead directly to their long-term goal. For example: focusing on studying for biology class now will help them if they want to become a veterinarian after college 
• Figure out what support they need to meet their short-term goals and help them get that support.
• Write out a plan with actionable steps that your teen can check off. We recommend our High School Homework Checklist for Parents . 

Check Your Relationship with Your Teen

It’s normal if your relationship with your teen seems to be a bit strained. Teenagers are gaining independence and trying to fit in with their peer’s values . This is all healthy and expected.

That being said, the teenage years are also one of the most important times to nurture your relationship. You want your teen to be able to trust that they can come to you for anything.

Falling grades or apathy about school may be a sign that your teen needs you more than ever. Consider how much quality family time you are spending. 

With parents’ and teens’ jam-packed schedules, it’s easy to lose track of that family dinner or find time just to sit and talk. 

Even if it’s just in the car on the way to practice, try to carve out some time for you and your teen to be together and enjoy each other’s company.

If your child’s grades are slipping or they seem to have lowered motivation, building a better relationship with you – their parent – can help. 

Parental support builds trust so that they feel comfortable telling you about what might be wrong or what they might be struggling with. It also helps to elevate your child’s mood and self-esteem which may have a positive effect on motivation.

Most important of all, ensure that your child knows that you will always love them, no matter their grades.

About Elisa

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clock This article was published more than  3 years ago

My bright teen is skipping homework and failing classes, and I don’t know what to do

Q: My 15-year-old son, a high school sophomore, has stopped doing his homework when he doesn't like the subject or the teacher, or when he thinks it's stupid, and he's now failing two classes. He has also lied to me about it; he got away with the lies until the school sent notices, so he has all but destroyed my trust in him. This has been going on since grammar school, but it's getting worse as he gets older. I've tried everything I can think of: therapy, taking away the Xbox, using the Xbox or other things as rewards he can earn, letting him handle it on his own, partial involvement, hovering, crying and screaming — and I feel awful about those last two. I'm trying to take your advice to be careful not to damage our relationship over things, but I don't know what else to do. Failing major subjects in high school seems like a problem. Am I wrong to be so concerned? He won't work with a tutor anymore, either. He's a smart kid, so it's not a lack of ability. Please help.

A: I am going to be honest with you: I relate to your son. I started to check out of school around sixth grade and stayed checked out well through high school. I was bright but had stopped caring about most of my classes, and nothing changed my mind. Paid for good grades? Nope. Punishments? Nah. Rewards? Didn’t care. Threats? Didn’t matter. I was only affected by a handful of people, and otherwise, I couldn’t be reached. And this wasn’t even in a pandemic; this was just the ’90s.

Send questions about parenting to [email protected]

As I see it, your son is a puzzle (as we all are), and we have a couple of the puzzle pieces in front of us. He is bright (a word that doesn’t carry much meaning), he doesn’t do his homework when he is disinterested in the subject and/or teacher, he lies about it, this behavior has been happening since grammar school, every manner of behavior modification has been attempted (and failed), you have tried therapy, and he refuses a tutor. There are many other things I don’t know about your son, including his health, any transitions or traumas for him or the family, possible learning disabilities or differences (yes, you can be bright and have a whole host of learning issues that prohibit learning in a “typical” way) and family structure. I could go on and on!

The big question is why. Why did your son begin to disconnect from school?

Although I can do little to help you in this note, I do want to keep guiding you to the “why” instead of the “what.” Of course we don’t want your son failing courses — no one wants that for their children — but our parenting goal is not getting him to pass classes. It is to understand him, so he can understand and help himself. At 15, he is well on his way to becoming a young man, and whatever is causing his disconnect from school is what needs your attention.

As you discover the “why,” you need to understand why rewards and punishments don’t seem to work with some children, especially when it comes to schoolwork. There is a time and place for typical behavioral techniques. Take something away that children love, they stop the unwanted behavior. Give them something they love, they repeat wanted behavior. Fine. But this only really works when children already care about school, their teachers and, yes, maybe the work. Caring about your integrity, what you produce and how your teacher feels about you is the primary driver of working hard, not rewards or punishments. If you have a teen who is accustomed to not caring about what his teachers or you think, then he is immune to your punishments and rewards. “Not caring” runs both ways; you don’t feel the “bad stuff,” and you also don’t feel the “good stuff.” As a person who didn’t care about a lot of things for a long time, I can say that it is a horrible way to live. I was wretched to parent and educate.

Let’s pause all the behavior-modification shenanigans. Let’s pause the fear of all this failing and what it means for his future. Let’s pause shoving him into therapy or tutoring. Let’s. Just. Stop. Repeat after me: “My son is not a project. He is a fully human young man, and he needs my support and love.” Repeat this over and over and over, then start getting curious. Invite him to eat with you, go on a hike with you, learn a video game with you, anything, and try to get to know him without an agenda. Every single class he is failing can be made up. Every single thing he hasn’t learned can eventually be learned, and I want you to tell him that. I also want you to highlight and discuss what he does well. He is passing classes! He is (maybe) doing chores! These failed classes are not the sum of his person, so stop treating them as if they are.

10 ways to take the struggle out of homework

I also want you to tell him that it’s typical to not want to do well for people to whom we don’t feel connected. My spidey sense is that something (or things) happened in grammar school that caused him to armor up, and the armor has grown thicker. And of course he’s lying to you. When people feel ashamed of their actions (not doing homework and failing), they lie, then they get in trouble for the lie (adding on more shame), which adds to more lying. Let’s just assume he isn’t going to do the homework for some of these classes. We can take out the extra shame layer.

I can hear you having a panic attack, and I know I have not told you what to do to fix this situation, but it is not going to get fixed. Your son is not broken; he just needs support. Please call your pediatrician for a good work-up, and peek around at possible learning issues. (Giftedness is on the table, too.) Please personally reach out to a teacher whom your son loves and respects, and ask for support. What got me through high school? A choir teacher, an AP English teacher, my Mom Mom, my aunt, and the fact that my parents didn’t give up and send me out of the house. That’s it. Find someone your son cares about, and have them start talking, hanging out, checking in, etc. As a former teacher, I did this and was never burdened by it; it is called community, and we all need it.

The most encouraging part about your note is that you know this is a relationship-first issue. Keep that as your North Star, and as your son begins to thaw, you can add other strategies, such as rewards and punishments. Check out Cara Natterson’s “ Decoding Boys ” and think about seeing your own parent coach or therapist. You are doing hard parenting work, and you need a safe place for your fears and big emotions.

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Choose Your Test

Sat / act prep online guides and tips, how to do homework: 15 expert tips and tricks.

Coursework/GPA

Everyone struggles with homework sometimes, but if getting your homework done has become a chronic issue for you, then you may need a little extra help. That’s why we’ve written this article all about how to do homework. Once you’re finished reading it, you’ll know how to do homework (and have tons of new ways to motivate yourself to do homework)!

We’ve broken this article down into a few major sections. You’ll find:

• A diagnostic test to help you figure out why you’re struggling with homework
• A discussion of the four major homework problems students face, along with expert tips for addressing them
• A bonus section with tips for how to do homework fast

By the end of this article, you’ll be prepared to tackle whatever homework assignments your teachers throw at you .

So let’s get started!

How to Do Homework: Figure Out Your Struggles 

Sometimes it feels like everything is standing between you and getting your homework done. But the truth is, most people only have one or two major roadblocks that are keeping them from getting their homework done well and on time. 

The best way to figure out how to get motivated to do homework starts with pinpointing the issues that are affecting your ability to get your assignments done. That’s why we’ve developed a short quiz to help you identify the areas where you’re struggling. 

Take the quiz below and record your answers on your phone or on a scrap piece of paper. Keep in mind there are no wrong answers! 

1. You’ve just been assigned an essay in your English class that’s due at the end of the week. What’s the first thing you do?

A. Keep it in mind, even though you won’t start it until the day before it’s due  B. Open up your planner. You’ve got to figure out when you’ll write your paper since you have band practice, a speech tournament, and your little sister’s dance recital this week, too.  C. Groan out loud. Another essay? You could barely get yourself to write the last one!  D. Start thinking about your essay topic, which makes you think about your art project that’s due the same day, which reminds you that your favorite artist might have just posted to Instagram...so you better check your feed right now. 

2. Your mom asked you to pick up your room before she gets home from work. You’ve just gotten home from school. You decide you’ll tackle your chores: 

A. Five minutes before your mom walks through the front door. As long as it gets done, who cares when you start?  B. As soon as you get home from your shift at the local grocery store.  C. After you give yourself a 15-minute pep talk about how you need to get to work.  D. You won’t get it done. Between texts from your friends, trying to watch your favorite Netflix show, and playing with your dog, you just lost track of time! 

3. You’ve signed up to wash dogs at the Humane Society to help earn money for your senior class trip. You: 

A. Show up ten minutes late. You put off leaving your house until the last minute, then got stuck in unexpected traffic on the way to the shelter.  B. Have to call and cancel at the last minute. You forgot you’d already agreed to babysit your cousin and bake cupcakes for tomorrow’s bake sale.  C. Actually arrive fifteen minutes early with extra brushes and bandanas you picked up at the store. You’re passionate about animals, so you’re excited to help out! D. Show up on time, but only get three dogs washed. You couldn’t help it: you just kept getting distracted by how cute they were!

4. You have an hour of downtime, so you decide you’re going to watch an episode of The Great British Baking Show. You: 

A. Scroll through your social media feeds for twenty minutes before hitting play, which means you’re not able to finish the whole episode. Ugh! You really wanted to see who was sent home!  B. Watch fifteen minutes until you remember you’re supposed to pick up your sister from band practice before heading to your part-time job. No GBBO for you!  C. You finish one episode, then decide to watch another even though you’ve got SAT studying to do. It’s just more fun to watch people make scones.  D. Start the episode, but only catch bits and pieces of it because you’re reading Twitter, cleaning out your backpack, and eating a snack at the same time.

5. Your teacher asks you to stay after class because you’ve missed turning in two homework assignments in a row. When she asks you what’s wrong, you say: 

A. You planned to do your assignments during lunch, but you ran out of time. You decided it would be better to turn in nothing at all than submit unfinished work.  B. You really wanted to get the assignments done, but between your extracurriculars, family commitments, and your part-time job, your homework fell through the cracks.  C. You have a hard time psyching yourself to tackle the assignments. You just can’t seem to find the motivation to work on them once you get home.  D. You tried to do them, but you had a hard time focusing. By the time you realized you hadn’t gotten anything done, it was already time to turn them in. 

Like we said earlier, there are no right or wrong answers to this quiz (though your results will be better if you answered as honestly as possible). Here’s how your answers break down: 

• If your answers were mostly As, then your biggest struggle with doing homework is procrastination. 
• If your answers were mostly Bs, then your biggest struggle with doing homework is time management. 
• If your answers were mostly Cs, then your biggest struggle with doing homework is motivation. 
• If your answers were mostly Ds, then your biggest struggle with doing homework is getting distracted. 

Now that you’ve identified why you’re having a hard time getting your homework done, we can help you figure out how to fix it! Scroll down to find your core problem area to learn more about how you can start to address it. 

And one more thing: you’re really struggling with homework, it’s a good idea to read through every section below. You may find some additional tips that will help make homework less intimidating. 

How to Do Homework When You’re a Procrastinator  

Merriam Webster defines “procrastinate” as “to put off intentionally and habitually.” In other words, procrastination is when you choose to do something at the last minute on a regular basis. If you’ve ever found yourself pulling an all-nighter, trying to finish an assignment between periods, or sprinting to turn in a paper minutes before a deadline, you’ve experienced the effects of procrastination. 

If you’re a chronic procrastinator, you’re in good company. In fact, one study found that 70% to 95% of undergraduate students procrastinate when it comes to doing their homework. Unfortunately, procrastination can negatively impact your grades. Researchers have found that procrastination can lower your grade on an assignment by as much as five points ...which might not sound serious until you realize that can mean the difference between a B- and a C+. 

Procrastination can also negatively affect your health by increasing your stress levels , which can lead to other health conditions like insomnia, a weakened immune system, and even heart conditions. Getting a handle on procrastination can not only improve your grades, it can make you feel better, too! 

The big thing to understand about procrastination is that it’s not the result of laziness. Laziness is defined as being “disinclined to activity or exertion.” In other words, being lazy is all about doing nothing. But a s this Psychology Today article explains , procrastinators don’t put things off because they don’t want to work. Instead, procrastinators tend to postpone tasks they don’t want to do in favor of tasks that they perceive as either more important or more fun. Put another way, procrastinators want to do things...as long as it’s not their homework! 

3 Tips f or Conquering Procrastination 

Because putting off doing homework is a common problem, there are lots of good tactics for addressing procrastination. Keep reading for our three expert tips that will get your homework habits back on track in no time. 

#1: Create a Reward System

Like we mentioned earlier, procrastination happens when you prioritize other activities over getting your homework done. Many times, this happens because homework...well, just isn’t enjoyable. But you can add some fun back into the process by rewarding yourself for getting your work done. 

Here’s what we mean: let’s say you decide that every time you get your homework done before the day it’s due, you’ll give yourself a point. For every five points you earn, you’ll treat yourself to your favorite dessert: a chocolate cupcake! Now you have an extra (delicious!) incentive to motivate you to leave procrastination in the dust. 

If you’re not into cupcakes, don’t worry. Your reward can be anything that motivates you . Maybe it’s hanging out with your best friend or an extra ten minutes of video game time. As long as you’re choosing something that makes homework worth doing, you’ll be successful. 

#2: Have a Homework Accountability Partner 

If you’re having trouble getting yourself to start your homework ahead of time, it may be a good idea to call in reinforcements . Find a friend or classmate you can trust and explain to them that you’re trying to change your homework habits. Ask them if they’d be willing to text you to make sure you’re doing your homework and check in with you once a week to see if you’re meeting your anti-procrastination goals. 

Sharing your goals can make them feel more real, and an accountability partner can help hold you responsible for your decisions. For example, let’s say you’re tempted to put off your science lab write-up until the morning before it’s due. But you know that your accountability partner is going to text you about it tomorrow...and you don’t want to fess up that you haven’t started your assignment. A homework accountability partner can give you the extra support and incentive you need to keep your homework habits on track. 

#3: Create Your Own Due Dates 

If you’re a life-long procrastinator, you might find that changing the habit is harder than you expected. In that case, you might try using procrastination to your advantage! If you just can’t seem to stop doing your work at the last minute, try setting your own due dates for assignments that range from a day to a week before the assignment is actually due. 

Here’s what we mean. Let’s say you have a math worksheet that’s been assigned on Tuesday and is due on Friday. In your planner, you can write down the due date as Thursday instead. You may still put off your homework assignment until the last minute...but in this case, the “last minute” is a day before the assignment’s real due date . This little hack can trick your procrastination-addicted brain into planning ahead! 

If you feel like Kevin Hart in this meme, then our tips for doing homework when you're busy are for you. 

How to Do Homework When You’re too Busy

If you’re aiming to go to a top-tier college , you’re going to have a full plate. Because college admissions is getting more competitive, it’s important that you’re maintaining your grades , studying hard for your standardized tests , and participating in extracurriculars so your application stands out. A packed schedule can get even more hectic once you add family obligations or a part-time job to the mix. 

If you feel like you’re being pulled in a million directions at once, you’re not alone. Recent research has found that stress—and more severe stress-related conditions like anxiety and depression— are a major problem for high school students . In fact, one study from the American Psychological Association found that during the school year, students’ stress levels are higher than those of the adults around them. 

For students, homework is a major contributor to their overall stress levels . Many high schoolers have multiple hours of homework every night , and figuring out how to fit it into an already-packed schedule can seem impossible. 

3 Tips for Fitting Homework Into Your Busy Schedule

While it might feel like you have literally no time left in your schedule, there are still ways to make sure you’re able to get your homework done and meet your other commitments. Here are our expert homework tips for even the busiest of students. 

#1: Make a Prioritized To-Do List 

You probably already have a to-do list to keep yourself on track. The next step is to prioritize the items on your to-do list so you can see what items need your attention right away. 

Here’s how it works: at the beginning of each day, sit down and make a list of all the items you need to get done before you go to bed. This includes your homework, but it should also take into account any practices, chores, events, or job shifts you may have. Once you get everything listed out, it’s time to prioritize them using the labels A, B, and C. Here’s what those labels mean:

• A Tasks : tasks that have to get done—like showing up at work or turning in an assignment—get an A. 
• B Tasks : these are tasks that you would like to get done by the end of the day but aren’t as time sensitive. For example, studying for a test you have next week could be a B-level task. It’s still important, but it doesn’t have to be done right away.
• C Tasks: these are tasks that aren’t very important and/or have no real consequences if you don’t get them done immediately. For instance, if you’re hoping to clean out your closet but it’s not an assigned chore from your parents, you could label that to-do item with a C.

Prioritizing your to-do list helps you visualize which items need your immediate attention, and which items you can leave for later. A prioritized to-do list ensures that you’re spending your time efficiently and effectively, which helps you make room in your schedule for homework. So even though you might really want to start making decorations for Homecoming (a B task), you’ll know that finishing your reading log (an A task) is more important. 

#2: Use a Planner With Time Labels

Your planner is probably packed with notes, events, and assignments already. (And if you’re not using a planner, it’s time to start!) But planners can do more for you than just remind you when an assignment is due. If you’re using a planner with time labels, it can help you visualize how you need to spend your day.

A planner with time labels breaks your day down into chunks, and you assign tasks to each chunk of time. For example, you can make a note of your class schedule with assignments, block out time to study, and make sure you know when you need to be at practice. Once you know which tasks take priority, you can add them to any empty spaces in your day. 

Planning out how you spend your time not only helps you use it wisely, it can help you feel less overwhelmed, too . We’re big fans of planners that include a task list ( like this one ) or have room for notes ( like this one ). 

#3: Set Reminders on Your Phone 

If you need a little extra nudge to make sure you’re getting your homework done on time, it’s a good idea to set some reminders on your phone. You don’t need a fancy app, either. You can use your alarm app to have it go off at specific times throughout the day to remind you to do your homework. This works especially well if you have a set homework time scheduled. So if you’ve decided you’re doing homework at 6:00 pm, you can set an alarm to remind you to bust out your books and get to work. 

If you use your phone as your planner, you may have the option to add alerts, emails, or notifications to scheduled events . Many calendar apps, including the one that comes with your phone, have built-in reminders that you can customize to meet your needs. So if you block off time to do your homework from 4:30 to 6:00 pm, you can set a reminder that will pop up on your phone when it’s time to get started. 

This dog isn't judging your lack of motivation...but your teacher might. Keep reading for tips to help you motivate yourself to do your homework.

How to Do Homework When You’re Unmotivated 

At first glance, it may seem like procrastination and being unmotivated are the same thing. After all, both of these issues usually result in you putting off your homework until the very last minute. 

But there’s one key difference: many procrastinators are working, they’re just prioritizing work differently. They know they’re going to start their homework...they’re just going to do it later. 

Conversely, people who are unmotivated to do homework just can’t find the willpower to tackle their assignments. Procrastinators know they’ll at least attempt the homework at the last minute, whereas people who are unmotivated struggle with convincing themselves to do it at a ll. For procrastinators, the stress comes from the inevitable time crunch. For unmotivated people, the stress comes from trying to convince themselves to do something they don’t want to do in the first place. 

Here are some common reasons students are unmotivated in doing homework : 

• Assignments are too easy, too hard, or seemingly pointless 
• Students aren’t interested in (or passionate about) the subject matter
• Students are intimidated by the work and/or feels like they don’t understand the assignment 
• Homework isn’t fun, and students would rather spend their time on things that they enjoy 

To sum it up: people who lack motivation to do their homework are more likely to not do it at all, or to spend more time worrying about doing their homework than...well, actually doing it.

3 Tips for How to Get Motivated to Do Homework

The key to getting homework done when you’re unmotivated is to figure out what does motivate you, then apply those things to homework. It sounds tricky...but it’s pretty simple once you get the hang of it! Here are our three expert tips for motivating yourself to do your homework. 

#1: Use Incremental Incentives

When you’re not motivated, it’s important to give yourself small rewards to stay focused on finishing the task at hand. The trick is to keep the incentives small and to reward yourself often. For example, maybe you’re reading a good book in your free time. For every ten minutes you spend on your homework, you get to read five pages of your book. Like we mentioned earlier, make sure you’re choosing a reward that works for you! 

So why does this technique work? Using small rewards more often allows you to experience small wins for getting your work done. Every time you make it to one of your tiny reward points, you get to celebrate your success, which gives your brain a boost of dopamine . Dopamine helps you stay motivated and also creates a feeling of satisfaction when you complete your homework !  

#2: Form a Homework Group 

If you’re having trouble motivating yourself, it’s okay to turn to others for support. Creating a homework group can help with this. Bring together a group of your friends or classmates, and pick one time a week where you meet and work on homework together. You don’t have to be in the same class, or even taking the same subjects— the goal is to encourage one another to start (and finish!) your assignments. 

Another added benefit of a homework group is that you can help one another if you’re struggling to understand the material covered in your classes. This is especially helpful if your lack of motivation comes from being intimidated by your assignments. Asking your friends for help may feel less scary than talking to your teacher...and once you get a handle on the material, your homework may become less frightening, too. 

#3: Change Up Your Environment 

If you find that you’re totally unmotivated, it may help if you find a new place to do your homework. For example, if you’ve been struggling to get your homework done at home, try spending an extra hour in the library after school instead. The change of scenery can limit your distractions and give you the energy you need to get your work done. 

If you’re stuck doing homework at home, you can still use this tip. For instance, maybe you’ve always done your homework sitting on your bed. Try relocating somewhere else, like your kitchen table, for a few weeks. You may find that setting up a new “homework spot” in your house gives you a motivational lift and helps you get your work done. 

Social media can be a huge problem when it comes to doing homework. We have advice for helping you unplug and regain focus.

How to Do Homework When You’re Easily Distracted

We live in an always-on world, and there are tons of things clamoring for our attention. From friends and family to pop culture and social media, it seems like there’s always something (or someone!) distracting us from the things we need to do.

The 24/7 world we live in has affected our ability to focus on tasks for prolonged periods of time. Research has shown that over the past decade, an average person’s attention span has gone from 12 seconds to eight seconds . And when we do lose focus, i t takes people a long time to get back on task . One study found that it can take as long as 23 minutes to get back to work once we’ve been distracte d. No wonder it can take hours to get your homework done! 

3 Tips to Improve Your Focus

If you have a hard time focusing when you’re doing your homework, it’s a good idea to try and eliminate as many distractions as possible. Here are three expert tips for blocking out the noise so you can focus on getting your homework done. 

#1: Create a Distraction-Free Environment

Pick a place where you’ll do your homework every day, and make it as distraction-free as possible. Try to find a location where there won’t be tons of noise, and limit your access to screens while you’re doing your homework. Put together a focus-oriented playlist (or choose one on your favorite streaming service), and put your headphones on while you work. 

You may find that other people, like your friends and family, are your biggest distraction. If that’s the case, try setting up some homework boundaries. Let them know when you’ll be working on homework every day, and ask them if they’ll help you keep a quiet environment. They’ll be happy to lend a hand! 

#2: Limit Your Access to Technology 

We know, we know...this tip isn’t fun, but it does work. For homework that doesn’t require a computer, like handouts or worksheets, it’s best to put all your technology away . Turn off your television, put your phone and laptop in your backpack, and silence notifications on any wearable tech you may be sporting. If you listen to music while you work, that’s fine...but make sure you have a playlist set up so you’re not shuffling through songs once you get started on your homework. 

If your homework requires your laptop or tablet, it can be harder to limit your access to distractions. But it’s not impossible! T here are apps you can download that will block certain websites while you’re working so that you’re not tempted to scroll through Twitter or check your Facebook feed. Silence notifications and text messages on your computer, and don’t open your email account unless you absolutely have to. And if you don’t need access to the internet to complete your assignments, turn off your WiFi. Cutting out the online chatter is a great way to make sure you’re getting your homework done. 

#3: Set a Timer (the Pomodoro Technique)

Have you ever heard of the Pomodoro technique ? It’s a productivity hack that uses a timer to help you focus!

Here’s how it works: first, set a timer for 25 minutes. This is going to be your work time. During this 25 minutes, all you can do is work on whatever homework assignment you have in front of you. No email, no text messaging, no phone calls—just homework. When that timer goes off, you get to take a 5 minute break. Every time you go through one of these cycles, it’s called a “pomodoro.” For every four pomodoros you complete, you can take a longer break of 15 to 30 minutes.

The pomodoro technique works through a combination of boundary setting and rewards. First, it gives you a finite amount of time to focus, so you know that you only have to work really hard for 25 minutes. Once you’ve done that, you’re rewarded with a short break where you can do whatever you want. Additionally, tracking how many pomodoros you complete can help you see how long you’re really working on your homework. (Once you start using our focus tips, you may find it doesn’t take as long as you thought!)

Two Bonus Tips for How to Do Homework Fast

Even if you’re doing everything right, there will be times when you just need to get your homework done as fast as possible. (Why do teachers always have projects due in the same week? The world may never know.)

The problem with speeding through homework is that it’s easy to make mistakes. While turning in an assignment is always better than not submitting anything at all, you want to make sure that you’re not compromising quality for speed. Simply put, the goal is to get your homework done quickly and still make a good grade on the assignment! 

Here are our two bonus tips for getting a decent grade on your homework assignments , even when you’re in a time crunch. 

#1: Do the Easy Parts First 

This is especially true if you’re working on a handout with multiple questions. Before you start working on the assignment, read through all the questions and problems. As you do, make a mark beside the questions you think are “easy” to answer . 

Once you’ve finished going through the whole assignment, you can answer these questions first. Getting the easy questions out of the way as quickly as possible lets you spend more time on the trickier portions of your homework, which will maximize your assignment grade. 

(Quick note: this is also a good strategy to use on timed assignments and tests, like the SAT and the ACT !) 

#2: Pay Attention in Class 

Homework gets a lot easier when you’re actively learning the material. Teachers aren’t giving you homework because they’re mean or trying to ruin your weekend... it’s because they want you to really understand the course material. Homework is designed to reinforce what you’re already learning in class so you’ll be ready to tackle harder concepts later.

When you pay attention in class, ask questions, and take good notes, you’re absorbing the information you’ll need to succeed on your homework assignments. (You’re stuck in class anyway, so you might as well make the most of it!) Not only will paying attention in class make your homework less confusing, it will also help it go much faster, too.

What’s Next?

If you’re looking to improve your productivity beyond homework, a good place to begin is with time management. After all, we only have so much time in a day...so it’s important to get the most out of it! To get you started, check out this list of the 12 best time management techniques that you can start using today.

You may have read this article because homework struggles have been affecting your GPA. Now that you’re on the path to homework success, it’s time to start being proactive about raising your grades. This article teaches you everything you need to know about raising your GPA so you can

Now you know how to get motivated to do homework...but what about your study habits? Studying is just as critical to getting good grades, and ultimately getting into a good college . We can teach you how to study bette r in high school. (We’ve also got tons of resources to help you study for your ACT and SAT exams , too!)

These recommendations are based solely on our knowledge and experience. If you purchase an item through one of our links, PrepScholar may receive a commission.

Ashley Sufflé Robinson has a Ph.D. in 19th Century English Literature. As a content writer for PrepScholar, Ashley is passionate about giving college-bound students the in-depth information they need to get into the school of their dreams.

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Why Can’t I do My Homework With Solutions

• Post author By admin
• August 30, 2023

Struggling with homework? Explore common challenges for why can’t I do my homework. From procrastination to focus issues, discover how to tackle ‘Why Can’t I Do My Homework’ head-on.

Imagine this: You’re cozied up at your desk, surrounded by textbooks, with a daunting pile of homework staring you down. Your brain feels like it’s taken a vacation, and you can’t help but wonder, “Why can’t I do my homework?”

If that scenario sounds familiar, welcome to the club! We’ve all been there, and it’s like homework has this magical power to turn us into amateur detectives trying to solve the case of the vanishing motivation.

But here’s the good news: you’re about to embark on a journey to demystify the reasons behind the “homework struggle.” Think of us as your friendly tour guides, here to unravel the mysteries, expose the culprits, and offer you some killer strategies to conquer the homework conundrum.

So, get ready to uncover why homework sometimes feels like a cryptic puzzle and learn how to transform it from a dreaded chore into a manageable mission. It’s time to dive in, have some fun, and crack the code on “Why can’t I do my homework?”

Table of Contents

Why Can’t I Do My Homework?

There are numerous reasons why someone might struggle with completing their homework. Here’s a list of common factors that can contribute to the challenge of “Why can’t I do my homework?”

Overwhelming Workload

A heavy workload can leave students feeling buried under a mountain of assignments. For instance, imagine a high school student juggling multiple advanced classes, each assigning substantial homework.

The sheer volume of work can be intimidating and make it difficult to manage time effectively, leading to incomplete or rushed homework.

Lack of Motivation

When a topic doesn’t spark interest, motivation can dwindle. Consider a student who loves history but dreads algebra.

The excitement for history homework may result in diligent completion, while the algebra assignment might be delayed or avoided due to lack of enthusiasm.

Procrastination

Procrastination is the art of delaying tasks until the last possible moment. Take, for instance, a college student who decides to binge-watch a TV series instead of starting their term paper.

This can result in a panic-induced rush to complete the paper, often leading to subpar work.

Distractions

An environment filled with distractions, like a noisy dorm room or a bustling café, can hinder concentration.

For example, a university student trying to study for an important exam in a crowded coffee shop may struggle to focus amidst the cacophony.

Time Management Issues

Poor time management can mean allocating too little time for homework. Consider a scenario where a student spends too much time on social media or extracurricular activities, leaving minimal time for academic tasks.

Difficulty Understanding the Material

If a student struggles to grasp concepts from class, completing homework becomes an uphill battle. For instance, a high school student may find calculus homework challenging if they don’t comprehend the underlying principles taught in class.

Fear of Failure

The fear of not meeting expectations can create anxiety around homework. Imagine a college student afraid of disappointing their parents with low grades. This fear can paralyze them, making it difficult to start or complete assignments.

Personal Problems

Personal issues such as family conflicts or relationship problems can be emotionally draining. Suppose a high school student is experiencing family troubles; their emotional distress may make it nearly impossible to focus on homework.

Health Issues

Physical or mental health problems can impact the ability to concentrate on homework. For example, a college student dealing with depression may lack the energy and motivation to complete assignments.

Perfectionism

Striving for perfection can lead to excessive time spent on a single assignment. Think of a high-achieving student who meticulously edits and revises an essay, constantly second-guessing themselves and ultimately missing deadlines.

Lack of Resources

Insufficient access to study materials or a quiet study space can hinder homework completion. Suppose a student lacks internet access at home for research purposes; this limitation can impede their ability to complete assignments that require online resources.

Language Barriers

For students learning in a non-native language, understanding and completing assignments in that language can be especially challenging.

For instance, an international student may struggle with English-language assignments, leading to slower progress.

Negative Peer Influence

Peer pressure can tempt students to prioritize social activities over homework. Imagine a high school student invited to a party on a homework-heavy night; the temptation to attend the party may lead to incomplete assignments.

Learning Disabilities

Students with learning disabilities, such as dyslexia, may require specialized support to complete their homework effectively. Consider a student with dyscalculia attempting math homework without the necessary accommodations, which can result in frustration and incomplete work.

Teacher-Student Mismatch

Sometimes, a student’s learning style doesn’t align with the teaching style of a particular teacher, making homework more challenging.

For example, a student who learns best through hands-on activities may struggle with a teacher who primarily uses lectures for instruction.

Lack of Interest in the Subject

If a student lacks interest in a particular subject, they may find it hard to motivate themselves to do the associated homework.

For instance, a high school student passionate about literature may struggle to engage with physics assignments, leading to procrastination.

Lack of Support

Some students lack a support system at home or school and may not have someone to turn to for help when they’re stuck on a problem.

Imagine a middle school student without access to a tutor or supportive parents; they might struggle to complete challenging assignments independently.

Insufficient Feedback

Without timely feedback from teachers, students may struggle to understand their mistakes and improve. Consider a scenario where a college professor rarely provides feedback on assignments; students may miss the opportunity to learn from their errors, leading to repeated difficulties.

Test Anxiety

Worrying about upcoming tests can distract students from focusing on their homework. Think of a high school student with a major exam approaching; their anxiety about the test may lead to procrastination or difficulty concentrating on other assignments.

Environmental Factors

Living in a noisy or chaotic environment can make it challenging to concentrate on homework. For instance, a university student sharing a small apartment with roommates who frequently host loud gatherings may struggle to find a quiet space for focused study.

Lack of a Structured Routine

A lack of a structured routine can lead to inconsistency in homework completion. Imagine a college student without a regular schedule; their homework habits may become erratic, impacting productivity.

Financial Stress

Students facing financial stress may need to work part-time jobs, leaving less time and energy for homework.

Suppose a college student must work long hours to cover tuition costs; this can result in exhaustion and insufficient time for assignments.

Technology Addiction

Excessive use of technology for non-educational purposes can interfere with homework completion. Consider a high school student addicted to online gaming; this addiction may lead to prolonged screen time and delayed homework.

Lack of Rewards

When students don’t see rewards or benefits from doing their homework, they may question its value. Think of a middle school student who receives no feedback or recognition for completed assignments; this lack of positive reinforcement can diminish their motivation.

Excessive workload and high expectations can lead to burnout, making it impossible to approach homework with enthusiasm. Suppose a college student takes on a heavy course load, participates in extracurricular activities, and works part-time; this overwhelming schedule can result in burnout and reduced productivity.

These factors illustrate the diverse challenges students face when tackling homework. It’s essential to recognize that homework struggles are not uncommon, and they can result from a combination of these factors.

Identifying the specific obstacles at play is the first step toward finding effective strategies to overcome them and enhance the homework experience.

What to do if I can’t do my homework?

Have a close look at what to do if I can’t do my homework.

Prioritize tasks based on deadlines and difficulty. Break the workload into smaller, manageable chunks, focusing on one subject at a time.

Find ways to make the assignment more engaging. Connect it to your interests or future goals. Set rewards for completing tasks.

Set clear goals and deadlines. Use techniques like the Pomodoro method to work in short, focused intervals with breaks.

Create a dedicated study space free from distractions. Consider noise-cancelling headphones to block out external noise.

Use planners or digital tools to schedule study sessions and allocate time for each assignment. Stick to the schedule.

Seek help from teachers, tutors, or online resources. Break down complex topics into smaller, more understandable parts.

Shift your focus from perfection to learning. Remember that making mistakes is part of the learning process. Seek support from teachers or counselors.

Communicate with teachers about personal challenges. Consider counseling or therapy to manage emotional stress.

Prioritize self-care. Seek treatment if needed, and communicate with teachers about health-related limitations.

Set realistic goals and time limits for assignments. Aim for improvement rather than perfection.

Utilize online resources, libraries, and educational websites. Ask teachers for additional materials if necessary.

Seek language support resources, such as language classes or tutoring. Use language learning apps to improve proficiency.

Set boundaries with friends and communicate your homework commitments. Prioritize academic responsibilities.

Work with school counselors to access appropriate accommodations and support.

Adapt your learning style by seeking additional resources and discussing challenges with the teacher.

Find relevance in the subject by exploring real-world applications or connecting it to personal interests.

Reach out to teachers, classmates, or academic support services for assistance. Join study groups for collaborative learning .

Request feedback from teachers or peers, and actively seek ways to improve.

Practice relaxation techniques, such as deep breathing, before studying and tests. Seek test anxiety management strategies.

Create a peaceful study environment. Consider studying at a library or during quieter times at home.

Establish a daily routine that includes specific homework times. Stick to it consistently.

Balance work commitments with schoolwork. Seek support from school financial aid or scholarships.

Use apps and tools to block distracting websites during study sessions. Set screen time limits.

Set personal rewards for completing homework, such as enjoying a favorite snack or watching a short video.

Prioritize self-care, including sufficient sleep, exercise, and relaxation. Adjust your workload to prevent overexertion.

By tailoring these strategies to your specific challenges, you can significantly improve your ability to tackle homework effectively and reduce stress associated with assignments.

Remember that seeking support from teachers, counselors, or peers is a sign of strength, not weakness, and can be a valuable resource in overcoming these challenges.

Why wont my brain let me do my homework?

Ah, the age-old struggle of the brain resisting homework – we’ve all been there! Here’s why your noggin might be playing hard to get, and some tips to outsmart it:

If the homework feels about as exciting as watching paint dry, your brain’s probably hitting the snooze button. Try making it more interesting – relate it to something you’re into, or break it down into bite-sized, less yawn-inducing chunks.

If you’ve been in the procrastination party, your brain’s probably protesting your last-minute panic. Set a schedule, try the Pomodoro Technique (work for 25 minutes, break for 5), and chip away at it bit by bit.

In today’s digital circus, distractions are the headliners. Your brain might prefer cat videos to calculus. Create a study sanctuary, and consider apps that block Facebook or Instagram when you’re in study mode.

When the homework pile looks like Mount Everest, your brain’s understandably in panic mode. Prioritize your tasks, tackle them one by one, and suddenly, it feels like a series of small hills instead.

Lack of Understanding

If the material’s about as clear as mud, homework’s a no-go. Don’t hesitate to ask for help – teachers, tutors, and that nerdy friend are your allies.

Stress or Anxiety

Stress and anxiety can make your brain do a vanishing act when it’s homework time. Try some Zen techniques like deep breathing or a quick jog to shake off the nerves.

A tired brain’s like a grumpy toddler – it won’t cooperate. Ensure you’re well-rested, eating right, and staying hydrated. A happy brain is a productive brain.

Just remember, homework resistance is a universal experience. The trick is finding your unique hacks to outsmart your brain’s games and make the homework mountain a molehill. You’ve got this!

Why can’t I just do my homework ADHD?

Why is it so darn tough to buckle down and tackle homework when you’ve got ADHD in the mix? Well, let’s break it down.

Attention Difficulties

With ADHD, concentrating on a single task can feel like herding cats. Homework might seem about as interesting as watching paint dry, making it extra tough to stay focused.

Impulsivity

Your brain might hop from one thought to another like a ping-pong ball, leaving homework in the dust. This impulsivity can make starting and finishing assignments a real challenge.

Hyperactivity

Sitting still for ages? Yeah, not exactly your ADHD brain’s favorite activity. That restlessness can make homework time feel like a marathon of discomfort.

Executive Functioning Woes

ADHD can throw a wrench in your executive functions – the stuff that helps you stay organized, manage time, and prioritize tasks. These skills are like homework superheroes, and when they’re not cooperating, it’s tough.

Frustration and Anxiety

Repeated homework battles can lead to frustration and anxiety. It’s like a vicious cycle – homework is hard, so you avoid it, which makes it even harder the next time.

But hey, you’ve got some tricks up your sleeve

Break It Down

Chop your homework into bite-sized bits. Completing these mini-goals feels like winning small battles in the war against procrastination.

Routine, Routine, Routine

A structured routine can be your secret weapon. Set specific homework times and stick to ’em. It’s like training your brain to get into homework mode.

No Distractions Allowed

Clear your workspace of distractions. Shut off those pesky notifications, use website blockers, and let your family or roommates know when you’re in “focus mode.”

Visual Aids

Visual tools are your buddies. Calendars, to-do lists, and color-coding can help you wrangle your tasks and keep track of time.

Take Breathers

Short, regular breaks can help you recharge. Ever heard of the Pomodoro Technique? Work for 25 minutes, then chill for 5 – it’s science!

Treat Yourself

Reward yourself after finishing a task. It’s like giving your brain a high-five for a job well done.

Talk to the Pros

If you haven’t already, chat with a pro about ADHD treatments like medication and therapy. They can be total game-changers.

Get Support

Don’t hesitate to reach out to teachers or counselors for extra help or accommodations. You’re not in this alone.

Remember, homework and ADHD might be a challenging combo, but you’re not powerless. With these strategies and some support, you can take on the homework dragon and come out victorious!

Alright, fellow homework adventurers, we’ve journeyed deep into the realm of “Why can’t I do my homework?” and uncovered a treasure trove of challenges that can turn homework time into a real quest.

But here’s the secret sauce: every challenge we explored has a potential solution. From taming procrastination monsters to battling the distractions dragon and seeking the wisdom of mentors (a.k.a. teachers), we’ve armed ourselves with knowledge and strategies to conquer these homework foes.

So, the next time you’re stuck with a tricky assignment and that question pops up, remember this journey. Homework isn’t an unsolvable riddle; it’s a puzzle waiting for you to unlock. With determination, a pinch of motivation, and a dash of support, you can transform homework into a rewarding adventure.

Now, go forth, young scholar, armed with newfound wisdom, and may your homework quests be filled with curiosity, growth, and the sweet taste of victory!

Frequently Asked Questions

What can i do to overcome homework procrastination.

Procrastination can be overcome by breaking tasks into smaller, manageable parts and setting realistic deadlines. Creating a quiet, organized study space can also help.

How Can I Improve My Time Management for Homework?

To improve time management, use tools like planners or apps to schedule study sessions. Prioritize tasks and avoid multitasking to stay focused.

Is Getting Homework Help Considered Cheating?

Getting help with understanding homework concepts or solving difficult problems is not cheating. It’s a valuable part of the learning process. However, copying someone else’s work is unethical.

What Should I Do If I Don’t Understand My Homework?

If you don’t understand your homework, don’t hesitate to ask for help. Reach out to your teacher, a tutor, or classmates for clarification.

How Can Parents Support Their Children with Homework?

Parents can support their children by creating a conducive study environment, setting a regular homework routine, and offering assistance when needed. Encouragement and positive reinforcement are also crucial.

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Guidelines for helping children develop self-discipline with their homework..

Posted September 5, 2012 | Reviewed by Lybi Ma

I would like to offer some advice about one of the most frequent problems presented to me in over 30 years of clinical practice: battles over homework. I have half-jokingly told many parents that if the schools of New York State no longer required homework, our children’s education would suffer (slightly). But, as a child psychologist, I would be out of business.

Many parents accept this conflict with their children as an unavoidable consequence of responsible parenting . These battles, however, rarely result in improved learning or performance in school. More often than not, battles over homework lead to vicious cycles of nagging by parents and avoidance or refusal by children, with no improvement in a child’s school performance. And certainly no progress toward what should be our ultimate goals : helping children enjoy learning and develop age-appropriate discipline and independence with respect to their schoolwork.

Before I present a plan for reducing battles over homework, it is important to begin with this essential reminder:

The solution to the problem of homework always begins with an accurate diagnosis and a recognition of the demands placed on your child. Parents should never assume that a child who resists doing homework is “lazy.”

Every child whose parents or teachers report ongoing resistance to completing schoolwork or homework; every child whose performance in school is below expectations based on his parents’ or teachers’ intuitive assessment of his intellectual potential; and every child who, over an extended period of time, complains that he “hates school” or “hates reading,” should be evaluated for the presence of an attention or learning disorder.

These children are not lazy. Your child may be anxious, frustrated, discouraged, distracted, or angry—but this is not laziness. I frequently explain to parents that, as a psychologist, the word lazy is not in my dictionary. Lazy, at best, is a description, not an explanation.

For children with learning difficulties, doing their homework is like running with a sprained ankle: It is possible, although painful, and he will look for ways to avoid or postpone this painful and discouraging task.

A Homework Plan

Homework, like any constructive activity, involves moments of frustration, discouragement, and anxiety . If you begin with some appreciation of your child’s frustration and discouragement, you will be better able to put in place a structure that helps him learn to work through his frustration—to develop increments of frustration tolerance and self-discipline.

I offer families who struggle with this problem a Homework Plan:

• Set aside a specified, and limited, time for homework. Establish, early in the evening, a homework hour.
• For most children, immediately after school is not the best time for homework. This is a time for sports, for music and drama, and free play.
• During the homework hour, all electronics are turned off—for the entire family.
• Work is done in a communal place, at the kitchen or dining room table. Contrary to older conventional wisdom , most elementary school children are able to work more much effectively in a common area, with an adult and even other children present, than in the “quiet” of their rooms.
• Parents may do their own ”homework” during this time, but they are present and continually available to help, to offer encouragement, and to answer children’s questions. Your goal is to create, to the extent possible, a library atmosphere in your home, again, for a specified and limited period of time. Ideally, therefore, parents should not make or receive telephone calls during this hour. And when homework is done, there is time for play.
• Begin with a reasonable, a doable, amount of time set aside for homework. If your child is unable to work for 20 minutes, begin with 10 minutes. Then try 15 minutes in the next week. Acknowledge every increment of effort, however small.
• Be positive and give frequent encouragement. Make note of every improvement, not every mistake.
• Be generous with your praise. Praise their effort, not their innate ability. But do not be afraid of praise.
• Anticipate setbacks. After a difficult day, reset for the following day.
• Give them time. A child’s difficulty completing homework begins as a problem of frustration and discouragement, but it is then complicated by defiant attitudes and feelings of unfairness. A homework plan will begin to reduce these defiant attitudes, but this will not happen overnight.

Most families have found these suggestions helpful, especially for elementary school children. Establishing a homework hour allows parents to move away from a language of threats (“If you don’t__ you won’t be able to__”) to a language of opportunities (“When” or “As soon as” you have finished__ we’ll have a chance to__”).

Of course, for many hurried families, there are complications and potential glitches in implementing any homework plan. It is often difficult, with children’s many activities, to find a consistent time for homework. Some flexibility, some amendments to the plan, may be required. But we should not use the complications of scheduling or other competing demands as an excuse, a reason not to establish the structure of a reasonable homework routine.

Copyright Ken Barish, Ph.D.

See Pride and Joy: A Guide to Understanding Your Child’s Emotions and Solving Family Problems .

Kenneth Barish, Ph.D. , is a clinical associate professor of Psychology at Weill Medical College, Cornell University.

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Dear ADDitude: My Teen Won’t Do His Homework!

“My 13-year-old rushes through his homework and often forgets to hand it in. He also has ODD, so he is so stubborn and doesn’t want to study or accept help. He is smart, but his attitude and lack of motivation are holding him back. What can I do?”

Defiant Over Homework: Reader Question

Defiant over homework: additude answers.

ADHD, ODD, and puberty are a tough combination. Work on one challenge at a time. First, handle the missing assignments. Set up a meeting with your son’s teachers to find out which assignments are missing, and come up with a schedule for getting him caught up. Choose to work on a few assignments per night until he is caught up. I would suggest not allowing any screen time until that day’s assignments are complete. Follow up with his teachers to make sure they received the completed assignments. If it is possible to e-mail assignments, once they are completed, that would be ideal.

Now you can focus on the quality of the work and his motivation to do it. Many 13-year-old boys are not motivated to do schoolwork. This may be a sign of his age, his ADHD , his ODD, or a combination. If you find less screen time helps, keep this policy up until schoolwork is completed for the evening. Although teens with ODD often resent and argue with rules, you should keep certain rules in place. Clearly explain to your son the consequences and rewards. Be consistent with your approach, and focus on what he is doing right, rather than what he is doing wrong.

Posted by Eileen Bailey Freelance writer, author specializing in ADHD, anxiety, and autism

My son is 13, in 7th grade, and also rushes through all work and homework. He has a gifted IQ but currently has two low D’s in two classes.

The reason my son does so poorly in school is mostly due to his executive functioning deficits  and the fact that teachers won’t provide the support he needs in that area.

[ Take This Test If You Think Your Child Has Oppositional Defiant Disorder ]

Ask for a parent-teacher meeting to address missing assignments, and ask the teacher to accommodate your son by reminding him to turn things in. Read this: ADHD in Middle School Survival Guide .

As for rushing through, I don’t know what to do. Individuals with ADHD are only motivated when something is of interest — it’s the way their brains work. I keep reminding myself that grades aren’t everything, but it does hurt his self-esteem.

Posted by Penny ADDitude community moderator, author on ADHD parenting, mom to teen boy with ADHD, LDs, and autism

Rushing through homework is so common and kids with ADHD. One thing that I really love for these students is called “designated homework time.” It’s basically based on the premise that kids should have about 10 minutes of homework per grade level. So a third grader should have about 30 minutes of homework, a 6th grader about 60 minutes of homework, and so on.

[ Smart Homework Strategies for Teachers & Parents: A Free Handout ]

If your child is miraculously doing homework for, say, a third grader in three minutes, even though you know they have a lot more, you can set the time expectation and say, “All right, Jimmy, you’re going to have 30 minutes to do your homework each day even if you say you have none at all.” Then, set the timer and make sure that Jimmy has this designated homework time. Even if he says he’s done, he still has to read for pleasure, or practice his math facts. That set period of time really reduces rushing because kids know that they’re not going to get up and be able to play XBox after three minutes.

Also keep in mind that sometimes when kids rush, they have a hard time paying attention to detail. It’s not just that they want to make us upset or that they ignore when you say, “Go back and check your work.” Instead what you want to say is, “As you’re doing your homework and you come to one that’s hard for you, circle that one so then you can go back at the end and work through that with a little bit more time.”

I also encourage younger kids to make a game out of it and I’ll say, “Okay, let’s say that you’re going to review five questions that were hard for you. Put a little box on the upper right hand corner of your worksheet and every time you go back and you check one of those hard questions, give yourself a tally mark.” For every set number of tally marks, kids can earn a reward.

Posted by Ann Dolin, M.Ed. Founder of Educational Connections, and author of Homework Made Simple

Defiant Over Homework: A Reader Answers

My daughter is 15 years old, and has struggled with homework all through school. Each night, my wife or I checked all homework and made her fix errors or rewrite things that were rushed or poorly done.

She eventually figured out we were not going to let her get away with a rush job. There were no video games, TV shows, or other activities until we said the evening’s assignments were complete. Our kids loved to read so we even took away books.

Eventually, we got an IEP. For one accommodation, the teacher checked and initialed her assignment book at the end of the day and asked if everything was turned in at the same time. The school had a computerized system so we could track missing work.

Part of the problem is her backpack and binders looked like an explosion went off. Our new system seems to be working. Straight A’s this last report card.

Take it one step at a time and teach the behavior you want your son to follow. Give yourself kudos for caring so much.

Posted by Augie

My daughter rushes through homework, too! I’ve been diligently checking it and making her correct where needed. But she recently had her first big “project” that I knew was going to drive me crazy, requiring hours of research and typing.

I made a couple of attempts to start her working on it. She hurried through, doing sloppy work, continually asking, “Can I stop now?” Then, I hit upon a solution that worked for us. I told her she had to work for 30 minutes before a break, and even if she “finished,” she’d have to read in a text book.

This eliminated her desire to hurry-up-and-finish because there was nothing to look forward to. She kept a close eye on the count-down timer, but actually slowed down with her work. It took quite a few 30 minute sessions, with nice-sized breaks in-between, but she got it done, and nicely, too. And as an added bonus, there was a lot less whining.

She doesn’t know it yet, but I’m going to make the 30-minute rule apply to daily homework, too!

Posted by Fair Hope

We found that using an “ADHD watch,” which vibrates every 5 minutes has helped our son refocus when doing homework (and at school) while on the computer. Since he doesn’t seem to be able to judge the passing of time, this lets him know it has been 5 minutes and he needs to refocus. He could easily “go down a rabbit hole” for hours following links without realizing it.

We also instituted a reward system where I pay him if he completes an assignment correctly within “x” amount of time and he pays me if he doesn’t. Homework got done very quickly after the first time he paid me!

Posted by kfwellman

My son gets a half hour of “down time” after school and before starting homework, but , he doesn’t get to start video games until after the work is done. If he gets into that game mindset, he won’t want to stop and then it becomes a battle to get him off it. So, he can play, watch a little TV, or whatever for a half hour, and then it’s homework time. When the homework is done, he is rewarded with a half hour of video game time.

I’ve also read many times that, in addition to making them feel successful, the video games make them feel like this is the ONE area of their lives over which they have some control, which actually helps his behavior and defiance. I mean, think about it: They struggle all day and have difficulties with peers, teachers and their own feeling of self-worth, but, when it comes to video games, they are the ones in control for a change. It also has to do with the instant gratification they get from the games. That’s why they are so addictive. So, the games do a number of things for them.

I don’t like taking the games away as punishment because I know that the games do all these things for my son, but I try to make it clear where the games fall on the hierarchy of priorities, and sometimes I do have to use them to get my son to do what he needs to do.

Posted by JAMurphy

My son is 15 and I don’t believe he’s too motivated either. Fortunately, the grades have been okay, but he hates to do homework and he did not study for his final exams. It seems that school just taxes him and when he gets home, the thought of having to concentrate just does him in behaviorally.

I try not to overreact to all of this (It’s hard sometimes!), and I’ve pretty much come to terms with the fact that he probably never will like school. It’s just not an ADHD-friendly place, unfortunately. Each semester, I meet with teachers to explain his challenges. Organization is a huge one for my son. I tell them that these are brain issues, not attitude issues. I don’t want to baby my son, but it is hard to find the balance between helping and being over-involved. I tell him he needs to fulfill his responsibilities and that I am always available to help him if needed.

I try to remind my son that his schoolwork is for himself , not me or his father. I told him that when he doesn’t do well or chooses not to do something, he’s not letting me down. Then I ask him who he’s letting down and he always knows the answer. “Me,” he says. I try to tell him that making the effort is like giving himself a gift. Sometimes he buys this, sometimes not.

So my mindset these days is to try and get through with the least abount of damage possible. At the same time, I try to find and use my son’s gifts and talents outside of school so he has things to feel good about. I don’t take away sports as a consequence because he needs it, for example.

Also, if you haven’t read Chris Dendy’s book on teenagers and ADHD, it is an absolute must-read. It helped me a lot. One of her best pieces of advice was, “Give yourself permission to be more involved with your child that you normally would.” These kids need someone who loves them no matter what.

Posted by momto3kids

[ Free Resource: Proven Homework Help for Kids with ADHD ]

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Home / Expert Articles / Child Behavior Problems / School & Homework

“My Child Refuses to Do Homework” — How to Stop the Nightly Struggle Over Schoolwork

By janet lehman, msw.

For many parents, getting their kids to do their homework is a nightly struggle. Some kids refuse to do their homework. Others claim that they don’t have homework, but then the report card comes out, and you realize that their work was not being done.

So why is homework time so difficult? In my opinion, one of the major reasons is that it’s hard for kids to focus at home. Look at it this way: when your child is in school, they’re in a classroom where there aren’t a lot of distractions. The learning is structured and organized, and all the students are focusing on the same thing.

But when your child comes home, their brain clicks over to “free time” mode. In their mind, home is a place to relax, have a snack, listen to music, and play video games. Kids simply don’t view the home as the place to do schoolwork.

If the homework struggles you experience are part of a larger pattern of acting out behavior, then the child is resisting to get power over you. They intend to do what they want to do when they want to do it, and homework just becomes another battlefield. And, as on any other battlefield, parents can use tactics that succeed or tactics that fail.

Regardless of why your child won’t do their homework, know that fighting over it is a losing proposition for both of you. You will end up frustrated, angry, and exhausted, and your child will have found yet another way to push your buttons. And, even worse, they will wind up hating school and hating learning.

A major part of getting your child to do their homework lies in establishing a system so that your child comes to see that homework is just a regular part of home life. Once they accept that, you’ve already won half the battle. Accordingly, my first few tips are around setting up this system. If you get the system right, things tend to fall into place.

Put this system in place with your child at a time when things are calm and going well rather than during the heat of an argument. Tell your child that you’re going to try something different starting next week with homework that will make it go better for everyone. Then explain the system.

You’ll find that this system will make your life easier as a parent, will make you more effective as a parent, and will help your child to get the work done. And when your child gets their work done, they’re more likely to succeed, and nothing drives motivation more than success.

Structure the Evening for Homework

When your kids come home, there should be a structure and a schedule set up each night. I recommend that you write this up and post it on the refrigerator or in some central location in the house. Kids need to know that there is a time to eat, a time to do homework, and also that there is free time. And remember, free time starts after homework is done.

Homework time should be a quiet time in your whole house. Siblings shouldn’t be in the next room watching TV or playing video games. The whole idea is to eliminate distractions. The message to your child is, “You’re not going to do anything anyway, so you might as well do your homework.”

Even if your child doesn’t have homework some nights, homework time should still mean no phone and no electronics. Instead, your child can read a book or a magazine in their room or work on longer-term assignments. Consistently adhering to the homework time structure is important to instill the homework habit.

Start the Evening Homework Habit When Your Kids are Young

If your children are younger and they don’t get homework yet, set aside quiet time each evening where your child can read or do some type of learning. Doing so will help children understand that evening quiet and study time is a part of everyday home life, just like chores. This habit will pay off when the real homework begins.

Use a Public Place for Homework

For a lot of kids, sending them to their rooms to do their homework is a mistake. Many children need your presence to stay focused and disciplined. And they need to be away from the stuff in their rooms that can distract them.

You know your child best. If you think they’re not being productive in their room, then insist they work at the kitchen table or in some other room where you can monitor them and where there will be fewer distractions.

If they do homework in their room, the door to the room should be open, and you should check in from time to time. No text messaging, no fooling around. Take the phone and laptop away and eliminate electronics from the room during study time. In short, you want to get rid of all the temptations and distractions.

Give Breaks During Homework Time

Many kids get tired halfway through homework time, and that’s when they start acting up. If your child is doing an hour of homework, have them take a 5-minute break every half-hour so that they can get up, have a snack, and stretch their legs. But don’t allow electronics during the break—electronics are just too distracting.

Monitor the break and ensure that your child gets back to work promptly.

Be sure to encourage your child when they’re discouraged. It’s okay to say things like:

“I know it’s a drag, but think of this—when you get your work done, the rest of the night is yours.”

“Look, if you do your work all week, you’ll have the whole weekend to do what you want.”

Show your child empathy—how many of us truly enjoyed homework every night? It’s work, pure and simple. But your child will be encouraged when they begin to have success with their work.

Help Your Child Get Started With Their Homework

Some kids have a hard time getting assignments started. They may be overwhelmed or unsure where to begin. Or the work may seem too difficult.

There’s a concept I explain in The Total Transformation® child behavior program called hurdle help . If you have a child who has a hard time getting started, spend the first five minutes with them to get them over the first couple of hurdles. Perhaps help them with the first math problem or make sure they understand the assignment.

For many kids who are slow starters, hurdle help is very effective. This doesn’t mean you are doing their homework for them—this is simply extra help designed to get them going on their own.

Help Your Child Manage Long-Term Assignments

If your child has a big, long-term project, then you want to work with them to estimate how much time it’s going to take. Then your child has to work within that time frame. So if your child has a science project, help them manage and structure their time. For instance, if the project is due in 30 days, ask them:

“How much time are you going to spend on it each night?”

They might say, “15 minutes a night,” and you hold them to that.

Don’t assume that your child knows how to manage their time effectively. As adults, we sometimes take for granted the habits we have spent a lifetime developing and forget that our kids are not there yet.

Make Sunday Night a School Night

The way that I structure the weekend is that Sunday night is a school night, not Friday. So if your child has homework for the weekend, and as long as they’re done all their work for the past week, they get Friday and Saturday night off and can do their homework on Sunday night.

If there’s a project or something big to do over the weekend, then work with your child to budget their time. They may have to put some time in on Saturday or Sunday during the day. But other than that, your child should have the weekend off too, just like adults do.

The Weekend Doesn’t Begin Until Overdue Work Is Done

If your child has overdue homework, their weekend shouldn’t begin until those assignments are done. In other words, Friday night is a homework night if their week’s work is not complete.

Believe me, this is a highly effective consequence for kids because it creates a great incentive to get their work done. Indeed, each minute they’re doing homework is a minute they could be hanging out with friends or playing video games.

If you can hold to this rule once and deal with the complaining, then next week the homework will be done.

By the way, if they say they can’t do their homework because they didn’t bring their school books home, they should be grounded for the weekend. You can say:

“I don’t want to hear that you can’t do it because you don’t have your books. You’d better call around and find a friend who you can borrow them from. Otherwise, you’ll be staying in this weekend.”

Make Homework a Higher Priority Than Activities

Kids are involved in a lot of after school activities these days. I understand that. But my priority has always been “homework comes first.”

In my opinion, if the homework isn’t done on Monday, then your child shouldn’t go to football on Tuesday. It’s fine if he misses a practice or two. You can say:

“Here’s the deal. We’re not going to football today. You need to get your work done first.”

If your child says, “Well, if I miss a practice, I’m going to get thrown off the team,” You can say:

“Well, then make sure your work is complete. Otherwise, you’re not going to practice. That’s all there is to it.”

I personally don’t put football, soccer, or any other extracurricular activities above homework and home responsibilities. I don’t believe parents should be going from soccer to karate to basketball with their kids while homework and school responsibilities are being neglected.

Use Rewards for Schoolwork, Not Bribes

Most kids get personal satisfaction out of getting good grades and completing their work, and that’s what we’re aiming for. Nevertheless, it’s important to reinforce positive behavior, and that may mean offering an incentive for getting good grades. For instance, my son knew that he would get a certain reward for his performance if he got all B’s or above. The reward was an incentive to do well.

One of the shortcuts we take as parents is to bribe our kids rather than rewarding them for performance. It can be a subtle difference. A reward is something that is given after an achievement. A bribe is something you give your child after negotiating with them over something that is already a responsibility.

If you bribe your child to do their homework or to do anything else that is an expected responsibility, then your child will come to expect something extra just for behaving appropriately. Bribes undermine your parental authority as kids learn that they can get things from you by threatening bad behavior. Bribes put your child in charge of you.

The appropriate parental response to not meeting a responsibility is a consequence, not a bribe. A bribe says, “If you do your homework, I will extend your curfew by an hour.” In contrast, a consequence says, “If you don’t do your homework, you’re grounded until it’s finished.” Never bribe your kids to do what they’re expected to do.

Use Effective Consequences

When giving consequences, be sure they’re effective consequences. What makes an effective consequence? An effective consequence motivates your child to good behavior. They put you back in control and teach your child how to problem-solve, giving your child the skills needed to be successful.

An effective consequence looks like this:

“If you fall below a B average, then you can no longer study in your room and must study at the kitchen table until you get your average back to a B.”

For the child who prefers to study in their room, this is an effective consequence.

Another effective consequence would be the following:

“If you choose not to study during the scheduled time, you will lose your electronics for the night. Tomorrow, you’ll get another chance to use them.”

And the next day, your child gets to try again to earn the privilege of electronics. Short-term consequences like this are very effective. Just don’t take away this privilege for more than a day as your child will have no incentive to do better the next time.

For more on consequences, read the article on how to give effective consequences to your child .

Be Prepared to Let Your Child Fail

Failure should be an option, and sometimes you just have to let your child fail . Parents often do their kids a disservice when they shield them from the consequences of their actions. If your child chooses not to study enough and they get a failing grade, that’s the natural consequence for their behavior. And they should experience the discomfort that results from their behavior.

Let me be clear. If you interfere and try to get your child’s teacher to change their grade, your child will learn the wrong lesson. Your child will learn that if they screw up enough, Mom and Dad will take care of them. And they don’t learn their math or science or whatever it is they failed.

To be sure, failing is a hard lesson, but it’s the right lesson when your child fails. And it’s not the end of the world. In fact, for many kids, it’s what turns them around.

Don’t Fight with Your Child Over Homework

Don’t get sucked into arguments with your child about homework. Make it very clear that if they don’t do their homework, then the next part of their night does not begin. Keep discussions simple. Say to your child:

“Right now is homework time. The sooner you get it done, the sooner you can have free time.”

Say this in a supportive way with a smile on your face. Again, it’s important not to get sucked into fights with your child. Remember, you don’t have to attend every argument you’re invited to. If your child refuses to do his or her work, then calmly give the consequence that you established for not doing homework.

Also, trying to convince your child that grades are important is a losing battle. You can’t make your child take school as seriously as you do. The truth is, they don’t typically think that way. To get your child to do homework, focus on their behavior, not their motivation. Rather than giving a lecture, just maintain the system that enables them to get their work done. Often, the motivation comes after the child has had a taste of success, and this system sets them up for that success.

Stay Calm When Helping Your Child With Their Homework

It’s important to be calm when helping your child with their homework. Don’t argue about the right answer for the math problem or the right way to do the geography quiz. If you get frustrated and start yelling and screaming at your child, this sets a negative tone and won’t help them get the work done. It’s better to walk away than it is to engage in an argument, even when you’re just trying to be helpful.

For couples, it may be that one of you is more patient and acceptable to your child. Let that person take on the homework monitoring responsibilities. And don’t take it personally if it isn’t you.

Remember, if you can’t stay calm when helping your child, or if you find that your help is making the situation worse, then it’s better not to help at all. Find someone else or talk to the teacher about how your child can get the help they need. And try not to blame your child for the frustration that you feel.

It’s Your Child’s Homework, Not Yours

Remember that your child is doing the homework as a school assignment. The teacher will ultimately be the judge of how good or bad, correct or incorrect the work is. You’re not responsible for the work itself; your job is to guide your child. You can always make suggestions, but ultimately it’s your child’s job to do their assignments. And it’s the teacher’s job to grade them.

Know the Teachers and the Assignments

Build good relationships with your child’s teachers. Meet with the teachers at the beginning of the school year and stay in touch as the year progresses. Your relationships with your child’s teachers will pay off if your child begins to have problems.

And if your child does have problems, then communicate with their teachers weekly. If they’re not handing in their work on time, ask the teachers to send you any assignments that they didn’t get done each week. Many schools have assignments available online, which is a big help for parents. Just don’t rely on your child to give you accurate information. Find out for yourself.

The bottom line is that you want to hold your child accountable for doing their work, and you can only do that if you know what the work is. If you keep yourself informed, then you won’t be surprised when report cards come out.

Work with your child on a system to keep track of assignments. I recommend an old-fashioned paper calendar simply because we already have too many distracting electronics in our lives—experiment and use what works best for your child.

Finally, try to see your child’s teachers as your allies. In my experience, most teachers are dedicated and caring, but I realize that this isn’t always the case. So, for your child’s sake, do your best to find a way to work with their teachers.

If You Think Your Child Might Have a Learning Disability

Kids are expected to do some difficult work, and your child may struggle. If your child is having an especially hard time, talk with their teacher. Ask if it’s typical for your child to be struggling in this area.

In some cases, the teacher may recommend testing to see if your child has a learning disability. While this can be hard to hear as a parent, it’s important to find out so that you can make the necessary adjustments.

If it turns out that your child does have a learning disability, then you want to get an Individualized Educational Plan (IEP) set up with the school.

Most kids don’t enjoy homework, and for some, it will always be a struggle. Our children all have different strengths and abilities, and while some may never be excellent students, they might be great workers, talented artists, or thoughtful builders.

I have to admit that dealing with my son’s homework was one of my least favorite experiences as a parent. It was overwhelming at times. Often, I just wasn’t equipped to offer the help he needed.

Our son struggled with a learning disability, which made the work feel unending at times. My husband James was much better at helping him, so he took on this responsibility. But even with this division of labor, we had to make adjustments to our schedules, our lives, and our expectations to make sure our son did his homework as expected.

Life would be easier if all children were self-motivated students who came home, sat down, and dug into their homework without being asked. This is hardly the case, though. Therefore, you need to set up a system that is right for your child, and it’s going to be easier for some kids than for others.

We’re trying to raise our kids to be responsible and accountable for their homework. And we’re trying to avoid fighting with them over it every night. When I had parents in my office, I would take these concepts and show them how they could make it work for their families in their own homes. The families I worked with were able to turn the nightly homework struggle around successfully time and time again.

Related content: The Homework Battle: How to Get Children to Do Homework

Empowering Parents Podcast: Apple, Spotify

About Janet Lehman, MSW

Janet Lehman, MSW, has worked with troubled children and teens for over 30 years. A veteran social worker, she specializes in child behavior issues — ranging from anger management and oppositional defiance to more serious criminal behavior in teens. She is co-creator of The Total Transformation® Program , The Complete Guide To Consequences™ , Getting Through To Your Child™ , and Two Parents One Plan™ .

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Hello, my grandson recently moved with me from another state. He is currently in 8th grade (but should be in 9th). He basically failed the last 2 years and was promoted. I would say he is at a 6th grade level. It's a daily fight with him to do his homework. He won't even try. I know a lot of this is because no one has ever made him do his homework before. I thought he would just have to get in a routine of doing it. He's been in school for a month now and its a fight every single day after school. I have lost all the patience I had. I am tired of being a broken record and being the "bad guy". I don't want to give up on him and send him back to his mom, where I know he will never graduate. I have made so many sacrifices to get him here, but I am literally at my wits end with this. I knew it wasn't going to be easy but I didn't think it was going to be this hard.

My rule is homework after school. If he comes home and does his homework after school, it was easier for him to complete. That lasted a week and a half. Now, he just sits there and does nothing. Does anyone have any suggestions? I couldn't live with myself if I sent him back and he became nothing but a drop out. I know I am not one to have patience, and I am trying but at the same time, I am almost over it. I don't like going to bed crying and knowing that he is crying too. I am open to all suggestions. Please and thank you.

I'm so sorry you are facing these struggles with your grandson. We here from many caregivers in similar situations, so you're not alone in your frustration. We have several articles that offer helpful tips for managing these homework struggles, which can be found here: https://www.empoweringparents.com/article-categories/child-behavior-problems/school-homework/

We appreciate you reaching out and wish you all the best moving forward. Be sure to check back and let us know how things are going.

Jessicar Thank you for this article and strategies. I echo many of the frustrations expressed by other parents here, including my opinion (as an educator) that homework should not exist. I agree that teachers and parents are in a struggle about which adult is responsible for supporting the child in getting More homework done. The best thing for my son was a free "homework club" in fourth and fifth grade where a teacher monitored completion of homework. He has nothing like this in middle school so far. Where I really disagree with the article is about extracurricular activities. Kids need physical activity through sports! They need enrichment beyond academics through the arts, theater, music. Many families send their children to religious, language, and/or cultural programs after school. If I sat in school all day, I'd want to move my body and interact with others too. The solution is not removing extracurricular activities that are healthy or motivating or valued. The solution is for schools to limit homework. Given that there is still homework as a reality--I'd like advice on when to have child do homework AFTER sports or extracurricular activity. When is the best time for homework if the goal is to go to bed on time (in my house in bed around 9 pm)? Between extracurricular and dinner--when the kid is tired? After dinner? My child is in 7th grade and I still can't figure it out. What do others do/think?

I found school to be extremely boring, as a teen. Looking back I realize that I hadn't found the work challenging enough. Personally, I struggled with this all through high school. I was completely disinterested in school, as a result.

I noticed that there wasn't a section addressing situations where children, who are motivated by challenges, do poorly as a result of boredom.

I enjoy reading many of the articles; even those which don't necessarily apply to my current situations with my child. One never knows what obstacles or challenges one may come across. Thank you

Here's what I know. Correcting our children when their behavior is displeasing is what most parents focus on. Without a lot of explanation I'm going to try to get you to change your focus. All children have 4 emotional needs:

1. A sense of belonging

2. A sense of personal power

3. To be heard and understood

4. Limits and boundaries

Rather than focus on your child's behavior, focus on meeting these needs. Meet the needs, change the behavior. There a 25 ways to meet these needs. One of the most effective is to spend regular one-on-one time with your child doing what your child wants to do. How do you spell love? T-I-M-E. It seems counter-intuitive, but just try it for a week. Do this for 1/2 hour every day for a week. See what happens.

Frustrated Confused Parent, I went through similar challenges with my son when he was in high school. As a grade school student his grades were always B and higher. The changes began when his mother and I separated; my son was 12yo. Prior to our separation I was the one who maintained, and enforced the habit of completing his assignments before extracurricular activities could be enjoyed. His mother never felt she had the patience or intelligence to assist him with his homework assignments and upon our separation she completely ignored his school work. Although he continued to follow the structure I had established through grade school, he soon began to realize that no one was showing interest any longer and, thus, began shirking school related responsibilities. My son and I were, and still are, close. I am certain that the separation likely had some affect on him, but it was more than that. He was reaching his teens and becoming more self-aware. Friends began to play a more integral and influential part in his life. Unfortunately my son's grades began slipping as he reached his early teens. For me, this was extremely frustrating since I was aware of how intelligent he was and of what he was capable. After many aggravating, lengthy, heated, and unyielding conversations with his mother about maintaining the structure established through grade school, it became clear she was incapable or simply unwilling. Essentially, he was on his own. Of course I would do whatever I could to help. For starters, I facilitated a transfer to a Charter School, realizing that he needed more individualized attention than that which a public school could provide. It seemed as though he was getting 'lost in the shuffle'.

Unfortunately the damage had already been done. After two years under his mother's lack of tutelage my son had developed some poor habits.

He struggled with maintaining good grades throughout his high school career. By 'maintaining good grades' I mean that he would take a grading of 45 in math and bring it to a 70 within three weeks of the end of a marking period. He ALWAYS passed, though. He would somehow get his grades to or even above passing by the end of the period. As I began to see this, I began to have more faith knowing that when the going got tough he would step up and take charge. It also indicated that he did well with what might perceive as an impossible goal. So, I started to have faith that he'd find his way.

He has since graduated, he has a good-paying job, and he is beginning school to become an electrician within the next month or so. In two weeks he moves into his own apartment, also. He's never done drugs, never drank alcohol, and never started smoking cigarettes. All of which I have done as a teen and well into my adult years. I am in recovery. My son is aware of my own struggles. Most importantly, I believe, is that he has a complete understanding that we all struggle in our own ways. Working through the difficulties, challenges, and obstacles are what makes us stronger and it's our compassion for others, and ourselves, which help us grow into decent adults.

I came to realize that the 'grades' he received in school had nothing to do with the amazing adult he's become; it was literally everything else.

NanaRound2 My 6 year old grandson has just taken 2 hours to write a list and write 3 sentences. He thinks if the words were shorter it wouldn't take so long. Already went through this with his dad. I celebrated more than he did when he graduated. Can't drag More another kid through school. Losing my mind and like the previous comment have tried EVERYTHING.

Yeah -been there, done that. Doesn't work. At least not for my child. I've read every *actual* parenting book out there ( You know, the books publishes by Harvard & Stanford professors who've been studying parenting and child psychology for the past 30 years?) ... and you're all missing something - because I've tried it all.

My kid DGAF. This was almost painful to read. "oh, yup - tried that one. That one too. Oh, hey - I've tried that as well."

This is so frustrating; tell me something I haven't already tried 50 times.

Psych Fan I'm with you my sophomore son DGAF . I tried so much stuff even set time stuff and he just doesn't go get his work out. He's 5'9 so I am 5'1 and I can't move him to do stuff . All he does is debate with me that More Grades really don't matter that he's like I'm just going to get D's because I'm not going to care to do better because I do not like school. He doesn't understand why I don't approve of D grades because I know he has better potential but he's like D grades I will pass and get my diploma .

The first thing on the list is to try and stay calm. While doing homework with my children I'm usually very calm. When I do get frustrated I'll leave the room for a moment, wash my face, and take a few deep breaths until I calm down. Or I'll make hot chocolate to help calm my nerves. It's not a perfect system, but what is?

Number two is to set clear expectations around homework time and responsibilities. We have a standard homework time at our house, with a timer and everything. If our kids meet the homework time goal they'll be rewarded later in the evening with family time. Each of our kids know their roles and responsibilities in the house whether the work gets done before dinner or not.

Number three is a relationship with the teachers, each of whom e-mail us, some two or three times a day. Contact with them has never been better. They're teachers are all pretty awesome too.

Number Four, play the parental role most useful to your child...I have three kids. One needs no help at all, one needs minor help and advisement, while the third requires constant supervision or their e-mail might 'accidentally' open up. This we've provided through double teaming. One parent works with them until the other gets home, then they switch while the other goes to make dinner.

Five, keep activities similar with all your kids. We all live on the same schedule, if one of them finishes homework early they get the reward of extra quiet reading time-my kids are ALL book worms.

Six, Set up a structured time and place for homework. Done. Homework table with a supplies basket right in the middle of the room. Big enough for all of them to work at and then some, it's an octagonal table which my husband built. I also always have their 'homework snacks' waiting for them when they get home, and I usually try to make it healthy-even if they don't realize it.

Seven, start early. My kids have been doing 'homework' with me since they were babies, and (as I pointed out to them yesterday) they loved it. We'd learn about cooking, dinosaurs, amphibians, insects, math, English, chemistry, even the periodic table came up. We'd do work pages every day and they'd love it.

Eight, hurdle help, works in area's like math, but not so much with history or English when the problems aren't as straight forward. But we do use this method where it applies.

Nine, choose the best person for the job. I'm best at English and my husband at math. When I get stuck on math I know who to go to, and I'll even study in my spare time to get better at it so I can be more useful in case he has to work late. That being said, we both devote a lot of our time to helping our kids with their homework.

Ten, show empathy and support. Done, not only can I relate to my kids, but I've pointed out that not getting their work done will make them feel bad bad enough, and that that's why we should work on getting it done together, so they have something to be proud of.

Use positive reinforcement and incentives. :) There was this one time I sat my son down at a table with a work book about 400 pages long. He was young, not even in school yet. Next to the book I placed a giant bag of M&Ms. I told him for every page he got done, he could have one m&m. About ten minutes later he finished the workbook and grinned up at me. When I found out he'd finished the book, I quickly checked it to see if it was done well, and then pushed the bag of M&M's towards him and told him he could just have it...Now they get rewarded in video games and computer time...

It seems that according to this article I'm doing everything right...So why is my child still struggling with homework/classwork? They've literally just refused to do it. Have seriously just sat in their chair without saying a word and stared at the table, or desk, or screen- as the majority of work is now done on computers...I'll sit with them, ask them if they need help, try to help them with problems. They will tell me the right answer to the questions being asked and then refuse to write it down. I feel like I've done everything I can as a parent to help them, but despite all my efforts, it isn't working. So...when all of these things fail, when a parent has done everything right, and there is nothing more they can do short of taking the pen or pencil into their own hands and doing it themselves, (but that would be cheating their child out of an education) what then should the parents do?

When our kids don't get their homework done before dinner, they're sent down the hall where it's quiet so they can finish it at the desk there, while the other kids have family time. They are told to come and get us if they really need help after that. But at this point it's like ostracizing our child for not doing homework.

I agree with most of what's on this page, and our family lifestyle reflects that, but I will disagree with one thing it said. It is our job to help our kids and be supportive of them yes, to nurture them and help them get the skills they need to take care of themselves and their home when they're older...but it is not our job to do the teachers work for them, they get paid for that. Some days it seems like that's what's expected of parents. Some even send home classwork if the kids don't finish it in class. Which means the child now has even more work to do on top of their homework. Though I understand that the teachers want the child to finish the lesson, and were the homework not a factor I probably wouldn't mind it as much. I don't even mind them sending home study guides to help kids before tests (Which is what homework was originally) but to send home overwhelming piles of work each night for parents to help kids with, (Each child with different homework so that parents need to bounce from history, to math to English) it's unreasonable. When teachers send home homework, they're dictating what the parents can do with the little time they have with their child. Which is wrong. We once had to cancel a trip to a science museum because our child had too much homework to finish and there was no way to make it in time and get their homework done. They could have had an amazing educational experience which would overall help them get excited about learning with new and fun tactile experiences, but their schedule (and therefore our schedule) was being dictated by the teacher while they weren't even in class. Of course I try not to talk bad about homework in front of my children, because that would make it even more difficult to get them to do it. But children NEED family time, they NEED to be kids. To be allowed to get away from their work and be themselves, to go outside and play with their friends, or even go out to dinner once in a while with their parents. Homework has made it difficult to grow a relationship with our children beyond the confines of what the teachers are dictating. It's violating in some ways and frustrating in others. It's grown into this monstrous thing which it was never meant to become, and the funny part about it is that most studies done on it show that schools who don't have homework have higher test scores and graduation rates. Not to mention better mental health rates. Studies also show, that after a child is taught something, they'll only really learn it after a good nights sleep, and that no amount of homework will change that. Sleep is what our bodies need to absorb important information we learn throughout the day, so staying up late with homework might even be harmful to a child's education...

Sorry I guess that turned into a bit of a rant...In the end I was hoping to find something useful in this article, something I hadn't tried that might work, but I've done it all, and will probably continue to do all of it in hopes that consistency might be the key...It's just that even after years of already doing All of this consistently, it's still not working. It's as if my child has made a conscious decision Not to work. He's not unintelligent, he understands it, he's even been tested and found to have an above average ability to learn. He just not doing it..So what now? What more can I do to actually inspire him to do the work?

AshumSmashum Out of all of this, most of which I've read and tried a billion times, your comment hit deeper. My son scores in the 99% on tests but cannot sit down and do the simplest homework. He does have autism and adhd so when he freezes up on homework, despite More knowing it, I'm lost at how to help him get it done. He knows the work so why does he need to show it with 20 math problems after school that take forever to complete one? (whatever honors algebra stuff he's in, I was lucky to learn division lol) He has a high IQ and excels in all subjects and yet is being tutored, so far, in English just to get the work done. I'm so done with the emotional toll it takes on me and him at home. Nobody wants to go to work for 8 hours and come home and do the same for another 5 so why do we think our kids want to come home and do more classwork? I'm so appreciative of your comment!

JC Hi Barb, thank you for bringing this up! My son sounds a lot like you...and he really wants to get good grades and go to an Ivy League school. What could someone do to help an 8th grader in the moment of struggle, while making sure they don't get more More anxious from falling behind for the rest of the year?

Tb Hi Barb, I'm the parent of an 8th grader and I want to thank you for the comment you left here. You helped me look at the deeper issues and I really appreciate that. I'm going to approach the conversation with my son differently, thanks to you. Thank More you!

My 11 year old daughter, Alice, has always helped her 7 year old sister, Chole, with homework. But just recently Alice has been giving Chole the wrong answers. We have been trying to get her to give Chole the correct answers

but she always yells at us. She has a baby sister 2 months named Ray and ever since Ray was born she has been giving Chole wrong answers. I once overheard her and Kevin, my husband, talking about how she felt left out. She came and talked to me and said exactly what she had told Kevin. She also told me she has been getting bad grades and doesn't get her homework. Me and Alice talked and she said "All the cool New York girls get straight A's and ever since I started getting D's and F's they said I wasn't cool anymore." We started having her grandparents come over and she would yell, hit, scream, and talk back to them. She is a great student but she spends all of her time on her phone. Breakfast, lunch, dinner, and even at school she is on her phone. All I'm asking is that 1. How do I make her stop screaming, yelling, hitting, and back talking? 2. How do I make her feel cool and get A's again?and 3. How do I get her off her phone?

sounds like you have a number of concerns around your daughter’s behavior, and

it certainly can feel overwhelming. We would suggest https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/its-never-too-late-7-ways-to-start-parenting-more-effectively/ and focusing on just one or two of the most serious, to get

started. Behaviors like verbal or physical abuse would be of top priority,

while behaviors like https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/how-to-walk-away-from-a-fight-with-your-child-why-its-harder-than-you-think/ we would recommend ignoring, and not giving it any power or control.

Empowering Parents author Sara Bean offers some great insight into the reason

for poor child behavior in her article, https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/the-surprising-reason-for-bad-child-behavior-i-cant-solve-problems/.It sounds like your daughter is struggling to

find more effective ways to solve the problems she is facing, and the result is

the acting out behavior. Keep in mind, you can’t make your daughter do anything, but what you can do is help her to

learn better tools to solve whatever problems may come her way. Best of luck to

you and your family as you continue to work on this.

Emma Reed Alice also swears at school and she swears to teachers. Please we have tried everything, even her sister at age 18. What have we done wrong?

Being away from loved ones when they are struggling can be

distressing. It may help to know that it’s not unusual to see changes in

behavior as kids move from the tweens into adolescence, as Janet Lehman

explains in the article https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/adolescent-behavior-changes-is-your-child-embarrassed-by-you/. Normally responsible

kids can start to push back against meeting expectations and disrespect towards

parents and other authority figures can become quite common. The behavior you

describe isn’t OK; it is normal though. I can hear how much you want to help

your daughter and granddaughter

work through these challenges. If your daughter is open to it, you could share

some Empowering Parents articles with her, such as the one above and this one, https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/my-childs-behavior-is-so-bad-where-do-i-begin-how-to-coach-your-child-forward/.

We appreciate you writing in. Best of luck to you and your family moving

forward. Take care.

mphyvr Thanks for all these "strategies", they might work for some parents, but quite simplistic and just plain old common sense for more defiant kids... Thanks anyways and hope this article helps many.

Psych Fan I'm a mom of a sophomore he's also a swearing boy and will have quite a tantrum even with consequences of take away all he does is sleep. He doesn't like school says school is a waste of time and that grades won't matter in his adulthood . He says More it over n over about how schooling won't help him in the future as I go it will help you do good on a ACT and SAT he is like getting good scores on those are only good if your going to college. He also is like jobs won't look at my grades . I tell him homework teaches him responsibility once a job sees your amount of effort in school your going to have a heck of time getting hired. I even ask him how is he going to succeed to work real well at a job when he doesn't work hard at school he goes I don't need to work hard at school but I will need to work hard at a job.

dcastillo68 If it was only this simple, but, in reality it is not.  Middle school syndrome is the worst.  Kids don't want to be labeled as nerds so they do everything to try to fail.  I went through that with my first born, and now again with my youngest.  It is More very frustrating when I was the total opposite when I was growing up.  I cared about my grades an I took it for granted thinking they will feel the same way.  Now seeing how they are happy with just getting by is really frustrating to me because I am such an over achiever.  They didn't even get an ounce of this.  Very very frustrating.  And I wish I have never invited video games to this household.  That is all they want to do.  I keep using this an incentive to bring them back on track, but as soon as I give them their games back, they are back to their old habits.  Sorry, but I can't wait until they are finished with school and hopefully moving out of state to hopefully a college career.  I may change my mind later, but at the moment, this is just how I feel.  It is very hard too when you don't get any help.  I find today's teacher to be lazy and pushing on more responsibility to the parents.  Who has time to do a full day's of work, only to do additional work at home?  okay, enough venting.

@frustrated single dad Diane Lewis Hi there - I have a son adopted out of foster care.  He is 6 1/2 and has been in 5 homes.  He is totally the same!  They learn this behavior and are incredibly manipulative.  They are so insanely smart.  I worry about exactly the same thing.  They turn on and off the behavior depending on who they are with and what they want.

We did Parent Child Interactive Therapy (PCIT) at the Mailman Center (Jackson Hospital Miami).  It made a huge difference in the short-term.  They basically taught us to be full-time behavioral therapists with my son.  The effects wore off after a few months as my son adapted and found ways to circumvent the consequences techniques taught to us.  He is like the Borg!  I am going back to get more ideas on how to adapt and change and stay one step ahead of my son.  The gals there are really smart!

So, that being said - we have to be Jean Luc Picard and constantly change and adapt and outsmart them - just like changing the phasers on a laser gun!  It is bloody hard work.  And, harder the older they get -

eg.  He drops like a dead weight - throws his book bag and will not get in the car to go to school - response - next morning I headed it off by calling out to the kids "LAST ONE IN THE CAR IS A ROTTEN EGG!"  This has worked for 2 days now.  

Wont do homework 2 nights ago - response - "ooh I like doing word puzzles - Im going to do them and win" - this worked one night but not the next - he just then just left me to do his work - so I have told his teacher that there will be no school party for Alex next week unless he gets his homework finished - we will see if this works.....

It is totally exhausting and you have to be on your A game all the time.  Im telling you this but - I have to tell myself this too.  We have to stay really fit (like cross fit) and work out like a marine.  We have to be very disciplined with ourselves - a healthy body is a healthy mind - we cannot let up at all.  We have to stay calm at all times (again self discipline).  

Im always looking for concrete reactions to situations with my son.  Like I said - the entire day goes on like this with everything except what he wants to do.  Wont get dressed in the morning - put out his clothes in dining room where there are no distractions or toys - tell him that if he gets dressed and ready for school quickly - he can spend the left over time on the trampoline.  That worked this morning.

STAY STRONG MY BROTHER IN ARMS!!!  If you can get into a PCIT program - do it.

Love to you - R

My child comes home and says he doesn't have homework, does something easy to make it look like he's doing his homework, or says he did it during free time in class.  How do you combat this without going to the school everyday?  Neither my husband nor I can do More this because of work, and the we asked the teacher's if it was possible to send us the assignments via email or let us come pick them up once a week with no cooperation.  He is a very smart kid and gets "A's' on the work he does, but he is failing all of his core classes because he won't do homework.

@atmywitsend  , my child is the same way.  I'm at my wits end.  I feel like I'm a failure as a parent because I thought I taught my smart kid to succeed - and instead she's lying to me.

Psych Fan NinaMays I'm with the same feelings as my son can be above a C student but he choose to go oh I rather just get F's on this work than to actually get at least a B or A on these many assignments.. I ask him why he chooses F's More in many assignments when he could get a grade to bring his grades up and me telling me he's not being his full potential as by making him not do his work how can I truly believe he's going to be successful and he's like I have big brains . Then I'm like why not show me by doing your school work he goes I don't need do that and I show you of my big brains by telling you school isn't important. Telling me I am brainwashed. He is a sophomore in high school.

FRUSTRATED PARENT NinaMays This is my reality too - "relationship" with teachers is difficult when they won't co-operate with homework expectations, or follow up email - the schools complain that kids are on the internet - yet its them providing wifi passwords - so kids are playing in class - lying about More homework - and since I'm not in the class, I have no idea until report cards surface.

Responses to questions posted on EmpoweringParents.com are not intended to replace qualified medical or mental health assessments. We cannot diagnose disorders or offer recommendations on which treatment plan is best for your family. Please seek the support of local resources as needed. If you need immediate assistance, or if you and your family are in crisis, please contact a qualified mental health provider in your area, or contact your statewide crisis hotline.

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• 1. The Homework Battle: How to Get Children to Do Homework
• 2. What to Do When Your Child or Teen is Suspended or Expelled From School
• 3. Acting Out in School: When Your Child is the Class Troublemaker
• 4. Young Kids in School: Help for the Top 4 Behavior Problems
• 5. When Your Child Has Problems at School: 6 Tips for Parents
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Disrespect... defiance... backtalk... lack of motivation...

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How to Avoid Getting in Trouble for Not Doing Your Homework

Last Updated: April 9, 2024

This article was co-authored by Alicia Oglesby . Alicia Oglesby is a Professional School Counselor and the Director of School and College Counseling at Bishop McNamara High School outside of Washington DC. With over ten years of experience in counseling, Alicia specializes in academic advising, social-emotional skills, and career counseling. Alicia holds a BS in Psychology from Howard University and a Master’s in Clinical Counseling and Applied Psychology from Chestnut Hill College. She also studied Race and Mental Health at Virginia Tech. Alicia holds Professional School Counseling Certifications in both Washington DC and Pennsylvania. She has created a college counseling program in its entirety and developed five programs focused on application workshops, parent information workshops, essay writing collaborative, peer-reviewed application activities, and financial aid literacy events. This article has been viewed 99,504 times.

Homework generally isn’t that much fun. But it generally is a requirement that has a pretty decent-sized impact on your grade, so if you want (or need) to do well in a class, getting the homework done is a big deal. So what happens if you forget to do one of the assignments? You have a few options; the first and best is, of course, to not to forget to do it in the first place. But if that’s not an option, there are a few other measures you can take to try to get out of a homework scrape. Read on to find out more.

Using Good Judgment

• Explain why you didn’t do the homework--maybe you forgot about the assignment, got home late, fell asleep, etc. Don’t sugarcoat your reason, but do use some discretion; if you didn’t do your homework because you were at an all-night kegger, keep your reason general (ie, “I didn’t get home until late”) rather than overly specific (ie, “I was too busy doing keg stands”).
• Apologize. After giving your reason, sincerely apologize. Don’t gloss over this part--the sincerity of your apology will impact how likely your teacher is to want to help you. If you don't feel comfortable talking to the teacher directly, feel free to send them an email or leave them a note.
• Explain that it won’t happen again--and make sure it doesn’t. Let your teacher know that this was a rare instance of you lapsing on a responsibility and that you’ll be careful that it doesn’t happen again. And--this part is important--keep your word. If you make forgetting your homework habitual, your teacher will not only stop believing your excuses, they’ll rapidly become less sympathetic to your apologies.
• Ask for another day to finish the assignment. The best case scenario here is that your teacher will grant you extra time to complete the assignment and won’t penalize you for turning it in past the original deadline. More likely, though, your teacher will offer to let you turn in the assignment late, for partial credit. Don’t gripe about or be ungrateful for partial-credit--it will make it less likely that your teacher will extend you a similar opportunity in the future.

• Ask the teacher to help you understand the assignment and to let you have another chance at completing it. This both buys you more time and has the added benefit of getting you one-on-one homework help as well.

• If the story’s creative or amusing enough, your teacher might cut you some slack simply because you didn’t give them one of the same boring excuses they always hear.
• For example, maybe it just so happened that your parents went out last night and left you with a family friend who turned out to be a clairvoyant and burned all of your homework because he looked into the future and saw that if he didn’t destroy it all your cat would rip your homework to shreds while you slept and you would breathe in a fatal amount of air-borne paper bits and choke to death.

Avoiding Bad Excuses

• It should be obvious, but don’t use “the dog ate my homework.” You might as well not even bother coming up with an excuse at all.
• Don’t just say “I lost it” unless you can come up with a believable set of extenuating circumstances to explain how it got lost. Saying it just got lost randomly is pretty transparent.

• Instead of blaming the printer or your laptop, etc., explain that you had trouble when you were trying to print (or whatever) the homework right before class but that you’ll email it to your teacher by the end of the day. You can buy more time with that, and quickly type it up.
• Just be sure you actually do send it to them by the end of the day--preferably by 5 pm. [2] X Research source

• First, since it’s your responsibility, not theirs, to make sure you’re up-to-date on assignments, this excuse is pretty much like telling the teacher that it was your own fault.
• Second, because, from your teacher’s point of view, an entire classroom of other students managed to find out about and do the homework, so it clearly isn’t as hard as you’re making it out to be. [3] X Research source
• And finally, the ignorance excuse won’t work because when you’re absent, your teacher expects that you’ll find out everything you missed. If didn’t, your teacher will again see it as your own fault.

Avoiding the Situation in the First Place

• Start by writing down every assignment and its due date as soon as it’s assigned.
• Be sure to write all of your assignments down in the same place so you don’t miss any or have to go on a desperate search every time you want to know what’s due. A day planner, dedicated homework notebook, or scheduling app are all good options.

• Whenever you get an assignment, estimate how long it will take to complete and set aside the necessary time accordingly.
• If it’s an assignment that will take several days or even several weeks, set aside as many blocks of time as you’ll need to complete it over that span of time.

• Don’t procrastinate on homework--don’t let yourself play video games or chat on Facebook until you’ve finished your night’s assignments.
• Do the harder assignments first. Getting the harder work out of the way first is a more efficient and rewarding use of your time.
• Reader Poll: We asked 178 wikiHow readers how to avoid making the same mistake, and 8% said they would ask loved ones to hold them accountable. [Take Poll] While this may not be the best strategy according to our readers, try making a routine for yourself.

• If you have a study-hall period, a free period, a few minutes between classes, a 10-15 minute bus ride home, etc., use that time to work on homework. Sure, you’d rather be talking to friends or playing on your phone, but if you want to have your homework done, you’ll need to actually take the time to do it. [4] X Research source

• Start by approaching the teacher. Explain your difficulties and ask for their help. That’s what your teachers are there for, after all--to help you learn. (And if they show any reluctance to help, remind them of this fact.) They’re the best source of help since they’re the ones making and grading the homework, and having the help of an insider is often invaluable.
• Get help from a classmate. If your teacher isn’t able to give as much help as you need, supplement their help with help from a classmate who understands the material and is doing well in the class. If you aren’t sure who that might be, ask your teacher for suggestions.
• Get a tutor. Many schools offer free peer-tutoring services that can be a significant help. Ask your teacher or an administrator whether such services are available. If not, consider looking into hiring a tutor. There are a number of professional tutoring services to choose from, or you might try hiring a local college student for tutoring help.

• Even if you think you’re a great multi-tasker, trying to do homework while also texting, catching up on Facebook, and tweeting about how much you hate homework is actually hurting you more than helping you get through the process.
• Moreover, though multitasking can be an asset for some activities, it isn’t an asset when studying. When you’re multitasking, your mind leaves your current train of thought (like, say, trigonometry) and takes up a new train (maybe texting a friend about tomorrow’s plans), and the result is that you end up doing worse on both.
• Find a quiet, distraction-free space to do your studying. The better you’re able to concentrate, the better you’ll do on your work and the more quickly you’ll get through it. Put away or turn off anything you know will distract you (your phone, Facebook alerts, whatever). [6] X Research source
• If you find yourself being distracted by thoughts of other things you should or want to be doing, keep a piece of paper next to you where you can write down those thoughts as they come up. Don’t dwell on them, just write them down and know you can get back to them later. [7] X Research source
• Set small goals and reward yourself when you achieve them. For example, set a goal to study for 15-20 minutes straight and then reward yourself with a small treat when you do so. [8] X Research source

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• ↑ http://www.brighthubeducation.com/study-and-learning-tips/51078-10-most-common-homework-excuses/
• ↑ https://kidshealth.org/en/teens/homework.html?view=ptr
• ↑ http://success.oregonstate.edu/learning-corner/learning-college/concentration-distractions

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Homework doesn't align with our family values. Here's how I explain that to teachers and my kids.

• I think there are more meaningful ways to spend the after school hours.
• I typically tell teachers that our family won't be completing homework.
• Sometimes, my fourth grader still wants to do the assignments.

Despite my best efforts to avoid over-scheduling my family, our weekday calendars are full. My daughters, in kindergarten and fourth grade, do horse riding , swim lessons , and soccer. I have powerlifting two evenings a week. As we run out the door to those activities, our dog looks at us longingly with his leash in his mouth, so we try to squeeze in walks with him.

All of that leaves very little time for homework . This is why I've decided that in our family, homework is strictly optional and sometimes downright discouraged.

The hours between after school and bedtime are so limited. My girls get home at about 3:45 p.m. and are off to bed by 6:30 p.m. Factor in dinner time, I have only two hours to offer them the after-school enrichment that most aligns with our family values.

Homework simply doesn't make the cut.

My daughter is supposed to do about 40 minutes of homework each night

It's important to acknowledge that my district doesn't give much homework in elementary school. My fourth grader is expected to do 20 minutes of reading and 10 minutes each for math facts and penmanship. Gone are the endless worksheets that I remember from school.

And yet, 40 minutes is a huge chunk of our afternoons together. Reading, math, and penmanship are important, but practicing them happens organically throughout our day — when we talk about money skills together or pen a letter to their grandparents.

Rather than sitting down at a desk for 40 minutes, I'd prefer my girls gain confidence and safety skills in the water, contribute to their community by doing barn chores, or just be silly outside in the fresh air.

I sent teachers an email saying we wouldn't be doing homework

I spoke to my daughter's teachers about homework in second grade when I first felt the pressure to choose between homework, after-school activities, and getting the kids to get on time.

I kept it straightforward and sent the teacher an email: "Our schedules make homework challenging, so my daughter will not be completing the weekly assignments. We'll continue to practice math and reading at home. Please let me know if you have any concerns about this now or in the future."

Neither that teacher nor the one after had any worries. I got the impression that their beliefs aligned with mine: there were many ways to learn in the afternoons, and not all of them were academic. As long as the lack of homework wasn't impacting my daughter in the classroom, skipping it was ok.

This year, we're doing more homework than ever before

This year, my approach to homework has been challenged, and I've been reminded that nothing is black and white. My kindergartener is in speech therapy and regularly has "homework" assignments from her therapist. Those go to the top of our priority list — not only does she love doing the exercises, but there's a clear benefit that we can hear with our own ears.

More surprisingly, my fourth grader has decided she's devoted to homework. Just like I was, she's a bit of a teacher's pet and gets genuine satisfaction from the check mark she receives on each assignment. I have no problem with her doing her homework for fun, as long as it's not coming at the expense of more important things, like sleep, outdoor time, and hobbies.

Recently she explained she was going to wake up extra early to complete her reading assignment for the day. I just raised an eyebrow and said, "You know you really don't have to do that, right?"

I'm not sure how we'll handle homework as she moves into middle, then high school. For now, we're taking a laid-back approach.

• 📝 VOCABULARY
• 🚀 GAMES/ACTIVITIES

Future Simple Tense (Will) – With Activities Dialogue and Exercises

Future simple tense (simple future tense) is a verb tense that expresses the actions that will happen at a later time. The auxiliary verb is “ will ” and we use the bare form of the verb. We use this tense to talk about the actions that are supposed to happen in future, so we need future time expressions here such as “tomorrow”, “next week” and “three days later”.

⬤ Formation of future simple tense

For affirmative sentences we use the formation of “will + verb” . To make negative sentences we use “ will not “. To make questions we put the auxiliary “ will ” before the subject. Watch the animated sentences below to learn the structure of future simple tense.

Examples with Pictures Dialogue exercise Sentence scramble game Translation exercise

⬤ Positive (Affirmative) sentences

For the formation of positive sentences in future simple tense use “ will ” and infinitive (bare) form of the verb. The short form of “will” is “‘ll”.

• I will ask a question.
• She will clean her room.
• Martin will repair the car.
• I will be in Istanbul tomorrow.

⬤ Negative sentences

For the formation of negative sentences in future simple tense we use “ not ” just after “ will “. The short form is “ won’t ”

• He will not drink tea.
• We won’t wait for the bus.
• I won’t use the computer.
• Sarah will not come.
• I promise I won’t do that again.

⬤ Interrogative (Negative) sentences

For the formation of questions (interrogative sentences) in future simple tense we put “ will ” before the subject.

• Will you help me?
• Will James send the letters?
• Where will you go?
• What will they do?

⬤ Sentence forms in future simple tense

SIMILAR PAGES: ❯❯ Learn verb to be here ❯❯ Learn simple present tense here ❯❯ Learn present continuous tense here ❯❯ Learn be going to future tense here ❯❯ Learn simple past tense here ❯❯ Learn past continuous tense here ❯❯ Learn present perfect tense here

⬤ Explanations and usages of future simple tense

Below are the usages, explanations time adverbs of future simple tense. Note that “ shall ” is used instead of “will” in some cases.

⬤ 1- Talking about a future events

• I will live in a big house.
• They will be here next week.
• I hope, he will visit us.

⬤ 2- Guessing a future event

• I think, they will win the match.
• I think, it will rain tomorrow.
• I believe, you will succeed.

⬤ 3- Willingness

• I’ll carry the suitcase for you.
• Don’t worry. I will do it for you.
• We’ll show you the way.

⬤ 4- Offering something

• Shall I bring some more cake?
• Shall I open the window?

⬤ 5- Suggestions

• Shall we go out tonight?
• Shall we watch film?
• Shall we go for a walk?

⬤ Time expressions in future simple tense

• next week , next month, next year
• in 2030, in 2028, in 2040
• 2 days later, 3 years later, 2weeks later
• in two weeks

⬤ Time adverbs exercise

You can see the future simple tense time adverbs below. Click on the cards and tell the meaning of them in your native language..

⬤ Pictures and example sentences

Here is a nice activity to learn future simple tense. Look at the images and read the example sentences below.

⬤ A Conversation example

Here is a conversation to learn future simple tense. You can make similar dialogues.

Will you help me for my maths exam?

I think I will fail.

Don’t worry. You won’t fail.

I will help you.

Thanks a lot.

You are very kind.

I’ll be there at about 6 PM.

⬤ Translate the sentences below into your native language.

You will see different examples of future simple tense here. Try to translate the sentences on the cards into your own language.

⬤ Sentence scramble game

You will see scrambled words. Click on the words and make correct sentences.

⬤ Example sentences about future simple tense

Below are some example sentences to learn future simple tense.

➔ 10 examples of about future simple tense

• I will live in a different city.
• I hope she will come to help me.
• Will everybody come?
• Where will you go for holiday?
• Adam will not return next week.
• If you wear warm clothes, you won’t get cold.
• The engine will start when you push that button.
• I won’t do my homework in the evening. I will do it now.
• I don’t know this place. I will look at the map.
• We will visit you on Sunday.

⬤ Questions and answers

Read the questions and the answers below to learn how to use about future simple tense.

➔ 10 questions and answers about future simple tense

• Will you phone me? Yes, I will.
• Will you sell your car? No, I won’t sell my car.
• Where will you wait? I will wait at the bus stop.
• Will you post the letters, please? OK. I will.
• Will William come with you? No, he will stay at home.
• Will Linda lend you her book? Yes, she will lend it.
• Will you discuss the problem? Yes, we will discuss it.
• What will she wear for the ceremony? She’ll wear a dress.
• Where will you hide it? I’ll hide it under the sofa.
• Who will join us? Margaret and Betty will join us.
• Do you think they will win the match? Yes. I think they will score at least 3 goals.

⬤ Reading text exercise

➔ Life in 2050 I think the world will be a very different place in 2050. Technology will improve. Life will be easier. Robots will do a lot of housework. We will use electric cars, but we won’t drive them. Because they will go themselves. Scientists will find new stars. We won’t have health problems this much. We will live longer. I hope we won’t have any wars in future. Because the weapons will be stronger. If we use them, we will destroy the world.

External resources: You can visit British Council page and learn future simple tense , or learn simple future tense here .

related pages

Fill in the blanks quiz for future simple tense (will), sentence scramble game for future simple tense, accessories vocabulary 👓 exercises pictures audio, body parts in english 👨 with games and listed images, classroom objects vocabulary in english 📕 with games, clothes vocabulary in english 👕 learn with images and flashcards, colour names in english 🎈 with tests and images, computer parts (hardware) vocabulary: pictures audio, verb to be (am, is, are) – with examples and online exercises, modal “can” – with explanations exercises and activities, present continuous tense – with usage examples and pictures, simple present tense (do-does) – with usage, pictures and example sentences.

© www.english-learn-online.com     All right reserved You can write us any mistakes or read our about page or see our privacy policy .

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My teen sims won't do her homework

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January 2017

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My fresh install of windows wont work no matter what I do. Please help.

Basically, my OS is currently on a 256gb SATA SSD. I purchased a new 1tb SATA SSD that I'd like to use as my boot drive now.

No matter what I do, what tutorials I follow, I cannot get it to work.

This is what I've done:

I've installed the Windows 10 ISO file from Media Creation Tool. Transferred it to a USB drive using Rufus. The first time I did this and tried booting up, I got the message ERROR: BIOS/LEGACY BOOT OF UEFI-ONLY MEDIA. Fine, I went back to Rufus, changed it to MBR and Bios (Uefi_com). Tried it again and was hit with : No Operating System Found.

The closest I've gotten it to work was when I just used MCT to make the boot drive. I managed to get to the windows install screen, clicked onto my new SSD to download the OS to there but halfway through the download it tells me that there are files missing and it can't be completed.

Im not looking to clone my old SSD either. Just want a fresh install on my new one.

Also, every time I'd try to boot up, I would disconnect any of my old drives and only connect the USB and my new SSD.

I've been trying this for the last 6 hours and I'm on the verge of giving up. If someone can give some tips, that would be much appreciated.

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Dear Abby: My sister won’t stop using a monsterous nickname for my daughter

• Published: May. 19, 2024, 5:00 p.m.

Dear Abby: My sister created a nickname for my daughter that she thinks is amusing but I think is just mean. I've talked to her about it but she won't stop? Getty Images

• Abigail Van Buren

Dear Abby: I have been close to my sister for most of my adult life. When my daughter Patricia was born, my sister created the nickname “Patzilla” -- a combination of Patricia and Godzilla. I told her I didn’t like the name, and she stopped saying it -- for a while. Now she’s using it again, and I’m deeply hurt by this. It’s not an association I want my child to have for herself, and it comes across as mean. Since my first expression of not liking this is being ignored, I’m not sure how to proceed.

-- Hates Name Calling

Dear Hates: Your sister has a peculiar sense of humor. There are sweet nicknames, and “Patzilla” isn’t one of them. In fact, it’s rather mean and sinister. How to proceed would be to not expose your child to anyone who ridicules her or calls her a name you don’t want her to have.

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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069. Copyright 2024, Andrews, McMeel Syndication.

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Advice | Dear Abby: She won’t stop using this insulting nickname for my child

Plus: i’ve been hiding from my angry husband, but i can’t do this anymore.

The association with a monster is not one I want my child to have for herself, and it comes across as mean.

Since my first expression of not liking this is being ignored, I’m not sure how to proceed.

— HATES NAME-CALLING

DEAR HATES : Your sister has a peculiar sense of humor. There are sweet nicknames, and “Patzilla” isn’t one of them. In fact, it’s rather mean and sinister.

How to proceed would be to not expose your child to anyone who ridicules her or calls her a name you don’t want her to have.

DEAR ABBY : When my husband and I were dating 15 years ago, he would occasionally get angry and stalk off or bust a bag of chips, but after I gave him time alone, he’d be back like nothing happened.

He always said that episodes such as this were something he was “working on.”

After we had children, the incidents continued occasionally. I thought it was because he worked hard, so as a stay-at-home-mom, I just gulped, gave him his space, and he would eventually get back to normal.

I continued walking on eggshells and tried diligently to not make him angry again. Embarrassingly, my son’s preschool teacher asked one time if everything was OK because my son mentioned that his daddy yelled at his mommy a lot.

My husband lost his job six months ago and has chosen not to work since then. He doesn’t want to work for “the man” anymore, and his angry outbursts have increased. He has destroyed multiple items in our home (the trash can, our cooktop and a colander).

Our kids are older now and witness these events, and I can no longer continue to live in this environment. He’s setting a terrible example and I hate hiding out in the bedroom.

I recently got a job to help with family finances, but I’m not sure I can focus with all this going on at home.

I’ve suggested marriage counseling multiple times, but he ignores me. What do you suggest I do?

— CAN’T TAKE IT IN CALIFORNIA

Normally, I might chalk up your husband’s inability to control his outbursts to job stress. However, your husband’s behavior seems to be escalating.

The toll-free phone number for the National Domestic Violence Hotline is 800-799-7233. It is available 24/7. I urge you to call and let someone there help you form a safe escape plan, because you may need one.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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South Korea and the United Kingdom will co-host the second global AI summit in Seoul this week, as the breathtaking pace of innovation since the first AI summit in November leaves governments scrambling to keep up with a growing array of risks.

As someone who left an abusive relationship, I was asked many questions. Here's what helps, and what doesn't

Analysis As someone who left an abusive relationship, I was asked many questions. Here's what helps, and what doesn't

As Australia grapples with the rate of women dying at the hands of an intimate partner, you might wonder if you know someone who has experienced abuse in a relationship.

But for me, the more important question is — do you know what you would say to them, if they shared their story with you?

As someone who has left an abusive relationship, I suspect you don't.

In the wake of telling my story to well-meaning friends and family, I was met with a variety of responses.

Some of them were echoes of what we've heard before, such as "why didn't you leave?"

While that may have once been a common phrase, we are now far better educated — we know that it is very difficult for people to leave abusive relationships, and in some cases, attempting to do so can be fatal.

Other questions were less accusatory, but still caused me pain — "why didn't you call me?" and "how did it happen?" among them.

However good the intention, these questions can often make the guilt and shame more palpable, and force you to once again question your own actions and responses to the abuse.

As the country reckons with its rates of gender-based violence, we have been encouraging women to tell their stories, and to reach out for help.

What to say when you are on the other side of that conversation is talked about less, but it is something we need to address.

Everyone's different, and I don't have all the answers.

But I hope that by sharing my experience, I can help you know what to say.

The constant feeling of shame and regret

It took me a long time to leave my abusive relationship and by the time I did, my self-confidence was low.

I had friends and family who I loved but I'd pulled back, I'd withdrawn. I had children who loved their dad.

My constant pals were fear, sadness, shame, and regret.

The shame and regret are still with me; the others come and go.

I constantly feel guilty that I stayed for as long as I did, and shame about what my children experienced during that time.

The psychologist I see specialises in trauma, and I have been told that these feelings are common for people going through abusive relationships.

So when my closest friends and family asked those questions, with the best of intentions, I was quick to feel that guilt and regret all over again.

Even questions like "why did he do that?" and "how long has it been going on?" could bring it back up again.

The message I hear implied in these questions is that I could have or should have, seen it coming.

That I should have left sooner and got help.

But what I've come to realise is that people are asking these questions because they want to understand it and why it happened.

And why it's happened to someone they thought they knew, a couple or a family they'd admired.

The shattering of that illusion can be hard.

Then there are the questions women face from the police, the courts, the lawyers, from Legal Aid.

Their questions are more clinical, less emotional. They get straight to the point.

"Where is he now?"

"What happened?"

"Do you want to take this further?"

"Can you stay with friends or family for a while?"

The challenge of navigating the court system

Here is what I've learnt as an ABC journalist, as someone who speaks and asks questions for a living, and as someone who knows how to use language and who has a good support network.

It's really hard to speak up.

It becomes real. And you become a victim or a survivor — both terms that I don't relate to, that I'm uncomfortable using.

It's hard to admit that the relationship you built up is damaged, broken, and dangerous.

You soon realise the police aren't always going to come when you call, that they might tell you not to worry, that he probably won't come back.

You have to know what to say to get them there. You have to tell them to come, to take a statement, to make an incident number.

This sort of conversation seems easy to approach if you are not traumatised, living in fear. In that state of mind, every conversation becomes difficult to navigate.

And once your case progresses, the court system is cold and impersonal.

You have to be able to advocate for yourself, to hold in your emotions.

Getting a protection order is not easy.

You get a ticket, you fill out a form like you are applying for a driver's licence, while you sit surrounded by other shattered, broken people.

You sit outside a courtroom and wait to be called.

Then you are sat before a judge, where you swear to tell the truth.

And then you recount your whole sorry tale. Again.

You try to remember everything. The judge asks you questions you're not sure you have the answers to.

'It's unclear what a legal win looks like'

It is strange hearing your story matched to a precedent, to previous cases that have passed through, and to hear it validated in a court of law.

To realise other women and children have been here before and one will come in straight after you.

Then the judge explains the police will serve a protection order.

This can take some time — sometimes the person who abused you has fled or gone underground.

This is when you are told to lay low — the order isn't valid until it's served.

I wasn't prepared for what happens next — proving you are telling the truth and, in a way, negotiating your freedom.

Weeks later you return to the court and, depending on where this is, you'll probably have to walk through the same metal detectors and wait in the same foyer as the person who is accused of the violence.

The person with whom you once shared a life. A person you probably never thought you'd cower from behind a pillar in a court foyer.

In my case, the parties were led to separate rooms with their lawyers.

Some people can afford to pay a lawyer, some are represented by Legal Aid. Others are alone.

A court-appointed mediator goes between the two rooms to help the parties come to an agreement, like it's a property or contract negotiation.

And so begins the cycle of orders.

It's unclear what a legal win looks like.

Supporting a friend can take different forms

You leave the courthouse and so begins a new cycle of questions from family and friends.

"What now?"

"What happens if he breaks the order?"

"Should you get a dog?"

"Do you have security cameras?"

There's also the heart-breaking question from children: "Do I have to see daddy again?"

Once again, all of these are natural questions to ask in such a situation. They come from the best place, a place of caring and concern.

But I hope that by sharing my story, I can contribute to the calls for change we are hearing from so many corners.

Calls for police who are trained to understand when they need to stop by, and that they need to act to prevent more violence.

Support services that don't have long waiting lists and that are trauma-informed.

In the meantime, I urge you to consider asking other questions when confronted by the horror of a loved one who has been abused.

They are questions that may help you achieve more quickly what you're hoping for.

"Is there anything you need?"

"What can I do to help you feel safe?"

Or perhaps there's no question needed at all — just a hug, or a casserole left at the door, or a joke to make them smile.

The author of this article is an ABC journalist but has chosen to be anonymous to protect herself and her family.

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Tom Brady Says Netflix Roast Jokes ‘Affected My Kids’ and ‘I Wouldn’t Do That Again’: ‘I’m Going to Be a Better Parent as I Go Forward Because of It’

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Tom Brady appeared on “The Pivot Podcast” and admitted that some of the jokes made during his Netflix roast affected his children and he would not sign up to be roasted again as a result. The NFL icon has three children, one son with Bridget Moynahan and a son and a daughter with ex-wife Gisele Bündchen. While Brady did not specify which jokes upset his children during the Netflix roast, many of the comedians present took aim at his marriage and divorce to Bündchen.

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Brady went on to call the Netflix roast “a good lesson for me as a parent,” adding: “I’m going to be a better parent as I go forward because of it. At the same time, I’m happy everyone who was there had a lot of fun. If we’re not laughing about things, we’re crying. We should have more fun. What do we love? We love laughing in the locker room. Let’s do more of that and love each other and celebrate other people’s success.”

Glaser especially targeted Brady and his divorce during her roast. One of her jokes brought up Bündchen starting a relationship with her jiu-jitsu instructor after Brady.

“Tom Brady. Five-time Super Bowl MVP, most career wins, most career touchdowns,” Glaser quipped. “You have seven rings — well, eight, now that Gisele gave hers back. The only thing dumber than saying yes to this roast was when you said, ‘Hey babe, you should try jiu-jitsu.’”

Watch Brady’s full interview on “The Pivot Podcast” in the video below.

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